Being Graves

by Drew Sera

  He smiled a little; I don’t know why this was so awkward and hard for him.

  “And, the last time I checked, the three of us have our bond inked on our backs. Face it, you’re stuck, little brother.”

  Anthony smiled and nodded and even laughed out loud a little.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  December 2005

  Blake and his wife/sub, Cathy, had expanded their home to a little female and male sub. The four of them got along incredibly well, but the two new additions, Kelsie and Noah, both had pretty rough pasts. I’ve been around both of them and see more of a shutdown mode embedded in Kelsie versus Noah. Kelsie had some trauma growing up, while Noah just got involved with a dangerous BDSM couple. Blake and Cathy take great care of them though, and they make sure that Noah and Kelsie both have everything they need.

  It was because of Kelsie and Noah that Blake and Cathy decided to start a foundation for domestic violence. I sat on a couch in the main room of Irons, gripping the side of my jeans while listening to Blake talk about the foundation. He had a huge heart and I couldn’t help but think of how lucky Kelsie and Noah were to have Blake and Cathy. Though, Blake somewhat rescued me too. He accepted me into the mentoring program and has always been there for me; especially after my dad died. He never ever pushed me to share anything and was always comfortable to be around. And maybe he knows that he won’t get anywhere with me if he were to push.

  “We could have submissives here in Irons, that are in a bad situation but don’t know where to go or if there’s a place to turn to. Or they might have a friend in a bad situation, and they could have a place to tell their friend about,” Blake said. “I think a lot about Noah’s situation. He was in college, and they almost drowned him. He woke up next to the pool with a bag over his head. It sickens me.”

  “It’s terrible. We see parents bring little kids into the emergency room, not breathing. They had fallen into the pool, and the parents didn’t realize. It can happen in an instant when they weren’t watching them.”

  “How the fuck can you not watch?” Colin asked.

  “It happens. I can’t imagine what it would be like to die drowning,” Matt said.

  “I imagine it’s a long, painful death. I read up on it and how the body goes into a fight mode. Your body struggles against the water, trying to stop you from opening your mouth. Horrendous,” Blake said.

  I swallowed hard and looked at the ground. I quickly thought back, remembering struggling for air as water went up my nose while Bruce held me in the ice cold pool water. I kicked as hard as I could. He had taped my wrists up so I couldn’t splash and taped my mouth. I could barely breathe through my nose because I was so congested from crying. Bruce raised me up and out of the water by my hair each time I came close to drowning. He repeated this over and over, and I was terrified.

  I felt like I was suffocating sitting here with the guys and tried to pull out of the haze of my childhood.

  “Brilliant idea, Blake. I imagine being a little kinky sub in an abusive situation would be really bad. They’d be hesitant to go to a traditional shelter or even notify police because they’d have a lot of judgment to deal with,” Matt added.

  “Yeah, they could tell the sub that it was their fault, or asked for it since they’re into that kind of stuff. A foundation run by those in the lifestyle would be very helpful,” Colin said and then bumped me in the knee. “Huh, Anth?”

  I nodded as I struggled to find my voice.

  “It sounds like a great idea, Blake,” I finally spoke up.

  “Thanks, guys. I want to kick it off with a holiday charity event. Cathy and I would like to get some of our members here to auction off something, and then all of the proceeds go to the foundation.”

  Matt, Colin and I all agreed that it would be a fabulous idea. As they tossed around ideas for things to be auctioned off, I grabbed the sign-up sheet that Blake had and thought. I wanted to help. I wrote that I’d auction off a rope scene.

  Now, I needed some air. I excused myself, grabbed a Coke at the bar and took it outside. I took a few deep breaths and strolled around a bit. I stopped near the lagoon pool and gazed into the water. I tried so hard not to go back to my youth, but was failing.

  I covered my eyes with my bear while my mom fought with Bruce. He was yelling at her, and when I heard his hand slap her skin, I lowered my bear from my eyes. She was crying now and calling for me.

  No!

  He’d find me if she called me!

  “Anthony! Get out here, you useless fuck!” Bruce yelled.

  I hid my bear behind the couch and crawled out from under the table.

  “There you are. Your mommy was calling you,” Bruce said as he messed my hair up.

  “What…what did you need, mom?” I bravely asked her but kept my eyes on Bruce.

  “Baby, I’ve got to go to work, and I want you to be a good boy and listen to Bruce. Do as he says, Anthony.”

  I frowned. No! I raced to her side.

  “No, mom. Don’t go to work tonight. Please, stay home. We can read a book.”

  I pleaded with her not to leave me with him. She pushed me away as she got up and started to leave the room. I protested and ran to her. I wrapped my arms around her legs, hoping she’d change her mind.

  “Get off of me, you little shit!” she yelled at me and slapped my ear.

  I sat against the wall, devastated that she wasn’t going to stay with me. I hated Bruce. As Bruce walked toward me with that smirk on his face, I stomped my feet and tried kicking him so he wouldn’t come near me.

  “Fucking brat!” Bruce grabbed me, despite my kicking.

  He carried me to the kitchen, stripped everything off of me except my underwear and held me against the cabinets by the sink while he rummaged in a drawer. I prayed he wasn’t getting the tape. He pulled out the silver tape and began before I could cry. He tore off a large piece of tape and placed it over my mouth.

  “Don’t cry, little baby. It’ll only make it worse. Your little nose will get congested if you cry and it’ll be difficult to breathe.”

  He carried me outside toward the pool. Please no! I hated the pool! He set me down, and I tried not to cry because he was right; if I cried, it made this worse.

  He wrapped the cold chain around my chest and under my arms and used another piece of metal to link the two ends together. Bruce looked down at me, smiling, before shoving me into the pool.

  As always, I panicked, kicked and splashed as hard as I could. Bruce stood at the edge of the pool, holding the chain and after my head would dip below the water, he’d pull me up. The water would go in my nose, and as the tape moved and eventually fell away, I swallowed lots of water.

  Finally, he pulled me out of the water, took the chain off and left me outside in the dark while he went inside. I ran to the big tree in the corner of the yard and tried to climb it, but I was dizzy and fell in the grass. I leaned against the trunk to catch my breath, and once I was breathing better, I started to cry. I was shaking, cold and wet.

  When I tried the door, I found that it was locked. I walked back to the tree, crying like a baby. I was so tired and didn’t have any energy, so I lay down in the cold grass. I was mad that I was crying.

  “I’m not a baby! I’m five!” I pounded my fist on the grass.

  It seemed like I was outside for a really long time and I pushed my upper half up off the ground when the door opened. Connor stood in the doorway, looking for me and when he found me, he made his way over and crouched down by me.

  I started to cry when he picked me up and carried me inside. Instead of hurting me, he just set me down on the carpet when we got inside.

  “Go to bed,” he said.

  When he was out of sight, I crawled under the corner coffee table between the two couches, reached behind the couch for my bear and curled up on the floor with him. I held my bear over my tummy because it hurt from swallowing some of the pool water.

  “Anthony,” Blake’s voice pulled me away
from the past and into the present with him.

  “Hey.” I tried to sound as cool and casual as possible and brought the glass to my lips.

  “Thank you for signing up to auction off a rope scene. I think it’ll be very popular.”

  “I hope so. I’d like for your charity event to be very successful.”

  “Me too, of course.” Blake paused for a moment, though I could feel his eyes on me. “Want to walk some?”

  I nodded and followed his lead even though I was mostly walking beside him.

  “I can’t stand hearing some of the things that Noah mentions off the cuff about the couple that he was with. They didn’t care for him the way a Dom, or Domme, should.” Blake paused as a couple walked by and the Dom nodded at us. “He was a plaything to them. Treated worse than a house slave. We have some Masters here who have full-time Master/slave relationships that treat their slaves well. Noah’s case disgusts me.”

  I didn’t know what to say to Blake, but it was obvious he wanted to vent some, so I let him run with it and just listened.

  “He has misconceptions about some things that Cathy and I are working on. But some of the things are downright repulsive. They chained him up and had him sleep outside, Anthony. Sometimes they kept him in a cage. They were fans of electro-sex and tortured Noah with it.”

  I sighed but kept my focus on the path in front of us.

  “He has a scarred line on his neck from a thin, metal cable they kept too tight around him. It kept cutting into his neck. The wound could never heal.”

  Fuck.

  “He’s lucky to have you and Cathy. Noah seems very grounded to me,” I commented.

  Blake was quiet for a few moments and then put his hand on my shoulder.

  “Indeed, he is. Kelsie is, too. I’m discovering that people who were robbed of their childhoods or have violence in their young lives, somehow turn out to be the some of the most mature and grounded people that I know,” Blake added.

  Was he talking about me, too?

  “What bothered you so much in there?” he asked out of nowhere.

  “What? Nothing…I mean, it wasn’t pleasant to hear, of course.”

  “Come on, Anthony. I know you a little better than you think.”

  Fuck! Could he tell what I was bothered by? I figured I better own up to something…kind of.

  “Drowning. I was disturbed by the talk of what a body goes through to fend off drowning.”

  Little did he know that I was quite familiar with what it feels like to be scared to death and nearly drown.

  “It’s terrible. Someone that cares so little about another’s well-being, completely disgusts me.”

  I nodded and shoved my hands into my pockets to keep myself from rubbing my chest or doing something else that would kick me back to my past.

  “Anyways, I’m sorry to drag you away from your evening with Colin and some lucky little sub. I just needed to vent a bit, and I knew you’d be up to the task.”

  “Of course. I’m always here for you Blake.”

  “Thank you, Anthony. Go on, go enjoy your night and whatever you guys can come up with down in the dungeon.”

  I gave his upper arm a pat and headed back towards the building. I wasn’t interested in scening with anyone tonight though. My head was crowded, and I had no business holding onto someone else’s well-being when I wasn’t one hundred percent clear.

  When I got inside, I found Colin at the bar.

  “Hey, I’m going to go. I’m not feeling it tonight,” I said and set my empty glass on the bar.

  Colin was frowning, and his eyes were searching mine.

  “What? Why? I mean, is everything ok?” he asked and stood up.

  “Yeah, I’m just not quite feeling up to it tonight,” I repeated as he walked to the lobby with me.

  “Ok, are you still on for the game tomorrow at Blake’s?”

  “Yes. I’ll be there,” I confirmed and then headed to my car.

  I hadn’t slept well and was dead tired, but I still went to Blake’s for the football game. I pulled on my 49ERS football jersey and the hat that my dad bought me for my eighteenth birthday, then headed over to Blake’s.

  Matt, Colin and some of the other guys from Irons were already there, and before the game started, Blake was talking about the charity event again. Turns out that Colin’s contribution was going to be to host the party at his place, which I thought was pretty cool of him.

  During the game, Noah constantly refilled people’s beverages and made sure that the snack bowls were always filled. He sat quietly on the floor near the end of the couch during the game. From where I sat, I could faintly see the permanent line around his neck that Blake was referring to. It fucking pissed me off.

  Noah’s attentiveness kicked up a bit when Kelsie came into the room and sat on Blake’s lap. During a commercial break, he picked up a blanket that was on the back of a couch and took it over to Blake. Noah then knelt down on the floor by Blake’s legs. He has always been very big brother-ish around Kelsie from anything that I have seen, and Blake hasn’t said anything contrary.

  * * *

  I was getting ready for the charity event and hoped that my rope evening item would generate some good money for Blake’s foundation. Thankfully, the attire wasn’t formal. It was “dressy,” but I didn’t have to mess with a tuxedo. I wore a black suit, white shirt, and a simple black tie. It’s what Colin would call “classic.”

  At the party, I roamed around Colin’s first floor and talked to a lot of people. Colin had a very impressive playroom at home, and it was drawing a lot of attention. While Colin was busy playing host, I kept myself occupied with Matt.

  Blake had Noah and Kelsie in charge of taking names and the bids from the winners during the auction.

  Fuck me. Evelyn Wilcox won the auction for my rope scene. I had never scened with her for a few main reasons. One, she was older than me, and two, she was a Domme. So, the chance of that ever happening never crossed my mind.

  I was happy to see that my rope night fetched $7,500 for Blake’s foundation. However, I wasn’t exactly jumping up and down with excitement when I saw who won. She’s a nice enough person, but since she was older than I was, that posed a mental problem for me. I didn’t play with older women at all because the few times that I had made me think of my mom. I’m going to have to get over my hang-up to carry out this rope event for Blake’s charity.

  But now Blake’s foundation had a $7,500 donation because of me and my rope event, so I had to deliver and make good on my word. In the days leading up to the Saturday night we had planned doing the rope scene, I began overthinking it. Blake seemed to notice, and after a scene Colin and I had with Briana, he confronted me.

  “Are you ready for your rope scene tomorrow night with Evelyn?” he asked.

  “Yeah, though I will admit that I’m not used to playing with Dommes.”

  “It’s just a scene. Not even a sexual scene, unless you two want it to be. Evelyn just wants you to tie her.”

  Fuck. I momentarily pictured my mom coming into my room in a drunken stupor or high as a kite.

  “No sex. I only volunteered a rope scene.”

  “Exactly. Do what you do best, let Warren grab a few pictures of Evelyn in the rope and be done. There’s no further obligation.”

  I nodded and went back to my Coke with Colin when Blake moved on to chat with a new couple.

  “If Evelyn gets mouthy and tries to control it tomorrow, give her a firm slap on the ass and remind her it’s your show,” Colin joked.

  “I am hoping that won’t be an issue,” I said and glanced around the room.

  My heart dropped into my stomach though when I saw Paul talking to Evelyn. They were laughing, and she was nodding her head, agreeing with his jokes or whatever the fuck he was talking about.

  * * *

  “Congrats again on winning the auction, Evelyn,” I said as we entered the theme room that just had a large poster bed in the middle.

&nbs
p; “Thanks. I’ve been watching you rig for many years now. You’ve really come into your own,” Evelyn said as she strolled around the room slowly running her hand down the wood post at the end of the bed.

  “Alright,” I said as I clapped my hands together. “So, did we decide on a particular pattern or color rope you’d like me to use?”

  “You’re the Dom in charge, Anthony. Your choice, I just wanted to be tied and photographed in your work. My only request is that you do it shirtless.”

  I nodded and organized the rope bundles on the dresser and unbuttoned my shirt.

  “Undress, Evelyn. Get on the bed.”

  * * *

  I was on my own this morning for coffee because Colin had to fly to Reno yesterday for a dinner meeting with the Caesars people up there. He flies back this afternoon and hopefully will have some insight if a contract up there would be feasible.

  The office was full of Christmas decorations and every time I see a Christmas tree, I think of my dad. I also am reminded of the letter I wrote to him when I was eighteen...and never gave to him.

  Blake is right; I need to let go of the guilt. Time has passed, but I still get that heavy heartache every now and then. It’s at least not all of the time like it used to be.

  I stepped off the elevator and made my way to my office but stopped when I came to my secretary’s desk. She had a small potted Christmas tree wrapped in decorative foil.

  “Good morning, Mr. Graves,” she said brightly.

  “Hi,” I said while staring at the tree.

  “Little lost without Mr. Everett, this morning?” she asked.

  Everyone in the building knew Colin and I were best friends and that we always started our day in the atrium over coffee. I smiled at her light joke.

  “Yes, I suppose so. Where did you get this tree?”

  “The grocery store had them last night when I was there. I thought it was cute and festive for my desk.” She paused before asking if the tree bothers me. “I know people are sometimes sensitive to the scent of pine. Maybe I shouldn’t have brought it in.”