by LM Terry
But, two Sundays ago it changed, which brings me to the start of bad thing number three. Father Gabriel gave me a ride back to St. Mary’s instead of Sister Catherine. She didn’t seem surprised, so I guess it’s normal. But, it made those little hairs, you know the ones you have on the back of your neck? Well, it made mine stand clean up. Nothing happened, he dropped me off at the front door and drove away.
Last Sunday I decided to not wear a dress or shorts or nothing like that. I wore my long pants. I don’t know why I was nervous but, I was. I wish I had someone to talk to about it, but I don’t. The other girls would probably laugh at me. Since they’re older Sister Catherine doesn’t make them do this alter duty stuff.
After church he didn’t take me straight home, he took me out for ice cream. I love ice cream. Strawberry is my favorite. Part of me wondered if Father Gabriel was going to want something from me since he paid for my treat. Evidently he didn’t because we just ate our cones and then he dropped me off in front of the doors just like last time.
“Jesse, Father Gabrielle is here. Get your shoes on, he is waiting for you downstairs,” Sister Catherine calls from the other side of the door. Sandra gives me a funny look. It’s Tuesday. Why is he here on a Tuesday? I shrug my shoulders and do as I’m told.
“Jesse,” Father Gabrielle greets me as I head down the stairs. “Do you like pizza? I’m having a few servers over as a way of saying thank you for all of your hard work.” He places his hand on my shoulder not even waiting for my answer and quickly ushers me out of the house.
As we are walking to his car I see a boy a few years older than me sitting in the front seat. I usually sit in the front, but I don’t mind. “Jesse, this is William.”
The boy nods to me and I do the same. He looks as nervous as I feel. “Do you live here?” he asks as Father Gabriel makes his way around the car.
I nod at him with big, terrified eyes. Something feels really, really wrong. He smiles at me kindly, and it helps calm my nerves a little bit. His eyes are brown like chocolate bars, and they match his hair. “I live at the boy’s campus on the other side of town,” he tells me. He smiles again, and I notice his dimples. He’s cute and he seems like a nice boy. At least I’m not alone with Father Gabriel so there’s that.
When we get to Father Gabriel’s house I smell the pizza. It smells so good it makes my mouth water. I thought there would be more people here but it’s just the three of us. William and I dig in filling our plates full.
“You two are my favorite,” Father says as he sets two glasses in front of us. “How about we celebrate. Do you know how adults celebrate?”
We both shake our heads no, unable to answer with our mouths full.
He laughs. “Why with a little wine, of course.” He fills our glasses, watching us out the corner of his eye. “But, you won’t tell the Sisters will you? They wouldn’t be happy with me for treating you both like adults.”
I’ve never had wine, but it does smell good. William gives me a funny look, but he picks his up and gulps the entire thing down. Father fills his glass again. Hesitantly I pick up mine and take a sip. Wow, it’s…I don’t know it’s strong like grape juice, but I guess it isn’t terrible. Father places his finger on the bottom of my cup encouraging me to finish the rest. I don’t want to look like a wimp, so I do.
He pours me another glass and then excuses himself, telling us he is going to change into something more comfortable. William finishes his second glass of wine while I watch. He looks at me. “Drink your wine, Jesse. It will help,” he tells me.
“Help what?” I ask. My head feels funny and I start to giggle.
He looks sad. “Just do it, okay?”
I nod and swallow down the rest of my wine.
“I’m sorry if he makes me touch you.”
I blink at him. What does he mean? I’m full, dizzy and I want to go home. I try to stand but fall back into my chair. William holds my hand in his. “Promise me you won’t hate me after this?” he whispers right before Father Gabriel comes back into the room.
I didn’t have time to answer him. I wish I would have had time to promise him that I would never hate him. He was the first boy I ever kissed, and he kissed me like I was the prettiest girl in the world. I could never be mean to him, but I don’t think the scary man would want me to be mean to William for touching what was mine.
No. Not to William. I could never be mean to him.
The following Sunday William and I are both serving. He looks at me nervously but when I offer him a smile he appears relieved. He smiles back. Father Gabriel even smiles when he sees us both smiling at each other. We were all so busy smiling that he didn’t even notice that I dropped my candle right at his feet until it caught his perfectly white robe on fire.
One thing I learned that day is that Father Gabriel screams like a little girl, just like Rick. Maybe it’s a prick thing. Who knows?
The good news is that William and I will be friends forever.
The bad news is I had to leave behind all the candy I had stashed under the floorboards at Saint Mary’s home for troubled girls.
Chapter Four
Jesse ~ Fourteen years old
◆◆◆
I’ve been saving all the money I have so that I can go and get all my secrets tattooed onto my skin just like grandpa. That way I can take them to my grave. There’s a tattoo shop nine blocks from Aunt Renee’s. I wanted to go inside the first day I found it but, I didn’t want to go empty handed.
Aunt Renee lives in Trap County. There isn’t really a town here it’s just Trap County. A place where folks come to get away from the law. Don’t get me wrong, there’s law here but with a little green, said law looks away. It’s a dusty, dirty place smack dab between Reno and Vegas.
Anyhow, I’ve been here two years and I like it. Everyone pretty much minds their own business. Everyone but me. I pay attention to everything. I’m going to rule this place someday. I’m tired of the suit lady moving me around. I haven’t seen her since I set Gabriel on fire, but I know she’ll move me again if I’m mean. I try not to be mean, but I have to protect what’s mine.
Things are good here…so far. I know good things don’t last but, maybe this time will be different. Aunt Renee pretty much ignores me. I don’t mind. I have plenty of things to do here. I spend most of my time painting pictures on anything I can get away with. Mostly nice pictures, except one time I painted a troll on the side of Tina DeAngelo’s house because she was mean to Ian Cain. Ian is in a wheelchair and Tina was downright rude to him, calling him names I would rather not repeat.
I push the door open to Big Dan’s Tattoo, a little bell dings as it opens, and a big guy looks up from the back of the room. He had been leaning over another man who is laying on his stomach. The big guy shuts his buzzing machine off. “What can I do for you little lady?” he asks not moving from his chair.
I walk up to the counter that separates the back from the front and dump my entire can of money right in the middle of it. “I want a tattoo.”
He stares at me blankly for a few seconds and then tips his head back and laughs, loudly. “Did Dirk send you down here to prank me?”
“I don’t know any Dirk.” I tap my fingers on the counter.
“Don’t tell me you’re being serious here?” he asks. The man lying down turns so that he can see me, he winks and flashes me a nice smile but not in a skeevy way, no, more of a friendly way.
“I am serious.”
He laughs again. “Honey, you have to be eighteen, or at least sixteen with a parent’s consent to get a tattoo here.”
I’m sad for a few seconds but then I shrug my shoulders, ready to move on. I guess I’ll just have to wait until I’m eighteen because I don’t have any parents. I shove all my money back in the can and then climb up on the stool at the counter to look at this big book he has filled with drawings.
“Sweetheart, this isn’t a place for a little girl to be hanging around. Why don’t you go on home?”
He sighs but fires up his little buzzy machine and goes back to work on the guy in front of him. “Not all of them but most,” he answers while he works.
I continue to look through the book. There are lots of pictures like the ones my grandpa and the scary man had tattooed on them. “So, do people pick tattoos out of this book then?”
“Some people do. Some folks have their own ideas and then I draw up what they describe to me.”
How wonderful to have someone let you put your drawing on their skin. I put mine on paper and sometimes buildings, sidewalks, or trains. The paint cost me money, so I don’t get to do it as often as I want. Thinking about someone wearing my drawing on their skin sounds amazing.
“I like your drawings. Can you draw one on me, like with an ink pen?”
His buzzy machine shuts off and I look up. He’s staring at me. “Girl…”
The other guy interrupts him. “Hey, man, this is about all I can take for today anyway. Just give the girl what she wants. No harm in drawing on her is there?” The guy sits up before walking over to a mirror on the wall to check out the artwork on his back.
“Uh, yeah there is. I don’t need any angry parents down here screaming at me for drawing on their kid,” the big guy says gruffly.
“I don’t have any parent’s,” I tell him quickly. “Just an aunt and she won’t care. She’s never home anyway. She works at Bell’s House of Tail, so she sleeps all day and works all night.”
“Come on, man. I know your big dumb ass can be nice once in a while.”
Big Dan runs his fingers through his beard looking at me. I bounce on the stool and give him my best please I’ll love you forever if you do this smile. He rolls his eyes. “Fine, what do you want me to draw and I’m not drawing anything inappropriate so choose wisely.”
I jump off the seat, tugging my drawing out of my back pocket and hurry over to him before he changes his mind.
“I thought you wanted one of my drawings.” He chuckles but takes the paper from my hand. I like his laugh. It’s loud and when he does it you can tell he really means it.
He stares at my drawing. The other guy glances at it over his shoulder. They both look up at the same time. “Who did this?” Big Dan asks.
“I did. It’s my grandma and grandpa. I don’t have any pictures of them, so I draw them all the time. I don’t want to forget what they look like. My grandpa had pictures on him from when he was on the boat. He had one of a pretty girl, that’s how I know you can tattoo pictures of people on me. I mean not today but when I’m eighteen,” I rattle off quickly. I probably shouldn’t have drank all the coffee Renee left in the pot this morning, but too late now. I pull up my sleeve and offer him my scrawny little arm.
The other guy shakes his head and pats Big Dan on the back. “Looks like you might have some competition someday, Big Dan. See you next week same time,” he says and then he grabs his black leather jacket and heads out the door.
“Let me clean up real quick and find some goddamned pens and then we’ll get started. You sure your aunt won’t get pissed?” He wipes down the chair the other guy was in and then pats it for me to sit down.
“Nope, she won’t care,” I say, smacking my gum between my teeth.
It tickles when Big Dan gives me my ink pen tattoo, but I sit perfectly still because I don’t want him to mess it up. I ask a zillion questions about tattooing while he works. He stops every now and then to answer and show me what he’s talking about. By the time he’s finished I’ve decided that I’m going to be Big Dan’s partner. He has two chairs, so it only makes sense.
When he finishes I go over to the mirror to see. Wow, it looks just like my drawing, maybe even a little better than mine. I smile so big I think my face is going to break. “Like it?” he asks.
“I more than like it. I love it!” I squeal and rush to my can so I can pay him.
“No, no, this ones on the house,” he says.
“Are you sure. Cause I got money. I work real hard for it. On Monday’s I go to Bell’s and take the trash out of all the rooms. She pays me ten dollars for doing it. Then on Wednesday’s I go to old man Tom’s house and take his dog for a walk. He looks real mean but he’s a nice dog. To me anyway. Sometimes he growls at people, but I think it’s just because he’s old. Old man Tom growls too so maybe it’s just their thing. But anyway, I get two dollars each time I take him on walk. Then on….”
Big Dan laughs. “Okay, okay I get it girl, you work hard for your money. How about you just pay me with a drawing.”
I nod enthusiastically at him. Trading is good. Sometimes I trade for things I want. Like one time I traded with Samuel at the hardware store. He gave me two cans of spray paint and all I had to give him was Renee’s phone number. She wasn’t too happy about it, but I got the paint so there’s that.
“I’ll draw something real special and bring it to you tomorrow,” I tell him as I’m making my way to the door. It’s easy to talk to this guy, he’s nice even though he looks like he could take his fist and pound you right down into the dirt.
“Sure thing, kid.” Before I step outside he stops me. “Hey, you got a name?”
I turn and smile big. “It’s Jesse but you can call me Jess if you want. All my friends call me Jess.”
“Okay then, Jess, my name is Big Dan. See you tomorrow.”
I nod at him and then run all the way to the store. I’m going to need some paper and pens because I got lots of ideas for Big Dan. After I get what I need I head over to William’s pausing under the window of the trailer to listen for his foster dad. He yells a lot, but we both agree it’s better than being around Father Gabriel.
The lady with the suit moved us both here after the fire. William didn’t do anything mean but I think the lady in the suit saw that Father Gabriel was a bad egg and that William and I were best friends so she found him a home near me so we would at least have each other.
I knock on the window. It only takes a few minutes and William comes outside. “Hey, Jess,” he takes the steps in one big jump. I pull my sleeve up to show him my arm. “Aw, that’s real cool.” He ruffles my hair like I’m a little kid, but I don’t mind. Ever since we came here he treats me like a little sister. Not how Rick treated me but like a real sister. I like it. He makes me feel safe.
We walk to the garage together. I rattle on about my day and he listens. He rolls the door open and we circle the rat rod he’s working on. He’s sixteen now and hoping he can get it running so we don’t have to walk to school anymore. It’s not far but still who wants to walk when you can ride. Especially in something cool like this. I’ve been working on some dope designs to paint on the side once he gets it finished.
He slides under the rod and I sit down beside him on the cool cement. I pull out my new sketch book and get busy on the designs for Big Dan while William continues to tinker under Sylvia. That’s what we named her. William told me that you have to name your ride. I don’t know where we came up with Sylvia but whatever, it works. “Hand me that wrench by your knee, will you?” he asks, holding out his hand.
I place it in his hand and peek under to see what he's doing. He is smart when it comes to mechanics. He told me his real dad was a mechanic and that’s where he learned most of what he knows. His foster dad helps him work on the rod, but only when he’s not drinking. When he drinks he’s good for nothing.
“I’ve been thinking, Jess, I don’t think it’s safe for you to be walking around after dark like you do.”
“I’m not stupid you know. I pay attention to what’s going on around me.”
He slides out from underneath the car. “I didn’t say you were stupid did I?”
“No. I’m sorry,” I drop my eyes to the drawing in front of me.
He sits up and puts his hand on my knee. “You’re a pretty girl, Jess, and…well, you’re getting older and that’s making you even prettier. I just don’t want to see you get hurt. Okay?”
“Monsters don’t only come out in the dark, William.” I knock his hand off my knee and start to gather my artwork.
“Jesse. Don’t be mad,” he says, following me out of the garage.
“I’m not mad.” And, I’m not. I know he’s worried I’ll put myself in a bad situation, but the thing is bad situations find me no matter how hard I try to avoid them.
He grabs my arm and spins me around to face him. He tucks a strand of my wild, dark hair behind my ear. “I just don’t want you to have to set fire to someone else. They’ll take you away from me and who knows where you’ll end up.”
I drop my forehead to his chest and whisper, “I know.” He hugs me for a few minutes before letting me go. “I’ll try not to walk around at night.”
“You’re lying,” he smirks.
“You know I can’t graffiti in the daylight, right?” I laugh and run away from him.
He yells behind me. “You’re something else, Jesse Miller.”
“One of a kind,” I yell back.
Chapter Five
Jesse
◆◆◆
When I get home I hurry through my chores. Once I get the dishes done, laundry started, and floors vacuumed, I start supper. Aunt Renee doesn’t like to clean or cook. It took me a whole month to get this place cleaned up when I got here. The suit lady had told Renee it better be done before she returned, or I wouldn’t get to stay. Renee didn’t care one way or the other, but I wasn’t about to let that happen, so I cleaned the place up real good.
“Whatcha making, girly?” Aunt Renee asks as she plops down at the kitchen table to put her makeup on.
“Grilled cheese, want one?”
“Sure, hon.”
I butter a few more slices of bread, happy that Renee is in a good mood today. It only takes me a few minutes to finish and then I sit down beside her with our plates. I watch as she puts the last layer of mascara on her eyelashes. She’s so pretty. Sometimes I wish I were pretty like her. William says I am, but I don’t think so.
