by LM Terry
Ah, the cavalry is on the way.
Jimmy slams my door open. “Just who is daddy dearest?” he asks quickly, going to my window and peering out the side of the curtain.
“Oh, I don’t know what his name is.”
“What the fuck do you mean you don’t know his name?” He looks away from the window to stare at me.
“I didn’t ask. But, I did find out that he is the president of the Rebel Skulls. Know him?”
His face blanches as the bikes roar into our dinky trailer court. He drills me with an expression I hope to see again real soon. Patience. I will see it again. The day he realizes it was not the old biker president that was a threat. It was the little girl he should have been worried about. “Deal,” he simply states and walks out of my room.
I pick at the polish on my nails, waiting a few more minutes. The roar of bikes rattle the glass panes, waking up the warrior inside me. Glancing at my reflection in the mirror over my dresser I envision the skull that hides beneath my flesh. How fitting, maybe I’ve always belonged to the Rebel Skulls.
Renee and Jimmy are both anxiously peeking out the curtains when I leave my room for the last time. They both turn to look at me. I shift my bag up higher on my shoulder and hold out a small piece of paper with my number on it to Jimmy. “If you ever want to invest in some good ink give me a call.” I shove it in his hand. Renee looks from Jimmy to me. Before I walk out I pause, saying quietly, “Take care of yourself, Renee.” Her only response is to drop her eyes shamefully.
With one last look around I turn and open the door. On the other side I find Big Dan, his hand paused in mid-air, moments from knocking or I should say beating on the door. I push him back and step out closing the door behind me. “Nothing to see here. Let’s go,” I say.
“We know he’s here, Jess. Have him come out,” a big man, not as big as Dan but still rather large says in a calm though growly voice.
I stop on the top step and stare him down. He has the same black hair, although peppered with white and the same intense green eyes I see in the mirror each morning. I tip my head to the side. “Who?”
Dan touches my back gently. “Jess, you need to tread lightly here.”
I take another two steps and hop down the last few until I’m standing directly in front of my father.
“Tell Jimmy to get his ass out here. I’ll kill him and then we can move on from there.” The man cracks the knuckles of one of his hands in the palm of the other.
“Kill Jimmy? Wow, what did he do to you?” I ask, laughing lightly.
His eyes narrow and he looks over my head at Dan. I glance over to Raffe and wink at him. My dad catches it. He glares at Raffe, making him shift nervously on his bike. I laugh again. Then I notice tattoo man, I’ve dropped the scary...like really, I left him with his mouth hanging open and bare butt naked. I pretend to shoot him with my finger. “I knew you’d eventually catch up,” I tease. He glares at me like I just called his mom a whore or something. Perfect.
Let’s be honest here. I know they have all the real power. Sort of. My attitude, my actions, my perception is all I have. It’s all I’ve ever had. If you don’t like the way the situation looks then change the way you look at it. I shift my focus back to Dear. Old. Dad.
His face is turning a slight shade of purple. “Jesse I’m not messing around. Was Jimmy the one who hurt you?”
“No.”
He grits his teeth. “Who did?”
I shift my bag to my other shoulder. “No one. I fell off a ladder while painting a mural.”
“Jesse,” he says on a sigh. His eyes plead with me, his sad, sad eyes.
“I know you’re not letting me stay so let’s just go. You’re scaring the shit out of the neighbors.” I tip my head to the other shitty trailers surrounding us. Curtains are pulled back, beady eyes peeking out.
He takes the extra helmet off his bike and hands it to me. I take it but walk past his bike and head for Big Dan’s. When I look back I register the hurt on his face. That’s fine. He has hurt me more than anyone. He knew about me and for some reason he chose not to come find me. Not until now. Not until every last piece of my soul had been broken.
Dan pats him on the back while they talk quietly to themselves. My dad offers him a nod and then hops on his bike and fires it up. Everyone follows along behind him. One by one the bikes roar down the dusty road.
Big Dan doesn’t say anything to me as I climb on the seat behind him. When I wrap my arms around him he pats my hand. The bike vibrates beneath me reminding me that I’m alive.
The good news is my dad finally came for me.
The bad news is I’m not sure if I should be happy about it.
Bill
◆◆◆
She is beautiful. My baby girl is everything I imagined. She is nothing like her mother and believe me when I say that is indeed a blessing. Goddammit, I loved her mother, but the bitch was weak. I wanted her to be my queen. She wanted to be the queen of smack. I literally had to lock the whore up to keep her clean while she was pregnant with Jesse. Honestly though I don’t blame her. I blame the Desert Dipshits who sold her the shit. Fucking white powder pussies.
And now I find out their VP hurt my baby. Jesse isn’t talking but she will. She’s simply scared. Beneath the bad girl act is my little girl. She is there. I’m here now and no one will touch her ever again. The Desert Devils will pay. They will pay for taking her mom away from her and they will pay for what they did to her. Oh, how they will pay.
I don’t know what the fuck that social worker was thinking leaving her with her aunt. She is no better than her sister. And then there’s the fact that Jimmy was living there. Jesse would be better off on her own. But, all that’s over. She’s with me now. Well not with me with me. That girl is as stubborn as I am. When she refused to ride on my bike it crushed me. That hurt worse than any punch or bullet I’ve ever taken.
This was not how I envisioned our reunion. I imagined picking her up and taking her out to dinner at a nice restaurant and showing her how a man should treat her. Not threating to murder a man right before her eyes.
What hurts the most is that I missed the first seventeen years of her life. I should have been there to protect her, and I wasn’t. I have no one to blame but myself. Anyhow, I’m not going to let regret hold me back from making things right with her.
That’s the only reason I agreed when Dan suggested she stay at his place for tonight. He promised to not let her out of his sight. I’m not sure if anyone can keep her from running off. She’s a slippery one. Hell, she even slipped past Dirk. Speaking of Dirk that fucker is acting strange. And, just what in the fuck was up with the wink she threw Raffe?
First thing I’m doing when we get back to the warehouse is warning all those mother fuckers no funny business with my daughter. I’ll flat out kill anyone who touches her. Period. End of Story.
I slam the door open to the warehouse and raise my hands above my head. “All right all you dick wads. Let’s get one thing straight…” Every. Damn. One of them. Looks at the ground. Jesus, do they all feel guilty for looking at my girl?
What the hell am I going to do? She is too damn pretty. Just like her mama. I’ve got one thing going for me though…Jesse also has a brain.
Chapter Eleven
Jesse
◆◆◆
Relief washes over me when Dan turns off before the freeway, all the other bikes continuing towards it. He’s taking me to his house. Thank god. I need a fat minute before I face my dad again. He is one intense motherfucker.
However, once we are inside and it’s just the two of us I realize it might have been better to hang with the crowd. He points to the couch, heads into the kitchen before coming back out with two sodas. He cracks one open and hands it to me.
“Start from when the social worker picked you up from the shop.” He sits down beside me and kicks his booted feet up on the coffee table.
I take a drink as my eyes drift around his place. I was h
ere last night but I was a little out of it. It’s nice. Clean and simple. Eventually my eyes land on him. “Let’s just say I’ve been busy.”
He runs his hand through his beard. “I saw the state you were in.”
“I’m good. Really. Nothing a little soap and water couldn’t wash away,” I tell him.
His phone rings. Saved by the bell. He points to me as he gets up to leave the room. “Don’t you fucking dare move,” he orders.
Nice try, big boy. I need to meet up with my guys. Get everyone on the same page. I’m not selling Jimmy’s crap in my county.
What will I do with the stuff he gives me? Well, I have a plan for that. I can do this. I can. I pull my phone out of my pocket as I head out the door. I’ll send a message to the guys. A voice stalls my finger over the send button.
“You just don’t give up do you?”
Strong arms wrap around me, hauling me off my feet. I juggle to keep my phone from falling to the ground as he tosses me over his shoulder. He unceremoniously dumps me on the floor in the middle of Dan’s living room.
Big Dan comes out due to all the commotion. “Jesse,” he bellows.
My eyes go the white paper bag in tattoo man’s hand. He notices me eyeing it and hides it behind his back.
“Where the fuck do you think you’re going?” Dan asks.
“Um, to get some fresh air. I didn’t realize I was a prisoner here.” I jump to my feet.
“Where did you find her, Dirk?”
“Just stepping off the porch,” Dirk answers nervously.
Dirk. Alright I can work with that. Dirk the jerk. Dirk the….
“Jesse. Sit down,” Dan grabs hold of my arm gently and guides me back to the couch. “We are not finished.”
“Well, I got what you needed.” Dirk shoves the white paper bag in Dan’s chest and rushes out the door.
Dan sits down beside me, rips the bag open and sets the contents on the coffee table in front of me. “Do you know what that is?” he asks.
I stare at the box. Why hadn’t I thought of that? Why? Because I’ve done everything in my power to forget that’s why. I nod my head yes, a knot slowly creeping up my throat.
“We are not saying you have to take it. It’s your choice, Jesse. Your Dad wanted to make sure you had the option.”
My dad. My dad made sure I had the plan B pill. I’ve looked after myself for so long I don’t know what to think about all this. Him, Dan, all of them. My mind flits to Penny and her swollen belly. Penny and William will make wonderful parents. I hope he’s using the money I gave him to get out of here. They have a chance.
What chance do I have? None. I’m trapped here in Trap County. It literally has me by the proverbial balls. I can’t do that to someone else. I…I just can’t.
My bottom lip begins to tremble. What would my grandmother tell me to do? Oh god, I need her. I haven’t cried in so long. It used to be something I did every night after my grandparents died and then life just kept coming for me. I guess I shut my emotions off. But, this could be a life….
Dan leans over and gently rubs tiny circles over my back. I shift on the couch so that I can see him. He doesn’t look away. “Whatever you chose. We all stand behind you.”
I glance back at the box. If I take that pill I’m admitting to them what happened to me. They will know for certain someone hurt me. If I don’t take this one though who knows if I will be able to secret away to buy myself another one.
“Jesse, we know what happened to you. It’s not something you have to hide or be ashamed of. Whoever hurt you is the one who holds the shame.” He sits forward on the couch and wraps his arm around me, hugging me close to him.
I grab the box, rip it open, take the pill and vow that Jimmy will pay for this. Jimmy will fucking pay for everything. This should not have been a decision I was forced to make.
I set my soda can on the table and wipe my mouth on my wrist. Hot tears come hard and they come fast. Big Dan wraps me up in his big arms and settles us back into the couch. He lets me cry, holding me tight the entire time.
Good news. There is no good news. No, there is always something good. Good news is my Dad thought of my future when I could not see beyond my nose.
Bad news. I’m not sure I made the right decision and fact is I will never know.
Dirk
◆◆◆
“I’m going to hang outside Dan’s place tonight,” I tell Bill over the phone.
“How is she?” he asks, his voice cracking.
“Feisty as all get out.”
He chuckles lightly.
“Give her some time. Once she realizes you aren’t going anywhere she will open up to you.”
“Yeah, I suppose you are right.” He pauses, sucking in a breath before continuing. “Did she take it?”
“I don’t know, man. I gave Dan the bag and split. She’s comfortable with him so I thought it best I step out while they sort it out.”
“I’m going to kill him, Dirk. I know Jimmy hurt her.”
“We got to be smart about this, Bill. She needs you. I don’t think you ending up back in slammer is going to do her any favors. If it was him…” I pause to light up a smoke, “If it was him or whoever the fuck it was, let me do it.”
“I can’t ask that of you, brother.”
“You didn’t. Let me have this one.”
Bill doesn’t say anything for a long time. “You still there, man?” I ask.
“It’s got to be long and painful,” he says with a deadly calm to his voice.
“Oh, it will be.” I hang up and lean against my bike thinking of all the ways I am going to torture that bastard.
A few hours later Dan steps out. “You may as well head home, Dirk. She’s sound asleep.”
I push myself off my bike and take a seat by him on the steps. “Good. I don’t think she’s slept for several days.”
He grips his hair and breaks down. I’ve known my cousin…well shit I’ve known him my whole life. I’ve never seen him like this. “This is shit, Dirk. She didn’t deserve this.”
“No girl does.”
He lifts his head, looking at me with tears in his eyes. “I should have done more. Jesus, Dirk, I knew something hadn’t been right.” He stands up and starts pacing in his yard. “How did I not know she was Bill’s kid?”
“There’s nothing we can do about what’s already happened. We’ve got to focus on the here and now.”
He stops and stares at me. “I want her to stay here with me.”
I shake my head. “I don’t know, Dan. Bill is ready to have his baby girl by his side. He’s waited a long time for this.”
“She has school and friends here.” He leans against a tree and stares up and the sky. “And, she’s got me and the shop. You can’t take that away from her. Not now.”
A pang of something unfamiliar hits me in the gut. He’s right, he has a relationship already in place with her. I’m nothing but a stranger to her. For some reason this bothers me. Really bothers me. Is it jealousy? No, can’t be. I’ve never envied anyone. Ever.
“I’m going to talk to Bill about it tomorrow. He’s living at the warehouse, that’s no place for her.”
“I live at the warehouse, Dan. There will be other women there. It’s not like she’ll be the only one.”
“Women. Dirk…she’s just a girl.”
I stand up, drop my cigarette to the ground and grind it into the sidewalk with my boot. “She looks like a woman to me.”
Next thing I know I’m flat on my back looking up at the stars. What in the fuck?
“Shit, I’m sorry, man.” Dan offers a hand to help me up. I accept hesitantly. My cousin has never hit me. He jerks me to my feet. “Dammit. I’m so fucking sorry. This has me messed up.”
Dusting the dirt off my backside I try to get my bearings. Fuck, he has a mean punch. “It’s cool.”
He tries to wipe the blood off my lip, but I push his hand away. “I’m going to assume she took the pill?”
/> The growl that comes from Dan makes me take a few steps back. “She took it and spent the next two hours crying her eyes out. I’ve never seen her cry, man. Never.”
He sits down heavily on the step. This time I keep my distance. Another punch from him is not on my agenda for the rest of the evening.
“I’m going to find whoever did this to her.”
He looks up at me and shakes his head. “Good luck with that. I have a feeling she’s going to get to them first.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
He chuckles lightly. “You don’t know Jess like I do. She’s going to get what she wants. She’s wicked smart, Dirk. Whoever did this to her…guarantee she already has a plan to make them pay.”
Again, I get that fucking jealousy pang. I want to know her. Damn do I want to know her. Just one tiny problem with that. Bill. He warned us, rather violently I might add, that he will disembowel anyone who touches his baby girl.
“I thought you said she was just a girl. Make up your mind.” I turn around, heading towards my bike. “Get some sleep, cousin. I have a feeling we’re all going to need it.”
Chapter Twelve
Jesse
◆◆◆
Iwake up with headache and my mouth feels like I ate the entire desert. The cramping in my stomach instantly reminds me of everything. I roll over taking in Dan’s bedroom. He is sleeping in a chair in the corner of the room with his boots propped up on the end of the bed.
Quietly I inch out from the covers and stand. Oh, god. I grab my stomach, leaning over. Boots thud to the ground. “You okay,” he says gently, coming up behind me.
I wave him away. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine.” Standing straight, I face him. “I have things I need to do today, Dan.”
He stands like a tower in front of me. “You’re not going anywhere without me.”
“Jesus Christ.” I stomp my foot, poking a finger in his chest. “I’ve been taking care of myself for a long time.”
