You're the One I Want

by Shane Allison

  “Something smells good,” Edrick had said.

  “I just made an apple cinnamon cheesecake,” I’d lied. “You want a slice?”

  “I shouldn’t, but I can’t pass up a smell like that.” Edrick had undone one of the buttons on the jacket of his pricey-looking suit.

  “Sit down, I’ll cut you a slice.”

  I had gone to the kitchen, plucked a small pie saucer out of the cabinet above the counter, and cut him a big slice. I knew a man his size always had an appetite, and being that he was the size of a refrigerator, he didn’t look as if he missed any meals. I had set the large piece of apple cinnamon cheesecake in front of him.

  “Let me get you a fork. I got some coffee, fresh brewed.”

  Edrick wasn’t one of these shy kinds of men who tried to come off like he didn’t want to be greedy.

  “So how is it?” I’d asked. I acted like I was the one who had slaved away all morning long, making the dessert.

  “This is my first time trying apple cinnamon cheesecake, but this is the kind of thing I could marry a woman over.”

  My heart skipped a few beats when he’d mentioned marriage. “So what kind of work you do?”

  “I own Parker & Son Auto Parts over on South Adams.”

  “I know it. I go by there every day on my way to work. I wouldn’t have pegged you as a businessman.”

  “What did you think I did?”

  “With that suit, I thought you were a preacher.”

  “Well, I am a church-going man, but no preacher,” he’d said. “So what about you, Ms. Liz? What kind of work do you do?”

  “I’m a housekeeper, working for this well-to-do-family out in Ox Bottom Manor.”

  “It’s good work, honest work,” Edrick had said as he cut a piece of the cheesecake away with his fork. “So since you found my wallet, you should let me take you to dinner sometime, maybe go see a picture.”

  The last man who ever took me out anywhere was Henry, who took me to a chicken fight.

  “All right then,” I’d said.

  “So I’ll pick you up Friday night, ’bout eight.”

  “I’ll be ready.”

  We had spent the rest of the evening talking. I was surprised to find that we had so much in common. Being that we were both from Tallahassee, I wondered why we had never run into each other. I was counting down the days until Friday. I was rummaging through my closet, trying to find something to wear, but they were all clothes I wore to work mostly, nothing good enough to go out in. I was going to dip into the money I was saving up for me and the babies until Ms. Gertie came into my room with the prettiest black dress I had ever laid my eyes on.

  “I don’t know, Ms. Gertie. This is too pretty to wear out. I don’t want to get it dirty.”

  “I’ve put on a few pounds, so I can’t fit into it, but it’s perfect for you, baby. A few months from now, you won’t be able to get into it.”

  We both had grinned. I had gone to the bathroom to try it on and Ms. Gertie was right. It was a little tight in some places, but it was perfect for my date with Edrick. I didn’t want to bore him, but make sure that he would never forget me. I looked at myself in the full-body mirror, rubbing my hand over the small bump that was forming.

  “Are you going to tell Edrick about you being with child?”

  “Yeah, but I want to see how things go first.”

  “Can’t nobody blame you for that. Hold on. I got some black shoes that will go real good with this dress.”

  I had wanted to go to Terri’s to get my hair done, but didn’t have the money, so I had done a quick at-home, hot-curler job. By the time I was done, it had looked like I had spent an arm and a leg on my hair. The night of our first date, I had been a mess of nerves. I had drunk some ginger ale to calm the butterflies in my stomach. I couldn’t stay out of the mirror. If Edrick hadn’t noticed how good I looked, then he was blind as a damn bat. I had jumped when I heard the doorbell ring.

  “Child, you a mess, calm down,” Ms. Gertie had said as she answered the door.

  Edrick was dressed to the nines in a black suit and burgundy wingtips this time, armed with two bouquets of red roses. “You must be Ms. Gertie.”

  She held the screen door open for Edrick to walk in. “I am.”

  “These are for you.”

  “Well, goodness. How nice.”

  “And these . . . are for you, sweet lady.”

  No one had ever given me flowers before. I was swooning that night. We had gone out on about four dates after, one being a Sunday afternoon picnic in Myers Park. I had made fried chicken, potato salad, cold slaw, and for dessert: apple cinnamon cheesecake.

  “Can you do me a favor?”

  “What?”

  “Close your eyes.”

  “What?”

  “Close your eyes for me. I have a surprise.”

  I had done what he wanted and had shut my eyes.

  “No peeking.”

  “Oh, Lord, what is it, Edrick?”

  “Now you can open them.”

  When I did, Edrick had held a ring in his hand. I had gasped.

  “Remember when I told you that if you kept cooking like that, I would have to marry you?”

  “Oh, Lord.”

  “So will you? Will you marry me, Liz? Will you be Mrs. Elizabeth Parker?”

  Before I could give Edrick an answer, I knew that I had to come clean with him about me first. “There’s something I need to tell you.” He’d looked at me like a big question mark had formed on his handsome face. “Before I met you, I was in a relationship with a man. And I got…pregnant. I will under—”

  Edrick had rested his finger against my lips to stop me from saying another word. “That don’t matter. I love you and I want to marry you. Babies or no babies.”

  I had looked at Edrick. “I don’t deserve a man as good as you.”

  “You deserve that and a whole lot more. I want to give you everything.”

  “Then yes. Yes, I will marry you, Edrick Parker.” He’d slipped the ring on my finger, which was a perfect fit.

  Ms. Gertie and I had cried happy when Edrick and I gave her the news. I went to Mama to tell her how good I was doing, that I met a good man and we were getting married, but she wouldn’t even come to the door. I told her that we were going to have a small ceremony downtown at the courthouse, that she was invited if she wanted to come. I prayed that she would, but I had my doubts.

  The day of the wedding, I had worn this eggshell-white dress that Ms. Gertie had given me to wear. She’d done my hair up in a tight beehive with tendrils of curls flowing down on both sides of my face. Even my fingernails were painted white. I couldn’t believe that I was going to be somebody’s wife, that I would have a husband. Mama never did come. I tried a few more times to talk to her, and each time, she wouldn’t so much as come to the door, but sit there in her recliner, watching her game shows. After that, I was done trying. I loved Mama, but I was through. I had a husband and two babies on the way.

  Edrick bought a house on the north side of town in Apalachee Ridge Estates. It was a damn sight better than the roach motel I had stayed in eight months before. I was sad to have to leave Ms. Gertie, but told her that I would come and visit her twice a week. Edrick was doing real good with the stores and decided to open up a second one on the side of town we lived on. That same year, he bought me a car, a black Monte Carlo with white leather seats. I was crazy about that car, being that it was my first one. I didn’t know how to drive. Edrick would take me out on the weekends on an old dirt road in Woodville and teach me.

  Edrick gave me everything I needed for both me and the boys. I decorated one of the rooms all in blue. We filled it with more toys than you could shake a stick at. I quit my job after Edrick proposed. I was glad to finally get away from that ole nasty Mr. Cozart. I used my last check from them to get Ms. Gertie something nice, thanking her for all she had done for me. I got her a gold necklace with a birthstone heart. She had cried when I gave it to her.r />
  By the ninth month, I was so big, it’s a wonder I could fit through my front door. Edrick thought that me being as big as a tractor was cute, but I’d told him, “We’ll see how you feel when you have the ass the size of a cement mixer and have to run to the bathroom every two minutes.” I hated when he rubbed my belly like it was some kind of crystal ball. I was past ready for Kashawn and Deanthony to come out of me.

  At 1:16 a.m. on a Tuesday morning, July ninth, my water broke. The new bed sheets I bought were soaked. I just about had to push Edrick’s snoring behind out of the bed to get him to wake up.

  “Baby, wake up.”

  He grunted awake like a big ole hog.

  “Get up, my water just broke.”

  He jumped up, bat-shit crazy. I was calmer than he was. On the way to Tallahassee Memorial, I thought I was going to give birth to my babies right there in the car. After ten hours in labor, I gave birth to Deanthony first and Kashawn came two minutes later on July tenth, 11:15, Wednesday morning. I’d always liked the names Anthony and Shawn, but wanted something I knew that no one else would have, so I slapped a “D” in front of Anthony and a “K” in front of Shawn and there it was: Kashawn and Deanthony. Edrick kept taking pictures from every angle of me and the twins until I had to tell him to stop. Giving birth to Kashawn and Deanthony was the second-best thing that had happened to me, next to marrying Edrick.

  A year had passed and things couldn’t have been better. The second store was doing better than Edrick had hoped. So much so that Edrick and I started to look for a new house, a three-bedroom for us and the boys. Kashawn and Deanthony were one year old and growing fast. It was the day of our one-year anniversary when Edrick and I met. I had slaved in the kitchen all day, making Edrick’s favorite dishes: roast beef with carrots and red potatoes, field peas, yellow seasoned rice, and crackling corn bread, with Dutch apple cinnamon cheesecake for dessert. The house smelled so good, I had to chase the neighborhood dogs off with a broom when they came sniffing around the house for something to eat. I had been grinning ear to ear all that day, thinking of that first time Edrick had shown up on Ms. Gertie’s doorstep in that navy suit, sweat glistening like Vaseline on his face. I was so captured by how handsome he was, I had forgotten about his wallet.

  I was sitting at the kitchen table, shucking some field peas and watching my soaps on the small TV that sat in a corner on the kitchen counter, laughing as I thought about what Mama had always told me about never trusting men whose teeth are too white. As I had run my fingers through the bowl of peas and about to rinse them, the doorbell had rung. I had checked the corn bread in the oven that still was not done yet. I had figured it was Nadine’s little girl, Lynette, going door to door, selling Girl Scout cookies. She knew I was good for two boxes of Thin Mints. I had wiped my hands dry on the yellow apron I had tied around my waist as I’d walked toward the door. Two white police officers were standing on my porch in front of me.

  “Good afternoon, ma’am. Are you Mrs. Edrick Parker?”

  “Yes, I am,” I’d said, looking at the officers questionably.

  “Ma’am, can we come in?”

  “What’s wrong?”

  They’d had a look to them like they wanted to be anywhere but standing in front of me that day. They’d told me that Edrick had been in a car accident, a head-on collision with a semi. They’d gone on about how apparently Edrick was driving on the wrong side of the road, that they’d found an open bottle of Vodka in the front seat of his Cadillac. The news of my husband’s death had numbed me.

  “We’re deeply sorry,” they’d said in unison.

  I didn’t scream, but kept it together until they’d left. I’d gone to the bedroom and shut the door. I had grabbed the first thing that I could get my hands on, which was a lamp that was sitting on the nightstand next to Edrick’s side of the bed. I had taken it and thrown it at the mirror above the dresser. Glass had shattered to the floor. I could hear Kashawn and Deanthony crying in the next room. When I was done, the room was a mess, broken glass everywhere. My feet were bleeding from stepping in it, blood staining the carpet. I had looked down at my feet and felt that it was a pain I deserved for turning a blind eye to Edrick’s drinking, for not seeing the signs: him passed out in front of the TV with a bottle of gin at the foot of the sofa. I could smell booze on his breath in the middle of the afternoon, but I didn’t want to be one of those nagging wives who was always on her husband about this and that and the other.

  They’d told me at Strong & Jones Funeral Home that Edrick’s face was so badly disfigured, they recommended a closed-casket funeral. Ms. Gertie had come to the house and stayed a few weeks to help me with the boys. She was my rock at the funeral. Without her, I don’t think I would have been able to keep it together. People who were friends of Edrick and loyal customers of the store had come up to me to offer their condolences. Some of them I had met at different gatherings like cookouts, dinners, and church functions.

  The first time I had ever laid eyes on Ray-Ray, he was kneeling at the head of Edrick’s casket, crying harder than I had ever seen a man cry.

  “Look at Ray up there, makin’ a fool outta himself,” I had heard Edrick’s busybody Aunt Millie say, who likes to talk mess about everybody.

  It had taken everything in me to keep from hauling back and slapping the old bitch in the mouth. What kind of Christian are you to talk about your own nephew at his brother’s funeral? One of the ushers had escorted Ray through the rear of the church like they were embarrassed by his grieving.

  “Ms. Gertie, watch the boys for me.”

  As I had gotten up to go see how Ray-Ray was doing, I’d heard Millie say, “Where does she think she’s going?” That heifer was glad that I was in the Lord’s house.

  Ray-Ray was leaning against an oak tree, his arm propped against the trunk.

  “Hey, Ray, you doin’ all right?”

  He had turned his six-two, 320-something-pound frame to face me, his round, fat face streaked with tears. I had never felt so sorry for anyone that day as I felt for Ray-Ray. I had pulled my handkerchief from the sleeve of my black dress and handed it to him.

  “We didn’t talk for five years,” he’d said. “I fell into a bad crowd, started drinking too much. Ed was there when nobody else gave a damn.”

  “So what happened between y’all?”

  “He washed his hands of me after I stole from him.”

  Edrick had spoken once or twice about Ray-Ray. Never much in detail, only that Ray-Ray didn’t come around much.

  “Ed put up with a lot of my shit and I never got a chance to pay him back, to say that I’m sorry.”

  “He knows. He’s looking down on you, and he knows.” He was this giant of a man who towered over me as I’d consoled him.

  Ray-Ray started coming around the house more. He was so good with the boys, and I was more than happy to have him around, seeing as how they’d lost the only daddy they knew. We were the only family he’d had. Ray-Ray stayed in a one-bedroom place over on Saxton Street by himself. I’d told him he could move in with us if he didn’t drink.

  “I haven’t had so much as a sip of anything for a year,” he’d told me.

  The boys were smiling ear to ear when I’d told them that their uncle Ray-Ray would be staying with us. There was nothing he didn’t do for me and the boys.

  39

  KASHAWN

  My heart was racing and my palms were drenched with sweat as Ma, Yvonne, and I rode the elevator to the fourth floor of the Leon County Courthouse. I was dressed in a charcoal-black Bill Blass suit, Ma in a white silk blouse and black skirt, while Yvonne sported black dress pants and a red, sleeveless blouse. We looked like we were on our way to church and I wished that was the case. Once we reached the fourth floor, I spotted Deanthony sitting on one of the benches, wearing a white dress shirt and navy blue slacks. It was uncanny how identical we were—at least on the outside anyway.

  “Hey, Ma,” he said, wrapping his arms around our mother.
/>   “How you doin’, baby?”

  “What’s up, D,” Yvonne said.

  “What’s up, cousin? Don’t think I’ve ever seen you look this good.”

  “I’ll take that as a compliment,” she said.

  “You just got here?” I asked.

  “Yeah, about ten minutes ago.”

  “Well, I appreciate you coming.”

  “Thanks for calling to let me know what’s up.”

  “Ma, why don’t y’all go on in,” I said. “I need to talk to Deanthony.” Ma looked at me, unsure as to what I was going to say or do. “It’s all right, Ma. Everything’s fine.”

  Ma looked at me and then Deanthony before she went hesitantly with Yvonne to the courtroom where Bree was to be arraigned.

  “How’s your lip?”

  “Shit. It’s not like I didn’t deserve it.”

  “Well, you give about as much as you get,” I said, pointing to the shiner over my right eye.

  “Look, bro, I’ve given a lot of thought to that day at the homecoming party, and just all this crazy shit that has gone down since I’ve been back.”

  “You don’t need to apologize. I had no business coming at you like that.”

  “Bro, you had every right. Hell, I would have done the same thing if I was in your shoes. Look, you asked me why I came back to Tally and why I left like I did.” Deanthony sat down on the bench, looking as if he was ready to unload something that had been riding his back way too long. “I felt all my life that I’ve lived in your shadow. We’re identical twins, yeah, but Ma, I felt, always treated you like royalty. You’re the one who got straight A’s in school, who got the new car for getting into Florida A&M, while I always got the hand-me-downs, the crumbs, if anything at all. I got the belt across my ass while you got treated to ice cream.”

  “You know Ma loves us both equally.”

  “You could do no wrong in her eyes, but all Mama saw in me was wrong. And straight up, I started hating you for that. That’s why I left. I didn’t want that hate to eat away at me. Kashawn, I needed to find my own way, figure out what kind of man I wanted to be instead of this thug Ma always saw me as. I split to Los Angeles to see if I could make the acting thing work. The truth is, after a few bit parts here and there, I fell on hard times. I didn’t want to come back here just so you and Ma could say that y’all told me so. I really wanted to make things work in Cali.”