I had difficulty breathing when I finally stepped away from him to pick up the last two bottles of wine and put them on the shelf.
“Are you busy?”
“Not really. Why?”
“I came to talk with you. It’s important.”
I cocked my head to the side, confused by his serious expression. “Is Mary alright?”
“Yes. She’s fine. I want to talk with you about something else.” He looked around us. “Can you spare a few minutes?”
“Sure. Let’s go to the break room.” I caught him by his hand and led him through the store. “Emily, can you cover for me? I’ll be back soon,” I said to my coworker. She was cool, and she always helped me when I needed it.
“No problem.” She winked at me. “Take your time.”
I ushered Brooks in the small room and locked the door behind me.
“What’s up?”
He sat down on the chair and leaned his elbows against his knees. “Last night I was going through Mary’s bills and I realized there are a lot more expenses than I had predicted. I won’t be able to cover all of them with my meager earnings.”
I sat on the chair next to him and caught his hand in mine. “We spoke about this before, but I want you to know that my offer still stands. I want to help you with anything you—”
“No. That’s not what this is about. I don’t want help from you. You’re low on cash yourself, and there is no way I will take your money.”
My chest constricted. I understood why he didn’t want to accept my help, but it still hurt. I was his girlfriend, and I was supposed to help him and alleviate his issues, yet, he refused me as if I was some stranger.
“Brooks, I know you don’t like that, but I want to be there for you. Please, don’t push me away.”
“It’s not about that, Langley. You’re already doing for me more than you may think. Besides, I found the solution.”
“You did? What is it?”
“I’m thinking of joining the marines to help pay my mom’s medical bills. Last night I saw an ad for the military, and somehow everything clicked. I would be able to earn enough money to care for her, and I wouldn’t have to stress about it anymore.”
His words brought ice to my stomach. For a few moments, I was utterly speechless, not able to fully comprehend the meaning of his words.
He wanted to join the marines and go far away? For how long? Years? No. He couldn’t be going away. Especially not now.
“Well, say something,” he said with a half-smile after a minute of silence.
I stood up, my limbs cold from fear. I was scared of him leaving. He couldn’t be leaving me here to go who knew where. Being a marine was dangerous. Anything could happen. I didn’t want him to risk his life for money. It was absurd!
“How… How about Mary? What does she think about it?”
“I haven’t talked with her yet, but she will have to agree to it. There is no other way.”
I started pacing, fear gripping me more and more. “But there has to be some other way. I mean, you can’t leave your mother alone in the middle of her treatment.” You can’t leave me alone, was what I wanted to say but didn’t.
He stood up and took me by the hand. His hand was so warm while mine was so cold. The contrast was bitter.
“She will have you and also her nurse. It will be difficult, but I’ll be back soon.”
They all said that! They all said they would be back soon, but how soon was that? Who could guarantee they would indeed be back soon?
“But you’ll risk your life there. Being a soldier is not a walk in the park, Brooks. What if…” My voice broke, and tears prickled my eyes. What if he never comes back again?
He took my other hand and offered me a smile that did nothing to allay my fears. “I will be okay, babe. I’d be back before you knew it.”
“No, please. You can’t do this to me. You can’t do this to Mary. She’d be beside herself with worry.”
He pulled me into his embrace and pressed my head against his chest, holding me tight. “I know, but it’s for the better.”
My tears spilled out, and I began shaking. I was clutching his shirt desperately, a strange emptiness suffusing my chest. “No, please. Don’t go. Please. Don’t leave.”
He remained silent as I sobbed uncontrollably, his arms wrapped around me failing to provide a sense of security. I couldn’t believe it had come to this. I couldn’t believe he was actually considering this…
“Fine,” he muttered finally. “I will think about it.”
I drew away to look at him, the wings of hope in me clashing against dread. “Really? Are you really going to think about it?”
Only later I realized that he wasn’t looking at me when he nodded. His lips were on mine the next moment, and I was pushed against the wall.
Desire bloomed in me, intensified by the emotional storm that his words had caused. I clutched to his shoulders, grinding against him, and my body grew hotter.
“You’re making me so hard.” He placed my hand against his erection and thrust forward into my palm. I felt him, making sure my fingers were all over him.
“Touch me,” I pleaded, my voice foreign to me.
His lips were on my neck as his hand worked its way into my skirt and undies. I raised my skirt to allow him better access and squirmed when he cupped my pussy.
With a groan, I pushed my undies down and brought his hand directly to my puffy lips, thrusting my hips toward him.
He chuckled. “Impatient, hm?” His eyes hooded. “Mmm, so fucking wet.”
A moan escaped my lips when his fingers penetrated me and curled inside of me, and I clamped my hand across my mouth to stifle any sounds I would made.
“I just love your pussy. I love how responsive you are. A few thrusts of my fingers, and you’re already orgasming hard.”
It was true. Whatever he did, it was so easy for him to make me come, and not even a minute later, I was coming all around his fingers, super wet and sensitive.
“Brooks! Jesus…” His lips covered mine to drink my moans. He fumbled with his belt and zipper until they finally gave in and he pulled his jeans and boxers down in one rapid move.
I could barely stand, drowning in my aftershocks, when he picked my leg up and wrapped it around his waist, pushing his cock against my entrance.
“Now, try to be as quiet as possible.” He smirked. “Although, I know it’s almost impossible for you to stay quiet.”
He plunged into me and covered my breast with his large hand. His warmth seeped through my shirt and bra, even more when he groped me, moving faster and faster inside of me.
“Ah, yes… Yes, just like that…”
He pounded me wildly, our bodies moving in sync, but it wasn’t enough. As if reading my thoughts, he grabbed my other leg and picked me up from the ground, pushing me harder against the wall.
“I wish I could stay forever buried in you,” he growled and plastered his lips on mine, fucking me as if he was desperate. As if I was going to disappear at any moment.
Worry clouded my mind again, but he didn’t let me dwell on it, drilling me harder, and I was overcome with pure pleasure.
“Yes…” I threw my head back and bit into my lip so I wouldn’t scream, coming on his cock.
“Ah fuck… The way you squeeze me when you come… I’m going to cum… Langley…”
He buried himself deep into me and ejaculated, his lips on my neck searing me. I could barely stand when he lowered me back to my feet. My legs felt wobbly so I held onto him.
“This was amazing,” I told him. “Even more than amazing.”
“Ditto.” He kissed me and helped me fix my skirt. A smirk appeared on his face. “Do you think they heard us?”
“Let’s hope not.”
He kissed me once more, but this time it was so tender that it tugged at my heartstrings. For some reason, it felt different, and I didn’t know what to make out of it. His face didn’t convey his inner thoughts, but hi
s eyes… His eyes held a mixture of something that created a heavy feeling in my chest. And I knew.
He left, and the worry that he was actually going to join the military returned with full force.
With a whimper, I slumped into the chair and pressed my face against my hands, barely keeping my tears at bay. It was too much.
I would always be the second choice, and waiting for him to come back home would be unbearable. We couldn’t go on like this.
If he went away… That would be it.
In a spur of the moment, an idea crossed my mind. It would be better if I wrote him a letter to get all of my emotions out. That would be my final goodbye.
Chapter Five
Brooks
I spent the whole day thinking about my plan to join the military, weighing up pros and cons, and in the end, I decided to do it. It was the only way I would be able to pay for medical expenses, and mom would receive the whole treatment, no matter how long it lasted.
After my work, I spoke with my mom and informed her of my decision to join the marines.
“You can’t be serious, Brooks,” she told me. “You’re going to join the marines?”
“It’s the only way, mom. We’re tight with money, and I’m not able to pay for your care.”
This admission was like a punch to my gut. I hated seeing her face fall, her posture hunched in all her helplessness.
“But there has to be some other way.”
“I’m afraid there is none.”
“But not this. This is dangerous.”
“I know, but you have to believe in me. I’ll be back in no time.”
She shook her head. “I want better for you.” She broke into tears, shaking. “It’s all my fault…”
“No, mom. Don’t stay that. It’s not your fault.”
“Yes, it is! If I hadn’t gotten sick—”
“That’s nonsense, and you know it. It’s not your fault. Please, don’t blame yourself.”
“I’m sorry that you have to go through all of this because of me. You’ve done a lot and—”
“That is nothing. Don’t worry about anything. All that matters to me is to see you safe and sound, and I will do anything to achieve that. You’ve done a lot for me, mom. You’ve raised me on your own and made sure I had everything I needed. This is the least I can do.”
“But what about Langley?”
“She… She will have to wait for me. She’ll be okay. After all, I won’t be in the marines forever—”
“She’ll be heartbroken, son. That girl loves you so much.”
I closed my eyes shut, hit by an overwhelming current of emotions. “I know. But she will have to understand. We’d be separated, but it won’t last forever.”
She was a sobbing mess when Kelly arrived to take care of her, but at least she accepted my decision.
I had no idea how bad Langley would react. She came over, and I decided to broach the subject after dinner.
“I’ve made a decision,” I told her, sitting next to her on the couch in the living room, jumping right into it. “I’m going to join the military.”
I could feel her body tense, and her lips formed a frown. “You told me you would think about it. You—”
“I thought about it, but I decided it’s the only way I can help my mother.”
“But you will be leaving me!” she exploded. “You’ll be leaving your mother too.”
“What do you want me to do, Langley? You know very well that I can’t support my mother as a mechanic. Her medical bills are just piling up, and I have no idea where to get that money from.”
“I can help you! You know I’ve saved some money—”
“No! I told you many times that I don’t want your help. I don’t want your money.”
“You never want anything from me, Brooks!” Her words were slicing me from deep within, her hurt look adding to my pain. “You always keep me at a distance, and it’s infuriating! I’m your girlfriend, for Christ’s sake. I’m not some stranger, but you always keep me at arm’s length.”
“That is not true.”
She stood up. “Yes. It is true. You keep me at arm’s length and never consider me first. It’s always about your mother—”
Fury blinded me, and I stood up, unable to stay in one place. I couldn’t believe she would actually say that. “You can’t be serious. That’s not fair!”
She winced, her eyes filling with tears. “I know she’s ill and of course, you have to take care of her, but don’t you see that we’re getting more separated from each other? You’ll be going away for who knows how long, and it’s not just that. You’re risking your life there! I’m scared for you! Don’t you get it? You expect me to just sit here and wait for you while you put yourself in danger out there.”
I reached for her, but she stepped away from me, not even looking at me. “I know and don’t think even for a second that I’m okay with being away from you and my mother. It pains me—you have no idea how fucking much—but I have to do it.”
Tears slid down her cheeks, and she finally met my gaze. “Please, Brooks. Don’t do this. We can figure everything out together. Don’t leave.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat, a sour feeling claiming its spot in my chest. She couldn’t understand that I had to do this. She couldn’t understand how cornered I was. Did she really think I was absolutely okay with sacrificing everything to get that fucking money? But seeing my mother ill and not being able to provide for her was a bitter pill to swallow. I was feeling powerless, and I was sick and tired of being powerless.
“I’m sorry, but I have to do this. There is no trying to convince me otherwise, because I’ve already signed up.”
At this, she paled, and all her anger and fight seemed to leave her.
“I see.” She made a step backward. Then another. “Well, since you’ve already made a decision, I won’t be wasting your time anymore, Brooks.”
I flinched. “What are you talking about?”
“You didn’t consider my feelings. You just don’t care. You didn’t put me into this equation, so since you’ve already made your decision, I think it’s the best for me to leave now.”
She turned to leave, but I reached for her, pulling her against me. “Langley, you don’t know shit about my feelings! Do you know how bad I feel being in between like this? I hate being forced to do this because I don’t want to leave you! I don’t want us to be separated, but I don’t have any other choice. I hoped you would understand!”
Her eyes downcast, she moved away. She took a letter out of her purse and left it on the coffee table. “Oh I understand. You feel this is the only way, and you don’t want to listen to me. So let’s stop arguing. It’s pointless.” She pointed at the letter. “I wrote you a letter.” She cast me one last glance. “Stay safe, Brooks.”
I opened my mouth to say something, but nothing came out. I watched her pick up her jacket and leave, feeling as if my world was falling apart. She had actually left.
What the hell had just happened?
With shaky hands, I took the letter and unfolded the paper.
“Dear Brooks,
Once upon a time, I was that little girl who fell in love with a gorgeous boy the moment he stepped into the classroom. I tripped over my shoelaces, but instead of laughing like the rest of the classroom, you helped me and asked me if I was okay. I fell for you right there and then. Soon we went on our first date, and I thought I found my prince charming. I thought we were going to have our happily ever after.
But every fairytale has to come to its end, and I guess ours has ended now.
I won’t be able to sit here waiting for you to come back home. It would be too much, and my heart is already breaking because you’re leaving. Rest assured that I’ll watch over your mother while you’re gone and I’ll help take her to her doctor’s appointments, but we can’t be together like we are now.
You’ve made me the happiest ever, Brooks, and I can’t thank you enough for the years
of happiness and love you’ve given me. You were my whole world. My sunshine. My reason to get up in the morning. I will never forget everything you’ve done for me. I’ll remember it for the rest of my life.
But I guess this is where our paths are separating, and each of us has to go their own way.
I just hope you’ll be happy and you’ll stay safe. Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine. I’ll find my own path from now on.
This letter is my goodbye to you.
From the bottom of my heart,
Langley.”
I hadn’t even realized when I started crying, the emotional words breaking my heart into pieces. Just like that, I lost Langley, I lost my girl, and I felt like I was suffocating.
I wanted to run after her and stop her. I wanted to tell her how much I loved her and that I couldn’t imagine my future without her.
But it would be pointless because she wouldn’t listen. She would beg me to stay, and I couldn’t do that. I had to do this for my mom.
My world was falling apart, but there was no going back.
Chapter Six
Brooks
Three months later
I collapsed on my bunk, completely exhausted. I had used a little free time I had after my training to send my entire paycheck to my mom, and the feeling of satisfaction was priceless. I was pleased that it was helping cover her treatments, and it was more than sufficient. I didn’t have to worry about her missing any of her appointments or receiving improper care because of the lack of money. Knowing she had the best care she could get made my stay here a lot easier.
Today’s training was more hardcore than usual, and my muscles were burning. Even after three months I couldn’t quite get used to the strict regime around here, and I wished I could finally get some fricking rest and more time for myself.
I was overseas in Iraq, and I had gone through basic training. I would leave this camp within six months when they dispatched me to some other place, and I would probably have even less rest than now. That was okay. After all, I had known very well what I was signing up for when I made the decision to join the military.
Baby and the Biker: The Ghost Riders MC Page 18
