Somehow, days blended into one, and weeks passed quickly, but, on the other hand, it felt like it was never-ending, and I missed home a lot. I missed my mother, always wondering if she was alright on her own and if she felt lonely.
I missed Langley.
All these days, I couldn’t stop thinking about her. Wherever I was or whatever I did, my mind was coming back to her, and it was difficult to focus on anything but her image and our memories. I wanted to hug her. I wanted to hold her and never let her go, and each minute without her brought a suffocating pain.
She’d been sending me letters, but her words did little to make me feel better. They only reminded me how far away we were from each other, and I wished for nothing more than to destroy the distance between us and take her in my arms. I would make love to her and remind her just how much I loved her.
During the lonely nights, I replayed over and over some of our most memorable moments, reminding myself of the sweet girl that had smiled all the time and had looked at me with her big, beautiful blue eyes. Her eyes were one of the things that made me fall for her, along with her innocence and cuteness.
It was painful, so I pushed myself harder, hoping to be busy enough to forget that I had to make a choice that separated me from her. I didn’t regret my decision, but it hurt nonetheless.
“Hey, man,” Topher, the guy from my unit, said, entering our room. “Why do you look so blue?”
Topher was one of my friends here. I clicked with him from the first day, and we went through basic training together. He was the happy-go-lucky person of our group, and whenever I felt down, he was there to cheer me up.
“I was just thinking about Langley.”
He plunked down on his bunk and placed his hands behind his head, turning to look at me. “Again?”
I knew him well enough to know he was teasing me. “Again and again.”
“Bro, you’re like possessed or something. You think about her all the time. Was her pussy that good?”
I grabbed a pillow and hurled it at him. He raised his arms to protect his face in the last moment. “Hey, hey!”
“Don’t speak about her like that,” I said, adding enough ire in my voice so he would know I was actually serious.
“I was just joking, man. Alright? Sorry. I know how special she is for you.”
I sighed, rubbing my forehead. Yet I blew everything up when I joined the marines, I thought but didn’t voice it out loud. “Yeah, so you better watch your mouth.”
“Jeez, man. You’re more nervous than a chick during her PMS. I think you need to get laid. All these days without women are getting to you.”
If only it were that simple. At night or whenever I was in shower, I kept fantasizing about Langley, imagining all those things I was dying to do to her. Other girls didn’t do it for me—not compared to Langley.
“I wish it was that easy. I can’t get Langley out of my head.”
“Langley, Langley, Langley. You’re like a broken record. Dude, you need to get over her. You said yourself you two aren’t in a good relationship right now, so it would be best to move on. Look at me.” He pointed at his chest. “I’m happy to be single. At least I can fuck whoever I want.”
“It’s easy for you to say, smartass. I’m sure you’ve never fallen for a chick before.”
“Now that’s where you’re wrong.”
I straightened myself up. “Really? What happened?”
He was smiling, but I could see he was faking it. “She preferred my best friend, imagine that. An old cliché, but it never actually gets old, does it?”
“Shit. I’m sorry, bro.”
“I was planning to propose to her, but then I found them together at her apartment. Thank fuck it happened before I made a colossal mistake of asking her to be my wife. Now, that would be an epic failure.”
“I guess you can say that.”
“So if I could get over her, you can get over Langley too. Have some fun. Meet some new chicks. I’m sure you’ll forget Langley pretty damn quick.”
I nodded and smiled back at him, knowing well it would be next to impossible for me to forget her just like that. Even if I sought other girls—not that I wanted to—no one could replace Langley. No one could make me forget about that sweet girl who was my first love. I’d even planned to marry her one day. I’d planned my future with her next to me.
So how could I just abandon everything and turn to someone else? How?
“Maybe. Only time will tell.”
Chapter Seven
Langley
“How were classes today, sweetie?” Mary asked me, smiling at me from across the table.
Just like every other evening, I had dinner with Mary because she had no other family in the area. She was looking much better these days, and she was smiling a lot more often, which was a great sign. Just three months ago it seemed like she had hit rock bottom, but now everything indicated that she would be able to recover.
“They were good. I’ve learned a lot today.”
Since I had saved enough money, I had decided to take classes at the local community college. I was studying accounting and hoped to become an accountant one day. I loved attending classes and spending time among other people instead of being all alone in my apartment.
My days were way better compared to before because I could finally pursue my old dream and make something out of myself. I could finally feel useful.
It was hard and tiring because I had a lot responsibilities, but I was managing to balance everything. My boss at the grocery store allowed me to work shorter shifts so I could attend night classes and take care of Brooks’s mom. Also, my colleagues at the diner covered for me whenever I needed it.
“Are you able to focus on your studies? You’re working a lot.”
“It’s just temporary, and it will be better. I love my subjects, so it’s an enjoyable time.”
With a sigh, she covered my hand on the table. “I’m glad you’re able to do what you want. I’m just sorry that you have to waste your time on me.”
I frowned, covering the hand that was holding mine. “Don’t say it like that, Mary. We already talked about this, and I told you I’m not wasting my time. Besides, I can’t just stand aside and do nothing. It’s the least I can do.”
Her lips formed a half-smile, but her eyes still contained that dull, sorrowful glimmer. “You sound like Brooks, now. It’s no wonder you two always got along so well.”
I recoiled, removing my hand from hers. We avoided talking about Brooks, but I knew Mary wished that we were together. She had cried when I informed her that Brooks and I separated, repeating countless times that she considered me her daughter-in-law and would want nothing more than to see our grandchildren. At that, my insides churned, and guilt spread through me.
I missed Brooks a lot. I had thought it could get easier with time, but it was only worse. Each time I came to Mary’s place, there was a foolish part of me that hoped Brooks would be—by some miraculous turn of events—there. That same part of me wanted me to rush into his arms and kiss him senseless. It wanted me to tell him he was the only one for me and I couldn’t live without him.
But I had to be stronger than that. Such thinking didn’t lead me anywhere.
“Anyway, being here with you isn’t a waste of time, so stop being so hard on yourself, Mary. Tell me. How was your day so far?”
“Beside going out for a walk, it was pretty uneventful.”
“Kelly took you outside?”
“Yes. We went to the nearby park and spent some time walking around.”
“How was it?”
Her face beamed. “Much better than before. I could walk without getting tired, and my muscles didn’t hurt.”
“Now that’s progress. You see? Just stay positive.”
“Oh, Langley. You’re always so sweet and optimistic. What would I do without you?”
I could find the hidden meaning behind her words. She wanted me to get back with Brooks, but that w
asn’t possible. I couldn’t just reconcile with him like nothing had happened. He left when I needed him the most, making a decision that changed our lives on his own. I couldn’t get over this that easily.
“You’ve been a great source of strength for me, Langley. Whenever it’s hard, I think about what you’ve said to me three months ago, and it keeps me going.”
“And what did I say?”
“You told me never to despair and let gloomy thoughts overtake me. You told me I was a fighter and I would find a way to pull myself out of any tight spot. So whenever I think it’s useless to fight, I remember those words. I remember your sweet smile and how you always stay positive despite the hurdles on your way.”
Her words made me emotional, and tears threatened to spill out. I had never felt less optimistic and strong than on the day Brooks decided to leave. I felt like I was going to fall apart—never to be patched up again. The cold slice of betrayal stung more than I could bear, but I had to keep fighting. For me, for Mary, and for…
“Thank you, sweetie. Thank you for everything.”
I formed a grin, all mushy. “You don’t have to thank me, Mary. Anything for you.”
“Just take care and don’t overtax yourself. You’re like a daughter to me, and you know that if you need anything, all you have to do is ask.”
“I know, Mary. Thanks a lot.”
An hour later, I headed home after I made sure Mary was in bed. The summer night was warm, a slight breeze caressing my cheeks as I walked, and all I could think about was Brooks. What was he doing now? How was he? Did he miss me?
I reached my apartment, and the longing for him grew stronger. Three months had passed since I last saw him, but it felt like years, and I wished I could see him.
I sat down at the dining table and ran my hands through my hair, feeling lonelier than ever. My eyes caught sight of the dark red stain on the beige surface, right near the edge of the table, which reminded me of Brooks. The memory of that dinner at my place unwound…
“Stop looking at me like that,” I told Brooks, who was watching me intently as I ate spaghetti with meat sauce. My cheeks flushed, reacting immediately to his heated stare.
“I can’t. You’re too gorgeous.”
“You should eat it while it’s warm. It’s not going to be good when it’s cold.”
“I’m not hungry. Actually, scratch that. I’m hungry, but not for the food.”
My fork slipped out of my hand and ended up on my plate with a clatter. Wordlessly, he stood up and pulled me out of my chair. Our mouths fused, and my head started spinning. He pushed me against the table, and I stretched my hand to support myself against it, but then I hit his glass of wine. We separated to watch the dark liquid spill out of the glass and over the table, but our minds were too fogged with desire to care about it.
In fact, this seemed to spur him on, because the next moment, he picked me up and put me on the table, kissing me like there was no tomorrow.
His hands were all over me, teasing me, searing me, and my body was burning for him. He pushed me down and slid my shorts and panties away before he separated my legs, putting my feet on the edge of the table. I was transported into heaven when his mouth landed on my heated flesh, right below my clit.
“Brooks… Yes.” I grabbed his hair and left my hand there, already trembling with need.
He knew exactly how to bring me the most pleasure, and I became a mess within minutes. I ground against him, calling his name repeatedly as his tongue and lips did magic.
“It feels so good… Don’t stop. Just like that… I’m going to come…”
He started sucking my clit, pushing one finger against my entrance. Soon, two more fingers joined the first one, and he stretched my hole wide, preparing me for him.
“Ah… Yes! I’m coming! I’m coming…”
I screamed and exploded all around his fingers and onto his mouth, soaking his lips and chin with my juices.
“Fuck me, Langley. You taste delicious.”
He moved up and grasped my head to kiss me, allowing me to taste myself. The experience was beyond erotic, and it made me go crazy with desire for him. I unfastened his belt and freed him from his pants and boxers, releasing his erection in all its glory. I stroked him slowly, never taking my eyes off of his, and watched the storm in his darkened eyes as I pleasured him.
“I need to be inside of you right now.” He moved my hand away and pulled me closer to the edge, standing in between my legs.
I wrapped my legs around him and dug my fingers into his shoulders right when he plunged into me. His tip hit my cervix, and my toes curled in ecstasy.
“Yes, Brooks. Give it to me. Fuck me.”
My dirty talk always incited him. He was often saying I was his angel who turned into the devil when we were fucking. He moved faster, his tongue stroking mine in the same rhythm of his thrusts, and the sensations were omnipotent.
He was in me so deep that I felt like he was everywhere. He owned me. He was my everything. I loved him so much…
We came together, holding each other like we had finally found our home…
I winced, pulled out of my reverie. My pussy was throbbing, but what shocked me were the tears that were falling down my cheeks.
Back then, I thought I found my home. I thought we were going to last forever. But the reality was crueler than that.
I stood up, shaking my head, and wiped off my tears. No. Brooks was in the past, and I shouldn’t cry over spilled milk.
“What’s done is done.”
Chapter Eight
Brooks
“You look like you’ve won the lottery,” Topher told me when I returned back to our room. “And if you did, I want the half of it.” He was currently flipping the pages of the magazine, clearly bored.
“It feels like that. But even if I did, why would I have to give you half of it?”
“That’s what I deserve for putting up with your annoying ass.”
“Ouch. You’re hurting my feelings, man. And here I thought we had something.”
He rolled his eyes. “In your dreams.”
“Why aren’t you in the gym?”
Topher was addicted to the gym. He was the bulkiest in our unit, and even before he joined the military, he was in the gym 24/7. I couldn’t understand what was so special about the gym. I mean, yes, I worked out too and liked to be in good shape, but I preferred running and lifting weights at home than working out with a bunch of sweaty people.
“I strained my calf, so I was banned from the gym temporarily.”
I erupted into laughter, sitting on my bunk. “Banned? You? Oh no. The end of the world is coming! Are you going to survive this?”
“Barely, man. I’m already suffering from withdrawal.”
“But seriously, are you going to be okay?”
“It’s just a calf. I’m not dying from some gruesome disease, although I appreciate your concern, mom.”
I flipped him off with a chuckle and focused on the envelope in my hands.
“Another letter?” he asks me.
“Yeah. It’s from Langley.”
“Ooh, nice. Tell me all the juicy details.”
I grabbed my pillow and threw it at him, but he moved out of its way before it even landed on his bunk.
“Hey! You won’t get me with that one again! Be more original.”
“She’s not like that. And even if she is, I wouldn’t tell you anything.”
He pouted, faking his hurt. “Not nice at all. Sharing is caring, especially when we’re all here sexually deprived.”
“Fuck off.”
“Jeez, man. Relax.”
With a shake of his head, he returned to his magazine, which allowed me to fully focus on Langley’s letter.
My heart beat faster as I opened the paper and started reading her words.
“Hello, Brooks.
I have some good news to share with you. Mary is doing better these days. She looks healthier, and she doesn’t ge
t as tired as before. Recently, she started going for a walk with Kelly everyday, and they are visiting a nearby park. Also, she doesn’t feel pain anymore, which is a huge progress as her doctor said. He is positive that Mary is on the steady road of recovery and would be even better pretty soon.
Mary and I talked about it, and I could see she’s excited and more positive than before. She’s smiling a lot more than before.
It’s good to see her cheerful and interested in her hobbies again. She even mentioned she was thinking about starting gardening again. You know that she stopped doing gardening when she started getting more and more exhausted, but now she’s looking for flowers she could plant in her garden along with some vegetables.
So all in all, her treatments are going well, and the money you’re sending to her is more than enough to cover her expenses.
I hope you’re doing well.
Take care,
Langley.”
I finished reading with a frown, and I had to reread it twice to see if I had missed something.
I could tell by her writing that she was being fairly distant in the letter. She was just telling me how my mother was doing with treatments. She didn’t talk about emotions or anything, even though I wished she would, and it was disappointing. Somehow, with each new letter, I felt like we were more away from each other than before, and some voice coming from the corners of my mind told me I had seriously fucked up.
I wanted to know how she was. I wanted to know how she felt about me and if she missed me. I was also curious about her life and if she was doing well. Was she able to handle working two jobs and taking care of my mother?
I ran my hand across my face, letting a heavy sigh out. She was having a full plate, which was something I hadn’t thought through well when I left my mother in Langley’s care.
“Okay. Whose dog has died?” Topher broke the silence.
“Huh?”
“You look like you’re ready to attend someone’s funeral. What happened? Is everything okay?”
I clutched the paper in my hands, staring at the words as if that would give me answers to questions that were making my head spin. I missed Langley more than ever. I cursed myself silently for not being able to be near her.
Baby and the Biker: The Ghost Riders MC Page 19
