Off Her Rockers (Loving All Wrong #3.5)

by S. Ann Cole

  Stopping next to the kicked-to-shit coffee table, he cocked his head and asked, “Back when I told you Chad said you had an abortion, why didn’t you refute it? I don’t get it. Why keep it a secret even after you found out the truth? Why?”

  I glanced down at my hands in my lap. “I wanted you to choose me, not out of obligation for the sake of a kid, but because you really love me.”

  He moved to stand right in front of me, towering above. “Ally, look at me. Look me in the eyes.”

  I waited a beat, or five, before raising my eyes to meet his blue depths.

  “You know if you’d told me about my son, I would’ve left Jess immediately, right?”

  I started to look away.

  “No, look at me and answer me, Ally.”

  My eyes went back to his again. “Yes.”

  “And why is that?”

  “Because you want to be a good father to—”

  “The real answer,” he snapped.

  I kept our gazes locked as I gave the real answer, “Because…I’m the love of your life.”

  “Then tell me, what is the real reason you didn’t tell me about my son once you learned the truth, or even before that, since you were so sure you came here for me.”

  Pushing to my feet, I parted my lips, hesitated, and then tried to run off to my room. Coward that I was.

  Davian caught me, gripped me by the arms and held me firm. “You’re Alina O’Hara, aren’t you? The big bad wolf that isn’t afraid of anything? Who tells it like it is? Well then, tell me the goddamn truth, you spoiled, selfish little brat! Tell me you came here for him. Tell me that all the time you were pushing me to leave Jess you weren’t even sure you wanted to be with me!”

  I didn’t answer. He kept demanding that I did. Even shaking me.

  When he realized I didn’t intend answering, he let go of me, backing away from me, glowering with stinging resentment. “You broke us, Ally. I want you to remember that. When you’re with him and you’re miserable and unhappy because you realized too late that he’s a whoring, alcoholic douchebag with the attention span of a newborn, I want you to remember that you broke us. That decision you made two years ago in my bedroom, to keep silent about being pregnant, was the wrong decision. So is every other decision you’ve made since then. This is not on me. It’s all on you,and you’ll regret it. I promise you that. You’ll regret not choosing me.”

  Pathetic droplets of tears spilled from my pathetic eyes—why was I even crying? Did I already regret not choosing him? Or was my situation just…sad? I loved Davian. I did. And I wished we didn’t have to end, but I wanted Xavier. I wanted to be with Xavier. Spend my entire life with him. I could see myself married to him, with blonde twins, my retired rock star sitting on our veranda strumming his guitar…as cheesy as that sounded.

  Once upon a time, I used to be able to see that with Davian. A future. I used to be able to picture my life with him decades and decades from now, but not since I came to Los Angeles. Not since Xavier stole me. Not since Xavier hijacked my heart, my thoughts, my dreams. Now I could see nothing beyond his stalwart chest, beyond the long blond waves cascading down his shoulders, beyond his ambushing charm. Unable to see past him, I had to look up, and when I did, I saw it all, the future. Showing me that that was where it ended, with him.

  “Davi,” I whispered, walking up to him. When I touched my palms to his chest, he didn’t scorn me. Sobbing, I pressed my forehead there next. “I’m so sorry. I love you. I’m so sorry.”

  I loved him. And that was the problem. Somewhere along the line, I went from being in love with him to just loving him.

  He stood rigid for a while until his body went limp with a sigh and his arms came around me, his chin settling on top of my head. “I hate you so much right now, Ally.”

  “I know,” I hiccupped into his shirt.

  Moving us to the couch, he lowered down with me and I curled into his side, apologizing repeatedly in a blubbery mess while he said nothing in return and just held me.

  Once I was drained dry, in a gentle voice, while stroking my hair, he started asking me questions about Jacob, and I, without hesitation or a single lie, gave him all the information he needed.

  I lied to him. I broke us. I chose another man. I broke his heart.

  Still, he held me, soothed me, wiped my tears, and let me fall asleep in his arms.

  Poke. Poke.

  Someone was poking my arm. But I wasn’t ready to return to the light yet. I felt comfortable where I was. I could hear a heart beating evenly beneath my cheek. Could feel arms tightening around me. I snuggled up closer, sighing against the warm body that both smelled and felt like heaven.

  Poke. Poke.

  Oh, Christ. Highly annoyed, my eyes flew open and were greeted with the sight of dark denim and a dangling chain wallet I knew all too well.

  Cautiously, my gaze traveled up the tall, sturdy form, past a strong, tanned arm holding a Starbucks cup, and up into the face I’d fallen in love with—hard and fast—over the past couple of months.

  Xavier.

  He stared down at me, expressionless.

  As I felt arms tighten around me again, I twisted only to realize I was curled up against Davian—who was awake and completely relaxed, head tossed back on the sofa, giving Xavier a sleepy smirk.

  Understanding the danger of this position along with Davian’s smirk, I wiggled out of his arms and stumbled to my feet, frantically straightening my skirt that had ridden up to my hips sometime during the night.

  In an eerily calm tone, Xavier asked, “You slept with him?”

  “Are you blind?” Davian replied before I could.

  Oh, Jesus. Flat out poking the bull.

  Xavier’s eyes didn’t move from me as he prompted, “Yeah?”

  “No,” I half-shouted. “We didn’t…I just…fell asleep...”

  His chin worked back and forth, back and forth, and then, as if deciding he believed me, he proffered the Starbucks cup. “Macchiato.” Finally shifting his expressionless eyes to Davian, he said, “Might wanna get lost now. Cool?”

  In no hurry whatsoever, Davian took his own time pushing to his feet, then yawned and stretched his arms over his head. Sonuvabitch. “Get lost? You do realize I just found out we have a son together, right?”

  Oh Jesus, please don’t let this get any worse than it already is. Why can’t Davian just shut it and walk away?!

  I saw it. Xavier’s angry vein pulsing in his left temple. I held my breath, but like a real man, he kept his anger in check, and instead of addressing Davian again, he shifted his stare to me and said, “Five minutes,” then thudded off in the direction of my bedroom.

  In Xavier speak, that meant I had five minutes to get rid of Davian before he knocked him out cold with a single fist to the forehead.

  As soon as I heard my bedroom door slam, I whirled on Davian and punched his arm, hissing, “Why would you try to make him think we had sex, you jerk?”

  Brow arching, Davian chuckled without humor. “Guess.”

  “Look, you need to go, alright. He’s been pretty damn easy on all my misdemeanors so far. I don’t wanna push him.”

  Davian planted his feet, stuffing his hands in his pockets. “You think I give a shit about your relationship? You think I respect it? You think I care how Xavi feels?” He leaned into my face. “Let me give you a heads up: any chance I get to sabotage your pathetic ‘relationship’, I’m taking it.”

  “Why are you being such an asshole?”

  He shook his head as if I were the daftest person he’d ever come across. “Again: guess.”

  “Can’t you just accept my decision and go back to Jess?”

  Davian’s eyes went heavenward as he muttered to himself, and I pretended not to hear the words “selfish” and “bitch”. His eyes came back to me. “We need to talk about getting my son here. Be at Eye Spy by eight tonight. And if your big guy has a problem with that, tell him to deal with it.” He smiled wickedly. “You’re a perman
ent part of my life now.”

  As he moved in close, I started to move back, but he caught me by my chin and brought his face extremely close he would kiss me, but careened at the last minute and brushed a kiss against my cheek. “I always knew you’d be the mother of my children.”

  “Child,” I corrected.

  “We’ll see about that.” Then he turned and sauntered out into the elevator, wearing a shit-eating grin as the doors shut him in.

  Bastard.

  Setting the Starbucks cup down on the coffee table, I watched him leave. Taking a deep breath, I counted to ten before directing my steps to the bedroom.

  I knocked on the closed door before pushing it open and stepping in.

  Xavier paused mid-pacing, swung his head to me, and stared me down. “Listen,” he began, cutting straight to it, patience running thin, “I get that you got a kid with the guy. Get that he’s planted in your life now. Prepared to deal with it. Prepared to ignore his arrogance and mouth-offs, ‘cause he lost, he hates losing, and I’m familiar with the way he operates.

  “But I’m not—and won’t ever be—prepared for shit like what I just walked in on. ‘Let a lotta things slide with you ‘cause you got so deep under my damn skin. But there’s only so much I can ‘let slide’. You’re with me, then you need to respect me. Act like you’re with me. Can’t be cuddling and sleeping in another man’s arms while you’re with me. The hell, Chino?”

  Leaning back against the door, I rubbed my forehead. Dealing with two superbly intense rockers was no mean feat. “I’m sorry,” I apologized. Repentance was the smartest route to take. “Last night was just…overwhelming. I was crying. He held me. I fell asleep. That’s all.”

  “That’s no excuse, Chino.”

  Covering my face with my hands, I slid down the door until my ass hit the floor. Too much. This was too much. More than I bargained for.

  I know, I brought it down on myself. I was a liar. A cheater. A selfish bitch. All that, and more. In the end, I was still human, and there was only so much I could handle all at once.

  I heard Xavier move across the room, but I didn’t look. Seconds later, he was pulling my hands away from my face. I let him.

  Keeping my hands in his, he gave them a gentle squeeze. “Hey, you’re my strong Chino; don’t break on me now. Toughen up. This shitstorm has only just begun. Everyone’s gonna be slinging something your way ‘cause they’re all gonna be viewing you as the bad guy. S’all your fault, they’re gonna say. So you gotta be thick-skinned. Be the Chino I know. The tough, unlikable chick who struts around with an ice-heart.”

  “You think it was easy for me walking in and seeing you with him like that just now? Took everything in me not to bludgeon him. But things’re already shitty. Don’t wanna exacerbate it.” Sliding a callused finger under my chin, he tilted my face up to meet his penetrating gray gaze. “Wanna be here for you, Chino. But you gotta be here for me, too.”

  My voice was hoarse when I asked, “How many strikes do I have left?”

  His head went from left to right. “None.”

  I laughed. I’d long since passed three strikes, shot past ten. He’d have to be a whipped fool to grant me more strikes. “Okay. I promise to do better from now on.”

  “Now get up, freshen up, and toughen up. You got alotta people hating you right now.”

  I stood, and with a flirtatious, lip-biting smile, I batted my eyelashes at him. “But you love me, though, right?”

  He watched me for a heartbeat, and then cupped one side of my face, dropped a quick kiss to my lips, and strode out of the room.

  CHAPTER THREE

  IN AN ATTEMPT TO SCORE “GOOD” POINTS, I made breakfast for Xavier. His favorite—bacon omelet with near-burnt toast, baked beans, and fritters. We ate, had small, clinical talks, and then moved out on my balcony to waste a few hours, avoiding all topics “Davi and Jess”.

  He had stuff on his mind; it was obvious, but he wasn’t sharing. There were huge gaps of awkward silences, and, not knowing where his head was at, I didn’t know what to say to him, for fear I might trigger something or trip over a live wire.

  I mean, I did run from him and to Davian the night before, only for him to walk in on me sleeping comfortably in my ex’s arms.

  He might be pretending to be forgiving of my peccadilloes, but I wasn’t stupid. He was a man. Red-blooded just like any other. So I knew he had to be sitting on some vile and ugly thoughts and was—most likely barely—restraining himself.

  One wrong step, one wrong word, and that could be it for me.

  Despite all the bullshit, I viewed Xavier as a hard-won prize. A prize I did not want to lose.

  Xavier was lying supine on a lounge chair next to mine, face trained up at the blue heavens, aviators hiding his eyes. I couldn’t tell whether he was asleep or awake.

  If he was awake, though, he didn’t seem bothered by my flipping on my side and staring at—or rather ogling—him for the past fifteen minutes.

  I loved him. And every waking moment I spent in his presence, I loved him deeper. I could see myself falling so in love with him in the future that I’d completely submit to him. Whatever he told me to do, I’d do. And I was not that kind of girl. Not even when I was with Davian. Me, compliant? Nope. I always had a rebuttal, a rejoinder, an excuse to disobey.

  With Xavier though, I was swiftly getting to the point where I’d be living in his world, yielding to his commands, answering to his call.

  My phone chirped, and I reluctantly tore my dreamy gaze away from Xavier and rolled onto my back.

  Picking up my phone, I checked the screen, hoping it wasn’t another annoying person looking for the inside scoop.

  Saskia. Hmm. Took her this long to bombard me with questions?

  Saskia: What in d bloody hell?!

  Alina: LOL. Took u long enuf.

  Saskia: That’s becaz I had another episode. Spent all night at d hospital. Just got home Manda laid the news on me. WTF?

  Alina: Again?! Is the baby okay?

  Saskia: Yes, d baby is fine. Spill. What was that interview?

  Alina: Turns out Jess doesn’t take well 2 being dumped.

  Saskia: She made all that up, right? Caz all that crapola she spouted didn’t sound like u. At all.

  Alina: U even have 2 ask? We were NOT close I didn’t tell her jackshit. Tex sent her an A message.

  Saskia: Oops. Sorry!

  Alina: Whatever. Am just glad everything is out. Mostly upset about how she crucified Davi.

  Saskia: How’s he taking it?

  Alina: Not well. Being spiteful. Provoking Xavi.

  Saskia: And Xavi?

  Alina: IDK. He’s all kinds of understanding easy on the outside. But I don’t trust it. Am not sure he trusts me.

  Saskia: Smart boy.

  Alina: Suck my dick!

  Saskia: LMAO

  Alina: On a serious note: Davi wants Jacob here. U r gonna have 2 break it 2 JK.

  Saskia: Figured. Think he did 2. He was there when Manda played d interview 4 me. He took Jacob left b4 it was even finished. He knows his time is up.

  Alina: Sorry, Kia.

  Saskia: It’s OK. I just have 2 brace myself 4 his mood swings assholism until our baby gets here alive well this time…hopefully.

  Alina: Baby JK will make it into this world alive perfectly healthy. C’mon, adult JK is a massive pain in the ass, did you expect baby JK to be anything but?

  Saskia: True dat. Got2go. TTYL.

  Sighing, I closed out of Whatsapp. I wished she were closer than an hour’s plane ride away so I could hug her, and have her hopefully hug me back. Because Lord knows, I needed one.

  Tucking my phone away, I flipped on my side again to watch Xavier and was surprised to find him texting on his phone.

  With his fingers still typing and his attention trained on his phone screen, he said, “Get dressed. We got a meeting in an hour.”

  “We? A meeting?” I asked. “With who?”

  “Your boss.” />
  “Lion? Why?”

  He tapped away on his phone screen for another ninety seconds, leaving me waiting for an answer. Setting the phone aside, he sat up, strong, muscular thighs straddling the lounge chair. “You like what you’re doing right now?”

  “You mean modeling?”

  He nodded.

  I laughed, relaxing a little. “Honestly, I’m only keeping up my end of a bargain. A few years ago I went to Lion and asked him to sign my friends—Ice Steam. He said he couldn’t but if he got someone to sign them, I’d have to sign a contract with him…”

  Xavier nodded. “Figured. Noticed your lack of enthusiasm re your job.”

  “So what’s this meeting with Lion about?”

  “Buying you outta the contract.”

  What? Bracing up on my elbows, I fixed him with a displeased look, though he was hiding behind his aviators. “I’m sorry, what?”

  “You don’t like it, so…buying you outta it.”

  “And Lion agreed to a meeting with you on this?”

  “Think he’d agree to anything to get you in his office,” he replied with a little half-smile. “Said he’s been ringing you for weeks now to no avail.”

  “Well, that explains it,” I mused to myself. To Xavier, “You can’t just decide to make life decisions for me, Xavi. It doesn’t work that way.”

  Removing his aviators, he ran his fingers through his hair and his hot gray green penetrated my very soul. “Lemme be honest with you about why I’m doing this: Want you where I can see you. Shit’s shaky right now. Trust’s fragile. Modeling means you gonna be all over the world for days at a time, sometimes weeks. Davi’s gonna try doing anything to get you back and—”

  “You don’t trust that I won’t give in to him,” I finished for him, the words gritted through my teeth.

  “Chino—”

  “So, you basically want a doll you can prop up in your corner. Your own little toy no else can play with but yo—”

  “Yeah, Chino, that’s right,” he bit out. “Want no one else playing with you. Want you in my corner. Wanna own you, for myself. How does that make me the bad guy?”