Burning With Desire

by Winters, Bella

  “Drinking it black?” Ricky smiled. “My kind of girl.”

  “Yeah, I don’t know why anyone would want to mask the sweet taste of the coffee. It doesn’t make any sense to me. It’s perfect the way it is.”

  “I couldn’t agree more,” Ricky said.

  “So,” I said after I finished the first donut. “Last night was wonderful. Thank you for being so patient with me. It really meant a lot.”

  “Well, I wanted your first time to be special as well. I hope it was.”

  “It was,” I confirmed. “So, what happens now?” I asked. I hated that I’d asked the question so quickly, but this was really torturing my mind and filling me with anxiety. I wasn’t really used to feeling this way, but everything was happening so quickly with Ricky and I’d gone to a level of intimacy that I’d never been to with anyone else before, that I really just felt like I was going to go mad without some clarification and some definite answers. But I realized it made me sound a little bit whiny. I didn’t want that.

  “With us?” Ricky asked. “Well, I think whatever we want to make it happen. I know that it creates a weird dynamic since I’m your boss, and we will need to keep those two worlds separate from each other, but I know we can make it work and I’m excited to see where things go next for us.”

  “Me too,” I said. “It’s just crazy how quickly everything has happened. I can’t help but wonder if it might end as quickly for some stupid reason.” I sighed. What the hell was I doing? I sounded pathetic and stupid, like some whiney teenager. This was not right. I needed to just put a cork in it and let things develop as they may. That was the way to handle this.

  Ricky smiled warmly at me, his eyes catching mine in that perfect way of his. “It won’t. You have nothing to worry about. I just don’t see this ending suddenly for any reason. I have this feeling about us that I just can’t explain, but it feels more right to me than anything I’ve felt in so long. I’ve only felt this way about someone one other time in my life. I know it’s frightening when something like this happens so quickly, but I think it’s actually a good thing. It means it was supposed to happen. There is nothing forced about it. We just cut through all the minutiae and cut right to the heart of the matter. We are two people who found each other and quickly discovered a need for the other inside ourselves.”

  I loved the way that Ricky could put things into the most eloquent words. He had the soul of a poet. I loved to hear him speak on matters of the heart.

  We finished eating breakfast and the conversation turned more lighthearted, and somehow we came upon the subject of our favorite eighties horror movies. I was fascinated to learn that he was such a film nerd, just like I was. It was very sweet.

  “I think that Day of the Dead was infinitely better than Return of the Living Dead. It had way more horror and less comedic elements, which I prefer,” Ricky said.

  “Yeah, but horror is more of an alternative to comedy, you know? It should never take itself too seriously.”

  Ricky shook his head. “I totally disagree. You have to establish that the movie is horror or a comedy. You can have bits of either genre mixed in there, but ideally the ratio should be at least eighty percent one or the other.”

  I laughed as I sipped my coffee and I reached for the last donut. Ricky’s eyes went wide. “Are you just going to take even the last donut? I’m pretty sure you had more than me.”

  “I can do as I like it, baby,” I said.

  “Well, I guess you do need the sugar more than I do…” Ricky teased as he stood up from the table.

  I slapped his arm playfully. “You jerk. Are you trying to say I’m not sweet enough?”

  “Oh, no. I would never imply such a thing,” Ricky joked as he started to leave the kitchen. “I’m going to take a shower. Then I’ll head on over to get Zoe.”

  “Ok,” I said. I sat there watching him walk upstairs to the bathroom as I drank the final sips of my coffee. There was nothing better to wake up to than hot coffee and warm donuts. It was just exquisite.

  As I sat there, my mind wandered a bit about the fun conversation Ricky and I had. He was so charming, so witty, and funny. And we had a lot of things in common, which surprised me quite a bit. I never thought we would, but then at first Ricky was so guarded. He had finally started to drop that wall and reveal more of himself. I was certain that I was now falling totally in love with him. I could easily imagine a future with him and with Zoe. The more I thought about it, the more concrete that idea sounded to me. I just wanted to be with him all the time. Even sitting there while he was in the shower felt a bit lonely. I missed his sweet company already.

  That’s when the idea struck me.

  Before I had even thought about it, I was heading up the stairs to the bathroom and closing the door behind me. The shower was loud along with the fan. I removed my clothes and then opened up the shower curtain to see Ricky’s hard, wet body chiseled as could be and glistening in his perfect glory staring back at me. Ricky’s eyes widened with desire when he saw me stepping into the shower with him.

  He wrapped his arms around me and brought me in close to him. His lips found mine and quickly went to work quivering around the kiss and sucking me into him. I was so turned on now. The sight of him naked and wet, his rock hard member already on high alert and ready to storm my seas of desire, turned me on quickly. I was wet and ready to go. I could still feel that I was a little bit sore from the night before, but I didn’t care. I had to have him inside me yet again.

  Ricky’s lips kissed mine harder and tight, creating a sweet seal between the two of us. His mouth was hot and aching red with desire that transmitted so many naughty feelings into my own heart and mind. His dick was standing straight up, his length browsing the lower part of my stomach. It would be so easy for him to just lift me up and drop me right down on top of it, like a knife piercing into an apple. I wanted to be speared that way. I wanted him to passionately rip me in two.

  I decided to take control a little bit this time. I had been a little out of my element before, shy and timid, but this time I felt like I had something to prove. There was nothing for me to fear and I finally realized it. This was the time to try for real all of the things I’d fantasized about doing for so long. I could recall the many times alone in my room where I had masturbated hard to brilliant fantasies in my head. But nothing had come close to comparing to what I’d felt last night. I wanted to raise the stakes a bit now.

  I took Ricky’s manhood between my hands and began to stroke it up and down, just as I’d seen him do to himself the night before. He was already hard, but I felt him getting even harder all the time, expanding through my tiny fingers as I stroked and squeezed him in my palms.

  He was so big. His girth was epic and I couldn’t believe that he’d actually fit that inside of me. I knew then as I watched it exactly what I wanted to do to his sweet length. I slowly lowered myself to my knees. Ricky’s back was to the water now so that I was shielded from the spray.

  I was now staring at his sweet, luscious arousal inches from my face and I felt like I was being hypnotized by the beauty of it. I could not resist any longer. I opened my mouth and took him between my lips. It was just the tip at first, just to get used to it. He was there. The taste of his thick flesh was like nothing I’d ever dreamt of. Jolts of electric lust exploded throughout my body and if I hadn’t been on my knees, I surely would have fainted. He tasted so damn sweet. I found myself moving my lips farther down the length of his shaft. I wasn’t sure how far I could go. I’d never done this before and I didn’t want to gag, but surprisingly I was able to fit almost all of him inside without even feeling any bit of discomfort.

  Ricky moaned loudly as he steadied himself by placing his hand on top of my head. I loved the way I could move my mouth just slightly and it would give him such pleasure that I thought he would crack and start babbling incoherently on the verge of madness. The power was a trip. I had that ability with my mouth and I loved it. This level of control was
a new thing for me and I found that I had taken quite a liking to it. And it was such a pleasurable act for me, too. I wanted this thickness between my legs, pounding furiously at the mouth of my own arousal.

  I pulled back until I was suckling at his tip again before engulfing his entire length in my mouth once more. This time I added some teeth, a little bit at first and then let that tension grow harder. Ricky began to buck his hips into my mouth a bit, feeding me and rocking inside of my mouth.

  I found my own body responding to this sensation and I was starting to get very wet. I had no choice but to reach down to my tenderness and begin to massage myself. It felt wonderful. Having Ricky inside of my mouth while I fingered my own intensity was a thing of beauty that caused my own lust to rise considerably. I was going to come soon like this. I could feel it building already.

  “Yeah, that’s it,” Ricky said. “I love to watch you play with yourself…”

  His breath was gasping and his body was tense. I knew that he was trying to force himself not to come. I didn’t want to make him blow his load too soon, so I decided that I had better save my newfound oral skills for another time.

  I removed Ricky from my mouth and stood up. Then I kissed him hard on the mouth. The idea of him tasting his organ on my lips along with my own scent was a huge turn on for me. I wondered if he’d ever tried to taste himself. Was that possible? I’d heard some guys were flexible enough and Ricky’s package was definitely long enough…I had to giggle at the idea.

  Before Ricky could ask me what I was laughing at, I turned around and showed him exactly what was waiting for him. I leaned against the wall, steadying myself on both hands and thrust my hips out as I lowered myself into a half squat position and spread my legs slightly. The air brushing through the tunnel created by my positioning felt great as it slid past the junction of my thighs. I was so wet now. I was practically dripping.

  “Fuck yeah…” Ricky moaned as he came up behind me and got himself into position between my cheeks. I felt his hard member pressing firmly against the outer lips and then the folds intruded upon themselves along with his penetrating stalk. He was inside of me fully. And he was so hard. He was stretching me to the maximum point and I was almost crying out in fear of what would happen if I went much further, but then I would go further and my body would stretch to accommodate him. There was no pain, only the sweetest of pleasure and I found that I needed to trust my body more than I thought I could.

  He was deep inside me, rocking and pulsating along the track of my womanhood, heading deeper for the center of my very being. I was exposed in every possible way to him and I was glad about this. I never wanted anything in the world more than I wanted this man when he was making love to me.

  He had one hand entangling my hair in a tightly clenched fist as he thrust himself into me using long, deliberate strokes. I found that I loved it when he pulled my hair and really let me know that he was in charge of it all. Yes, I wanted him to be in charge of everything. He knew me better than I knew myself it would seem. There didn’t seem to be anything that I needed to do or worry about. I was in the safest of hands and no matter what, he was going to take me to the top of the mountain and I would come face to face with that sweet, permanent desire that I so desperately craved. I would remember every single moment of that utter bliss that it had to offer me.

  I expected to be very sore when he entered me, but nothing could have been farther from the truth. If anything his presence had taken away anything resembling pain in any area of my body. All I had to do was just enjoy myself.

  And that was an understatement. I was in total bliss and I wasn’t sure how much longer I could hold on before I just let it all go and came with everything I had. I wanted it to last as long as I could for Ricky. I wanted him to continue having as much pleasure as I could give him. I felt that was my responsibility as well. He had been so wonderful to me. And I loved him so strongly. Yes, it was real this time. I had never really known the love of a man before, but this was the real deal. I loved this man so much that it hurt me to know that I had not told him exactly how much I cared for him.

  “I’m coming!” Ricky growled in my ear.

  I wasn’t ready for it, but suddenly there it was and his body was shivering head to toe as his rod sputtered and wiggled inside of me. His seed spurted forth from his sweet root and I felt my body being taken over by the presence of my own orgasm which was right behind.

  “Yes!” I screamed as I came hard. My teeth even gnashed and bit into my lower lip just a little bit as I struggled to keep my composure. My grip was slipping against the slick wall of the shower and I felt myself starting to fall.

  But suddenly, Ricky’s strong hands found me and held me in place as he continued to pummel me with his wicked hard erection producing the last of his manly juices and laying them down in my tight, wet, spring of lust.

  Slowly, our bodies stopped contracting and we found a sweet peacefulness washing over us. He held me closely as he kissed the back of my neck and massaged my shoulders. The loud fan above us and the showering water over our bodies displaced the sound enough that talking was now too much effort.

  Afterwards as we held each other under the water and actually showered each other, I kissed Ricky softly. We were having so much fun together that I never wanted it to end. I did not want to go back to the real world. I wanted to stay with Ricky all day and make love, hang out, watch some old movies, maybe order a pizza, and possibly go somewhere fun in the evening. It had been a while since I’d had a real pampered day in my life.

  And I had a feeling that Ricky really needed it, too. But he had Zoe and he had to resume the role of father. His quick respite was over and it was time for him to actually get back to his real life, of which I was now a big part. I knew that. But why did I still feel the tiniest bit insecure? It was ridiculous. I was psyching myself out over nothing.

  But why did it feel like something?

  Chapter Fifteen

  Ricky

  What had I done?

  The evening and the morning with Julie had been amazing. I couldn’t have imagined anything going more smoothly, or being more exciting than that. She was a phenomenal woman and I knew that I was falling very much in love with her. It was so damn fast, though. It was a whirlwind and I had never really experienced that sort of thing before. It was enough to freak me out and make me feel that I was not really in control of anything right now in my life. I was just going with the flow and I’d allowed my brain to shut off and switch gears for a bit. I did something fun and something that felt right. I had grown tired of overthinking things and now I was back in control of those thoughts and they were trying to drive me insane.

  Amanda. I just kept hearing her name ringing in my head over and over again. Amanda. What would she say if she could talk to me right then? I knew that she would tell me she was happy that I was happy. But I wasn’t happy. I could have been and I wanted to be, but the guilt of doing this to my wife was too much to bear at times. I’d be ok and then a shockwave of this rampaging guilt would slam into me out of nowhere enough to take my head clean off my shoulders and give me the worst sense of fear and isolation that I’d ever imagined. And then it would be gone.

  And I’d think about it. I would dwell on it until it happened again. As I drove toward Katy’s to pick up Zoe I felt like my heart was in shambles. I was so guilt ridden with the fact that I’d slept with another woman that I could hardly concentrate on the road and what was in front of me. It was ridiculous. My head kept zoning out every so often and I found myself wondering what would happen if I just told Julie that I’d made a mistake.

  “You jerk,” I said out loud. There was no way I’d ever do that. I cared a lot about Julie. I loved that woman. And she’d admitted that she loved me. Plus she’d just given me the most precious gift a woman can give a man. So, I was not about to ruin that memory for her.

  And it wasn’t what I wanted anyway. Amanda was gone. She was never coming back. I’ve never b
een particularly religious, so I wasn’t sure I believed that she was actually on some other kind of spiritual plane either. I did not know if I would ever see her again in any capacity and I believed that it most likely wouldn’t happen. She was gone. I still had a life to live. And I know she would want me to live that life. There was no reason in the world why I should have been feeling sorry for myself.

  I’d found a woman who made me happy and whom I could make happy as well. I should have just settled on that.

  I smiled to myself and took a few deep breaths as I pulled up in front of Katy’s place. When I went inside, she told me Zoe was playing a game with her kids up in their rooms. I started to call for Zoe, but Katy wanted to talk to me first. “So, how did last night go?”

  I felt strange talking about this with her, but she seemed genuinely excited. Katy had been one of my biggest cheerleaders as far as getting myself back out there. She knew her sister better than anyone besides me, and she kept saying that Amanda would never want me to be unhappy or lonely.

  “It went really well,” I said.

  Katy smiled. “Nice. I’m glad to hear it. You deserve it.”

  “Yeah, thanks. Julie and I have a very strong connection. But I’m not sure how to move forward. I know I’m supposed to be moving on and I’m trying my best, but there are parts of me that just don’t know if it’s a good idea. Maybe it is the wrong time.”

  “No,” she said. “There will never be a time that feels right. There isn’t going to be some magical time when you decided that everything is perfect and this is the time to do this, or change this, et cetera. That is wishful thinking and it never accomplishes anything. Do you understand me?”

  I nodded. “I do indeed.”

  She was right. I could wait around forever and find that I’d wasted my entire life doing nothing but wallowing in self-pity. This never accomplished anything positive and I was very tired of it. So, I made the promise right then to myself that I was going to do whatever it took to hold on to this thing with Julie that had developed. She made me so happy when I was with her and when I wasn’t with her I could do almost nothing else but think about her. I needed her in my life. And now that I had her, I wasn’t going to do something stupid and risk losing her.