“But?”
“But when I woke up thinking you left me alone I realized how it felt when I was in your arms. You saved me.”
“You repaid me with interest, trust me.”
“Yeah,” I say with a smile. “I suppose I did.” I hold out my hand for him to shake it. “Friends?”
He obliges. “Yeah. I’m good with that.”
Chapter 7
Joshua
I drop Tamsyn off at her parent’s house, where she leaves me with another tantric kiss. For someone hell-bent on playing hard to get, she sure does have me wanting more.
I don’t usually stick around to be the support for an emotional woman, but the chick had no one else she could turn to. She’s embarrassed and afraid. Her life is a mess. She has to face people that betrayed her. I wouldn’t be surprised if she moved off campus to get away from it all.
By the time I make it back to the ranch I've decided to pursue my new friendship with Tamsyn to see where it can go. I enjoyed her company enough to be patient with her relationship situation. She needs time to sort out her feelings and be able to enjoy herself the way I'd like her to.
Halfway through the day I receive a text from Wes inviting me over for dinner. I don't usually visit my sister and her husband, especially since they've had their second child. It's not that I don't like kids. I love my family, but there's too damn many to keep track of. My cousin Jax is on number three, while his brother Jake has a son named after him that we call Jr. My sister Callie just found out she's expecting with her husband Cob. That's not even all of them. There's so many little ones running around I feel threatened. I'm no longer the baby. Instead, I'm the cool uncle that feels obligated to spoil them and buy them shit, all while my parents pray I'll have a family for myself one day once I have my life in order.
Since its been a while, I agree to make the forty minute trip to their house. I haven't seen the new baby Gabe, or my niece Madison in weeks. She's getting huge. At the age of two she's into everything. Last time they came over for a visit, she picked up a few curse words when all the guys were cutting up. My sister claims she ran around for days yelling bitch and ass. I thought it was funny, but them, not so much.
It's after six when I arrive at their house. The fall sun is beginning to make its descent into the horizon. I knock on the door and hear the sounds of little footsteps to greet me. Wes comes to the door with a newborn in his arms. He hands him to me. "It's about time."
I glance down and see that Madison is running around naked with her father's shoes both on the wrong feet. She falls but gets back up before I can offer a hand.
I follow her into the living room to find my sister folding clothes. She offers her cheek for me to kiss, so I oblige. "It's like a zoo in here."
"You should be used to it by now," she teases.
I snicker. "Your kid is naked." As soon as I say it Madison laughs, spreads her legs and pees right in her father's sneaker.
I smack my forehead lightly from being so shocked, while Cammie rushes over to tend to the mess.
Wes is back in the room, taking the shoe by the edge and carrying it to the laundry room. I sit on the sofa with Gabe and shake my head as he stares at me. "You poor thing. You live in a crazy house. Maybe Uncle Josh should take you to Grandma's house for a break."
Of course Cammie is offended. She thinks she's superwoman, managing a marriage, a medical degree and two small children at the same time. It's no wonder she's not medicated.
It takes both parents a few minutes to clean up the mess, dress Madison and get dinner out of the oven. As soon as we sit to eat, Gabe starts crying to be fed, so Cammie breaks out her bare boob at the table, causing me to gag on my first bite. "Jesus, put that shit away!" It's not every day you see your sister's nipple.
“I’m breastfeeding. It’s how my child eats. Get over yourself.”
I’m covering my eyes. “I’ll never be able to rid myself of that image. You’ve damaged me for life. I need therapy.”
“You needed therapy way before Cammie showed you her tit, Josh,” Wes comments.
“Keep that shit to yourself.” I throw a paper napkin toward my sister, hoping she’ll use it to cover up, not that I’m ever looking in that direction again.
I change the subject quickly. “So that chick at the dealership yesterday…”
“Oh yeah, I was wondering how that went last night. Did you go back?”
“Yeah.”
“And?” I hear Cammie ask.
“And she ended up spending the night with me in the barn.”
“Josh! You slept with the car salesman?”
“Saleswoman, and she’s a college student. It’s her dad’s dealership.”
“Whatever. You’re ridiculous. I hope she doesn’t expect you to ever give her the time of day again. We all know how you roll.”
I take offense to her comment. “No. She’s different. I might like her.”
“Dude, for real?” Even Wes is surprised. “I’m pretty sure you’re supposed to know if you like the person before you nail them, so your sister tells me.”
We both get a kick out of the comment, while Cammie looks like she’s about to come across the table and whip her husband’s butt for supporting me. It took me a while to get used to having to share him. We were once inseparable, but life changed that. Now he’s settled and happy. He’s married to the girl he always wanted, with a couple of beautiful children he loves more than life itself. I envy him and what they’ve built together. I wish I had his motivation.
Instead I’m unsettled. I’m constantly badgered to do something constructive. My argument seems to only get me so far. I claim that since I’m the youngest and the only son, I’m going to get the house anyway, so why bother moving out? There’s plenty of room now that my three sisters have all moved out and started their adult lives. It’s a win-win for me.
“I thought you were holding out for Liv,” Cammie rudely announces.
I can already feel the blood boiling in my veins. Liv is a hard topic with Wes. To some degree I think he’s got every right to feel the way he does. I’m terrible with women, but she’s the reason. She’s always been the reason I couldn’t commit. Up until a couple months ago I had hope that maybe she’d come to her senses and realize I could be everything she needed. She’s that one girl I’ll never be able to get over, probably because I was in constant limbo with what we were to each other.
“That ain’t going to happen.”
“If you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with, right?” My sister’s question makes Wes shake his head. He knows better than to say something to piss her off, so I know it’s my job to settle suspicions.
“We’re no good for each other anyway.”
“Does this new girl have a name?”
“Tamsyn,” I reply.
Wes spits his drink halfway across the table. “That was Tamsyn Ebling?” He’s in disbelief. “I never met her father, and she’s changed her hair. It was always brown when we were kids. Man, I never would have known that chick yesterday was Tamsyn.”
“She said she was friends with Liv.”
“Friends?” Wes counters. “They were inseparable. I guess it was middle school. Liv got sent to that private academy and they stopped hanging out. You sure know how to pick them. Wait until my sister hears who you’re dating.”
“Man, don’t even tell her.” I know he’s going to, and a part of me can’t wait for it to happen, because in the past she came running back to me. I can only hope that it will change her mind. The truth is, I miss her terribly. It would be nice to see her after all the time that’s past.
Following the conversation and dinner entertainment, I stick around to play cards with the adults. My sister drills me for more information on Tamsyn, while Wes remains shocked he knew her all along. When it’s time to go I say my goodbyes and head out. My sister stops me before I can climb into my truck. “Josh, hang on.”
“What?”
She waits until we’re face to face. “I know you care about Liv, so I wanted to be the one to tell you. She got engaged.”
“Bullshit.” My voice cracks as I say it.
“I wouldn’t lie about it, Josh. You’re my little brother. She called Wes yesterday as soon as he got home. We’ve been arguing about telling you.”
“Why?”
“Why? You really have to ask? Josh, you’ve been obsessed with her. It’s like you’re holding out because you think someday she’ll come back to you.”
“I am not,” I fight.
“Yes, you are. Wes knows the signs. He says you’ve been in love with Liv since you were teenagers, but tried to hide it. Apparently she told her brother all about the two of you a while back. Once she came clean it all made sense.”
“I’m not obsessed.”
“When is the last time you’ve been in a relationship?”
I shrug. “Never been interested.”
“Come on. It’s me you’re talking to, not Dad. Be honest with yourself. This news can’t be easy.”
Finally I forfeit the argument. “Fine.” My teeth grit together as I consider what this news means for my future. Liv is getting married. She loves another man. It’s never been me. I’ve been wrong this whole time. “It sucks.” I scratch my head and peer in another direction. “What do you want me to say, I’m happy for her? I am.” My brows furrow when I try to be positive. It’s obvious I’m nowhere near okay with it.
“Could’ve fooled me. I know it’s hard…” She reaches for my shoulder, though I move away so she’s unable to comfort me. I don’t want to feel like this in front of anyone, especially her. She’ll tell Wes, and right now I’m too ashamed to admit I’ve been a fool. There’s nothing they can say or do to make this easier for me.
“I don’t know what Liv told you, but we’re nothing. We never were more than a good time to each other. Stop reading more into it. I’m good.” I begin to climb into my truck.
“If you’re so good, then why are you running?”
“I ain’t running. I’ve got somewhere else I need to be.”
“Be stubborn. If you need us just call. We love you.”
“Yeah, love you too. Thanks for dinner. Next time keep your shirt on.” I slam the door and start the engine to prevent from being able to hear anything further. I need to get out of there. It’s impossible to comprehend all the emotions going through my head. I feel sick to my stomach, and I know it’s my own fault.
Well after midnight, I’m out driving around. My head won’t clear. I’m a mess. I want to smash my fist into something. I want to drive to New York and shake some sense into her. I just want someone to understand what it’s like to lose hope.
Then it hits me. I know someone going through a similar situation. I pull out my phone and look for the number she left me before we parted ways. I have no clue where she might be, or if she’s even going to answer, but I’m desperate for company.
“Hello?” Her voice is groggy.
“Tamsyn, it’s me, Josh. Look, I know it’s late.”
“It’s fine. I haven’t been able to fall asleep.”
“Can I see you again?”
“Are you sure you want to? I’ve spent all day reminding myself how much of a mess I was last night.”
“I wouldn’t be asking if I wasn’t certain.”
“When? I’m free most evenings.”
“What are you doing right now?”
I hear a muffled sound on her end of the line. “Right now? Josh, I’m a mess.”
“I don’t give a shit what you look like. You look good no matter what. Just tell me where to pick you up.”
The line is silent for a few seconds. “I’m actually at a hotel. I grabbed my things from the dorm when my roommate wasn’t there. My car is packed to the brim, but I couldn’t face my parents.”
“Can I come there?”
“Yeah, I guess. Are you all right, Josh? I know we’re not exactly the best of friends, but you sound off.”
“Just tell me where to go.”
She gives me directions before the call ends. I know it’s like adding fuel to the fire, but I need to be around someone who won’t be able to make matters worse. Maybe she can lighten the blow. It’s all I can hope for at this point.
Chapter 8
Tamsyn
I never expected to hear from Josh this soon. Now I’m scatterbrained as I try to primp before he arrives. I jump in the shower and wash every crevice, before applying makeup and dressing in a matching pajama short set.
Unlike the previous evening, I’m semi-sober, and a lot less distraught. I’ve always thought I was a good judge of character up until yesterday. I have no idea why this man wants to spend time with me, but since I can’t get a lick of sleep, I’m up for the company, even when I know it’s a terrible idea.
The hotel I’ve checked into has a keycard entrance. Josh shoots me a text when he arrives and I hurry down to get him. The moment our eyes meet I know something is bothering him. He manages a smile, but it’s forced, not like his normal amusing grimace. We stand face to face for a second, awkwardly wondering how to greet each other. He finally opens his arms and welcomes me with a hug. I hear him smelling my hair like he did the night before, obviously looking for something familiar, so I ask right away. “Are you okay, Josh?”
“I should be asking you the same thing. You’re the one hiding out in a hotel.”
I shrug. “It’s better than home.” I pull him into the elevator, and as the doors close we part ways and stare at each other from afar. He’s leaning on one side, while I rest my head against the other. I yawn, which causes him to smile. “Have you slept at all?”
I shake my head. “Not really.”
“You slept last night,” he reminds me.
“We … The elevator doors open to my floor, so I drop the subject. “This is us.”
He follows me to the room, and as we walk I know exactly what will happen if I let him inside. This isn’t me. I don’t do this type of thing, but in this instance I can’t imagine being with anyone else.
It’s strange, wanting the company of this man, and knowing he brings me comfort. We step inside the room, the door closing behind me. I lean on it and wait for him to take in the surroundings. He turns to face me and draws one hand up to stroke the side of my face. “You put makeup on when you knew I was coming, didn’t you?”
I shrug. “Habit.”
He sighs heavily. “My day went to shit the moment I dropped you off.”
I can feel the heat rising to my cheeks. He’s got me flustered already. “What happened?”
Josh shakes his head. “It’s not important.” He brings both hands up into my hair and brings his lips to mine. He’s slow, his tongue stroking mine once before pulling away. “You should get some sleep.”
“What makes you think I can?”
He pulls me toward the bed. “I’ve seen it happen.” He kicks off his boots and lifts his shirt over his head. I honestly don’t know what to expect. Is he stripping because he thinks we’re going to screw again? Is this how he lives his life. “Hang on. I’m not…”
“Do you want me to sleep in my jeans?”
“So you don’t want…Never mind. I thought…”
“You thought I came for a booty call? It crossed my mind. It would probably help take the edge off my day.” He shakes his head. “I just want some company, Tamsyn.”
I nod quickly, still unsure of his intentions. “Okay.”
He finishes undressing until he’s in a pair of boxer briefs, then slips under the covers on one side of the bed. I keep my shirt and cotton shorts on and join him, feeling a bit uncomfortable. He pulls me against his strong, warm body and holds me in a comforting hug. I bring my hands around his back and we lay there saying nothing.
After a while his gruff voice speaks as softly as he’s able. “Love sucks, doesn’t it?”
“Yeah.” I keep my eyes closed as I say it. “It hurts.”
&
nbsp; “It makes you wonder why people give it another go.”
“Crazy.” I’m beginning to feel so relaxed that I’m falling victim to my exhaustion. I can feel him playing with the ends of my still damp hair. Something is on his mind, but I don’t want to ask. “I’m glad I met you, Josh. I don’t know what I would have done last night without you around to pick me up.”
“The feeling is mutual.”
Suddenly I’m wide awake. I sit up with my elbows on his chest and peer into his open eyes. “What are we doing? If this is just sex for you…”
He kisses me before I can finish, and in those seconds I’m lost again. His hands dig into my hair as he holds me close. Next thing I know my shirt is being lifted over my head. He sits up so I’m straddling him and buries his face in my chest, pressing my breasts together so that he’s able to lick and suck them at the same time. I throw my head back and let him have his way with me, because I can’t deny how good it feels to be wanted. When he begins to work his way down my abdomen I suck in a heavy breath. I know where he’s headed, and it’s freaking me out.
My fingernails comb through his thick dark hair, while Josh gets comfortable between my legs. He kisses around my right inner thigh, blowing warm air over my exposed pussy. I can feel my body reacting, desperate for this man I hardly know to give me pleasure. I’ve spent the entire day wishing I could regret being with him, yet he’s giving me more reasons not to.
With the skill of his tongue, he flicks over my lower lips, drawing his saliva around while his gruff face tickles my most sensitive area. I’m going crazy and he hasn’t even gotten to the good part. A tiny cry escapes me when I feel his warm tool circle over my clit. My nipples tingle, my back arching as two fingers dive into my channel. Josh brings his head up to look for my reaction. He snickers, those dimples full, before ducking down and getting to work.
He’s going at it, causing my toes to curl as I begin to experience my first orgasm. I’m crying out, one hand digging into his hair while the other clings to the sheets beneath us. My body trembles as he kisses his way up, removing his fingers, but still petting the tender area. His mouth courses over mine as his sex-drunk eyes try to read my expression. “I can’t get enough of you.”
Joshua Healy (Mitchell Healy Book 10) Page 5
