They call our names. His mother and father are waving us to the front of the room so we can have the trophy. I’m elated. After fighting with him about wearing the costume, we’re walking away with the family title. Josh celebrates by lifting me into the air and spinning me around. “This beautiful kitty is all mine.”
We have a few drinks to celebrate, and as time slips by I realize we’ve been able to avoid another awkward conversation with Livvy. It only takes one trip to the bathroom for it to all change, and the moment I see them arguing, I know it’s not going to end well.
Chapter 20
Olivia
I’ve waited this entire party for a second where they aren’t together. Tamsyn clings to him like she’s afraid to let him breathe without her. She’s pathetic.
The moment he breaks away to use the bathroom I see my opportunity, racing in his direction before she can catch us. My body blocks the door, so he’s unable to get past me. “Whoa, hang on Batman. I think we need to talk.”
“I think you need to get the hell out of my way.”
“Did you know that when people are drunk they tell the truth?”
“Fuck you, Liv.”
“Does she know you still love me?”
He’s trying to get by, but I’m preventing it from happening. “Don’t do this.”
“What? I just wanted to have you to myself for a couple minutes without her grabby hands keeping us apart.”
“You need help.” His eyes are wide and angry. I almost get off on seeing him this way. It’s the side of him Tamsyn isn’t seeing. It’s the one she’ll never be able to handle. “I want you to leave us alone. I don’t care if you’re back. I don’t care if you think you love me. There is no us. There never has been.”
“Don’t say that to me. You might be able to convince every other person in this room that it’s true, but not me. You forget I was there. I know what you said, what you promised for years. This fling with Tamsyn won’t last forever. When she’s gone you’ll come running back. You always do.”
“Like I said before, fuck off.”
He pushes past me and enters the bathroom. Not caring who may be watching, I follow behind him before he’s able to lock me out. He turns, midstream into his pee. “Are you serious? Get out!”
I lean against the door. “Not until we talk this out. I’ve been thinking about you since we slept together a couple weeks ago. I know you’re angry, but it was only a matter of time. I’ve proved I can keep it a secret, Josh. You don’t have to choose right now. Whenever you want me, I’ll just be a call away. No one has to know.”
“I asked Tamsyn to move in with me.” It’s like a slap in the face.
“You what?”
“You heard me. I told you I was happy. She’s who I want to be with. Why can’t you understand that?”
“Because you still love me too. You’ll always love me.” My eyes are burning. This hurts so much. I hate being replaced. He’s supposed to always love me, forever and always.”
He’s clenching his jaw, shaking his head. “Even if I have feelings for you, they don’t compare to my relationship with Tamsyn. Am I making myself clear, Liv? There is no us. It’s over. It never should have happened.”
“Please. It’s killing me. Is this what you want? You want to break me down and hurt me? You want to treat me like I’m nothing? You’ll always be my first.”
He gets up in my face, and for a second I feel like I’ve made a breakthrough, at least until he speaks. “In all those years you never said you loved me. You said you would love me if I waited for you, but those three words were never uttered. You’re not my first everything. Tamsyn is the first woman in my life to love me. She really loves me. It’s not spiteful. It’s real.”
I’m gritting my teeth as I speak. “If it’s so damn real then why are you keeping secrets from her? If it’s so damn real why don’t you walk your ass out there and tell her you fucked me a couple weeks ago?”
“Go to hell!” He shoves me to the side and leaves the restroom. I lean over the sink to wipe away my tears only to hear the door open. “I’ll be out in a second.”
“No need to leave,” I hear Tamsyn saying. She’s standing in that tight form-fitted outfit, her perfect little body accentuating every curve in the costume. I hate her. I hate everything about her. “We need to get something straight right now.”
I cross my arms. “Maybe you’re right.”
“Stay away from Josh, Livvy. This isn’t high school. Get over yourself. You can’t have everything you want all the time. We’re happy. He won’t let you ruin that.”
“Oh sweet Tamsyn, he already has. You’re just too blind to see it yet.”
I push her against the wall and leave the bathroom. Without causing a fuss, I quickly exit the party. I’ve planted the seed in Tamsyn’s head. She’ll start asking him questions, and pretty soon the truth will come out, even if I’m the one to make it happen.
At the end of the day I’m the one he’s supposed to be with. I love him, and there’s nothing that can keep me from wanting to convince him it’s the truth.
Chapter 21
Joshua
I’m doing everything in my power to get past my sins. I know I’ve fucked up. A part of me wants to come clean; to tell Tamsyn what I’ve done and hope to hell she can get past it. Then I know it’s not possible, not with her past relationships. She’s been screwed over, lied to, and cheated on. I swore I wouldn’t hurt her, so I’d rather live with the burden than break her heart.
When Tamsyn comes storming out of the bathroom following Liv I’m certain she knows the truth. I prepare for everything to come crashing down on me. My heart is already racing as she nears. “Can we get out of here?”
I nod, waiting for the bomb to detonate. “If that’s what you want.”
“Yeah. Let’s go.”
It’s obvious she’s furious. I keep waiting for her to speak her mind, but she says nothing as we start to walk back to the house. “You okay?”
“I will be once I’m out of this costume.”
I stop her. “Hey, hang on. I think we need to talk.”
She places her hands on her hips. It’s difficult to be serious when she looks so damn amazing. “Yeah, you’re right. There’s some things I need to say to you.”
I open my arms. “I’m ready. Give it to me straight. Tell me I fucked up. Tell me you can’t be with someone you can’t trust.”
“Josh,” she shakes her head. “I’m not mad you were in the bathroom together. Jesus, have a little faith. I trust you completely.”
Her words make this worse. She obviously doesn’t know I fucked Liv while she was out of the country. “You put too much faith in me, babe. I’m not perfect. I make mistakes.”
“We all make mistakes. Look, this isn’t about us. You need to tell me what she said to you, because she kept going on and on that I don’t know you at all. I need to be on the same page as you. She’s trying to come between us. I can feel it. She’s up to her old games again. I have what she wants.”
I try to take her hands into mine, but she pulls away. “Talk to me, Josh.”
“It’s always the same. She says our relationship is temporary and that in some time you’ll leave me and I’ll go back to her. She’s crazy, Tamsyn. She’s jealous.”
“She is. It’s ridiculous. Why would she think we’re temporary? Does she know something I don’t?”
I’m looking right into her eyes and lying to her. Nothing could be worse than this. “No. I tell you everything.”
I feel her falling into my chest. My arms surround her petite body, and for a few seconds it’s quiet. “Do you still have feelings for her, Josh?”
“No.” I lie again. It’s not the kind of feelings where I want to be with her. It’s more of a memory of something that once was. There’s no need for me to worry her. I’m not going anywhere.
“Maybe in a couple years we can look back on this and laugh at her. Right now I’m pissed. Half your family
saw that you two were in the bathroom together.”
“Nothing happened in that bathroom. I was taking a piss and she came in saying stupid shit. That’s it. I told her to get the fuck away from me and left. Don’t even worry about her. Hopefully she’ll get the point and stay away. If she bothers you again you need to let me know.”
“Thank you, Josh. I’m sorry if I seem overprotective. I don’t want to lose you.”
“You won’t lose me. You know I love you.”
“I do. I’m grateful for you every single day. I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you now.”
“Let’s get these stupid costumes off and go to bed.”
We’re starting to walk back to the house again. “Do you really hate Halloween?”
“I don’t hate anything that you’re a part of.”
“Smooth talking. You trying to get into my spandex?”
I laugh. “I wish it were easy. I’ve got a feeling it’s going to be an exhausting process. How the hell did you get that suit on?”
“It was trying. I used baby powder. My stomach is so full I might explode if I try to bend over.”
“Let’s not test that assumption. I’d rather not have to clean up puke before I get to have sex with you.”
Just like that we’re back to being normal. If I could just keep Liv away forever I might be able to have a future with Tamsyn. Knowing Liv, she’s just waiting until the perfect moment to ruin my life.
One week before Thanksgiving I’m getting a call I never expected. I see her name on the caller ID and wonder what the hell it could be about. I answer with little regard for her feelings. “What the fuck do you want? It’s the middle of the day, so I’m obviously busy.”
“We need to talk Josh. I’m on the ranch. Meet me at our old spot. It’s important.”
Liv hangs up before I can respond. I put my phone back in my pocket and decided to ignore her, hoping she’ll go away and leave me alone. Things are good. Tamsyn moved her stuff into our house. My parents love having her there, because she pitches in so much. We take turns making dinner, and helping my mom do chores. Tamsyn has helped me get along better with my dad. It’s damn near perfect. We’re even talking about our future, long term and I’m not the least bit afraid.
An hour after her phone call I hear someone calling my name. She’s hunted me down, driven a four-wheeler around the property to locate me. I’m pissed. Someone told her where to look. “Why couldn’t you meet me?”
“You know why. I’m working. I told you to leave me alone.”
“It’s not that simple Josh. I have some news.”
“Whatever it is, it’s got nothing to do with me. Turn around and go back to where you came from. I need to finish.”
I start to walk back to the tractor when I hear something that drops me to my knees. “Josh, I’m pregnant.”
Everything starts spinning. My first inclination is that she’s lying. Knowing me the way she does, Liv walks over to me with a plastic bag of tests. All three say the same result. “I missed my period last week. I’ve always been regular.”
“It ain’t mine.”
“Jeffery had a vasectomy, Josh. I haven’t been with anyone else. We had sex almost two months ago. Do the math. I’ve been home since then.”
“It can’t be mine, Liv. Don’t put this shit on me.”
“This isn’t me coming to you as an attempt to break up your relationship. I’m scared to death. I haven’t slept in days. I can’t tell anyone. Wes will disown me. Your family will hate me.”
“Get an abortion.” I hate saying it. My family has been through hell. If they ever found out I considered it as a way out of the problem they’d kick my ass. I’d be homeless. My mother would never forgive me.
“No. I’d never do that.”
I finally turn and look at her. She’s crying, and my heart begins to shatter. “Please say it’s not true.”
I can feel a burning in my eyes. My future is so clear. This can’t be happening. In all my life I’ve never cried in front of anyone. I’m fighting back the emotions, while trying to search for a way out of this situation. “You sure?”
“I can’t go to the doctors until I’m ten weeks.”
“I need time.” I take off my hat and wipe away the forming sweat. It’s getting cold, so I know this is due to stress. “I can’t …”
“I know.”
Liv is quiet for once, which tells me one thing. She’s scared shitless. I’ve never seen her act this way. “How are you? I mean, I know how, but are you okay?”
“All fighting aside, I’m freaking out.” She laughs. “It’s funny. I was willing to do anything to get you back, but I never considered this. I don’t want kids, but I’d never abort a child, not yours.”
“I can’t be what you need, Liv. You’re asking the impossible.”
“I’m not asking you for anything, and I’m not here to threaten your relationship with Tamsyn, but the truth is going to come out eventually. My brother will want answers. Your sister will find out.”
I rub my eyes, keeping them closed to avoid looking at her. “How long do I have?”
“I don’t know. A couple months. I won’t say anything until I start to show.”
“I appreciate you coming to me.”
“Josh, I know you hate me right now. I’m sorry. This is all my fault.”
“Was it on purpose?”
“I said it wasn’t. If it was, do you think I’d come to you like this? I’d go right to Tamsyn. I’m coming to you because you deserve to know.”
“I’m going to lose her,” I manage to get out. “I can’t believe this.”
Liv comes closer and puts her hand on my shoulder. I’m still on my knees, reeling in the news that’s about to drive my heart into the ground. “Are you going to be okay?”
“Probably not.”
“You really love her, don’t you?”
“Yeah. I do.”
“I could lie and say I don’t want you for myself, but you know that’s not the truth. However, I am sorry this happened. I’d never want you because you feel obligated to me.”
“Shit!” I yell. “Damn it!”
Now she’s really crying. “I could go back to New York, Josh. I’ve never needed help before. I can do this on my own. I don’t want you to hate me any more than you already do. If leaving makes this problem go away for you, I’ll do it.”
“Wes will find out.”
“I’ll tell him it’s someone else’s. I’ll lie for you.”
It’s too soon to be able to make the right decision. “Just hang tight until I can wrap my head around this.”
“I’m sorry,” she repeats. “And for the record, you were wrong. My actions lately aren’t excusable. I’m jealous. Why did it have to be her?”
“It just happened, Liv. I swear it wasn’t about you. She’s good for me.”
It’s quiet. I think we both know my relationship with Tamsyn is about to end. It’s only a matter of time. This isn’t the same person who taunted me. She’s not here to break up my relationship. This is the side of her that no one else gets to see. She’s not made of stone. It just takes something major to prove it. “Is it okay if I give you a call after my doctor appointment?”
“It has to be. I need to know.”
She’s already walking away. “Have a good Thanksgiving, Josh. Please, if you can find it in your heart to forgive me.”
“Let me have some time. I’ve got a lot to think about.”
I take my time finishing out my project, because I know when I head back to the house I’ll have to face Tamsyn. I don’t know if I’ll be able to this time.
That one night ruined everything. I didn’t even know what I was doing. It’s not fair. Liv pushed me. She forced me, and now I’m supposed to accept the consequences.
When I finish work for the day, I head to the barn and make myself a stiff drink. Tamsyn is probably in the middle of packing for Kentucky. She’ll know something is wrong if I don’t hide
it well enough.
I sit and remain there for the next couple hours. My phone rings until it dies. I’m numb. It’s brutal knowing that I came so close to having it all, only for everything to fall apart. I should have known it was too good to be true.
I don’t turn around when I hear the door open. Her voice tells me it’s Tamsyn. “I’ve been looking all over for you. Your father is checking the fields. He thought something may have happened to you.”
“I’ve been here.”
“What’s going on? You didn’t pick up your phone.”
I lie to her, because telling the truth is even harder. “I got into it with one of my cousins today over something stupid, and instead of getting everyone involved I came here to cool down. After a few beers I decided to keep drinking. I’m sorry I had you worried.”
She hugs me from behind. “I’m glad you’re all right.”
“Yep, just fine and dandy,” I reply with sarcasm.
“Do you want to be alone, or have company?”
I look directly into the eyes of the woman I love; the first woman who has shown me what it’s like to be loved, and I break her heart. “I’d rather be alone.”
“Okay. I’ll guess I’ll head back to the house then.” Her sad grimace says it all as she turns and exits the building.
I slam my fist down on the wooden counter, then swipe the empty beer cans until they tumble onto the concrete floor. This feels like a nightmare I can’t wake from. It’s not fair. She’s the nicest person I’ve ever met. She doesn’t deserve this. It was bad enough that I fucked Liv, but now a baby. How? Why?
I’d rather pack my shit up and drive away from my life then to have to look her in the eyes and tell her the heartbreaking truth.
Chapter 22
Tamsyn
We’ve been driving for several hours. For the past few days Josh has been distant. He says everything is okay between us, but I get the feeling that’s not really the truth. I’m doing my best not to worry. We’re living together. We’re planning a future. He tells me he loves me every single day.
Joshua Healy (Mitchell Healy Book 10) Page 14
