by Cathryn Fox
“I don’t plan on staying here too long, though.”
“I’ll make the arrangements tomorrow. I’m coming inside. That’s me you hear at the back door.”
“Okay.”
I open Chase’s door and close it quietly behind myself. I’m two feet from the stairs when Jamie reaches the top step, his hair a disheveled mess, his eyes tired and heavy from sleep. My gaze falls over his half naked, tattooed body.
Don’t look.
Don’t admire.
I look.
I admire.
Dammit.
My gaze slowly falls down, lingers over a chest that is rock hard, and stomach muscles that are defined and prominent. Holy, I’ve seen him shirtless before, but this…this…A strange, garbled moan I have no control over crawls out of my throat.
He comes to me, pulls my shaking body into his embrace, obviously mistaking my wounded sounds for fear. “It’s okay. I’m here.”
My hands go to his bare chest, and his heart pounds against my palm. “Where…why aren’t you wearing a shirt?”
“I was asleep when you called. It was all I could do to get my pants on before running over here.”
“Well it’s a good thing you stopped to do that. I don’t want you to get arrested for indecent exposure on my account.” Although there is nothing indecent about his body. In fact, it’s pretty decent, pretty decent indeed. The old Jamie would have made a joke about what I’d just said, but this Jamie is more subdued, and serious. Regardless, I shouldn’t be looking at my brother-in-law sexually, shouldn’t be taking this much pleasure in his embrace, either. But damn, he’s so big and strong and comforting, and I need this, need his hugs, the warmth of his touch.
He inches back, and his gaze leaves mine, falls down the length of me and that’s when I become fully aware of my attire. Same snug T-shirt he’d seen me in earlier, except no bra this time and only panties for bottoms. In the commotion, I forgot to dress, or even pull on a robe.
“Oh, sorry.”
“What are you sorry for?” he asks, his voice an octave lower.
“I’m not wearing much.”
He scrubs his chin. “I’m aware.”
Oh, God, I can’t even imagine what he thinks of all my plumpness. The man gravitates toward waif thin women. Sara was tiny, even pregnant there wasn’t much to her—something Ethan used to comment on in a positive way. Personally, I think women should fill out during pregnancy. I certainly did. Only problem was, the weight was easy to put on, but not so easy to take off. I fold my arms across my big chest, as Ethan’s words come back to me. When are you going to lose the baby weight?
Oh, how those mean words stung, but I don’t like to think about that anymore. Ethan is gone, and I can’t harbor negative thoughts. They’re useless and destructive to my well-being.
“I’m going to spend the night,” Jamie says, a statement, not a question.
I shake my head and my hair tickles my shoulders. “No, no. I’ve put you out enough already.”
Ignoring my protest, he places big, heavy hands on my shoulders and turns me. “Go to bed, Fallon.” He nudges me with his chest and a strange bolt of heat goes through me as his muscles press against my back. Okay, clearly I haven’t been touched in far too long if a simple, innocent touch from my brother in law is messing with my mind and body.
When was the last time I’d been touched, anyway?
My thoughts go back and a disheartened groan catches in my throat. Ethan was so turned off by my curvy body that he’d barely touched me after Chase. Is it any wonder he…
I stop my thoughts.
Turning, I face my brother-in-law. “Thanks Jamie,” I say. “I really appreciate you coming over.”
His eyes latch onto mine, and his nostrils flare. What is going on with him? Was it something I said? He puts his hand over his head, grips the door frame hard as he stares at me with…hunger? Okay, I must be hallucinating. Jamie has never looked at me like that before. No man ever has, really. The drive here, the memories, the scare. Yeah, all those things must be messing with my perception of reality. It’s the only logical explanation.
“Jamie?”
He tears his gaze from mine so fast, I’m sure he’s given himself whiplash. “I’ll grab one of the spare rooms,” he informs me and walks away, leaving cold where there was once warmth.
With my door cracked so I can hear Chase, I hurry into my bed and draw the covers up to my neck, shaking for reasons I can’t quite comprehend. I calm myself, and going perfectly quiet, I listen carefully to Jamie’s heavy steps on the wood floor. The bedroom door closes with a click, and I strain to hear what’s going on in the room next to me. Will he flop into bed in his jeans, or will he remove them and sleep naked between the sheets?
For a moment I visualize his removing his pants, his big, strong body, denting the mattress as he climbs in. Only I’m suddenly imagining he’s not alone. No, it’s me he’s crawling in bed with, me he’s looking at with hungry eyes, touching with needy hands, telling me I’m perfect…
A car speeds by outside and pulls me from my reverie. What the hell am I doing? I suck in a fast breath to get myself together.
Don’t go there, Fallon.
We’re both very damaged people who can’t go down that road. I’m sure he only told me I was perfect because he was being kind. Rolling to my back, I stare up at the ceiling, and take deep fueling breaths. I need sleep, and I need it now.
The next thing I know, I’m waking to the sound of pots banging in the kitchen. The noise startles me and I jackknife up in the bed. Where the hell am I? I glance around quickly, catalogue my surroundings, and relax slightly.
I’m back in my Seattle home. Jamie slept over, and it’s probably him banging around downstairs. I glance at the clock and my jaw falls open when I see it’s nearing noon.
Chase!
I fly from the bed and run across the hall. He’s not there. Panic grips me, and I hurry downstairs, dash down the hall and practically skid to a halt when I find Chase sitting on the counter, stirring batter and chatting with Jamie. My heart jumps into my throat at the sight of the two.
“Jamie,” I say breathlessly, and his head lifts. His eyes are heavy if not a bit sad as they fall from my face, to take in my near naked body. Dammit, I should have grabbed my robe, but I’d been so worried about my son. I fold my arms over my chest. “I woke up. Chase wasn’t in his room. I…I never sleep that long.”
“I’m sorry,” he says quietly, in a calming manner. “Chase woke up and you were sleeping so soundly I didn’t want to wake you. I didn’t mean to scare you.”
“No, it’s okay. I appreciate you looking after him.” I step up to my son, who is smiling as he stirs batter, and give him a big hug. “What are you making?” I ask him, and that’s when I notice all the food on the counter.
“Pancakes,” he informs me.
“Where did all this come from?” I ask Jamie.
“I put an order in.” He shrugs like it’s nothing but it’s not. This was kind and thoughtful, and I’d been giving all my energy to raising Chase—had even been taking care of my mom after her fall a couple months back—that it’s kind of nice not to shoulder the entire load by myself. “Had it delivered. No biggie.”
I glance over the food. Fresh veggies, fish, chicken, fruit, and even the hummus I like. I shake my head, perplexed. “You remembered all my favorites?”
“I took a chance.”
“And a few of your own,” I say with a chuckle, when I see the big slabs of steak.
“Well, yeah. If you’re going to call me in the middle of the night and wake me up, I should at least get a steak dinner out of it, don’t you think?”
I laugh at that, really laugh and it feels good. Jesus, when was the last time I had a good belly laugh. Chase laughs with me, even though he has no idea what’s funny, and so does Jamie. My God, it’s good to see a glimpse of the witty, carefree man I once knew.
“Yes, the least,” I say.
&n
bsp; “Not to mention all the things I agreed to help you with to get this place ready for sale.”
I nudge him with my hip and he stumbles. “I’m going to work you so hard this week, you’re going to need the substance to keep going,” I pause and point to the floor. “Otherwise you’ll be down on your knees.”
As soon as the words leave my mouth, I realize how sexual they sound. Or maybe they don’t. Maybe just being around Jamie, dressed only in his jeans and barefoot, is messing with my dormant body—reminding me I’m a woman with needs. But I can’t go down that road with him, and I’m sure he doesn’t want to go down it with me, either. It’s wrong on so many levels, and besides that, he has numerous puck bunnies to play with. What would he want with me?
“I got a good start on today already. While you were sleeping, I called for pool repairs, and got hold of a company to come take a look at installing a security system. Both will be here Monday morning.”
“Wow, all this before pancakes. Impressive.”
His grin fades. “I don’t want you to count on me. I’ll just let you down,” he says, and I frown at the level of seriousness in his voice. “But a security system…well, a security system never lets you down.”
My heart skips a beat as I digest what he’s saying. He might have been carefree before the accident, but I could always count on Jamie in the past. What makes him think he’s not responsible or reliable now, or that he’ll only let us down? I’m about to ask when Chase pulls the wooden spoon from the batter and puts it in his mouth.
“Chase, no,” I say.
“Won’t hurt him. It doesn’t have raw eggs.”
Still, I take the spoon, and help him from the counter. “How about you go grab your dinkies and did you see the car mat in your room? Why don’t you bring it down, and play until the pancakes are ready,” I say, and he darts off into the other room. At least the house is still baby-proof and I don’t have to worry about him getting in to anything dangerous.
I walk over to the coffee pot and pour a generous amount into a huge mug. I add a splash of milk and moan as I drink. “Mmm, so good. Thanks, Jamie.”
He gulps in a weird way. “You don’t have to keep thanking me. I’m your brother-in-law and this is what Ethan would have wanted.”
“Okay,” I say. “Is there anything I can do to help?”
Jamie pours the batter into a hot pan, and it sizzles and bubbles. “Nope, got it under control. Pancakes are my specialty.”
“Only because it’s the only thing you know how to cook.”
“Hey, be nice. I make a mean mac and cheese.”
“Oh, I remember your mac and cheese. The blackened kind that stuck to the bottom of the pot.” Chuckling, I pull three plates from the cupboard and set them on the counter. “I only ate it to be nice.”
“I’ll show you nice,” he says and picks up a wooden stick and slaps it against his palm.
“Don’t you dare,” I warn. I grab the tea towel, and start to spin it in my hand, ready to whack him in retaliation.
“Mommy,” Chase says, breaking the playful moment as he drags a handful of dinky cars and his car mat into the kitchen. “Jamie said I could go swimming today.”
“Not in that pool,” I say, and cringe as I glance out the window to see the dirty green water.
“Mom and Dad were hoping we’d stop by this afternoon. I gave them a call. You mentioned visiting them, so I hope you don’t mind. They’d love to see Chase and maybe he could take a swim in their pool. It’s a hell of a heat wave we’re having.”
I set my coffee down and notice the small shake in my hand. “I’m not so sure why I’m nervous about seeing them.”
Reading me so well, Jamie puts his hand on my arm. “They’re not upset with you, Fallon. They understand you needed to be with your mother.” He smiles but it’s wounded and makes me think he didn’t understand my need to escape. Then again, how could he? I used to turn to him for comfort, share things with him, but I couldn’t in this situation—for reasons he can never know.
As his touch messes with me, heat rippling over my sex, I back away, and go about putting the groceries in the fridge. “I haven’t been swimming in a long time.” I laugh but it’s not light and airy like I want. “None of my old suits will fit.” I catch Jamie’s eyes. “Baby weight,” I say, feeling the need to explain again.
“Fallon—” he begins but I cut him off.
“I’ll pay you for all these groceries.”
He pauses for a moment, and follows my lead by saying, “Yeah, by cooking for me. I’ve been living off pizza and beer.”
“And pancakes,” I add.
He sticks his gut out and Chase laughs. “I won’t fit into my hockey jersey at this rate.”
I go still when my cell phone rings. I reach for it, and check the display, but it comes up as private. I slide my finger across the screen, and say hello. I glance up at Jamie when no one answers. “Hello,” I say again.
“What’s going on?” Jamie asks.
“Not sure.” I shrug and hang up. “I guess whoever it was changed their mind.”
I set my phone down as Jamie plates the pancakes and we all take a seat at the table, but as we do, a knot tightens in my throat. The normalcy of this, eating as a family around this big oaken table, is all too familiar.
I concentrate on my son as he reaches for the syrup. “Here, let me help,” I say and pour a little on his plate. I hand the bottle to Jamie. Our fingers touch and my nipples pucker. I quickly pull back. What is wrong with me? I’ve touched him numerous times in the past, and never got all jittery like this before. Okay, maybe that’s not entirely true. Maybe I did have a thing for the older Adams brother when I first met the two at a friend’s party. But he went off to the NHL, and Ethan and I grew closer. After that, I stopped looking at Jamie as anything other than a friend, and eventually a brother-in-law.
Until now.
4
Jamie
I had every intention of getting up with the sun and clearing out of the house before Fallon and Chase climbed from their beds. Yes, I agreed to help her empty the place of Ethan’s things, but packing up his belongings is a solitary task and it’s best if I don’t spend too much time with this family, have them rely on me in any sort of way. I fucked their lives up enough as it is.
But when Chase woke up to empty cupboards, and Fallon was sound asleep, I couldn’t just up and leave. I’m a lot of things, but I’m not a total prick. I just can’t let anyone get too close and they deserve someone better than me in their life.
So why did I decide to buy steak for dinner, and take them to visit with Mom and Dad?
Probably because I missed Fallon and Chase so goddamn much, and I could see that she was nervous about visiting with my family—her in-laws—alone after taking off without so much as a word. But after today, I plan to make myself a little less accessible. They’re both better off that way.
I glance over at Fallon, and take a peek at Chase in the rearview mirror as I make the short trek to my parents’ house. When they downsized, they found a place close to me. I guess after losing one son, they wanted to be closer to the other.
“Mom and Dad are going to love seeing you two.”
“I know,” she says and gives me a smile. “They’re good people, Jamie. They took me in like I was their own.”
I laugh. “After raising two rambunctious sons, they really wanted a daughter.”
“Now they have a rambunctious grandson.”
“After Ethan and me, Chase will be a walk in the park for them,” I say, and it brings a smile to her face.
“Oh,” she says and turns to me. “I heard from Joyce at HR. My job is waiting for me, but I’m going to take a month to get the house on the market and find a new, smaller place near the hospital.” She looks out the window, off in the distance. “I know it’s not much time, but I need to occupy my mind.”
“I can understand that.”
“I know you can,” she says and before I ev
en realize what I’m doing, I reach across the seat and give her hand a squeeze. Our gazes meet for a second, and she tugs her hand back and puts it on her lap. “I have to get Chase into daycare, and find a nanny for my night shifts.”
Shit, I’m home until practice starts up next month, but I can’t make the offer to help out at nights. “I’m sure Mom would love to help out.”
“I don’t want to ask too much, or put anyone out,” she says.
I take a left and pull into the driveway of Mom and Dad’s new bungalow. Fallon sits up a bit straighter and glances at the house. “I knew they moved, but for some reason still had it in my head we’d be at their old place.”
I unbuckle. “I’m still have a hard time getting used to it too.”
We exit the car and I grab their bag as she helps Chase from his seat. “Mommy, I want to go swimming,” he says.
“We’re going to,” she says. “But first you have to say hello to Grandma and Grandpa Adams.”
The front door opens and Fallon goes a bit still when she sees my mom and dad standing there. Her gaze rakes over them, and in turn they take in their daughter-in-law and grandson. They don’t come rushing out. No, instead they let Fallon and Chase come to them, like they’re skittish animals who need to make the first move, and I can’t help but think it’s the best approach for all.
I cross around the car, put my hand on the small of her back, and slowly usher her forward. Mom’s smile is wide, if not a bit wobbly, and that’s when I notice the fine lines around her eyes are just a bit deeper today. My dad has his arm around Mom’s shoulder, a stabilizing force, as his dark eyes brim with joy.
“Look who’s here,” I say, keeping things light.
“Fallon, Chase, it’s so good to see you both,” Mom says, and Fallon relaxes under my touch. Mom pulls her in for a hug when we reach the landing.
“Marion, it’s good to be back.”
The women hug and Dad and I exchange a look, one filled with pain and hope. I know they’ve been worried about me, but have kept mostly quiet as I work out my own demons. Do they think now that Fallon is back, it will somehow help me move forward? They always knew how close we used to be.
