by Ron Foster
“How does blueberry whiskey grab ya? Or Vodka, that’s pretty much what I make anyway.” LowBuck asked of his fellow conspirator.
“If it’s alcoholic I am sure I can acquire a taste for it as well as many other folks. Let’s get back to the party and we can talk more about it a little later.’ David said heading back to the bar.
“You two look happy about something.” Jack mentioned as they resumed their seats.
“We are, meaning my lake community has decided it is going to run a few folks for public office and settle down here in town awhile. I was just thinking that the only election our kids have ever seen is Granny on the Beverly Hillbillies running for Possum queen.” David said grinning and deflecting the subject of them smiling about owning a winery.
“Ha! Ha! Are you planning on putting on some kind of good old fashion backwoods stumping and tambourine campaign for your political candidates? I guess there is no law against that these days. I mean the part about giving free liquor to the voters. He! He! Flo here says you planning some kind of shindig. Is that your election campaign?” Jack said grinning and imagining all the fun that was being instigated.
“No but come to think of it that’s not such a bad idea. Hey LowBuck you reckon you could find me a big bass marching drum for Dump to beat on?” David said snickering at the thought.
Figure 6 VOTE FOR CLYDE!
“Damn you two are always picking on me!” Dump said good naturedly not minding a bit of friendly ribbing.
“I will find you one of them things if I can sell tickets while you do your marching band routine!” LowBuck said guffawing at the mental spectacle of Dumpy beating an election drum.
“Naw I ain’t beating no drum on any street corner no way no how!” Dump said reminding David of Chumly from the old Pawn Stars TV show thinking they were getting serious about getting him one to promote the shops interests.
“Well you go find one of them Boom-Boom drums then and I will get Boudreaux to do it.” LowBuck said laughing.
“That would be the day we watch the parade!” Dump said chuckling.
“But seriously, get Boudreaux in on this. He can play a wicked fiddle and his music is a draw. Too bad he don’t have that old dancing hound dog of his “Bear” anymore to do the “Cotton Eye Joe”. Dump said filled with mirth and remembrances.
“If you haven’t checked out who is on that election ballot, let me give you some insight. That post apocalyptic preacher that’s setup by the edge of town is pushing his candidates for support.” Suzie said looking dour.
“I have been hearing about him, I thought he wanted everyone to go to the FEMA camps or relocation cities.” David said turning his attention towards her.
“He does, but only to particular ones he has influence in. They got compounds and churches setup in and around certain cities and camps. He wants more followers of his influencing and his people living in those areas to fulfill some sort of agenda.” Suzie said looking a bit bug-eyed at the thought of a bunch of religious fanatics taking over a town.
“Well preachers or Them so called reverends and pastors with pulpits in the past have done similar things with their followers, but before we get to whatever agenda he might be up to, do you think they have enough votes to tilt the upcoming election?” David asked as everyone waited for her response.
“I am not sure; it is a bit close to call at the moment considering the influence that someone can be wielding in the background based on whatever. I don’t know how many of his congregations members or followers have left on the buses or how many new followers he might be able attract as voters before the election. It’s about 50/50. The two other churches around here are against him and so they are likely to vote for who ever is not affiliated with Pastor John.” Suzie explained.
“Hi Candice!” Flo called as a new customer walked into the bar.
“Hi! Flo, Afternoon Suzie!” Candice replied in greeting before having a seat at the bar.
“You want your usual?’ Flo said holding up a bottle of Vodka.
“No it’s been a long day, make it brandy please. Hi Jack how are you today?” Candice said smiling at him talking to a couple of misfits.
“Hey Candice, good to see you. I was just about to talk about what your office does so you got perfect timing.” Jack advised her.
“Ugh! Can we give the office a rest, I came in here to escape it and relax a bit.” Candice groaned thinking Jack was going to tell that riffraff he was sitting with about the Homestead Act.
“Well we don’t have to talk shop much, but I do have to introduce you to a new employee. He used to work for me before the storm hit and just come in from out of the woods. David meet Candice.” Jack said and David rose and went to introduce himself and shake her hand.
“Pleasure to meet you David.” She said pleasantly while studying his face.
“Well he ain`t so bad I wonder what he is going to be doing for the agency and who are those two giant tattooed characters he seems to be pals with?” Candice thought to herself before Jack introduced them also.
“You and I are sort of David’s new supervisors and he is going to liaison between us and also helping with the fish sample project. Yea he knows there might be problems coming to the river but there is no problem trusting him or his two friends. My mouth kind of got loose talking to him about his job and Flo and Suzie are sworn to secrecy under threat of me shutting them down if they breathe a word.” Jack stated and Flo and Suzie figured he wasn’t joking with that threat even though he had said it light heartedly.
“Ok he is a fisherman then. Those two big behemoths must be his crew or coworkers.” Candice thought to herself relaxing.
“David here is more than he appears Candice, that old hippy has a double masters in emergency management and homeland security. I am putting him in charge of working with the farmers on the livestock reintroduction and homestead grain and pasture development projects for the county.” Jack said cluing her in that David’s main job was going to be an executive level decision and administrative position.
“Ah well congratulations David.” Candice said shaking his hand again.
“Thanks, I am looking forward to working with you. Sounds like you had a hectic day, is that par for the course?” David said sitting down next to her with Jack on her other side.
“It is if you got Pastor John trying to cherry pick all the homesteads before we even have an election or decide if we are going to lottery the bigger or better parcels. He has been on me all day about wanting the winery and sprouting grapes of the lord scripture to me. I thought most organized religions were against alcohol and more like prohibitionists. Anyway I shooed him off until I can study the situation around here better. I suppose that’s one of your first tasks is to do me a report David. Sorry about that. That post apocalyptic preacher is going to drive you nuts until you get it done.” Candice said and watched David’s face wince as he cast a quick glance over at his buddies.
“Something wrong David? You know something bad about that property or preacher man?” Candice said looking directly into his eyes.
David paused for a minute and took another sip of his drink to get the sudden dryness out of his mouth that he had got when heard Pastor John and winery said in one sentence.
“Well I guess the answer is correct on both accounts. I guess what we got here is a conflict of interest for me. LowBuck over there and I planned to go look at that property tomorrow for our own selfish interests and I know that crazy bastard Pastor John. I run him off from the lake a year or so back.” David said feeling crest fallen that LowBuck wasn’t going to get his winery and that his own admission might cost him his new job.
“Well damn that does put the ox in the ditch don’t it Candice?” Jack said looking very concerned he was going to lose his protégée before day one of the job starting.
Candice stared blankly at David and Jack for a moment and then told them both that this conversation needed to be moved over to a private table. The three, p
ossibly two government workers went and sat down in a corner booth and as far as the rest of the bar revilers were concerned it wasn’t fun to be in here anymore.
“David that is some serious shit you just revealed. You know ethically speaking you can’t have a damn thing to do with that place from here on out if we decide to keep you on don’t you?” Candice said sternly reminding him of one of those female drill sergeants he had run into once or twice.
“I didn’t choose this battle and I freely admitted my bias to making any kind of official reports or research so I hope you two can find it in your hearts to reconsider any thoughts of dismissing me from my new post. Hey I am honest if nothing else.” David said uncomfortably squirming in his chair and forcing himself not to look at LowBuck who was not hiding the fact he was watching the conversation in the bar’s mirror even though his back was turned from them.
“Candice you know I am senior administrator here and I respect Jack’s admissions. None of us had any way of knowing that a conflict of interest might exist and David is a field hire and promotion so no liability or deception took place in him taking the job. I say we find a way to work this out, whatever pre existing hire background check provisions have been met and we allow some sort of accommodations.” Jack said hopeful that Candice would agree.
Jack ran all the reconstruction and displaced people projects in the area but Candice was from the Agriculture Dept and could countermand through the chain of command any policy or person that she thought directly affected her agency’s functionality.
David looked over at Candice for any sign that she was buying Jack’s recommendation to keep him on payroll.
“There was that look again David thought as he watched conflicting emotions cross her brow. It was all too easy for her to be a hardliner and just holler at him or dismiss him entirely if she chose to go the safe route and not worry about any repercussions later on if she agreed to keep him on.” David thought nervously.
After a pause that seemed like hours Candice began to speak slowly in an authoritative voice.
“David do you think you could be fair and impartial in your recommendations about Pastor John and Lowbuck? Scratch that statement. David would you give me your word of honor not to ever try to unduly influence any decisions about either one of them your office might be called upon to make? Can you truly be impartial?” Candice asked putting the weight of the world on David’s conscience.
David looked at her a moment and told her tersely no he could not. He could easily overlook his disdain for Pastor John but he could never over look his loyalty and friendship with LowBuck. He thanked them for the opportunity and understanding and said to please accept his resignation and started to rise from his chair.
“Sit your ass down David, I ain’t finished with you yet and as far as I know you still work for the government at this moment. Am I right or wrong?” Candice said to him fiercely.
“Yes Mamm! That is entirely correct I am still on duty.” David barked in the prescribed military answer to a superior and resumed his seat and looked her in the eye and awaited her response.
“I just met you so it’s hard for me to make a spot judgment here but it appears I must. Jack gave you a job recommendation and I will take that as a measure of your character I have yet to see exhibited by you. One thing Jack probably didn’t get around to telling you yet was that any new employment contract with the government you might sign puts you under the UCMJ (Uniform Code Of Military Justice)” Candice said looking towards Jack for confirmation and watching the “Oh Shit” look on his face before continuing.
“Seeing that Jack has taken it upon himself to clue you in already on shall we say confidential or top secret matters under your offices security clearance former or current, I must advise you that you are liable and culpable for any breaches or leaking of information to the media or the civilian public.” Candice was saying before David got the ass about being bitched at like some new damn recruit and decided to fire back at the woman some.
“Lady I got more time in the chow hall of this mans Army than you got years of service! You wanna screw around with me go right ahead, you want to mess with Jack or my friends about some bullshit news this country has radiation problems and that should already have been common knowledge to the citizens of this country we happen to overhear, we got us a serious problem!” David said as his eyes grew black and his voice got louder.
Not put off a bit about David’s anger or Jack’s attempt to put a hand on David’s shoulder to calm him and his disrespectful display of emotion down, Candice glared back at him and continued talking.
“Nobody is threatening anyone David. I am explaining some facts to you if you’d shut up and listen. Let me tell you right now if I got the ass with you first off you will know it and never see it coming. Now be still and don’t make me reprimand you again.” Candice said leaning towards him while arching one eyebrow and staring him straight in the eye.
“As I was saying, you work for me. You might not be a part of my agency and technically speaking is Jack’s F.E.M.A. rep or employee but the project you are assigned to at the moment is my baby to guard and protect. About the UCMJ reference I was merely going to caution you I will put you under Leavenworth military prison if you so much as look like you might be an embarrassment to me or show any favoritism to your friends or animosity towards Pastor John just because he is an asshole and you don’t like him. Are we clear?” Candice said looking at him with the no nonsense look she had previously and letting it fade to a smiling eyed welcome to my world look.
“Wee Wee My Commandant!” David said in his best improvised fake French Foreign Legion accent in agreement with all that she had said and became smiling and relaxed to listen to more of what this soft but tough woman had to say.
“You can keep your job but you remember you can’t be sticking your nose where it don’t belong if you think your judgment might be prejudiced. FLO! Set us up another round, I am buying.” Candice called out exuberantly and David’s quick glance at LowBuck and Dump Truck confirmed the party was back on.
“Damn. That’s a relief; you had me going there for a minute Candice. How do you suggest David handle his little problem other than be a bystander?” Jack asked giving LowBuck and the bar a sneaky thumbs up behind his back.
“David will do his duties to the best of his ability without direct contact with the parties while me and you settle this homestead claim dispute. Get over here LowBuck!” Candice called out putting her war face back on.
A startled LowBuck looked back at what him and Dump had been referring to as the FEMA table and pointed to himself like “are you sure you mean me?”
“Yes you, get over here.” The sweet looking but snarling dragon lady said.
“You got a problem and it starts with David here. He says you are close friends but you might want to reconsider that.” Candice said before LowBuck went off the deep end affirming that fact.
“The reason I called you over here is simple. You want the winery and David has already affirmed he can’t be impartial as to whether you get it or not. I just got done telling David that if he goes to work for the Federal government he falls under the uniform code of military justice instead of a civilian court of trial by a jury of his peers. Are you willing to swear and affirm by the same restrictions, duties and judgments?” Candice said to LowBuck who was not used to taking those kind of orders or what they even might imply.
“Just stick your hand up and say I do.” David said worn out with the ramifications of every thing that had come to pass so far.
“I got no problem agreeing with David on anything he suggests, but I would sort of like a better explanation as to what I am agreeing with if you don’t mind.” LowBuck said to the feisty AG officer woman.
“Basically it means you are going to give up your rights as a private citizen and agree to be tried by military tribunal,” Jack said wondering which direction this conversation was taking.
“Ok…What does tha
t mean David?” LowBuck asked looking perplexed.
“She means a panel of military officers will decide your fate rather than a normal court of law should we screw up and get charged with something illegal. My first guess is that she is going to tell you some military secret or offer you a job. Am I right?” David said looking around the table at Jack and Candice.
“Told you he was a bright boy.” Jack said to Candice while grinning at LowBuck’s and David’s confusion as to what might be going on.
“Two things are paramount here as to how I make my judgment as to who gets that land. Do you have any experience raising grapes?” Candice asked.
“Well no, but I know how to moonshine and make wine.” LowBuck replied.
“That’s good, do you know anyone with experience raising grapes? “ She inquired.
“Our friend Boudreaux raises them up on the lake.” David recommended.
