by K. M. Raya
Dante pulls out, taking his undershirt off the floor and using it to clean me up, even though I know a long, hot shower looms in my immediate future. I’m utterly spent, and I don’t know if I have it in me to peel myself off of this desk. They might as well leave me here for the night.
Chapter ☣ 20
Dante
This day took an unexpected turn. Never in a million years would I have pictured the three of us here, in this room right now, relaxing the day away like the world isn’t falling apart outside these walls.
Helana lounges at the rolling chair behind the desk I just fucked her on, and her once again boot-clad feet are up on its surface as she leans back, loose and lethargic. Wyatt and I relax in the chairs on the other side, just enjoying the fact that we don’t have any immediate worries to attend to. This kind of day doesn't happen very often anymore.
We’ve been basically on the run and constantly moving since those bombs dropped and screwed up the world, and we’ve rarely had a chance to sit down and kick our feet up. But Helena’s changing things for us. I think it’s for the better, too. The way she felt beneath me was fucking magic. Since the second I laid eyes on that beautiful body of hers, I’ve done nothing but picture what it would feel like to get my hands on her.
It started out purely sexual in nature. I mean, how can you blame me? I’ve been practically celibate this last three hundred and sixty five days. Believe it or not, there aren’t many women to choose from in the wastes. Still, that doesn't mean I simply settled for the first available woman I came across. Hell just seemed to stampede into our lives like a hurricane, knocking over men twice her size and ripping our hearts right out of our chests.
Alright, so that’s a little dramatic. But she’s definitely made an impression. Even Alex is starting to lighten up a little. She thinks I didn’t notice the way they had a full on conversation earlier by the archery range. Or, maybe she did notice, but she just doesn’t understand the significance of it yet. The fact that he spoke more than a rushed sentence to a woman that isn't Ret means more than she knows. To her, Alex is just another asshole misogynistic douche, but that couldn't be further from the truth. Alex was always the best of us, someone I always looked up to as a kid. We’ve been best friends since before I can even remember. Long enough that I don’t even remember how we met.
What happened to him was fucked up, unlike anything I could have ever imagined. I mean, Jessa was one of us. Like another limb or something. And cutting that limb off was agonizing, but no one felt it more than Alex. I’ll never forget the day she chose to leave. It’s seared into my memory banks forever, and every time I remember Alex’s devastation, it just makes me want to hunt Jessa down and make her face what she did.
I watch Hell as she chats with Wyatt. We’ve talked about anything and everything under the sun, save for the one thing I really want to talk about. I want to know about her past. What makes her tick. I want to know everything about this girl who’s suddenly shining down on my bleak life like a ray of sunshine. Right now, I can say with full confidence that she’s the only light in this otherwise dark world. I just need to find a way to get her to talk to me about herself. Every time I try and poke the beast, she clams up.
I keep thinking back to what she said down in that cellar. About the trappers. I’d never heard of such a group, but that’s probably because we came up from the Mexican border and hadn’t run into them yet. But when she spoke of them, she didn’t notice me watching her so closely, she was focused on her memories. Her eyes had turned to dark, molten gold, and the shadows covered her face. There’s something she isn’t telling us about her experience with the militant group, and there’s a part of me that’s almost afraid to ask. I know she’ll probably work up the courage to talk about it on her own terms, but it still makes me sad for her. It also pisses me the fuck off, thinking of any man or woman laying a hand on her. It makes me want to rush in and take down their entire operation and burn it to the ground just like they did with that Costco and our cellar.
One interesting little tidbit I did manage to learn, though, is that the lovely Helana and her two minions used to be Marines. I’ll admit, that part shocked the socks off of me. It’s not that I don’t think she’s tough enough to hack it, the girl can kick some serious ass when she wants to, but she’s just a tiny thing. Okay, so she’s not miniature, but the three of us are big guys, and even Beretta’s got some muscle on her, but Hell and her friends are skinny, short and delicate looking. It’s hard to picture them roughing it in the deserts of the Middle East.
But apparently that’s exactly where they went and what they did. Hell told us about how she met Missy and Nina when they were assigned to the same squad. They served all four years together, and eventually became closer than sisters. Nina and Missy obviously fell in love, but they stuck with Helana even after they were discharged. I can tell from the gleam in her eyes when she talks about her time in the military, that it’s something she’s seriously proud of. And she should be.
Apparently, she was afraid to tell us about her past because she was afraid of our reactions, and I find that understandable. Sometimes I don’t like to advertise the fact that I was an EMT because people suddenly seem to expect things from me. In our travels, there have even been some instances where people straight up refuse to leave our group or try to force me to go with them because my skills are so valuable. So unless people are gravely injured or sick, I’ve learned to keep that information to myself. I can’t really blame Hell for being tight lipped.
Still, it’s hard to forget what I saw when I ripped all of her clothes off. She’s nothing short of exquisite and beautiful, but she’s also covered in scars. Someone hurt her… purposefully. The silvery slashes cut through her beautiful tattoos, leaving raised edges behind. This woman suffered a lot, and eventually I have to know. The questions will eat away at me until I do.
Hell and Wyatt are laughing, when the door opens. We all turn our eyes to Alex as he stops in the doorway, taking in the sight of the three of us here. His eyes darken, and his jaw clenches. I know what’s coming. “Looks chummy in here,” he says, but there’s nothing nice about his tone.
Hell pulls her feet off the desk. “Why don’t you join us? We were just telling some more stories.” Her smile is real, but I can see the way her shoulders tense.
Alex smirks, but his eyes fall to the floor next to the desk. I follow his gaze and fight a cringe. My belt lays in a heap next to the chair. Immediately, I know the jig is up. His hand tightens on the doorknob. “I’m pretty sure I’m late to this particular party.” He turns away, leaving the door open behind him.
Hell stands up to go after him, but I shake my head and stand too. “Let me.”
She nods as I kneel down, grabbing my belt before heading after my friend. He’s already slamming out of the hallway, with me hot on his heels. “Dude, wait up!” I call after him, but he doesn’t slow down. “Fucking Christ, Alex, stop!”
Right outside the door, Alex whirls around, his face a mask of fury. “Why should I? Looks like you were doing fine in there.”
“Why are you being a dick?” Folding my arms across my chest, I look him straight in the eyes.
“Because you guys are being reckless. What the fuck are you doing with that girl, huh? You fucking her for fun before she takes off?”
“She’s not going anywhere.”
He laughs bitterly. “Is that what she has you believing? Man, you really are delusional. She’ll leave, just like they all do.”
Shaking my head, I can’t help but snort. “Who is this ‘they’ you talk about? You mean Jessa? That’s what this is all about, isn’t it?”
“Don’t you fucking say that name…” he seethes, stepping up until his chest is almost touching mine. “I told you never to bring that bitch up again.”
“And normally I wouldn’t, but you can’t just use her as an excuse to push everyone away.”
“She fucking shot me!”
> “Yeah!” I yell, hands in the air. “She shot you. Her. Jessa. Not Hell. Not Missy, or Nina. Not anyone else but Jessa!” His face is stone still, and I soften my voice. “She fucked you over, man. She fucked us all over, and trust me, I hate her for it every single fucking day. I hate her so much it makes my heart hurt. But you know what? I got over it. I refuse to let that bitch ruin the rest of my life, however long I even have left.”
He folds his arms and steps back. “Yeah, well good for you. I’m glad you have the luxury.”
“Don’t give me that shit, man. You have a choice, too. You just choose to be mad. It’s not Helana’s fault. None of it is, but you’re acting like she came in here conspiring against you. She’s just a girl, man. An awesome one, too, if you’d ever pull your head out of your ass and look.”
“And what happens when that awesome girl leaves?” he asks. His voice cracks with emotion. “What happens when you wake up one day and she’s gone? Because she told me herself, she’s leaving when Nina’s better. You think just because you stick your dick in her suddenly it changes that?”
I snap, shoving him in the shoulders, causing him to stumble back. “Fuck you, Alex. You don’t know shit about her.”
His smile is mean, so unlike the friend I used to look up to. “That’s where you're wrong. I do know some shit about her. Things she probably hasn’t even told you.”
“Yeah like what?” I ask dubiously.
“I know that one of her greatest fears is being trapped.”
“What do you mean?”
“You heard me. Being trapped. She can’t stand the thought of it. She told me as much back in that storage closet. When we thought we were going to die, she opened up and told me she’d do anything to get away from being trapped. She’ll run, Dante. I promise you that. If you make her feel trapped.”
“You’re so full of shit,” I seethe. “You just can’t stand the thought of being happy with anyone that’s not Jessa.”
“Fuck Jessa!” Alex barks. My eyes widen. That might be the first time he’s ever actually said that out loud. “Fuck her, and fuck what she did to me… to us! And fuck you for thinking it won’t happen again with the next pretty face!” His eyes are full of fury, but I don’t miss the way they also gloss over with tears he’ll never shed.
I just stare at him, chest aching for my friend because I can see how much pain he’s in. I’d do pretty much anything to take that pain away, but I’m hitting a brick wall here. In my heart, I have this feeling that Helana’s what we need. She’s the glue that’ll hold us together again… that might repair the damage Jessa left in her wake. But he can’t see it yet. He’s blinded by grief, and I don’t know how to fix it. I feel helpless.
“Well, then, you just keep on hating the world, Alex. You do that, but you won't stop me from finding some happiness for myself. Helana makes me feel that for the first time in almost a year, and I won’t let your fear ruin that for me.”
He starts to turn away, but I call out after him one last time. “Believe it or not, she cares for you. More than you even realize, man. Someday, I hope for your sake you man up and see what’s right in front of you.” I know he hears me, but aside from the tensing of his shoulders and the shake of his head, Alex strides away from me, and this time, I’m afraid he’s just too far gone to save.
Chapter ☣ 21
Hell
Anubis has been freaking out for the last two days. It’s not his usual freak out when the zoms are out and active. No, this is different. He just paces in front of the barricade, back and forth for hours, looking nervous. Just an hour ago, I could have sworn I saw something move out there. Something that didn’t look like a zom. It was bright, and brief, but I could have just been imagining things.
I know from experience that Anubis’s inclination shouldn't be overlooked. He’s a lot smarter than people give him credit for, and he’s got me uneasy. I’ve been up for the last two nights, peeping through the holes in the barrier, but so far I haven’t spotted anything real. Tonight is exceptionally dark. Aside from the persistent fog that constantly hovers over the ground, there’s a small storm rolling in, and the clouds are blocking out the moonlight.
I’m sitting on top of a stack of boxes with Anubis pacing below me. I’ve been staring through a set of binoculars for so long that my vision’s beginning to get a little fuzzy. I know I need some sleep soon, but Anubis is making me too jumpy. I trust my dog with my life, and he’s never steered me wrong before.
While I keep watch, it gives me a lot of time to contemplate my predicament. I don’t regret anything that happened between me Wyatt and Dante. Not even a little bit. But I can’t help but feel like something’s off. Alex avoids me as much as he can, oftentimes going out of his way to make sure we’re on opposite ends of the store. It’s silly, and it’s starting to grate on my nerves.
I know he caught us in a compromising position, but fuck, the guy doesn’t have to be so moody about it. After what Dante told me about that Jessa bitch, I’d started to feel a little bad for Alex. Ok… I felt a lot bad for Alex. I even understood why he was acting out like that. But he’s starting to take things too far. Like it or not, I wasn’t the reason for what happened to him. I’m not Jessa, and I’m not fickle. I can put two and two together. I know he thinks I’m just going to do the same thing as she did.
I won't lie, I had thought about leaving the guys behind. Taking my girls and heading for Nevada alone. But the more and more time we spend with them, the more attached I get. It’s getting to the point where the thought of leaving makes me feel sick. I’ve already decided that I need to have a talk with them all. I want to propose that they come with us. My dad’s ranch is big enough for all of us and a lot more. Shit, knowing my dad, he’s probably got half his militia posted up around his property battling the zoms the right way.
I want to take my new friends there and make sure we all have a safe place to call home. I’m nervous about bringing it up, though. I keep putting it off, trying to stall so that I don’t have to hear them tell me no. Because then it’ll become real—the fact that this situation was never permanent. I love this store and the things we have access to, but I know we can’t stay forever. We’re near the border of Utah and Nevada, and it’s only a matter of time until the trappers expand their operations his way and inevitably take over this location. We are in no way equipped to take them on alone. I feel like I’m living on borrowed time every single day.
I’m still not sure how long it will take the trappers to catch up with us. We took out a few of their guys when we were fleeing the cellar I think, but only because our swerving made them topple over. No bullets needed, but it probably only served to piss them off. We’ve been here a little more than two weeks, but that doesn't mean anything in apocalypse time. They might be regrouping before setting out to find us. I know those men and how they operate. I know from personal experience that they’re not the types to let anything go.
My eyes start to droop, and I know my body’s trying to tell me I need rest. I recline my back against a couple of cardboard boxes, and tell myself that all I need to do is rest my eyes for just a few minutes, then I’ll be back to scanning the parking lot with Anubis...
With my face pressed against these cold bars, I try hard to fight my drooping eyelids. I’m so fucking tired, but sleep is impossible. All around me are the sounds of moaning, gurgling and gnashing. The creak and crack of grinding bones makes me nauseous, but I haven’t been fed in three days, so there’s nothing in my stomach to throw up.
Several men have come and gone from this dark room since I arrived, but other than to let me use the bathroom, they barely bat an eye in my direction unless they’re poking me through the bars with cattle prods, but I guess I’m lucky in that regard. There used to be another girl in here with me. She looked like she’d been kept in her cage for a while with her collar bone basically jutting out and her cheekbones so sunken in she looked borderline skeletal. Her name was Marissa. She couldn't have b
een older than nineteen, but they took her away yesterday, and she never came back.
I heard a few of the trapper men talking after that, bragging about that ‘fine piece of ass’ they’d had their way with before throwing her in the pits. Just hearing the way they talked about a teenage girl made me furious enough to burn this place to the ground. But I can’t. I can’t do much of anything right now. It takes all the energy I have just to stay awake. But I have to, because I know what happens to the people they deem useless.
All of this is because I refused to be one of their mindless slaves. Every night so far I’ve cursed Liam’s name to the heavens, and even the satisfaction of watching him get overtaken and turned no longer keeps me warm. I thought he really cared for me, but his acting skills were something else. I fell so easily for that golden hair and those grass green eyes that used to promise me safety and love.
My fingernails dig into my palms, remembering how fucking naive I was to think a guy like him could possibly survive so easily on his own. So pretty and hot headed. I was blind. We’d been staying in that mall in Texas for a week before Liam and two other men we were hiding out with decided they needed to go on a supply run. I should have noticed how eager they were to get out of there. But I didn’t notice. I was too caught up in believing Liam’s lies, and now I’m sitting here, wondering how long it’ll take for them to either starve me, or rape me. My body is covered in cuts and bruises. They eventually figured out that that hard way might be the only way with someone like me.
