Inherit the Skies

by Janet Tanner

  She went through to the kitchen, small and compact like the rest of their house, yet at the same time bright and neat, reminiscent of the cosy rooms at Molly Norkett’s which had always seemed to Sarah the very epitome of what a home should be. As she filled a large china jug with water Eric followed her into the kitchen.

  ‘The news stands are full of the election,’ he informed her. ‘It seems that the results were something and nothing. Asquith has been returned again but without a clear-cut majority it’s doubtful he’ll be able to govern for long without going to the country again.’

  Sarah broke the stem of a chrysanthemum and propped it in the vase. Politics had never interested her greatly but she remembered Gilbert’s somewhat surprising espousement of the Liberal cause and the memory heightened her feelings of poignancy.

  ‘I had a letter from home today,’ she said, putting the last flower into the vase and standing back to admire the effect. ‘Alicia and Adam are to be married. In May. We are invited to the wedding.’

  ‘Oh really?’ His tone was as light and casual as hers. ‘Will you feel like travelling by then do you think?’

  ‘I see no reason why I shouldn’t. I am disgustingly fit, Eric, as well you know, and I should like to go. For one thing, Annie’s baby will be born by then, for another …’ She broke off, aware of how close she had come to putting into words the perverse longing to see Adam again even while she shrank from the thought of watching him exchange marriage vows with Alicia. ‘I think Gilbert will expect me to be there,‘ she said. ‘ Unless of course you think it will be embarrassing for me to be seen in public in my condition …’

  ‘Embarrassing? For whom? Certainly not for me! You know how proud of you I am, my dear.’ He caught at her hand, pulling her into his arms, and she laid her head against his waistcoat, glad he could no longer see her face. All very well to pretend; when her heart was breaking it was such a dreadful effort to conceal it!

  ‘I love you, Sarah,’ he whispered into her hair. ‘You have made me a very happy man. Never forget that.’

  She nodded silently, unable to reply. Her throat was constricted by tears.

  And then suddenly she was aware of the tiniest of flutters deep within her. At first, lost in her thoughts, she failed to recognise the significance of it, then as it came again she stood quite still, her hand flying to her waist. The baby had moved. Where a moment before there had been only bleak despair now a sense of wonder began to creep in. She held her breath waiting to see if the flutter would come again. When it did she gave a little gasp. Concerned, Eric held her away.

  ‘What is it, my love?’

  ‘The baby! It moved!’ The wonder was spilling into her voice; for the moment Adam and Alicia were forgotten. ‘ See if you can feel it!’

  She caught his hand, pressing it against her waist, and for a moment they waited.

  ‘I can’t feel anything,’ Eric said at last, disappointed.

  ‘No. It was very faint. But it was there!’

  ‘Our baby!’

  ‘Yes.’ She held tight to the thought. Somehow it seemed a little like an omen that she should have felt the baby move for the first time today, just when she had learned of Adam’s impending marriage.

  An old saying of Molly’s crept into her mind. Whenever God closes a door somewhere he opens a window.

  That part of my life is finally over, she thought. Now I have to look to the new beginning, not just with my mind and my body but with my whole heart. For my baby’s sake if nothing else.

  She laid her head on Eric’s chest again and experienced a moment’s complete peace.

  Adam and Alicia were married in the full flush of May-time when the trees that surrounded Chewton Leigh were full with fresh green leaf and the apple-blossom hung against the clear blue sky in clouds of lacy white. The wedding was the grandest the village had seen in decades and as a topic of conversation it vied with the news that the King had passed away, providing a spectacular and happy celebration in the village church to efface the solemn service which the Vicar had hastily arranged to mark the royal death. Few people in the village had ever so much as set eyes on the King, and though the carnal excesses which had caused so much disquiet when he had been Prince of Wales were more or less forgotten now and he had proved, in the end, a popular monarch, the long faces and black armbands which some of the older folk felt obliged to wear as a mark of respect were gladly enough discarded with the wedding of the daughter of the local ‘gentry’ as an excuse.

  Initially, when he heard the news of the King’s death Gilbert wondered if he should cancel the supper dance and firework display which he had arranged to mark the occasion and to which all his tenants and employees had been invited, but after some deliberation he decided this would cause too much disappointment and in any case there was always the accession of the new king, George, to honour.

  On the day of the wedding the village turned out in force to watch Alicia, resplendent in cream lace, arrive at the church on the arm of her father. Inside, with the candles radiating a golden glow and illuminating the flowers that were banked around the stone pillars and the base of the pulpit, Sarah sat in a daze of unreality. From her pew on the left-hand side of the aisle she had a perfect view of Adam as he stood at the altar rail waiting for his bride and when the organ announced her arrival and he turned around to watch her approach their eyes met briefly. Sarah felt the hot colour rush into her cheeks and she looked down quickly, fixing her eyes on her order of service so that she missed seeing Alicia glide by, her heavy lace veil and demure expression barely masking the glorious swell of triumph she was experiencing.

  The wedding breakfast was to be held in the banqueting room at Chewton Leigh House; here were more banks of flowers, tables laid with crisp white napery, gleaming silver and crystal and a dais for a trio of musicians to play chamber music. Again, as she moved down the receiving line, Sarah was aware of the strange feeling of unreality, as if she were swimming in a warm and sticky pool. Alicia kissed her theatrically but Adam’s greeting was that of an old friend. Sarah smiled stiffly and moved on into the vast hall.

  ‘Are you feeling all right?’ Eric murmured solicitously. ‘ You look a little pale.’

  Her lips tightened; her eyes were hard and bright.

  ‘I’m fine – and I shall be even better after a glass of champagne.’

  ‘Do you think you should?’ Eric asked doubtfully but without much hope. The fact that she was his wife and was carrying his child had made no difference to the wilful trait of doing exactly as she pleased.

  Sarah and Eric had been seated with Annie and Max.

  ‘I don’t look too much like a fairground exhibit do I?’ Sarah whispered to Annie as they took their places.

  ‘Good heavens no! That loose coat is very flattering. No-one would ever guess you are about to become a mother.’

  Sarah smiled. ‘I think you are being a bit kind in saying that, Annie, but still … What’s it like? Being a mother, I mean.’

  ‘Wonderful.’ Annie’s glow was confirmation of that; though she was now a little plumper than she had used to be there was little doubt but that motherhood suited her. ‘I can’t wait for you to see John – you’ll adore him.’

  ‘John. I’ve always liked that name.’

  ‘We called him after Moore-Brabazon. He had to be called after one of the pioneers, Max insisted on it. And who better than JTC?’ Annie leaned closer. ‘There is something I wanted to ask you, Sarah. I wondered if you would do us the honour of being godmother to little John.’

  ‘Oh Annie – I’d love to! How nice of you to ask me! Though don’t you think living in London I’m rather a long way away to be a proper godmother? I’ll hardly ever see him.’

  ‘I wouldn’t be too sure of that,’ Annie said mysteriously but when Sarah pressed her she refused to be drawn further.

  Several glasses of champagne helped Sarah through the wedding breakfast but its anaesthetising effect was rendered totally useless by the pain of
having to watch Adam and Alicia leave together for their honeymoon in Switzerland and when the evening’s dancing began Sarah felt she could not keep up the pretence of enjoying herself a moment longer.

  ‘I think I’ve done enough for one day,’ she said, summoning all her remaining control in an effort to make her voice bright and cheerful. ‘ I shall go to bed.’

  ‘So soon?’ Eric looked regretful, torn between solicitude for his wife and the desire to stay a while longer. He and Max were getting along famously and he was enjoying the opportunity to talk about aeroplanes. Balloon man he might be – the new technology of powered flight was beginning to win him over.

  ‘There’s no need for you to leave on my account,’ Sarah said. ‘There’s not even any need for you to see me to our room. I used to live here, remember.’

  ‘Well, if you’re sure …’

  ‘I certainly am. Just as long as you won’t mind if I’m asleep when you come to bed.’

  As she said her goodnights she was aware of Annie’s eyes on her, watchful and a little sad. I believe she knows, Sarah thought, and she lifted her chin and smiled, the same smile she had been forcing all day until her cheeks ached.

  Alone in her room, however, there was no longer need for pretence. Wearily Sarah went through the motions of preparing for bed, for her whole body felt as heavy as her heart. She put out the light and lay staring into the darkness but in it she seemed to see Adam’s face, glowing, yet a little blurred around the edges as the lamp had been. Pain ached through her like a paralysing cramp so that every bit of her seemed to be drawn up into one tight ball somewhere at the heart of her and the pain had a name – Adam. She stretched out her arms towards the image of his face, there in the darkness, but there was another face beside it, an oval of pale ivory framed by jet black hair and smiling a smile of triumph. Sarah’s fingers tautened and stretched then crumpled into fists. She drew her arms tight around herself and sobs, torn from the heart of her, shook her body. The tears that came were hot tears, burning her eyes and doing nothing to alleviate the agony.

  Oh Adam, Adam … oh Adam …

  In the quiet dark Sarah wept and when at last all her tears were spent and there was nothing left but emptiness and exhaustion she turned her blotched and crumpled face into the pillow and slept.

  She was woken by the sound of cheery whistling. She opened her eyes. They felt heavy and the sunlight, creeping in at the half-open curtains, hurt them a little. She turned towards the sound of the whistling and saw Eric shaving at the heavy mirror propped up on the wash-stand.

  ‘Oh – you’re awake then.’ He turned, razor in hand, to smile at her. ‘You were sleeping the sleep of the just. You didn’t hear me come to bed last night and you didn’t hear me get up this morning.’

  ‘What time is it?’

  ‘Eight o’clock.’ The cut-throat glided effortlessly through the lather of shaving soap cutting a wide pale swathe. ‘There’s no need for you to get up yet though. I want to have a chat with Gilbert before breakfast.’

  ‘Gilbert?’

  ‘Yes. I want to finish off a conversation we were having last night.’ He put down the razor and came towards the bed, one half of his face still all over lather. ‘ Oh hell, I might as well tell you now, mightn’t I, as be mysterious until all the details are worked out. Gilbert has offered me a position with Morse Bailey.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘I know. I must say I was surprised too. Hang on a minute while I finish shaving and I’ll tell you all about it.’

  He drew the blade over his face with a few swift strokes, deftly avoiding his moustache, swilled the cut-throat in the jug of water and towelled his chin dry slightly stunned by the revelation Sarah lay against the pillows watching him.

  ‘That’s better,’ he said, tossing the towel aside and rolling down his sleeves. ‘ Now – where was I?’

  ‘Gilbert offered you a position with the new company.’

  ‘That’s right.’ Even now Eric was unable to remain still. He searched for his cuff links and fastened them as he spoke. ‘Gilbert has great plans, you know, for the expansion of the company. He wants to demonstrate the aeroplanes Morse Bailey are building all over the world and he intends to set up flying schools so as to increase the number of potential customers. I know – it all sounds like pie in the sky, but I honestly believe he can do it. When he talks about it it doesn’t sound far fetched at all but very, very plausible. He’s a wonderful man!’

  ‘Yes, I know he is,’ Sarah said drily. ‘ Gilbert has a talent for firing others with his own enthusiasm. But where do you come in? You don’t know anything about aeroplanes.’

  ‘I know more than you think. This may be powered flight but it’s still aero-dynamics. Sam Cody made the change successfully and so did the Short brothers. Why shouldn’t I?’

  ‘Doing what?’

  ‘Well, flying of course! If he is to expand as he plans Gilbert needs to recruit people in every field and he reckons I’d be a natural to learn to fly. Don’t look so surprised, my dear! It’s not very flattering.’

  Sarah was silent. She could hardly tell him the thoughts that were racing through her mind – that if he were to come to Chewton Leigh to fly she would have to face seeing Adam with Alicia not just for one day but practically every day of her life and she did not know if she could bear it.

  Seeing her expression he crossed to the bed and sat on the edge of it.

  ‘What’s wrong, Sarah? I thought you would be pleased. You are always saying how much you love this part of the world.’

  ‘Yes – yes, I do. But … are you sure, Eric? What will Henry say?’

  ‘Henry knows life must move on. As a matter of fact there’s something I haven’t told you for fear of worrying you. Henry has had an offer from the Army Balloon Factory at Farnborough and he’s keen to go there. I was thinking of seeing if I could do the same but I like the sound of Gilbert’s offer better. And it would mean you were near friends, Sarah. I think that will be very important when the baby is born.’

  ‘You’ve accepted then, have you?’

  ‘Yes.’ Eric put his arm around her. ‘I have you to thank for this, Sarah. Gilbert would never have thought of asking me to join him if it hadn’t been for you. I think he wants you home again. And I can’t say I blame him. Anyone who didn’t want you near them would be a fool.’

  ‘Oh – rubbish! Eric you are getting to sound very banal.’

  ‘Sarah, I love you and I want you to be happy. I’m delighted with Gilbert’s offer but if you’re against it, then I’ll turn it down. It’s up to you.’

  ‘Oh Eric!’ She felt almost angry with him for making the decision her responsibility for she was very afraid of what would happen if she came back. Chewton Leigh had always been a catalyst to her, she thought. When she was here emotions became charged, situations developed, that were quite out of her control. It had always been so and she knew instinctively it always would be. But her destiny was bound up with Chewton Leigh; try as she might there was no escaping it. ‘Of course we’ll come back,’ she said. And hoped she would not live to regret the decision.

  Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden

  misfortune. But do not distress yourself with

  imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and

  loneliness.

  … everywhere life is full of heroism.

  Desiderata

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  ‘Mama! Mama! Come and see! Come and see!’

  The small boy squatted on his haunches to peer into the rock pool, mesmerised by the darting movement of some tiny sea creature marooned in its clear depths. Carefully, with great concentration, he broke the surface of the water with his index finger, surprised by its warmth, but as the ripples spread the little creature darted again, so fast he did not see it go, only the shimmering ribbon of disturbed water in its wake, and he withdrew his finger again so quickly he almost lost his balance and toppled over backwards in the untidy rabble of ro
cks.

  ‘Mama!’ he called again urgently.

  Sarah, kneeling with Annie on a rug spread out on the sand to unpack the picnic hamper, looked around at him and felt her heart fill with love. Stephen was four years old now and a miniature version of Eric. His body and limbs were wiry, his face almost elfin with its high cheekbones and small pointed chin, his eyes dark and bright as boot-buttons. Only his eyebrows were Sarah’s, delicate arches, and his lashes were long and thick as a girl’s. His was an inquisitive nature, he had a bright and lively intelligence, but there was not a bad-tempered bone in his body and he had never been known to throw a childish tantrum though his curiosity had often led him into one scrape after another. Sarah adored him with a fierce protective love stronger than she could have imagined she was capable of and sometimes it seemed to her that every breath she drew, every dream she dreamed, was for Stephen. He was the focus of her life now in a way that Eric could never be, though she had kept her vow to be a good wife to him, and when her heart ached for Adam, as it still did, she reminded herself that if she had not left Adam there would be no Stephen.

  She looked at him now, crouching beside the rock pool, his face bright and eager, and smiled.

  ‘Be careful that you don’t fall in, Stephen,’ she warned.

  ‘But Mama – look!’

  ‘Not now, darling. Auntie Annie and I are just getting the lunch out. Show John instead.’ She glanced at the other small boy, plumper and fairer skinned than Stephen, who was digging happily in the sand. ‘John, why don’t you go and see what Stephen has found?’

  ‘Yes – go and see, John,’ Annie echoed, sitting back on her heels to unwrap a packet of sandwiches.

  John’s eyes strayed longingly towards the food but he picked himself up obediently and trotted over to join Stephen at the rock pool. Annie watched him go, smiling contentedly.

  ‘Isn’t it nice, Sarah, that they are the same age and can amuse one another? I think we were very clever, don’t you? Even if we were less clever in our choice of husbands. Honestly, I never heard of such a thing – crying off the holiday after it had been planned for so long and leaving us to come alone – and all because of work. They seem to think of nothing else these days. Though I suppose if we are honest it has always been the same.’