I walk towards him, the gun ain’t bothering me. Fucker probably ain’t even got it loaded, he’ll be trying to scare me. Which is how I know he don’t really care about me. He ain’t a father to me. If he really knew me he’d know that a gun aimed at my face don’t scare me. Not when he’s holding it. I can gauge a situation in an instant, it’s what I do. I’m good at it. My instinct’s never let me down before, and I know he ain’t gonna shoot shit.
‘I ain’t killing no-one, for you.’
‘One bullet, Zeb…’
In one swift movement I swipe the gun from his hand, and the roles are suddenly reversed as I aim it right at him. ‘Oh, man, looks like you’re getting a bit too old for this game now, huh?’
He laughs, and it’s cold and humorless but I can see the nerves he’s trying to mask. ‘Why’d you come here, Zeb? If you think so little of me, why’d you come here? What’re you running from?’
‘I ain’t running from nothing…’
‘Trouble in paradise, is that it? That old lady of yours messing about with one of your brothers…?’
I smash the gun across his cheek, not even flinching at the sound of bone cracking. The fucker should think himself lucky it was just his jaw I aimed for. ‘You don’t talk about her, you don’t fucking disrespect her, and you don’t ever, ever touch her. Not you, not one of your brothers, no-one touches her.’ I throw his gun down onto the floor and turn away from him, heading for the door. But then I stop and turn back around, my eyes locking with his. ‘And I don’t know why I came here. But I know I ain’t ever coming back.’
Chapter Fifteen
Izzi
‘I slept with him, Cora.’
She pulls herself up onto the table beside me. We’re sitting outside the clubhouse, the sun’s shining, the heat’s burning my shoulders and I look out over the quiet compound. A couple of the brothers are hanging out by the workshop checking over a couple of the bikes and I watch for a second or two as they focus their attention on one of the Harleys. And then I look over at the bikes parked to the right of the clubhouse – rows and rows of them, more bikes than there are club members, I’m almost positive of that.
‘It was only a matter of time, honey.’
My head swings round to look at Cora, and I frown slightly.
‘Oh, come on, Izzi. You two been circling each other like caged animals forever. I saw it back in North Carolina, and I saw it the second I got here. When you’re in a room together there’s something there, y’know?’
‘How can it be that obvious, Cora? I mean, if Zeb had picked up on anything like that…’
‘He told you to stay away from Mack, right? Told Mack to stay away from you…’
‘If he thought anything like that was going on, he’d kill Mack, you know that.’
‘Maybe it’s just obvious to me, but I see it, darlin’. You obviously seen it, too. You obviously felt it. Felt something.’
I drop my gaze and look down at my boots. ‘I slept with him, and it was amazing… Jesus!’ I throw back my head and laugh. ‘I sound like some inexperienced teenager who just lost her virginity to the hottest guy in town.’ I drop my gaze again and fan the fingers of my left hand out, cocking my head as I look down at my wedding ring. ‘I don’t know where my husband is, he could be anywhere, he could be dead, and what am I doing? I’m fucking his cousin.’ I drop my head lower and rake both hands through my hair, letting out a quiet but frustrated sigh. ‘What a mess!’
‘You just gotta follow your heart, Izzi. Fuck everything else, you not gotta let that get to you. You just gotta follow your heart.’
‘You make it sound so simple.’
‘Because it is.’
I slowly look up, and when my eyes meet hers I see something in them I don’t think I’ve seen before. And then I remember that flicker of regret that passed through them a little while ago, before she flicked that switch and became the Cora I know again. But there’s something there, now.
‘It has to be that simple, honey, because anything else just don’t seem fair.’
I say nothing for a couple of beats, and her gaze wavers only once, her eyes dropping for the briefest of seconds as she looks down at her own clasped hands.
‘What happened?’ I ask, my voice little more than a whisper.
She raises her gaze and her eyes meet mine again, and that look, it’s still there – regret, pain… no, it’s regret. ‘I stayed with someone I… I loved him, Izzi. I loved him, I did. I really did. I just didn’t love him enough, but I stayed. Because I thought I had to. And he wasn’t a bad man, I mean, he did bad things but he wasn’t a bad man. He cared about me and he looked after me and he gave me no reason to be unhappy, not at first, anyway…’
I swallow hard as she drops her gaze again.
‘It was just that I loved someone else that little bit more.’ She looks up and our eyes lock. ‘But I was too weak to take a chance. I stayed where I thought I needed to be, where people thought I should be, because leaving would be dangerous and wrong and…’ She once more drops her gaze but it’s only for another brief second, and then her eyes are back on mine and this time there’s an intensity in there that almost floors me. ‘So I stayed.’ She shrugs, and breaks the stare. ‘And I never got to take that chance again, circumstances saw to that. I stayed. And it was only when he finally left me…’ She laughs, and it’s a cold and hollow sound. ‘He’d been cheating on me for years, and I never saw it.’
‘Zeb isn’t cheating on me, Cora. It’s me who’s cheating on him…’
‘And I was too late. That chance I should’ve taken was long gone. He’d found someone else, moved on, built a family. So I went back to what I knew, hanging out with bikers and dancing for money. I was too late. But you, Izzi – you’re not. You’re young, and Mack loves you…’
‘I hate what I’ve done… what I’m doing…’
‘Who did you think of when you woke up this morning?’
I look at her, and I frown, because I’m not sure I’m enjoying this. ‘Mack.’ I whisper his name, but I’m not even aware it’s me saying it.
‘What’s he offering you, Izzi?’
‘I don’t…’ Should I be telling her everything? I mean, it’s all so complicated, so messed-up. ‘He’s leaving, Cora. This life, everything he’s ever known. He’s leaving. With or without me, he’s getting out of here.’
‘But he wants you to go with him, right?’
I nod, and I look back down at my wedding ring. When Zeb slipped that onto my finger I was so sure that he was the one I wanted to be with, the one I needed to be with. I thought he was my future. But I think I might have been wrong…
‘Then go.’
‘It really isn’t that simple, Cora. Believe me.’
‘Yes, it is.’
I look at her, and my eyes are serious now. ‘It isn’t. You don’t understand…’
The sound of a bike roaring into the compound causes us both to look up, and my heart almost stops in my chest as I see Zeb pull up by the workshop.
I look at Cora and she nods, she knows, and she won’t say anything. To anybody.
I slide down from the table and fold my arms across myself as I walk across the compound towards Zeb. He’s talking to Jet and Hal but he turns around as I approach, and I almost recoil at the sight of him. He looks dishevelled and bruised, like he’s been fighting every day he’s been away. And then he smiles, and I feel my stomach dip with waves of guilt, but not regret. Jesus! I feel no regret? No. Because what happened with Mack, it was real, and I know it was wrong but it happened. And it changed everything.
‘Hey, princess.’
It happens before I realize what I’m doing, a reflex action I can’t stop as my hand connects with his cheek, the slap quick but harsh. ‘Where the fuck have you been?’
He puts a hand to his face and his eyes are blazing, and he grabs my arm and pushes me back against the wall, his mouth crashing down onto mine in a hard and brutal kiss.
‘You save that kinda sh
it for the bedroom, darlin’, y’hear me? Where I been ain’t none of your business, but now I’m back I’m gonna need you to get that pretty ass of yours inside that clubhouse, lose the clothes, and spread those beautiful legs for me.’
I grab his wrist and pull his hand from the back of my neck, my eyes boring into his, he isn’t doing this. I’m not taking it.
I drop his hand and start to walk away but he’s on me before I can go anywhere. He slams me back against the wall, and I try to stop him but he grabs my wrists with one hand and pins them up above my head with his forearm while his other hand tears my panties off, literally ripping them away from me and I don’t want this, he’s got no fucking right to do this.
‘Get your fucking hands off me,’ I hiss, but he just sneers and shoves a hand between my legs, palming me roughly, his fingers digging into me. I take a deep breath and spit in his face, but still he keeps my arms pinned up above my head and his hand between my legs, forcing them apart even though I’m doing my best to fight him.
‘I been away a couple of days and you forget your place, huh? You forget what you’re here for?’
‘Get your fucking hands off me,’ I repeat, and he sneers again, but then he’s suddenly yanked away from me; thrown back against the wall, and Mack’s up in his face and I feel a mixture of relief and fear because Mack’s expression – he’s so fucking angry.
‘Did you not hear the lady, asshole?’
‘She ain’t no lady…’
Mack’s fist connects with Zeb’s jaw, knocking his head back against the brickwork and I flinch slightly, my stomach knotting up as I wait for Zeb’s retaliation. But it doesn’t come. Instead he holds up his hands, spits blood at Mack’s feet and looks at me. And I don’t know what to feel, I don’t.
He says nothing as he walks away, towards the clubhouse, and I drop my gaze, my eyes on the ground as I try to catch my breath.
‘You OK, darlin’?’
Mack’s voice makes me look up, and I nod.
‘You sure?’
‘Mack, I’m fine.’
He looks over towards Hal and Jet and his expression hardens again. ‘Either of you two fuckers think about stepping in there?’
‘He’s the President now, Mack…’
Mack laughs and shakes his head, looking down briefly before his head shoots back up and his expression darkens once more as he strides over to them. ‘Call yourself men?’ He shakes his head again and walks back over to me. ‘You sure you’re OK?’
‘Yes. Can you stop asking that, please?’
He bows his head and digs his hands in his pockets. ‘Izzi…’
‘I’d better go see how Zeb is.’
He’s my husband. It’s what I’m supposed to do. It’s my job.
‘You don’t have to do…’
‘Thanks, Mack. For what you did, but I need to go find Zeb.’
We can’t risk anyone even suspecting something’s going on. That happens, and it won’t matter what help Sam’s offering. Any chance we have of escaping this, it’ll be gone. And Mack knows that, and he steps away from me and lets me go and I don’t look back as I walk slowly towards the clubhouse.
I need to find my husband.
Zeb
The whiskey burns my throat as I drink it down, long drafts that hit my stomach with the desired effect. The calmness starts to flood my body and I sit down on the edge of the bed and swallow down one more mouthful of liquor before I set the almost-empty bottle down on the floor.
I hang my head and run my hands along the back of my neck, closing my eyes as everything starts to sink in, and then Izzi’s face appears and I throw back my head and let out a cry of frustration that comes from the very depths of my soul.
‘Jesus!’
I stand up and pace the floor, punching the wall with such force it shatters the plaster and I turn around and sink to the floor, my head dropping into my hands. I gotta sort this shit out ‘cause I ain’t doing this crap no more. But right now, man, I’m feeling nothing. I’m fucking numb.
‘Zeb?’
I slowly look up and she’s standing there, and she’s looking at me like I’m some monster who meant to hurt her, and I didn’t, that wasn’t me. ‘I’m so sorry, baby.’
She comes over and crouches down in front of me and her eyes – they’re cold, and I can’t blame her. I can’t. ‘I can’t do this, Zeb.’
Her words slam into me like someone just threw a concrete slab into my gut. ‘That wasn’t me out there, princess, it wasn’t…’
She stands up and walks away from me, and I pull myself to my feet and follow her, stopping her from leaving the room, she ain’t doing that. I can’t let her just walk outta here.
‘Baby, please…’
She looks up at me, but there’s still nothing in those eyes and I fucking hate what we’ve been pushed to the edge of here.
‘Where were you?’
Her voice is little more than a whisper, and I want to reach out and touch her but the second I try to do that she flinches and steps back from me, and that kills me. That fucking kills me.
‘I was with my father.’
She drops her gaze, but her body seems to relax slightly. ‘What did you do?’
‘Nothing, baby. I did nothing, he’s still alive, although, God help me I could’ve fucking ended him right there and then…’ She looks up, and her expression stops me from finishing that sentence. ‘I ain’t doing it. I ain’t killing him. Sam don’t fucking own me, he got no right to lay his shit on me, I’m done with that, darlin’, I promise you.’
She don’t need to know of the threats to her life. She’s been through that crap once and I don’t think she deserves to be pushed back into that headspace. I ain’t scared of Kes and his threats ‘cause they’re empty. He ain’t gonna do shit to Izzi.
‘You disappear, for days, and you don’t…’
She drops her gaze again, and I watch as her shoulders sag, and I ain’t sure what’s happening now. ‘There were so many reasons, Izzi…’
She raises her head but she says nothing. She ain’t taking that excuse, she ain’t accepting my words and I feel that numbness start to take over again.
‘I really don’t think I can do this, Zeb.’
I step aside and watch as she takes hold of the door handle, but she hesitates, and pulls her hand away, turning to look at me. ‘What reasons?’
I sit back down on the edge of the bed and pick up the whiskey, downing another mouthful. ‘Sam wants me to kill Kes. Kes wants me to kill Sam.’ I laugh, but there’s no humor there, it’s a cold, emotionless laugh and I drain the bottle of the last of the whiskey. ‘They really fucked me over, those two. Really freakin’ fucked me over…’
Izzi
I don’t know whether to feel horror or pity or – I don’t know. I can’t get my head around what I’m looking at, but to see Zeb cry… I can almost feel a part of me being torn to pieces as I watch the bottle fall from his grasp and crash to the floor; watch as his head drops into his hands and his shoulders shake and I have to close my eyes for a second or two.
I lean back against the door and breathe in deep, and I listen as he sobs – my big, brave, strong man. This isn’t what he does, he doesn’t fall apart or let shit get to him, he doesn’t do that. And again I feel another piece of me being ripped away as I hear him sigh heavily, and I think I’m more terrified of seeing him like this than I am when he’s up in my face threatening to… No. He wouldn’t have done that, not when it came down to it. He wouldn’t have gone there. He said he would never hurt me, and I still believe him.
I open my eyes and look at him. And my heart breaks, I actually feel it shatter. Because my husband seems like a broken man? Or because I know I can’t leave him now. I can’t. I can’t do that to him, I can’t walk away, because I’m not sure I want to. Everything feels different now – again. It all feels different.
He looks over at me, and I sit down beside him, and for a second or two we say nothing. We do nothing. And I
don’t want to talk, I don’t know what to say, and I don’t think he does either. So when he takes my hand and pulls me over so I straddle him I just pull him against me and I hold him. He lays his head against my chest, his arms around my waist and I thread my fingers in his hair and I just hold him.
He’s my husband.
I love him.
And I have no idea who my future is now. I don’t know. I don’t…
Chapter Sixteen
Mack
I’m pissed. I mean, I am seriously fucking pissed.
‘Mack?’
I swing around to see her standing there, her long legs on show thanks to a short leather skirt and those boots, man, she has no idea what they do to my cock. I need to see her wearing nothing but those boots.
‘I need to talk to you.’
I fucking hate those words ‘cause they very rarely mean anything good. And the look on her face, I ain’t sure I even need to hear her say anything else. I know what’s gonna come outta that pretty mouth of hers. ‘Zeb know you’re here?’
‘Zeb’s at home. He needs to rest.’
I can’t help laughing, and her expression changes in an instant. But I can’t help it. He ain’t some fucking invalid, what the fuck’s he need to rest for?
‘You know what, Mack? Let’s just leave it, OK?’
Shit, no! I didn’t want that to happen…
‘Hang on, Izzi. Come on, darlin’, I’m sorry. All right? It’s just that…’ Just that, what? What the hell is this just like? ‘You wanna talk, let’s talk.’
She follows me into the back room behind the bar at Six and I close the door behind her.
‘I can’t leave him, Mack. Not now.’
‘Why? ‘Cause he came home and laid on some sympathy show?’
‘You don’t need to know why…’
I walk over to her, my eyes burning into hers. ‘Yeah, Izzi, I do. ‘Cause two days ago you were halfway to packing your bags, all ready to ride away with me. We were making plans, darlin’, remember?’
Betrayed (Soldiers of Darkness MC Book 2) Page 17
