‘Something’s changed, Mack, and I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, but Zeb…’ She drops her gaze and pushes a hand through her short dark hair. ‘I’m still in love with him, Mack.’ She looks back up at me, and I feel a wave of – shit! I don’t know what that fucking wave is, I just know it makes me feel like there ain’t nothing I can do to change this. ‘I love you, but I’m in love with him. And I can’t… I don’t want to leave him. I can’t, leave him. Not now.’
‘You staying with him outta some kinda pity?’
‘No. No, it isn’t like that, Mack. It’s nothing like that, I just…’ She shifts her gaze again, her eyes focusing on nothing in particular, she just can’t seem to look at me, and I think there’s something more to this than she’s telling me. But then it’s like something snapped inside of her, like she had some kinda gear change or something, and her eyes are back on mine and there’s a look in them that tells me she means every word she’s saying. ‘You deserve better than me. Because I really can’t love you the way you deserve to be loved, Mack. I can’t. And I don’t want to hurt you again, that’d kill me.’
‘You really do love him, huh?’
‘I just tried to convince myself that he wasn’t what I needed because you…’ She looks away again, and I’m feeling everything from anger to pain to a sense of loss so great I ain’t sure I can get the next breath out. ‘When you’re around I still feel something, Mack. And you being here – it’s hard. Because you and me we… I can’t do it. I won’t hurt you again, I’m not gonna do that.’
‘You want me to go?’
‘I can’t force you to.’
‘Do you want me to go?’
She drops her gaze and takes a breath that seems to rock her entire body. ‘I want me and Zeb to at least have a chance of making it work, Mack.’
‘And you don’t think that can happen if I’m around, huh?’
She looks back up and shrugs. ‘I don’t know. I don’t. I just don’t think it’s fair, on either of us, for you to stay here.’
‘I love you, Izzi.’
‘Don’t, Mack, please…’
‘But if you want me to go…’
Maybe she’s right, y’know? Maybe I do deserve better, ‘cause it sure seems obvious that my cousin got some kinda hold over her that ain’t going anywhere any time soon. And I just can’t fucking break it, I mean, I tried. I fucking tried, and I almost got through, I almost had my hands on the fucking prize… But something’s changed, and I don’t know what that is but I ain’t sure I can fix this now.
‘OK. OK, you want me to go, I’ll go. But I got shit to sort out before I go anywhere, darlin’. I got scores to settle first.’
She looks down, and I know there’s a part of her that could’ve walked away from this, I can see it. Every time she looks at me, I see it. I just can’t fucking fight it no more. I’m done…
Zeb
I close my eyes and drop my hand and I let the memory of Izzi, all wet and naked as she rode me to freakin’ heaven and back make my cock hard all over again. My head was all over the place, but she got me back to where I need to be just by being here. By being my beautiful girl.
My hand works that little bit harder as I remember her kneeling up over me, then lowering herself down so my face was up in her pussy and, man – she was all hot and sweet and when she leaned right back and grabbed my legs and put herself in the kinda position I ain’t seen no woman put themselves into while they been with me… I kick the covers off and sit up, crying out loud as I come so fast I’m fucking breathless. I need her here, I need to do this shit inside of her, but sometimes I just want the release.
I throw myself back down onto the bed and close my eyes again, waiting ‘til my breathing slows down before I go clean myself up. And I’m just seconds out of the shower when I hear a knock at the door, but I ain’t in a rush to answer it. Izzi’s got her key so it ain’t her, which means I don’t really care who’s there. But then the knock gets louder; they’re hammering on my door and I ain’t taking that, so I pull on my jeans and head down the hall, flinging the door open.
‘Jesus, Mack, what the fuck you doing?’
He pushes past me and I ain’t taking that, either. I kick the door shut and grab his arm, flinging him back against the wall.
‘You gotta fucking problem?’
‘You. Asshole.’
I laugh in his face ‘cause, y’know, he’s quite funny, my cousin. ‘She turn you down, huh? Izzi? She turn your pretty ass down?’
He grabs my wrist and yanks my hand off of him, and I’m OK with that. He ain’t gonna do shit in my house, I’ll make sure of that. ‘Ain’t my fault she can’t see sense. But she’ll come to them, one day, when she finally sees you for what you are.’
‘And what would that be, exactly?’ I walk over to him, and he ain’t scared of me, I can see that. But that’s good. I ain’t into fighting the weak, that’s no fun. ‘The man who loves her? The man who married her…’
‘That means shit, and you know it.’
I laugh again, ‘cause I ain’t really sure what he’s come here for. I just know that he’s pissed, I can see that. ‘You wanted her, Mack, I knew that. You try to take her, while I was away, hmm? Is that it? You try to win that fight, huh?’
He says nothing, and I feel a slight wave of something I ain’t even gonna think about wash over me, ‘cause I ain’t playing this shit no more with him. Izzi’s mine, and he’s just gonna have to deal with that.
‘You had your chance, Mack. And you blew it.’
‘Yeah… weren’t my only one, though.’ He smirks, and I feel another wave of anger rise up in me, this prick ain’t doing this, not in my house. ‘I had another one. Another chance…’
Yeah, I’m fucking angry now, he’s pushing me. And I grab him by his T-shirt and throw him back against the wall and the fact he laughs just fuels me with even more anger. ‘You shut your fucking mouth, y’hear me? You say nothing, you don’t speak another word or I’ll kill you. I’ll put a fucking bullet in your head and you’ll feel no fucking pain, it’ll be that quick. So you keep that mouth shut and walk outta here before I change my mind. I only play nice for a very short space of time, you got that?’
I let go of him and step back, and I try to calm down, but he doesn’t move.
‘You need to be somewhere else, Mack. You not listening to me?’
‘Where’s Kes?’
I narrow my eyes and stare at him. ‘Why’d you need to know where he is?’
‘Where is he, Zeb? ‘Cause I ain’t leaving ‘til you tell me.’
A slow smile starts to spread across my face and I laugh quietly, dropping my gaze and folding my arms. ‘Yeah. He got you doing his jobs for him now, huh? Your daddy finally got through to you…’
‘Fuck you!’
My expression changes, but it don’t seem to faze him one bit. ‘Mack Slayer finally gets his balls back, is that it?’
‘Where’s your fucking father, Zeb, I ain’t got time to fuck around.’
‘He set a time limit, has he?’ I step forward, moving that little but cloer to him. ‘What’s he promising you, Mack? In return for you doing the job I refuse to do? What’s my uncle promising you?’
‘Where is he?’
‘You ain’t gonna wear me down, Slayer. Oh, you can try, you’re more than welcome to waste your time but you ain’t wasting mine, you got that? Now, I don’t know what the fuck’s going on with you and Sam and I don’t fucking care. But this has anything to do with Izzi… if I find out this involves her in any way I will fucking end you. And that’s a promise. You might be my blood, brother, but you mean shit to me. So you turn around and you walk outta here and you go back to Sam and tell him I ain’t doing this. OK? You wannna know where Kes is? You find him yourself, ‘cause I’m done with the fucking games.’
I hold his gaze ‘cause he needs to know I ain’t playing here. And he gets it, but he ain’t one to go down easily.
‘I’ll find out where he is, Ze
b.’
‘Ain’t no threat to me, brother. You put him down that only makes my life easier, believe me. I just ain’t in the mood to make yours that way.’
Izzi
‘Are you doing the right thing, Izzi?’
‘I’m not sure I even know what the right thing is anymore, Cora.’
‘All you have to do is walk away, honey. He held out a hand and all you had to do was take it…’
‘No, Cora, that wasn’t all I had to do. It’s complicated, this… it’s complicated.’
Maybe she’s right. A few days ago I believed that Mack and I could’ve pulled this off – our great escape. Somehow. And it was complicated then, it still wasn’t as simple as Cora’s making it out to be because I think there’s a little bit of her that’s wearing some kind of rose-tinted spectacles. But now – yeah. Now it’s really fucking complicated.
She pulls up outside mine and Zeb’s ridiculously suburban house, and I notice his Harley parked next to mine on the driveway. He’s still home. And I don’t know whether I’m glad about that or not.
‘You’re not telling me everything, are you, Izzi?’
‘Believe me, Cora, you’re better off not knowing.’ I reach behind for my bag of groceries and step out of the car. Cora gets out too, resting her arms on the roof as she looks at me.
‘Remember what I said, honey. It ain’t too late…’
‘It is, Cora. This time, it really is.’
She throws me a look and gets back in her car. I watch her drive off, and for a second or two I just stand there, as though I’ve lost track of just what it is I’m supposed to be doing.
‘Izzi?’
Sam’s voice almost causes me to drop my groceries as it yanks me back to reality, and I swing around to see him standing there. ‘What’re you doing here?’ I’m not really in the mood for him. I haven’t spoken to him since I overheard him and Mack talking, and what he’s asked of Zeb…
‘We need to talk, Izzi.’
I glance over and see his car parked across the street. ‘You following me?’
‘Well, you seem to be avoiding me, and I hate that we appear to be growing apart…’
‘There’s a reason for that.’ I walk over to him, keeping my eyes fixed on his. ‘You’re getting way too involved in my life, Sam. And I need that to end. Now.’
‘If you want to be with him, Izzi, I can still help you both…’
I shake my head and drop my gaze, my fingers clinging onto my bag of groceries. ‘That was just a stupid, rash rush of blood to the head, Sam.’ I look up, my eyes back on his. ‘A blip. Zeb was God knows where, and I was confused and… Me and Mack are done. For good, this time. It’s over.’
He says nothing, he just stares at me and I start to back away. I’m really not in the mood for this. ‘I can help, Izzi.’
Something suddenly snaps inside of me and I stride back over to him, not stopping until I’m right in front of him. ‘I thought you cared about me. I thought you cared about Zeb…’
‘I do, Izzi, I…’
‘No. You can’t care about us, Sam. You were willing to force him to kill his own father just to keep your respect while at the same time telling your son that it’s fine to take his cousin’s wife away from him…’
‘And you were willing to go.’
‘And I hate myself for being that fucking weak. For letting myself feel those things again when all I was really feeling was confusion and anger and shit that wasn’t real. Zeb didn’t deserve any of it, Jesus, he’s looked up to you for so fucking long and you do this to him?’
‘You still don’t understand our world, do you, Izzi?’
‘I’m not sure I want to.’
‘But you’re staying now. Is that it? You’re staying in this world because of Zeb. You’re not taking that escape I offered you…’
‘Only if Mack did the job Zeb isn’t willing to do anymore. You were only going to help me and Mack if he carried out your decades-old revenge, and I’m supposed to feel grateful? It doesn’t make sense, Sam. I mean, I knew things were twisted before, God help me I was part of so much sick shit I still can’t believe…’ I drop my gaze and take a deep breath because I don’t even want to be here. I don’t want to be standing on the street, discussing this crap with a man I thought I cared about. A man I thought cared about me. ‘But I woke up, Sam. I woke up, and I can see that all of this is so fucking wrong. And yeah, OK, I’m not leaving now. I’m willing to stay in this world I don’t think I’ll ever truly be a part of, but I’m doing that because I love Zeb.’
His eyes burn into mine, and I know what he’s doing. He’s trying to see beneath the surface, read between the lines, see if there’s something I’m hiding from him. He’s trying to find out how much truth I’m telling him. Because I’m not telling him everything. I haven’t told anyone everything.
‘You love him?’
I don’t say anything to that. I just turn and walk up the driveway, let myself into the house and close the door behind me. I’m shutting him out. I’m shutting everything out, everyone out, until I work out what to do next.
‘That you, Izzi?’
I close my eyes for a second and take a deep breath before I head into the kitchen. He’s standing by the window, smoking a cigarette and I smile at him as I lay the bag of groceries on the table and start unpacking them. ‘I thought you might’ve gone to the clubhouse this morning.’
He takes one last drag on his cigarette before he throws it out of the window. ‘I called Hal. Everything’s under control over there.’ He comes over to me and lays a hand on my hip, leaning in to kiss the side of my neck and the touch of his lips on my skin sends a small shiver trickling up my spine. ‘I did have a visitor, though. Mack called round.’
I feel myself tense up, and then I try to relax because Zeb’s still right behind me, still touching me. But I can’t stop a wave of fear washing over me. ‘What did he want?’
He says nothing for a second, but I can feel his breath hot and heavy on my neck, and his fingers are sliding up my dress, playing with the sides of my panties and that wave of fear washes over me again, my stomach knotting up into a ball of nerves.
‘I think he still wants you, darlin’.’
My fingers tighten around a jar of jelly and I slowly lower it down and place it on the table before I drop it.
‘You gonna tell me what you got up to, when I was away, huh? You gonna do that, Izzi?’
I can’t lie to him. He’ll know, and it’ll make things worse, if I lie to him.
His hand slides around my thigh, his fingers grazing my hip bone and I take a deep breath as his mouth brushes the back of my neck.
‘On second thoughts, darlin’, I ain’t sure I wanna know. We all got secrets, it’s just that…’ He laughs quietly, and his mouth moves that little bit closer to my ear and my stomach dips so low I flinch, ‘some secrets are way more dangerous than others.’
I close my eyes as his hand slips inside my panties, his fingers touching me gently, and despite that knot of fear in my gut he’s making me wet, but I’m scared. I don’t know what he knows, what he’s going to do, I don’t know what’s happening. What the hell was Mack doing coming here?
‘I think we need to make something very clear now, Izzi, don’t you?’
His breathing’s getting heavier, and his fingers are becoming that little bit more insistent as he continues to touch me, and I feel sick to my stomach.
‘I think you need a little reminder of just who you belong to here.’
I want to say something, I want to tell him I don’t like this, I don’t want this, but there’s a small, twisted part of me that does. If this is what has to happen for him to overlook what he thinks went on between me and Mack then I’ll take it, because the other option isn’t something I even want to think about.
He pushes me forward slightly and I steady myself, pressing my palms down onto the table as he roughly pushes my dress up over my thighs and yanks at my panties, nudging them
down to my ankles with his boot. He raises a knee and forces my legs apart, as far as they’ll go with my panties round my ankles and I take another deep breath as I wait for the inevitable. But it doesn’t happen straightaway, instead he leans forward, his hand on my ass, his mouth once more brushing my neck.
‘You’re my old lady, Izzi. You’re mine, you got that? As long as I’ve got breath in my fucking body you belong to me, and I’m getting tired of cutting you and Slayer slack. So this is the last time, baby. This is the last fucking time.’
I breathe in deep and close my eyes, and a shiver tears through me as his hand lightly strokes my ass.
‘Step outta the panties, darlin’.’
I do as he says, kicking my panties away. And then he turns me around, his hand on the side of my neck pushing my head back slightly as his lips gently brush the base of my throat, and I can’t stop the small sigh from escaping.
‘I love you, Izzi. Y’hear me, princess?’
‘I…’
He pulls my head back up and presses his fingers to my lips, shaking his head. ‘No, sweetheart, you don’t get to talk. You get to listen.’
His eyes meet mine and I don’t know what I’m seeing here. But I don’t feel scared anymore, I just feel – I feel strangely calm.
‘My beautiful baby girl,’ he whispers, and I close my eyes as his hand continues to press against my neck, and his mouth closes in on mine, and the kiss – it’s confusing. It’s soft and light and so at odds with his behaviour; his words. His thumb strokes my cheek and his mouth presses a little harder against mine but the kiss is so warm and deep that I fall into his arms, it’s like a refex action I can’t control. And I want him so bad now, I’m aching for him, it’s all I can think about. How we got here; what this is really about, I don’t care, not right now. I just want him, inside me, and he pushes me up onto the table and spreads my legs and I can’t breathe properly, my chest is so tight.
‘You belong to me,’ he murmurs as he unzips himself and his cock springs free and I open my legs wider, I need him that bad.
Betrayed (Soldiers of Darkness MC Book 2) Page 18
