I lean back a touch, our eyes locked, and his mouth twists up into a slight smirk as he enters me, pulling me onto him with such force it almost knocks the breath right out of me, but I wrap my legs around him and pull him in deeper. I want him to fuck me hard, I need that. I deserve it? Maybe. I still have no idea what he really knows, and that thought will come back to scare me, I know it will, but right now I just want him to fuck me and fill me with his beautiful poison. I need him to do that. Because I need to be here.
Everything’s already changed.
And it’s about to change all over again…
Chapter Seventeen
Mack
‘You seem to be spending an awful lot of time here.’
I look up as Sam approaches the bar. ‘I like it here.’ And I do. I like it here, at Six. Besides, I’m trying to distance myself from the clubhouse that little bit more as each day passes. I’m trying to do what Izzi wants me to do – stay away from her. And she’s at the clubhouse way more than she’s here these days. ‘Do you want a drink?’
He sits down on the stool next to mine and indicates to Tex behind the bar to fetch him a whiskey. ‘Why’d you go to Zeb’s, Mack? Do you want him to find out what happened with you and Izzi?’
‘I don’t care either way, Sam. None of this matters to me anymore.’
He looks at me as he takes a sip of his whiskey. He don’t believe me, and I don’t blame him. It ain’t the truth, of course this club matters to me. But I was willing to throw it all away for her, and I still am, if truth be told. If she changed her mind and told me she wanted to leave this place, with me… Hell, what am I saying? It don’t matter now, does it? I’m leaving anyway. Without her.
‘I got nothing to lose, Sam.’
His expression changes slightly as I say those words, but he knows what I’m talking about. ‘I take it that means you’re still willing to do what I asked of you. Even though there’s no prize at the end?’
‘Izzi wasn’t a “prize”, Sam.’
He drops his head for a beat or two before looking back up. ‘I know. I’m sorry.’ He shakes his head and takes another drink. ‘We’re all still making so many mistakes.’
He got that right. Everything here is one huge, unholy mess and maybe I’m right to step back from it. Maybe I done all I can here with the Soldiers. Maybe I really do need that new start, whether Izzi’s with me or not.
‘Zeb wouldn’t tell me where Kes is, Sam. And that’s why I went to see him. To find out where Kes is.’
He raises that eyebrow again, which is starting to irritate me slightly now. ‘That the only reason?’
I finish my own drink and slam the empty glass down on the counter. ‘You told me to fight for her, right? You told me to fight fucking hard, and I tried…’
‘By telling him you and Izzi slept together? That’s like signing your own death warrant, Mack. That isn’t fighting.’
‘Maybe I’m tired of fighting. It’s all bullshit anyway. There ain’t no such thing as happy-ever-afters, and I’ve just been wasting my time believing there could actually be one for me and her.’
‘Giving up so easily. Again.’
‘You come here to aggravate me? ‘Cause I don’t need that shit.’
He takes another drink and looks around the bar. It’s full again, packed to the rafters with bikers and their women, and the girls who want to be their women. The music’s loud, the girls on stage are practically naked and this place, man, it’s making the club a hell of a lot of money. And, yeah – I’m gonna miss it. All of it.
‘He’s in a motel about ten miles outside of Albuquerque.’
I look up. ‘You know where he is?’
‘I had a couple of people I know put out some feelers. He’s been moving around a lot these past few days, ever since Zeb returned home. He may be coming for me, he might have other plans altogether, I have no idea. But I want him gone, Mack. Once and for all. I’ve waited too long to do this, to make him pay, and I think it’s time we ended this now. But if you don’t want…’
‘I said I’d do it, didn’t I?’
Like I told Izzi, I got nothing to lose now. I do this, I don’t do this – either way, I’m leaving this place and she ain’t coming with me.
‘He took your mother from you, Mack.’
‘I don’t need no sob story reminders, Sam. I get the background shit.’
He finishes his drink and gets up, sliding a piece of folded-up paper towards me. ‘The address of the motel. He’s still there, but we can’t guarantee how long he’ll stay in one place. Kes isn’t a stupid man, he’ll sense something’s up. Eventually.’
‘Sooner rather than later, huh?’
He just throws me a small smile and walks off. I pocket the piece of paper and order another drink. Tomorrow I got work to do. Tonight I’m just gonna get wasted.
Izzi
Cora and I both look down at the white stick nestling in my palm, and I close my eyes as she gently rubs my back. ‘You OK, honey?’
I nod and lay the pregnancy test back down on the edge of the wash basin. ‘It’s Zeb’s.’
She leans back against the wall and folds her arms. ‘You know that for sure? I mean, I know you only slept with Mack a few days ago but those things can predict a pregnancy just days after conception now, can’t they?’
I pick up the test and tuck it into my purse. ‘It’s Zeb’s.’
She looks at me and frowns. ‘You’re one hundred per cent sure?’
‘When you picked me up from the grocery store the other day, I hadn’t just been shopping. I’d been to see a doctor. I’ve been feeling a little run down for a while, but I just put it down to stress and being over-tired, but… something felt different. So I saw a doctor.’ I look down into the basin, staring into the pure white porcelain, just for a few seconds, and then I look back up at Cora. ‘I’m almost eight weeks gone. So, yes, it’s definitely Zeb’s.’
‘Why the test then, Izzi? If you already knew…?’
‘I needed to be sure. And I know that sounds weird but the doctor’s words… that’s all they were. Words. I had no actual, physical evidence that I was pregnant, but now… now I do.’
‘You sure you’re OK?’
‘It’s a shock, that’s all. We hadn’t planned this, hadn’t even talked about having kids… It’s a shock.’
Her eyes stay fixed on me, and then her expression suddenly changes, and she gets it. She understands now, why things are complicated.
‘That’s why you can’t leave. This is what’s changed your mind.’
She doesn’t phrase that as a question, because she doesn’t need to. ‘I’m pregnant, with the President of this club’s baby and I can’t leave, not now. And I do love him, Cora. Zeb. I love him, I really do…’ I place a hand over my still-flat stomach and look down. ‘And this changes everything. This makes the whole situation real and anything else I thought I could do before I… I can’t do that, not anymore. Because this is real.’ I slowly look back up and there’s a small smile playing at the corners of my mouth now. ‘And I’m happy, y’know?’
‘Are you? Really? Because this doesn’t have to mean…’
‘Don’t, Cora. Please. Don’t say what I think you’re going to say because I don’t want to hear it. I’m having Zeb’s baby, and I’m happy. And I think he will be, too.’
‘Because he’ll have an even bigger hold over you, Izzi. Don’t you see that?’
‘He’s my husband.’
‘He ain’t your keeper, honey. If you still want…’
‘Don’t, Cora.’ My voice has a slightly harsher edge to it now because I really don’t want her to be doing this. ‘Don’t.’
She holds her hands up in surrender, and I feel my shoulders sag with relief.
‘Be happy for me. Please. You’re my friend, and I’m really going to need you around so, please. Just be happy for me.’
She pulls me in for a hug and I hold onto her, relief that I’ve finally told someone swamping
me. Because I’m scared. I’m terrified. I’m having a baby, and I’m bringing that child into a world I don’t think I’ll ever understand, but I don’t have a choice. And I’m scared.
‘I am happy for you, honey.’ She pulls back slightly and smiles at me, stroking my hair back off my face. ‘You’ll be a great mom. I told you that before, remember?’
I raise an eyebrow and we both burst out laughing, the mood, thankfully, lightening.
‘So, when are you gonna tell Zeb?’
‘Soon. I mean, he’s gonna know something’s up when I suddenly stop drinking. So I’ll have to tell him, soon.’ I just don’t know how soon that’s going to be. I kind of want to get my own head around it first, before I tell him. And I hope, I really hope that this news will help him to settle down, stop being so erratic because, sometimes, he still makes me so nervous. And I don’t want to be feeling that way with a baby around. I want my child to grow up loved and secure, even if they do have to live within this fucked-up world. We can still make it work. We have to make it work.
‘And what about everyone else? When you telling them?’
‘I don’t know, Cora.’ I look in the mirror, and I frown slightly because I look tired. But then, I haven’t been sleeping all that well lately. ‘Let me tell Zeb first, then we’ll think about making it all public.’
She pulls me in for another hug, and again I cling onto her tightly and I wonder how different things might’ve been if this baby didn’t exist. I wonder, and then I push those thoughts aside and I resolve never to let myself go there again because it’s over.
Now more than ever I realize that Mack Slayer was never meant to be my future.
This is my future.
And I’ve got to start getting used to that.
Chapter Eighteen
Mack
The ride here’s done me good. Cleared the cobwebs, so to speak. My mind’s more focused than it’s ever been, and once I’ve finished up here I know that walking away’s the only thing I can do now. Yeah, I still feel like I’m letting Cooper down but he would never have wanted me to stay where I ain’t happy. Where I ain’t no use no more. The Soldiers don’t need me, not here. And I can’t go back to North Carolina so a new start’s the only option I got left. I walk away, and this club can try and get back on its feet without me here to mess it up more than I already have done. I’m gonna go get myself a whole new life, start some serious shit somewhere where no fucker knows me and women fall at my feet. I want those days back, that power. I freakin’ need that. I can already feel the old me rushing back the closer I get to the motel Sam’s sent me to.
I pull up outside a diner in the small town I’ve just rode into. I’m not far from where I need to be now, and Sam’s already contacted me and told me that Kes is still around, he ain’t checked outta the motel yet so I figure I got time to stop and catch my breath.
I climb off my bike and head into the diner, and the girl behind the counter, man, she takes all of a second to throw me the kinda smile that tells me all I gotta do is say the word and she’ll have her panties off and her legs wrapped around me in the store cupboard before I can free my cock.
‘What can I get you?’ she asks, her eyes staring right into mine, and there it is. I knew I was right.
I lean forward and give her the full-on Mack Slayer smile. ‘Anything you like, darlin’.’
She rests her elbows on the counter and I can smell her perfume now, a mixture of lemons and flowers and as I look at her more closely I see she ain’t as young as I first thought she was, but she’s pretty enough. ‘Anything, huh?’
I laugh quietly, ‘cause she sure knows how to play this game.
‘Well, I got something off-menu you might wanna try. I’m on my break in…’ She checks her watch, and looks straight back at me, ‘five minutes. Meet me out back and I’ll bring it to you.’
She pours me a coffee and goes to serve another customer, and I down a mouthful of the hot liquid before I flip a cigarette into my mouth and head outside to smoke it.
The heat’s almost stifling as I lean against the wall and draw deep. The sense of freedom here is all-consuming, and I’m beginning to wonder why I never thought of the nomad life before. I think it’ll suit me. Now. It wasn’t what I wanted before but things’ve changed. And the chance to ride every day and just see where the road takes me, that’s feeling like the kinda pull I could live with.
I take another deep drag and throw the half-smoked cigarette down onto the dusty ground before I head round the back of the diner. And she’s there, all blonde hair and blue eyes and I watch as she dangles her panties from her fingertips and throws me that smile again.
‘You said you had something for me, darlin’. You gonna let me see what that is?’
She keeps her eyes on mine as she slowly lifts the hem of her uniform and I drop my gaze. She ain’t shaved, not completely, not like Izzi. She’s got a thin strip of pubic hair covering her slit but that don’t bother me. I ain’t gonna be going down on her, that ain’t happening.
‘I guess I’ll take it,’ I murmur as I move closer, dropping my hand and sliding it between her legs, and she gasps quietly as I stroke her, making her wet in seconds and she gasps again as I push two fingers inside her. But I ain’t here for foreplay, I ain’t staying long enough. So I free my cock, and without me even having to ask she sinks to her knees and takes it in her mouth, all of it, straightaway, no hesitation, no taking the tip in first and building up to some deep-throat action. She’s wasting no time, and I groan quietly as my cock catches the back of her throat, and she don’t even gag, she just sucks harder and lets her tongue work its way around my shaft until I’m this close to coming. This fucking close.
I bury my fingers in her hair and pull her away from me, and she stands up, her eyes locking with mine. ‘You didn’t like it?’
‘I liked it, darlin’. But I want to try it all, you understand?’
She nods and bites down on her lip as I lift her up and ram my rock-hard cock into her tight, wet pussy, thrusting into her like I ain’t been inside a woman in months. And it takes just seconds to reach my climax; seconds before I’m spilling out inside of her in a torrent that feels like it’s never gonna end. But it does. I’m done here now. I got what I came for. It’s time to go.
I pull out of her and zip myself back up, throwing her another grin as I rake a hand through my hair. And she don’t say anything, she just returns my smile and steps back into her panties. We both know what this was. We both got what we wanted. Now we both gotta get back to work.
Zeb
‘Can I talk to you, Zeb?’
‘Sure you can, princess. Come in.’
She closes the door of the chapel behind her and comes over to me, perching herself on the edge of the table.
‘Something up?’
She looks down, and she seems nervous, and I wish it wasn’t happening but those nerves are kinda transferring themselves over to me.
‘Izzi?’
She raises her gaze and I get up and move in front of her, and her eyes follow me, locking with mine. And then she hooks her legs around me and pulls me towards her, and she smiles, and those nerves I felt before suddenly fade away ‘cause I don’t think she’s gonna tell me anything bad. Her whole face has lit up, and her eyes are shining and she seems kinda excited. And then she slips a hand around the back of my neck and pulls my head down and she rests her mouth against mine as she speaks, her voice little more than a whisper. ‘You’re gonna be a daddy, Mr. President.’
It takes a second for her words to sink in, but I think she just told me I’m gonna be a freakin’ father! My baby girl’s carrying my kid and I ain’t felt anything like the elation kicking around me now.
‘You’re happy, right?’ she asks, and her eyes briefly question me but I can’t believe she even thought for one second I’d be anything other than happy about this.
‘You bet your beautiful ass I’m happy, princess.’
I pick her up, an
d she clasps her legs tighter around me as I swing her around and kiss her long and deep, gently putting her down and pushing her back against the wall.
‘How far along are you?’ I ask. ‘Cause I gotta. I gotta know.
‘Almost eight weeks.’
My face breaks into a grin and I kiss her again, man, I just wanna kiss the freakin’ life outta her now. ‘And you’re OK?’
She nods, and then she laughs quietly and I laugh too, ‘cause I know she ain’t really seen my caring side. But she’s precious cargo now. She’s got my baby inside her, and I’m gonna look after the both of them. They’re my whole freakin’ world now. Man, I couldn’t have planned this any better. I was always gonna get this girl pregnant, it was always my plan, and now it’s happened it’s like the final piece of the jigsaw’s just slotted into place. Mack Slayer ain’t gonna come nowhere near her now. Even he ain’t that stupid.
I lean forward and rest my forehead against hers, and I drop my hand to her stomach and she rests her own hand over mine. There ain’t even the tiniest of bumps there yet, but I can’t wait for her to start showing. I can’t wait for her to grow big and show the fucking world that she belongs to me now. We’re gonna be a proper fucking family, I’m gonna make sure of that. I ain’t gonna let the past and the fucked-up shit my father and uncle have done – the fucked-up shit I’ve done; Izzi’s done. I ain’t gonna let that harm my kid, or come back to hurt them, hurt any of us. I’ll protect my family to the fucking end, make no mistake about that.
‘I love you, Zeb,’ she whispers, and I can hear her heart beating, and I place a hand on her chest and let it pound against my palm as I kiss her slowly, feeling her tiny sighs falling into me.
‘I love you too, baby girl. I freakin’ love you too… And we can still have sex, right?’
She laughs, and it’s a beautiful sound. We’d stopped laughing for a while, because I’d let a darkness surround us, but that’s lifted now. And we’re laughing again.
Betrayed (Soldiers of Darkness MC Book 2) Page 19
