by Holt, Leah
I thought I was over her, I thought there was nothing left in my heart for her.
But seeing her right then, something inside me spilled open. A cold shiver ran down my spine, my head began to spin, and my muscles buzzed. A knot formed in my stomach, and my chest was getting tighter and tighter.
Those weren't the feelings of someone who felt nothing. Taking in a deep breath, I tried to calm my body down.
It's fine, just relax. Smile, nod, say hello, that's it.
She was getting closer as the line kept moving, and I started to feel her all over, in every pore and crevasse. Small beads of sweat started to form on my forehead, my stomach was clenched tight, burning the closer she got.
Opening and closing my hands at my side, I kept focusing on my breathing as I wriggled my fingers and wiped my palms on the outside of my pants.
Damn it, I just can't do this.
A local man stepped up and reached out his hand. “Sorry for your loss, Son.”
Holding up my palm, I quickly spoke, “Excuse me for a moment.” Stepping past him, I moved with long strides through the room. I just couldn't be in that room anymore, not with her.
I could feel everyone staring at me, their eyes following my steps as I went out the door and into the front hall. There were people standing all around. The hall was filled, the line to walk through for the wake spiraled out into the parking lot, and around the building.
What is this? The town function for the night?
Doesn't anyone have anything better to do?
It shouldn't have surprised me to see so many people. It was a small town, if someone died, everyone knew about it. What surprised me was the fact that all these people came out for my father.
Searching left and right, I spotted the men's room in the back corner. There were voices around me, people I hadn't seen years, talking and touching me, squeezing my shoulders and rubbing my upper back.
And I fucking hated it.
I didn't want people who could have cared less for me as a child to show me any pity and tell me how sorry they were. No one stepped in to help when I needed it, I certainly didn't need them trying to comfort me now.
Shrugging them off, I stormed into the bathroom and locked the door behind me. Tearing the tie off from around my neck, I popped the top few buttons loose on my shirt and took a moment to breathe.
Why did she come?
Why would she want to be here?
Raking my fingers through my hair, I stepped to the sink and gripped the porcelain. My knuckles turned white as I dug in hard, ready to tear it off the pedestal.
Blue was the last person I expected to walk through that door, and when she did, everything turned upside down.
She had been the one and only girl to break my heart, to literally rip it from my chest and tear it into pieces. I had never wanted to feel that pain again.
The second I saw her, all of that came rushing back. The hot pins poking my lungs, the hollow feeling in my gut, the sharp knife stabbing my heart. It was as if all those years between us weren't there, and the wound was fresh and new.
Turning on the cold water, I splashed my face. Keeping my eyes closed, I let the water drip down, feeling the cool trickles as they worked across my skin.
Knock Knock Knock
“I'll be out in a minute!” I called out, tearing a few paper towels off the roll and drying my face.
Knock Knock Knock
“Hold on!”
Knock Knock Knock
“Jesus,” I huffed out under my breath. Whipping around on my heels, I tore the door open. “Alright, I'm—”
Silence. My voice dropped to nothing, the words lost to shock as I was met with Blue's bright hazel eyes. Blinking with a doe-ish glaze in her stare, she gave me a half smile.
“Hey,” she said, her eyes darting between mine. The very tip of her tongue ran across her bottom lip, tempting the opening.
I was drawn to her mouth instantly, pulled in like a moth to a flame. My heart slammed around inside my chest, my blood began to flow like rushing rapids through my veins.
The pain I had just been feeling morphed into need, a deep seeded need that I couldn't explain. My aching heart was now beating with desire, my dry mouth was now watering to taste her tongue.
“Hi.” That was all I could get out, one word. One stupid little word that meant nothing. It wasn't what I wanted to say, it wasn't the words I had held in all these years, locked up inside my soul until that very moment.
I wanted answers, I wanted to know what had happened to us, I wanted to tell her to screw, and not to bother with shitty small talk.
And then there was that desire, spreading all over my body, making me want to hold her and hug her, kiss her soft lips and run my hands all over her body.
Fuck, I've missed you. The thought swept through my mind, a thought I kept to myself even though I wanted to blurt it out.
I said nothing, leaving her to wonder what the hell was going through my head.
Damn, I still love this woman. . .
Twisting her toe into the carpet, Blue looked up at me under hooded lids. “How are you?” she asked, her voice uncertain and timid.
Blue inhaled a deep breath, causing her chest to perk and her breasts to pillow out through the top of her blouse. My eyes were drawn to her tits, her perfect cleavage right there, teasing every inch of my body.
Licking her lips again, she nibbled on her bottom lip, tugging it in just a little. Those lips, those luscious, full, perfect lips. Images of my dick in her mouth, those plump lips wrapped around my shaft, and swallowing my length began to run through my head. My cock jerked, swelling and throbbing, ready to bend her over right there, and claim her all over again.
It was wrong, it was morally wrong to have a semi at my father's service. But what I felt wasn't something I could control, it was carnal, it was animalistic, it was pure beast.
Fuck it, I'm going to hell to anyway.
Reaching my arm out, I brushed my fingers around the shell of her ear, allowing my fingertips to gently run across the bottom of her jaw. Holding the very edge of her chin, I leaned in, placing a soft kiss on her lips.
Releasing her face, I let my hand fall to my side, and I waited. I waited to see if she would slap me, I waited to see if she would huff out angrily and storm off. I didn't have any words to give her, but I had wanted to do that since the last day I saw her.
It always felt like we left things unfinished, with no closure, no real explanation. Ten years had passed since we saw each other last. Neither of us were the same people, it wasn't possible.
So what the hell am I feeling? What the hell did I just do?
We're strangers.
Blue didn't move, she didn't step back or look at me with disgust in her eyes. Tipping her head, her lips curled to one side.
My expression was still, the only movement was my eyes bouncing around her face and over her body. Whatever had come over me wasn't going away with a simple kiss, it needed more, more of her, more of the woman who had stolen every inch of me; mind, body, and soul.
Wrapping my arm around her waist, I walked backwards, pulling her into the bathroom with me. My eyes were on hers, unable to look away, refusing to blink for fear that I might miss a sign she wanted me to stop.
There was a moment between us, one where I waited as we stood in this limbo with the door still partially open. If she wanted to turn and run, she could, I wouldn't stop her. But if she didn't decide soon, the beast wouldn't stay caged for long.
The look in her eyes had changed, the color growing darker, her hazel globes now a shade of erotic black. Pressing her hand to my chest, she shut the door behind us and locked it.
I had my answer.
Our eyes flirted with each other, not breaking away. Blue took another step into my chest, bringing herself so close, there wasn't enough room to slip a piece of paper. She smelled incredible, her scent different than I remembered, but still just as powerful. Honey and coconut, the aroma
traveled through the air, doing things to my insides that weren't natural.
Raking my fingers through her hair, I took a handful and nuzzled my face in it. “You smell incredible, just like I remember.”
Blue moaned, rolling her head on her shoulders as I massaged her scalp. “It's been a long time, Jayden,” she said, her voice powerful and weak in the same breath.
“Too long.” Tugging her head back, I started to kiss her throat, fluttering kisses across and down her neck, behind her ears and over her collarbones.
With strong legs, I moved her with ease, walking her back against the wall. Pinning her in place, I trapped her head between my palms.
It didn't matter that there were people outside the door, or that we were at my father's wake. It didn't matter if someone heard us, or if the entire town was already gathered outside the door with shock on their faces.
I wanted this—no, I needed this.
Blue wasn't resisting, simply moving with me. I'd kiss next to her ear, she'd tilt her head to make room, I'd run my tongue down her neck, she'd arch her head back so there was more skin to taste.
She wants this too.
My hand found her thigh, running up under her skirt, teasing the edge of her panties. The tips of my fingers felt the lacy garment, and instantly I wanted to tear it off. Growling, I let the tips of my fingers run up the center of her panties, pushing the lace into the crease of her pussy.
There was a hot, wet spot in the center, her body reacting to what it wanted, to what it needed, to what it craved.
Me.
Arching her back, Blue moaned again, closing her mouth tight and trying to keep quiet. Grabbing her ass with my free hand, I rubbed my cock against her hip as I pushed her panties to the side and slipped my finger into her wetness.
In and out, in and out, I fingered her pussy, adding a second finger and making her groan with pleasure.
Spreading her legs wider, Blue ran her hands down my back and over my stomach. Touching the button on my pants, she popped it free and slid her hand down inside. Grabbing my cock she started to move her hand back and forth, stroking my length.
Fuck that's good, that's so damn good.
Digging my fingers into her ass, I lifted her off the floor and tucked her legs behind my back. I knew I wasn't thinking straight, and I knew that I might regret this later, or the next day, I just didn't care.
For ten years I thought about this woman, I had dreams about her, I pictured her, I wanted her, no matter how much I tried to get over her. And now she was right there, willing, ready, and drenched with desire.
Blue moved my engorged tip to her entrance, and I plunged in hard and fast. Protection didn't cross my mind, whether or not she was on birth control didn't cross my mind, nothing rational was there.
With firm, hard thrusts, I drove myself in and out of her pussy. She was soaked, slicking my length and making it easy to glide inside. I felt her tighten around my cock as her pussy milked my shaft, holding me inside.
Wrapping her arms around my neck, Blue buried her face in my shoulder and bit down. She was trying to be quiet, using whatever she could to not make a sound. It was probably pointless, I was sure that everyone out there, and probably people two towns over, already knew what we were doing.
The sharp edges of her teeth tore at my shoulder through my shirt, the fierce pain made me pump even harder, driving in as deep as I could go. I loved making her body do that, I loved having that effect on her.
Blue rode my cock, her back pushed against the wall, her legs securely coiled around my hips. She wasn't going anywhere, not until I made her come.
There was no words between us, only the slapping of skin and heavy breathing. Dragging her nails down my back, I felt her thighs clench and hips bear down. Blue let out a gasp as she forced her face into my chest.
Pistoning my hips, I gave one final thrust. Exploding inside her, wave after wave of hot come filled her pussy. I felt a rush zip through my muscles, starting in my stomach and expanding outward like lightening across a nighttime sky.
Holding still, our chests were rising and falling in tandem, our eyes had found each other, breathing labored and raspy. It felt so good to be right there with her, holding her, our bodies connected again.
I felt her muscles loosen and her legs start to untwine. Lowering her to the floor, I held her hips until I knew she had her balance.
Running her fingers over her hair, she looked in the mirror and smoothed out the frayed ends. “I don't know what just happened or how, but you do know this needs to stay here between us, right?” she asked, still looking at herself in the mirror, using the pads of her fingers to wipe smeared eyeliner away. “I can only imagine what's already being said.”
“Small towns don't change, do they?” Tucking my shirt in and fixing my pants, I wrapped the tie back around my neck. “People just can't help but gossip. Who said two old friends can't talk alone? I did just lose my father after all.”
Blue turned to face me, taking the tie in her hands and wrapping it properly. “Jayden, don't joke.” Tightening the tie a little too much, she held the knot. “I know you didn't like him, but are you really okay? He was still your dad after all.”
Pushing her hands down and off the tie, I loosened it at my throat. “I'm only here for my sister. What are you doing here?”
“I came to pay my respects.”
“Really?” I asked, my voice layered in disbelief. “What is it with this place? My dad was an asshole, everyone knows it. So why is everyone acting like he was a damn saint?” Washing my hands, I dried them and threw the paper towel into the trash. “Even you, you know how he was, the things he did, he doesn't deserve this type of recognition.”
“Maybe not,” she said, dragging her palms down the front of her dress and making sure it wasn't wrinkled. “But you know as well as I do how these people are. Now grab a few more paper towels and start wiping your eyes. At least make it look like I was just in here comforting you.”
Blue unlocked the door, holding the handle until I had done what she said. Tugging it open, she stepped to the side and guided me back into the procession of people. Running her hand up and down my back, she smiled at people as if nothing had just happened in that bathroom.
Sneaky little vixen, just like always.
“It will get better,” she said loudly, her voice encouraging and supportive. “We both know that.” Giving me a little push, Blue smiled, then walked out the door.
I didn't go back in right away, instead I waited, watching her leave. Her heels clicked, and I could still faintly hear them even with the talking as she took a left and disappeared.
Yes, I had a permanent place in the fiery underworld for the shit I had done in my life. But I had cemented that seat with what I had just done in the funeral home.
And maybe I deserved it, because I wasn't sorry about what I had done.
“Jay, there you are.” My sister came to my side, taking my hand and pulling me to my seat. “I've been wondering where you went. Are you alright? What happened?”
“I'm fine, I just needed a break, that's all.” Taking the spot next to my sister, I put on my fake smile, and started the routine all over again.
Nod. Shake. Give thanks.
Nod. Shake. Give thanks.
It went on for the next hour and a half, but the repetitive motion was actually a blessing. All I could focus on was Blue, the way she felt around me, the way I felt inside her, the way it all seemed so right.
Blue had been my weakness, she had been the steel sword that was jammed in my heart. I was never over her, not ever.
I'm so fucked. . .
Chapter Fourteen
Blue
Closing the door to my car, I gripped the steering wheel and dropped my head against the edge. Closing my eyes, flashes of what had just happened began to move through my head.
I just had sex with Jayden Henry. . . At a wake.
What is wrong with me?
It felt like I
had no control over my body, my mind, my actions. I was mesmerized, under his spell as he caressed me in ways I hadn't been touched in years.
Jayden always knew how to touch me, where I liked it, how gentle or rough to be. We had only had sex one time years ago, but we fooled around enough before that for him to know exactly where my spots were
Taking in a big breath of air, I let it out slowly as I took my keys off my lap and started the car. I went to be nice, I went to pay my respects to his family because it was the right thing to do.
But right then, I suddenly regretted going at all.
I didn't go thinking I'd be tugged into a bathroom and given the best orgasm I'd had in forever, the thought never even crossed my mind. But whatever spell he had cast on me took over.
It really was incredible.
Betty-Sue! Shame on yourself!
Peeling my head off the wheel, I sat in the parking lot, not really sure what to do. A part of me was trying not to care about what we did, it didn't mean anything, it was just sex.
He lost his dad, he already lost his mom when he was a kid, his emotions were probably running wild and crazy and he didn't know what he was doing. Maybe he had just reached out to someone, to me, to a person he had once trusted because he needed to feel some form of comfort.
He nailed me in a bathroom, that's not exactly looking for a hug.
Tapping my thumbs, I nibbled on my lower lip as my body buzzed with ghostly memories of his hands moving across my shoulders and down my ribs. I could still see his eyes, the way they devoured me, the way they were so deep and fierce, forcing my thighs to clench.
It meant nothing. He'll go back to wherever he came from, and I'll never see him again.
Putting the car in drive, I turned out onto the road, and headed home. Staring at the road like a zombie, my mind kept rewinding and replaying what had happened in that bathroom.
What the hell did I just do?
That wasn't me, that wasn't who I was. I had never just given myself to someone like that before. No one could get into my panties on the drop of a dime.
