Find Me Series (Book 4): Where Hope is Lost

by Dawson, Trish Marie

  “Something’s not right,” Jin said, motioning for them to be quiet as they circled the deck and slowly came up the steps. As Keel and Jin searched the windows that peered into the storeroom and the kitchen, Cole approached the door.

  He set the box down and pressed his ear to the wood. “I think they’re up,” he whispered.

  Jin pushed away from the wall, and quickly signaled for Cole to be quiet. “Wait,” he hissed. “Don’t open it.”

  But Cole already had. He was too excited to wait. It was supposed to be a surprise, the medicines, so he pushed the door open as quietly as he could and peeked into the crack, but didn’t understand what he saw at first.

  Ashlyn stood in the kitchen doorway with her back to him, rocking the baby in her arms, staring out into the next room, talking to someone out of view. He saw the blood next. A puddle just behind her, and streaks of it leading out of the room. As he pushed the door open enough to slip through, Jin clutched at the back of his coat, but Cole entered the kitchen, following the trail of blood with his eyes all the way to its source. When he saw Riley, with her head to the side, her lap full of blood, and her body as rigid as the chair she was slumped in, Cole’s heart popped like a balloon. He was too late.

  His hand reached into his coat pocket and grabbed what was hidden there a full second before he realized what he was doing, and when Ashlyn’s hand lifted as she talked, showing off the gutting knife, its hilt still wet with blood, Cole didn’t need to hear the rest of what she said to know what had happened.

  He closed the space between them in less than a second, and with the smooth wooden handle of the corkscrew secure in his grip, he punched into the right side of her exposed neck. When he yanked his hand free, a sucking sound came from the hole he’d made, along with a violent squirt of blood, and he punched her a second time, then a third. Her body slammed into the doorframe, and the arm holding the baby went slack. As Cole pinned Ashlyn’s knife-wielding hand to her chest, Lily tumbled free with a startled squawk. Cole attempted to slow her fall with his knee, but she rolled forward, and into Jin’s hands.

  The room went crazy. There was barking, yelling, crying, bodies slamming into each other, and something made of glass that shattered on the floor, but Cole focused only on Ashlyn, and yanked the corkscrew free for the fourth time, pulling something sinewy out with it. Blood went everywhere. All over her shoulder and arm, all over Cole, all over the wall and the floor where their feet slipped together in a weird murder dance. And then she began to go down, and Cole slumped against her body, falling with her to the kitchen tile.

  “What have you done to my family?” he yelled at her. “What have you done?”

  His was the last face she saw, before she sputtered out an unintelligible word in the form of a blood bubble and the light in her eyes went darker than space. She died with a look of pure confusion on her face.

  He couldn’t get off her body. Everything he touched was slick and slimy and he slid in the blood, banging the side of his head off the kitchen cabinets twice before someone yanked on his pack and pulled him away from the mess he’d made. Cole had just killed a person.

  Her neck was still leaking when he backed up against a pair of legs, and he began to cry. “Oh, shit,” he stammered. “Oh, shit. What have I done? I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” He said it over and over as the people of the lodge scrambled over each other to get to the baby, to get to Riley. “I’m so sorry…”

  A set of hands, large and warm, grabbed him by the face and shook his head till Cole’s gaze broke away from Ashlyn’s body. He found Connor’s pale face an inch from his, wet from crying, eyes glazed over with fright.

  “Cole, listen to me,” he said, stroking his temples. “It’s going to be okay, kid. Get it together. It’s going to be okay. You did good,” Connor murmured, dropping his voice to a low and soothing tone.

  “I-I did?” he cried, holding onto one of Connor’s arms to keep from passing out.

  “Aye, mate. You did good.” Connor looked over his shoulder at Ashlyn and then back at Cole and gently messed up his hair. “Don’t you feel sorry for her. She got what she deserved, you hear me? Don’t you fucking dare feel sorry for that woman.”

  Connor grabbed the boy and roughly hugged him, then pushed him away and dashed out of the kitchen. A pair of socks took the place of where Connor’s legs had been, and Cole looked up to find Kris standing above him in her pajamas, smelling like floral scented dryer sheets, even over the reek of iron. With both of her hands fisted over her mouth, she ugly-cried into her knuckles.

  “You saved our lives,” she sniveled around her fingers.

  Then she dropped to the ground and crawled into Cole’s lap. She let him hold her, however awkward it was, and Cole realized that he had inducted himself into the group with a method that was unintentionally vicious and gruesome, but also beautifully raw and wonderfully permanent. Cole had killed for them. And in doing so, he had become one of them. Forever.

  KRIS

  When she’d been snatched off the streets of Los Angeles and then tied up and slashed in the face as she tried to escape, Kris had gone through what she thought would be the most terrifying moments of her life. Though things got better for a while, life did not get easier. Every time she bonded with someone, or something, they left or they died. There was nothing she could do to prevent this. When your world revolved solely around the existence of only a handful of others, one change, however little or insignificant, could implode your world, tossing it upside down, and destroy you from the inside out. As they were frozen inside their own little snow globe for a month, Kris had begun to think that pushing people away was the only possible solution for surviving the utter disaster that life had laid out for her. Because if she learned to not care, it wouldn’t hurt to lose someone, or something precious, like a safe place to call home.

  But they found Riley. And Cole found her. Then Ashlyn tried to take everything away. When Kris climbed out of Cole’s lap and gathered around the others to see if Riley was breathing or not, she realized that outside their own bubble was a great big world just waiting for them, and she couldn’t give up on it. They had to be there for a purpose, each one of them. Why else would life spare them from the death their families and friends endured, she wondered. There was no such thing as luck. Things just were, and when Riley opened her eyes again, Kris knew in her heart that it wasn’t the end for them. Not yet.

  No one told her to go upstairs and pack, they didn’t need to. Riley, if she lived long enough, would require the kind of help that only the Ark could provide. She dressed in warm layers, then pulled on her boots. As she shoved her things into two packs, and rolled up several blankets to take for the trip, she dropped her stuff by her bedroom doorway and went into the next room, shoving the few changes of clothes that belonged to Jacks into his own pack, and Lily’s stuff into her diaper bag until it was so full she could barely close it. She’d moved on to Connor’s room when he came flying up the stairwell and stopped in the hall to stare down at her bags.

  “You’re packing?” he asked, out of breath and covered in blood.

  She nodded, moving aside to let him into his room. “I’m done, so is Jacks and Lily. Was going to do your room next.”

  “You’re a smart kid, Kris,” Connor said, ripping his shirt off in one deft move and tossing it into a corner. Not bothering to cover himself, he stepped out of his sweats and kicked them aside. Kris turned around to give him privacy, because apparently, Connor didn’t believe in sleeping with underwear on.

  “Is she…” Kris started.

  The soft sound of rustling clothes temporarily stopped, and Connor’s voice came from directly behind her. He put a hand on her shoulder and squeezed it gently. “She’s alive,” he said, sucking in a ragged breath. “But barely.”

  “Okay.”

  “We’re taking her back,” he added. She heard a zipper and peeked over her shoulder with one eye open just in time to see him pull on a new shirt. Next, he tugged on a
sweater with a bold and colorful chevron pattern, and fastened the top of his clean jeans.

  “Back to the Ark?”

  He sat on the bed so hard that he bounced on the mattress, then yanked a pair of socks on, and shoved his feet into his boots. Someone else came up the stairs and Jacks quickly poked his head into Connor’s doorway.

  “Did you pack for us?” he asked her, adjusting Lily against his shoulder.

  “Yes. There’s a clean change of clothes in your bathroom. Let me take her?”

  When he flinched away, Kris had forgotten for a moment just how terrifying the scene downstairs must have been for him. He had to stand there and watch as a crazy woman held his baby, intentionally cut her, and then nearly dropped her to the floor. She put a hand out to apologize, but then his face softened and he gently transferred Lily into Kris’ arms.

  He stepped forward and hugged her to his chest, taking a deep breath before releasing her. “Thank you.”

  After Jacks vanished into his own room to change, Connor pushed off the mattress and came up to them, rubbing Lily’s pudgy cheek with his finger. “She’s damned lucky,” he whispered, forcing a smile out for the baby. “Only got a little prick on the leg, didn’t you, sweets.”

  “I’m glad he did it,” she said flatly, recalling Cole’s unexpected sneak attack on Ashlyn, as brutal as it was. “I’m glad she’s dead.”

  Connor’s eyes hardened and he looked away from the baby, as if in pain. “Me too.”

  Lily touched Kris’ cheek gently and deliberately, and spit out a slobbery sound that could have been a word. She let the baby explore her face, oblivious to the horror she survived just minutes before. With her curly dark hair, olive skin tone and bright eyes, she was just as beautiful as she was happy and content. Lily was the perfect example of why fighting to live was so important. She was their hope.

  Drake was the next one up the stairs, but didn’t come to Connor’s door before retreating into his room to gather up his things. He didn’t change his shirt, but put on jeans and his boots, and a coat. In two minutes he was back in the hall, barking at the others to hurry up. The truck was waiting.

  Even if no one had said it out loud, Kris knew that returning to the Ark could be dangerous for her, but none of them realized she had a sad secret. She didn’t imagine the Ark would put up much fuss over her, not once they found out Kris’ pregnancy had failed. She was damaged goods, and they would most certainly move on to the next impressionable young girl to brainwash and impregnate. At least, this is what she told herself as she helped Connor and Jacks lug their belongings downstairs.

  The men had moved Riley onto the floor and wrapped her waist with towels, creating a bulge around her midsection that made her look extremely pregnant. She was awake, but barely. Having lost a lot of blood, her skin had turned a ghostly white. The dog stayed by her side, growling at whomever attempted to move her. And as she looked around in a daze, she noted that Ashlyn’s body had been dragged out of the kitchen. To where, Kris didn’t know.

  Connor tossed a clean shirt at Cole, who was covered in a layer of blood from his face down. “Hurry up and change,” he said.

  She watched Cole walk around the corner and into the hall where he removed his sticky shirt. It got caught in his hair, and he panicked, struggling to get it off his face without touching the wet parts of it. After setting the packs on the ground, she grabbed her water bottle and one of the tossed aside kitchen towels. She took a deep breath and went to him, pulling the shirt up and over his head and dropping it to the ground. He stood still and quiet as she doused the towel with water and wiped his face, then his neck, and handed it to him so he could rub his fingers clean. She watched his lower lip tremble the entire time, but he was trying hard to be tough in front of her.

  “You’ve never done that before,” she whispered, handing him the clean shirt.

  He shoved his arms inside it and then stared at her with wide eyes. “No, never.”

  “Well, thanks.” She spun around and left him standing there before doing something she might regret later, like hugging or kissing him, or worse, forgiving him for what he did to her. That, she knew, would take time.

  “Kris, Cole?” Drake barked, helping Jin lift the blanket Riley was on. She moaned, but waved for them to keep moving. “We’re leaving!”

  She grabbed up her things and followed them out the kitchen door. Keel had brought the truck around to the deck, and with Jin’s help, began loading the toolbox with their packs. “Most of y’all will have to sit in the back,” he said over his shoulder. “It’s going to be a cold ride.”

  “Kris, you, Lily and Cole are the smallest. You should take the cab with Keel,” Connor said, thumbing her towards the front of the truck.

  “Uh, I’ll ride back here with you, I’m fine.”

  “You’re pregnant, you’re not riding in the back of a goddamn pickup truck,” Drake snapped. He had just slid Riley’s body onto the open tailgate, and climbed in the bed of the truck to move her all the way inside. He stood up and shook something invisible out of his hair. “Fuck. I’m sorry, Kris…just…get in, okay? Doesn’t matter where.”

  She nodded at him, not insulted in the least, and not willing to correct him in front of the others. Everyone was tense, scared, and eager to help but not able to. Including her. After handing her packs to Keel, he shoved them into the toolbox and pounded on the bags till they were wedged in as deep as they would go. Jacks met her by the passenger door and carefully adjusted Lily on her lap in the middle of the bench seat, then fastened them with the seatbelt.

  “You good?” he asked.

  With a nod, she patted Lily’s back. “She’ll be fine. I bet she’ll sleep the whole way.”

  “We can hope,” he said. “I only have one pre-made bottle.” He shoved the baby bag between her feet. “It’s in the front pocket, when you need it.”

  Cole waited for Jacks to move, then cursed. “Shit, I forgot something…”

  “There’s no time,” Jacks called after him.

  She watched Cole jog back up the deck steps and retrieve a white box and a plastic bag. He brought them into the front of the truck, and shoved the box next to his feet. Drake and Connor took turns telling each other what to do, and how to get Riley comfortable, but not once did they raise their voices. They made a makeshift bed for Riley out of couch cushions and wedged half a dozen pillows around her sides to keep her stable and from moving too much during the drive. Then they covered her in so many blankets that Kris could no longer see the shape of her body through the back window. They allowed Zoey to snuggle under the covers with her, and then shut the tailgate, locking them in. The four men, Connor and Drake, and Jin and Jacks, flanked Riley’s body, huddled back to back, or side to side under the warmest sleeping bags and blankets they could find from their rooms, and then Drake pounded on the outside of the truck, signaling for Keel to go.

  As they pulled away from the lodge, Kris stared at it with a heavy heart. She’d been wanting to leave the place for weeks, and yet, as the lodge got smaller and smaller and then vanished behind a bend, she missed it instantly. She’d felt the same way when they left Laguna. Except then, they left all smiles, hopeful for the future. Kris didn’t know what waited for them on the road, or back at the Ark, but as she snuggled Lily against her, lost in a bundle of thick baby winter clothes and blankets, she tried to hold onto the hope that everything would end up okay. It was all they had left.

  KEEL

  He drove as smoothly as the road would allow, and yelled apologies at the passengers in the back when he hit a pothole or had to swerve around debris. He said little in the truck, even when the baby began to fuss less than one hour into the drive. The girl, Kris, took excellent care of the tot. Rocking her, playing with her, feeding her and even changing the baby right on her lap as he drove. She didn’t complain once, so neither did he. But Keel had an overwhelming sense of dread settling around him, squeezing on him like a vice.

  Before he remembered ho
w he left the Ark, he suggested to the others that Riley should go there immediately, and he’d drive. As soon as the words came out, he began to regret them, wondering out loud if it truly was the safest option, and even suggesting that he pick up the doc himself and bring him back to the lodge. But Drake insisted they leave, all of them together. Keel saw the wound, it was clear that Riley would need stitches, possibly even surgery, and there was nowhere else for her to go, but back to where she wasn’t welcome.

  Except things had changed since Amanda and Heston had kicked Riley out. Others left too, after Dinnley announced to the entire community that half of the leaders had been killed. They still had strength in numbers, and more than enough essential supplies and food to get them through three winters, but the place was different. It had lost its shiny luster and curb appeal. The people that did venture out of their rooms, did so begrudgingly and with little effort to get to know anyone outside of their own family or work group. They all looked at Keel like he was part of the problem, not the solution. He was used to being the gruff asshole type with no soul and a heart the size of a pea. But he did have a soul, he hoped. He also had a heart. It’d been a long time since he had filled it with anything close to resembling love, but it was there, waiting for its moment.

  He didn’t want to go back to the Ark. Keel didn’t think it would end well for him, nor for the group, but there was no other choice. So, when the road opened, he hit the straight stretches as fast as the truck would go, and took the turns carefully to keep Riley in as little pain as possible. He didn’t stop once, not for himself, not for the baby, not for the men that were freezing their balls off in the back of his truck. He just kept driving, and telling himself that he’d get out. Eventually, when everything calmed down and there was nothing left to hold over his head, he would split. Being out on the road alone wasn’t the worst thing that could happen to him, he realized, as they drove up higher into the Coconino National Forest, where the air dropped just as quickly as the tires spun, and the overcast day began to sprinkle on them. Being surrounded by others, and yet feeling alone, that was the worst thing that could happen to a person.