by Amy Field
“Good morning dear. How did you sleep?” she asked.
“I slept well,” Ruth answered. “I’m sorry I didn’t get up earlier. I guess I was really tired,” she apologized for her lateness.
“It’s alright dear,” her mother replied giving her an understanding smile. “You must be tired after your trip back here.”
Ruth returned her mother’s smile feeling at ease.
“What should I do?” she asked waiting on her mother’s instructions.
“Ohm,” her mother started in thinking. “Amy is out by the barn milking the cow and Elsa is collecting the eggs,” she continued listing off the current chores to see if there was anything left for her to do.
Turning to Ruth, she said, “You can help me make breakfast.”
“It would be my pleasure mama,” she said eagerly.
“Good!” Her mother sounded pleased. “You can put on the pot for the tea and the skillet for the pancakes."
All her mother asked she did it quickly. When Elsa brought in the eggs, she made the omelets. She was happy to feel useful; God knows she hadn’t felt this way for a few months now. It also helped to keep her mind off of New York, and the pain she felt.
After helping her mother serve breakfast, the family sat together and enjoyed the meal. Her father and siblings complimented her for helping out and that made her feel even happier to be back at home.
When her father and brother left for the day, she helped the girls get ready for school. She then volunteered to walk the mile long journey to the school house with them. Her mother agreed and gave her money to pick up some items by the market on her way back home.
As soon as they left the house, the girls bombarded Ruth with questions.
“What was it like living in the English world Ruth?” Amy asked.
“Did you drive in those little vehicles without the horse?” Elsa’s question followed immediately after.
“What do they eat?”
And so the questions continued neither deciding to let up and give her a chance to actually answer.
Ruth laughed. She wasn’t at all put off by their questions and the way they were asking the questions without an answer was quite funny.
“Girls,” Ruth finally called out, holding up her hand for them to stop. “How can I answer you if you ask so many questions at once?” she asked.
“We’re sorry Ruth,” Amy apologized on their behalf.
“It’s okay,” Ruth replied with a smile. “Now, who wants to go first?” she asked with a twinkle in her eye, letting them know she wasn’t at all offended by their questions.
“You go first,” Amy said to her sister.
Elsa turned eager blue eyes towards her sister waiting for permission.
Ruth only had to incline her head in acknowledgement for her to fire off the first question.
“What was it like, being away in the English world?” she asked.
“Well,” Ruth started as they steadily made their way towards the school.
“It’s a lot different from here,” she confessed. “For instance, they don’t have dirt paths like these,” she said gesturing to the narrow roadway that was pure earth. “It is completely tarred over like the roads at the end of town and the sides of the road are paved too.”
“I heard they don’t use kerosene lamps like we do,” Amy piped in.
“That’s true,” Ruth agreed. “They use electricity to power their lights even on the roads and the many gadgets they have,” she revealed.
“What are gadgets?” Elsa asked with a perplexed look.
Ruth smiled at the little girl’s innocence. It was truly a joy to witness such purity as was found in her sisters. At age eleven and eight, they weren’t faced with the dilemma of going out into the outside world or simply choosing to stay in the community. As a result their innocence was untainted. Suddenly she wished she were a child again. Then she wouldn’t be so full of sin and corruption. As she stared at her sisters who eagerly looked up at her, she felt guilty. In a way she was tainting their childhood, their innocence by her recounts of the outside.
“Maybe another time,” she said.
Disappointment showed on their faces.
“We’re almost by the school now,” she said as an excuse. “We’ll continue this some other time okay?” she promised.
At this the girls’ perked up once more as they eagerly accepted her promise.
When they finally made it to the school house, Ruth received a hug from each of her sisters before they ran off to mingle with the other students already there.
“Are my eyes deceiving me?” came a familiar voice from behind her.
Immediately she whirled to see if it was who she thought it was.
“Ruth?” the person asked, as her eyes grew wide with surprise.
At the look of shock on her long time friend’s face a smile broke out on hers.
“It’s me Miriam, in the flesh,” she confirmed.
Immediately the woman embraced her and Ruth hugged her back eagerly.
When the two parted, they could do nothing but giggle uncontrollably.
“I’m so glad you’re back, I’ve missed you Ruth,” Miriam said with feeling.
“I’m sorry I left,” Ruth replied just as heartfelt.
“What are you doing here?” she asked wondering if Miriam had taken a student to class as well.
“I’m the teacher here,” Miriam said with a proud smile. “At least until I marry,” she added.
Ruth’s eyes went wide with surprise and excitement.
“You’re getting married? To who?” she asked inquisitively.
“To Jacob; you remember him right?”
At the mention of Jacob, a scrawny looking boy with a mop of red curls and a smatter of freckles across his nose and cheeks came to mind.
“Freckle face Jacob?” she asked, calling him by the nickname they had given him back then.
“Yes,” Miriam confirmed. “But don’t let him hear you call him that,” she cautioned. “He’s changed a lot since the last time you saw him,” she further explained.
“I’m sorry,” Ruth apologized. “It is a force of habit.”
Miriam gave her a knowing smile.
“I’m happy for you though Miriam, truly I am,” Ruth said.
Again Miriam embraced her.
“And I’m happy you’re back,” she replied happily.
“We must catch up but for now I have some young ones waiting for me to impart knowledge to them,” she said.
“I understand; we’ll catch up,” Ruth replied.
They embraced for the third time before parting ways.
Instead of heading home Ruth took the path that led to the market. A few members of the community that welcomed her back greeted her but others stood afar off staring at her in what she could only term as disdain. She felt uncomfortable and decided not to tarry after making her purchases.
When she returned home, she helped her mother with the washing and tending of their small garden before resting for a few hours. In the late afternoon, Elsa and Amy were dropped off by a neighborly couple whose two daughters were their friends. In the evening, Ruth assisted her mother in the preparation of dinner. Her father and Jamie came home just before dinner was ready. After washing up they came back to the kitchen, as the places were set.
“How was your day dear?” Ruth’s mother asked her father after he placed a chaste kiss on her cheek.
“Oh, the usual,” he replied with a shrug. “But I won’t complain; God has been good."
“God be praised,” her mother replied with reverence.
“I saw Pastor Graber today,” he said, after taking his place at the head of the table.
“Oh?” her mother replied in interest.
“He said he would be delighted to have a session with Ruth before the baptism." He looked at Ruth.
“Oh, that’s wonderful news!” her mother exclaimed clapping her hands in excitement.
Turning his attention to Ruth, Josef
continued, “He said whenever you’re ready you can visit him by his home.”
“Thank you papa,” Ruth replied with a smile. “I think I will pay him a visit tomorrow.”
“Good,” Josef replied in a satisfied tone.
“So I guess I don’t have to cancel that fishing trip with David,” he continued.
“I guess you don’t,” her mother replied with a slight shake of her head.
Her father turned a bright smile in her direction and Ruth witnessed her mother blush as her cheeks became a shade pinker and her lips slightly curved upwards before she turned her face.
Who was this David person that her father kept talking about? Ruth wondered. She didn’t recall her father having much of an acquaintance with anyone while she was here and yet now he was talking eagerly about fishing with his friend.
After serving the dishes, Ruth and her mother sat at their places as her father said grace. Like the night before, after they ate, they retired to the living room to sing songs from the hymnal. They each recited a bible verse and her father did a short sermon. Tonight Ruth was called upon to pray openly.
She panicked.
What could she say to God? Would he even listen to her prayer knowing what she had done? She felt inadequate and as no words came from her lips her father fixed her with a pointed stare.
“Is something wrong?” he asked.
“No papa,” she replied. “I’ve just been out of practice,” she lied.
“Prayer is not something that is practiced Ruth; it’s something that comes from your heart,” Josef replied.
“Now go ahead and pray from your heart,” he commanded before bowing his head once more.
“Dear God,” she started but she couldn’t go any further. Not when her guilt was pressing so heavily on her and made it hard for her to breathe.
She knew her father was probably disappointed in her but she just couldn’t utter anything past that.
“Dear God, we thank you for life and for blessing us. Thank you for all that we have received from your hand and I pray that you will continue to bless us. Amen,” her father finished the prayer.
“I’m sorry,” she started to say but her father held up his hand to stop her.
“It’s alright,” he assured her. “You’ve been away for a long time but you will get there in time.”
She held down her head, the weight of his words a looping guilty tape reel.
She had been away for too long. And as a result she was tainted so badly she didn’t know if there was any recovery from it.
Maybe she shouldn’t commit to the church, she thought as she lay in bed staring at the ceiling above her bed. She thought coming back would lessen the guilt she experienced, but it felt as if it had been multiplied a hundred-fold. What would she say when asked to confess her sins before the church? How would they react if she ever voiced what she had done?
She fell asleep restlessly, after beating up on herself for more than an hour.
When she awoke, it was still dark outside but she was restless. She looked to see that it was just 5:00 am, which meant she had half an hour to spare. Casting off her nightgown, she donned the plain dress and apron. Once again she simply put her hair in a bun at the nape of her neck and put on the prayer kapp.
Ruth ventured outside towards the barn and spent the next half an hour milking the cow before she reached for the basket in the corner and felt for the eggs hidden by the hay on the barn floor. She then returned to the house to make breakfast.
“Ruth?” came her mother’s confused voice from behind her.
“Good morning mama,” she said over her shoulder, a smile plastered on her face.
“What are you doing up so early; are you okay?” her mother asked as she came to stand beside her. Her eyes stared at Ruth, assessing her.
Ruth felt uncomfortable. It felt like her mother was peering into her soul searching out her secrets.
“I felt like making breakfast as a surprise for you,” she said.
“What’s wrong, Ruth?” her mother asked in a serious, concerned voice. “I know when something is wrong with you,” she continued before Ruth could deny the claim. “Ever since you were a little girl if something wasn’t right you would find everything to do to keep yourself busy.”
“I don’t know, I guess I’m just feeling a bit restless. I feel like an outsider; like I’ve been away in the world too long and I am trying real hard to fit in again,” she confessed, as she hung her head in defeat.
Although that wasn’t entirely the reason she was feeling down, she hoped it was enough to keep her mother from asking too many questions.
“Look at me,” her mother commanded holding her head in her hands so that she was facing her.
“You are right where you belong,” she said firmly. “God helped you to make the right decision to come back. Whatever you did out there doesn’t matter; he has already forgiven you.”
At this Ruth flung herself into her mother’s arms as the tears rolled unbidden down her cheeks.
“Oh my sweet, sweet child, it’s fine,” her mother said softly, while rubbing small soothing circles on her back.
“Whatever it is that is bothering you, just pray about it, God will answer,” she spoke assuringly.
“Does He forgive every sin?” Ruth asked against her mother's chest.
“Of course he does; you just have to be honest with him,” her mother replied. “If you don’t want to confess it during your conversion it is perfectly alright; once God knows your heart,” she continued to say.
When Ruth detached herself from her mother, she felt much lighter than she had since coming back home.
In the afternoon she visited the pastor who set her committal ceremony for the following Sunday.
David looked down at his eighteen month old daughter covered in what appeared to be the porridge he had set before her. He had only been gone for a minute to turn off the heat in the next room and when he came back little Hope was smiling at him, with the empty bowl in her hands.
Sighing, he reached for her and pulled her from the high chair. The little girl giggled as he dodged her chubby fingers that reached for his beard. He couldn’t bring himself to shave it even though he had been a widower for more than a year. It, and Hope were the only testaments that he had that he had been married and was happy.
Looking at the clock, he wondered where his niece was. He didn’t have time to stay with Hope this morning, as he had to oversee a big shipment from his factory. Even as he struggled to clean little Hope while she giggled and flayed her arms, he wondered what he would do when Liza left to go stay with her new husband’s relatives in Ohio. He would practically be left stranded. She had been kind enough to offer her help while he was away at work but now she would be going and he would have to consider an alternative.
“Papa, clean,” Hope squealed in her baby voice, pointing to the new dress he had put on.
David couldn’t help the smile that formed on his lips as he looked down at her. Her green eyes were the exact replicas of her mother’s and though it couldn’t be seen now, he knew that she was going to resemble her mother.
“Yes you are,” he replied to her declaration.
The little girl turned happy eyes back at him as she extended her hands towards him.
“Up papa, up,” she commanded.
David laughed at the little girl’s bossiness.
“Yes ma’am,” he replied before sweeping her into his arms.
She released a peal of laughter when he began throwing her into the air before catching her in his arms. As he continued to have fun with his daughter, there was a knock at the front door. Walking out of the little girl’s room with her neatly tucked at his side he went and opened the door.
“Good morning uncle. I’m sorry I’m late but mama wasn’t feeling feel and papa already left for the fields,” the girl said before him rushed out.
“It’s alright Liza, I understand,” he assured her. “But I have to leave now,
” he continued.
At this Liza turned her attention to Hope with a broad smile on her face.
“Hey little Hopey Dopey,” she cooed.
Immediately Hope strained towards Liza and David readily released her into his niece’s care.
“I’ll see you later,” he said before adding a kiss to his daughter’s forehead and heading for the door. Going to the barn, he hitched up his stallion to the buggy before heading towards town where his furniture business was located.
When he got there his second in command had already let in the workers who were carefully packing the items into the waiting truck. His business had grown quite admirably considering that he started it from the little shed at the back of his house. Now he was a well-known furniture dealer, selling furniture not only to the locals but he was now a key distributor in Amish furniture to the wider public.
“I’m guessing Hope kept you up?” John asked with a twinkle in his eyes as soon as David plopped down in the chair by his desk.
“My niece was late,” he explained.
“Oh,” John replied simply. “Have you thought about what you will do when she leaves?” he asked in a serious tone.
“I haven’t the slightest idea,” David sighed. “I was thinking about leaving her with my sister but she is too ill to be chasing after a toddler and most of the females are too young, or they're married.”
John patted his back sympathetically.
“I hope it works out for you my friend,” he said genuinely before moving off.
For the rest of the day, David did inventory while monitoring the work of his employees. When it was time to go home, he was bone tired.
Luckily the following morning was service so he didn’t have to think much about repeating the routine. Tomorrow would be a day of meditation on the word and rest. It was also a plus that he would be going fishing in the evening with Josef. Hope would be spending the day with Liza.
Ever since the day Josef witnessed his breakdown by the pond after his wife’s death, the two had become close friends as Josef encouraged him that it was God’s will to take Sarah but that he had to continue to live, especially now that he had a little one to take care of.
The two now had a fishing date every other week. It felt good to get away and clear his mind and just enjoy the peace and tranquility that fishing brought him.
