‘I’m not doing this now,’ I said, opening the door, but he ran over to me, grabbing my wrist to stop me from leaving.
‘Does it make it easier, Lana?’
I stared at him. This man I’d spent half my life with. This man who’d come here and made me rethink everything. He’d turned the world I’d thought I’d finally settled into on its head, made me take steps backwards, and I wasn’t comfortable with that. Or maybe I really did just need to sleep.
‘Stay here, Lana. Please. Stay with me.’
I let go of the handle, leaning back against the door and closing my eyes, a feeling of defeat washing over me. I was too exhausted to fight him anymore. Too exhausted to do anything except curl up and sleep. It was a new day, but I still had to say goodbye to the old one.
Raising my hand I tapped lightly on Eddie’s front door, bowing my head as I waited for him to answer. Adam hadn’t wanted me to do this, but Adam didn’t make my decisions for me. I couldn’t just walk away from here not knowing how Eddie was. And, yes, maybe I did just want to see him, one last time. But that was my choice. My decision – my mistake – to make.
I looked up as Eddie finally answered the door, and I couldn’t hold in the gasp of shock that escaped when I saw him. His face wasn’t as swollen as I’d expected it to be, that seemed to have settled slightly, but more bruises had flared up now, the cuts still raw and angry. He looked a mess.
‘Jesus, Eddie,’ I whispered, unable to take my eyes off him.
‘I’m fine,’ he said, standing aside to let me in, closing the door behind us.
‘They give you painkillers?’
‘Aye. Lots of them.’
I followed him into the living room, sitting down on the couch, looking up as he sat down beside me. ‘I’m going home, Eddie.’
He sighed, leaning forward, his head dropping, his hands clasped between his open knees. ‘Lana, darlin’, I am so sorry.’
‘For what?’
He looked up, and I tried to hold in another gasp because his eyes were so red and tired, they looked sore, one still barely open, looking only slightly better than it had done the other night. ‘For all of this. For not saying no to Nate when I knew… I knew we should have just left it alone. But…’ He let out another heavy sigh, ‘… you have to go with your president’s decision. You have to…’ He pushed a hand through his hair, turning away for a second or two. ‘What we did, it didn’t change anything. It hasn’t made Nate feel any better, not really. All it’s achieved is more crap, more tension. All we’ve done is re-open old wounds. And the way I’ve been behaving, some of the things I said… I put us in jeopardy, Lana. Because I couldn’t think of anything else except getting this shit over with. It took over. And I let it affect everything.’
‘Eddie, we both made mistakes.’ That was the painful reality of it all because I still felt something for this man, I really did. But then Adam had arrived. And turned everything on its head.
He looked down again. ‘You and Adam…’
‘There is no me and Adam.’ Wasn’t there? ‘I just think – I need to go home, Eddie. Being with you, staying here, it was something I needed to do. Something I had to experience. But we always knew it was never gonna be forever.’
‘And if I’d been able to… to commit…’ He looked straight at me. ‘If I’d let myself fall in love again?’
I frowned as I studied his broken face. Even though his eyes were red and tired, I could still see a sadness there behind them that I’d never seen in him before. And it hit me hard, seeing him like that – vulnerable, almost. I took his hand, gently running my fingers over his bruised knuckles, wishing I could get the words out, tell him something, anything, but I didn’t know what to say. And my silence caused him to turn his head away from me, his hand still in mine.
‘After everything that’s happened… I want out, Lana. It’s time for another new start.’ He looked down, closing his eyes for the briefest of seconds. ‘I’m moving to LA. I’ve been putting feelers out about premises for a new shop, and I’ve got a few contacts over there who are willing to help get me up and running as soon as possible. I’ve even got a place to stay in Culver City.’ He looked at me again, his expression a touch softer now. ‘I didn’t treat you the way I should have done, darlin’. I let the past get in the way, and I allowed the present to distract me. For so long I’ve shut my feelings down, closed myself off to any emotion that could hurt me again but… I was wrong. I was stupid. Because you… you walked into my life, and I should have told you how I really felt instead of backing away from it all.’
‘Eddie…’
‘Come with me, Lana. To LA. I’m not that person you saw the other night, baby. I’m really not. And I don’t ever want to be. But that club – what Nate has done… It probably won’t ever be free of that crap now. And, yeah, it might look as though I’m running away, but I can’t stay here. Not now. Too much has happened. I need to get away. I think we both do. But you don’t have to go back home, Lana. You don’t. Come with me, let me show you the kind of man I can really be. A man who wants to fall in love again. A man who wants to change his life. Just like you changed yours.’
Listening to him talk, hearing him say the words I’d wanted him to say ever since I’d walked away from him, it was just making everything here harder to deal with now.
‘Just me, you and the bikes, Lana. That’s all we need.’
I stood up, walking over to the window. ‘I’m going home, Eddie.’ I folded my arms across my chest, still staring outside.
‘You don’t have to, darlin’.’
I slowly turned back around. ‘I know. But I want to.’
He let out a quiet, almost defeated, sigh, digging his hands into his pockets, his head down.
‘I never meant to hurt you, Eddie. That was never my intention, and I am so, so sorry for what I did to you…’
He looked at me, shaking his head. ‘You didn’t hurt me. Everything that’s happened here…I was weak, too weak to listen to my own feelings. Too weak to face up to things. You came into my life for a reason, Lana, and I just ignored it, me, the one who kept banging on about fate, so… so everything that happened…’
I walked over to him, reaching out to gently touch his bruised face. ‘Adam turning up didn’t help. And if we’re talking about being weak, I think I’ve been more than guilty of that myself. If anyone killed this for us, Eddie, it was me.’
He took my hand, his fingers curling tight around mine. ‘Do you love him, Lana?’
I looked at him for a few, long seconds before I said anything. And the words that came out surprised even me. ‘I don’t know if I ever really stopped loving him.’
‘Then don’t lose him, darlin’.’
‘Eddie, I…’ Before I could do anything he was kissing me, holding me tight and kissing me, a reminder of those wonderful, almost magical, kisses we’d shared over the past few weeks. A reminder of a time I would never regret, because being here, being with him, it had focused my mind more than I’d realised. I knew what I had to do now. But still nothing was guaranteed. There was a lot of fighting to be done yet. Happy-ever-after was a long way off.
‘I want you to stay with me, Lana. And I know I said… I know trust is…’ He threw his head back, sighing quietly, but it was a sigh that seemed to wrack his whole body. ‘When I told you I needed you, that was no lie. And I still need you now, despite everything I’ve said, but… If you love him…’ He dropped his gaze, letting go of me, and I felt as though a distance was slowly growing between us now. A gap that had been getting wider without either of us realising, whilst the one between me and Adam had been closing.
‘I’m sorry, Eddie.’
He looked back up, his hand resting against my cheek, his thumb stroking my skin. ‘You have nothing to be sorry for, darlin’.’
‘You were good for me, baby, you were so good for me.’
He laughed quietly, a sound I hadn’t heard from him in a while. ‘Was I?’
&
nbsp; I smiled, placing my hand over his, needing to touch him, for just a little while longer. ‘Yeah. You were. And I’m always gonna to think of you as my beautiful escape. You gave me the chance to live a little bit of a life I hadn’t even known existed until I met you. I had sex on a Harley, I mean, come on!’
He laughed again, and my fingers curled around his, holding tightly onto his hand as he kissed me one more time. One last time.
‘I had sex on a Harley,’ I whispered, tucking his hair behind his ear, lightly running my fingertips over the deep cut on his face. ‘And I will never forget that, Eddie. I’ll never forget you.’
‘You could live more of that life, Lana. You’ve only scratched the surface, darlin’, you…you could live so much more…’
I shook my head, and it was sad, because he was right. I could have that incredible, wild life he’d started to show me. I could have that. All I had to do was reach out and take it. But it would be a life without Adam. And that was the kicker. I didn’t want a life without Adam. Not anymore. And as much as that realisation shocked the hell out of me, it was the truth. It was how I felt. I didn’t want a life without Adam.
He squeezed my hand, a small smile still on his battered but oh-so-handsome face. And another wave of sadness washed over me. ‘You’ve got my number, okay? And you keep hold of that, you hear me? You keep hold of it. And if you ever need me…’
I let go of him as I began to slowly back away. ‘You take care, Eddie. Please.’
He stuck his hands back in his pockets, his head down. ‘Aye. You too, sweetheart. You too.’
And without looking back, I walked out into the hall, and out of Eddie Fletcher’s life…
26
Closing my eyes, I felt him pull me back against him, his mouth warm on my skin as he covered my shoulder in tiny, soft kisses, his hand moving around so it laid on my stomach. I reached behind me, burying my fingers in his hair, his beard rough against the back of my neck, a sensation that made my whole body tingle.
I sighed quietly as his hand moved down, sliding up under my nightdress to rest on my hip. ‘Adam…’ I groaned, pushing back against him as he slipped his hand between my legs, touching me gently, whispering things in my ear I hadn’t even realised he’d been capable of thinking. But I guess I’d been teaching him good, taking him to a whole other level as far as sex was concerned – turning him into a bad boy in the bedroom, while letting him stay that sexy businessman in the boardroom. It was a turn-on we made use of quite regularly now. A game we played a lot. And he, in turn, loved the idea of the suit-wearing CEO and the tattooed biker chick. It worked for us in ways neither of us could ever have imagined.
‘Just lie back and let it happen,’ he whispered, his other hand taking mine, keeping hold of it as he manoeuvred himself inside me, squeezing my fingers tight as he pushed deeper.
‘Your early-morning alarm call’s here, Mr Saunders,’ I murmured lazily, biting down on my lip as his thrusts built up a slow and steady rhythm.
He laughed quietly, a deep, sexy laugh that made my stomach cartwheel so many times I almost couldn’t breathe. This man had been mine for so long, yet it only felt as if I was beginning to know him now. And for all I’d fought this; fought us getting back together, it had been pointless. Him turning up in Vegas had changed everything. I’d finally had to face up to that. And now we were back home, I kind of wanted to see where this second chance was taking us. Because nothing was set in stone yet. We were still getting to know each other all over again, and so far that had been fun. So much fun!
‘I love you, Lana,’ he murmured into my shoulder, his body so much a part of me now it was like we were locked together. And it made me feel safe. I liked how it felt – how he felt, after so many years of not feeling him at all. Of not feeling anything except sad, that our marriage was failing. That we were losing each other. But finding each other again… oh, that was the best part, something that was almost worth all the pain and heartache we’d gone through.
I gripped his hand tighter, drawing my legs up, his body moulding against mine as I moved position. ‘I love you, too,’ I breathed, and I meant it. Oh, God, I meant it. With every beat of my racing heart.
‘We could just stay in bed all day,’ he said quietly, his hand on my hip again, keeping me pushed back against him. ‘Stay here, fucking, until we can’t take any more.’
I moaned long and low, laughing quietly. ‘You know I like to look at you when you talk dirty, Mr Saunders. Because you never used to talk dirty. Words like that never once left that super-sexy mouth of yours.’
‘Yes, well, my mouth has been on a bit of a learning curve lately, and it’s having one hell of good time in the process.’
I laughed again, a low-down, dirty laugh, arching my back and pushing my bottom into him as his lips trailed over my neck and shoulders, a never-ending surge of tiny electric shocks piercing my skin. It was the most beautiful sex; a slow, lazy way of making love, just perfect for this time of the day.
‘You ready?’ he asked, his mouth close to my ear, which sent another shiver scurrying up my spine.
‘Not yet,’ I whispered.
He slid his hand back between my legs, his fingers instantly finding that place they needed to be, bringing me to the edge within seconds. ‘You ready now?’
‘Jesus, yes!’ I gasped, my hand gripping his so tight I almost cut off his blood supply. ‘Yes!’ I bit down on my lip, my breath coming out in short, sharp gasps as it all came to a slow and beautiful end, his body pressed so close against mine it truly did feel as though we were one. He was a part of me. He’d always been a part of me. He always would be.
‘I’ve got to go in a little while,’ he said quietly, his lips gently brushing over my shoulder as he pulled out of me.
I turned around so I was facing him, kissing his slightly open mouth. ‘So, we never really were gonna stay here all day, fucking until we couldn’t take any more.’
He smiled, and I felt my insides react, leaping about like an over-excited jack-in-the-box. ‘No, but, I’m a huge fan of the idea.’
‘Yeah,’ I whispered, resting my mouth against his. ‘Me too.’
I closed my eyes as he kissed me, the most incredible, slow, drawn-out kiss that I didn’t want to end. We’d never used to kiss all that often once married life had kicked in. In the beginning, yeah, I realised that we had. In fact, I was starting to remember a lot of stuff I’d obviously just chosen to forget. In the beginning we’d been all over each other like a rash, at times, with friends having to pull us apart just so we could come up for air. How on earth had I let myself forget all that? Forget the way I’d once felt about him; lose those memories like they’d never happened. We’d just pushed it all to one side while real life had taken over, and in the end the need to remember it had waned. Dissipated. But we were changing all of that, finding that time we hadn’t bothered to find before, making sure those simple things we’d once taken for granted – or forgotten altogether – weren’t pushed aside again. I wasn’t into repeating mistakes, not anymore. So we kissed a lot now. Oh, God, did we kiss a lot!
‘I don’t want to go into work today,’ I groaned, falling onto my back and stretching out. My whole body felt like it had just undergone the most intensive workout. Sex with my hot and handsome ex; the best kind of exercise.
‘I thought you loved going into work these days,’ Adam said, his fingers running lightly over my stomach, pushing my nightdress up and I helped him pull it off, throwing it down on the floor beside the bed.
‘I do.’ I turned my head to look at him, a slow smile spreading across my face. ‘I’d just rather be here. With you. Naked. Having lots of dirty sex.’
‘You are such a bad influence,’ he whispered as he leant over me, his mouth covering one of my breasts and I buried my fingers in his hair, arching my back, pushing myself up against him, moaning quietly as his beard once more tickled my skin. ‘But…’ He raised his head, kissing me quickly. ‘I really have to go. I’ve got
a meeting in an hour and I need to get to the office to prepare.’
‘Spoilsport.’
He grinned, climbing over me, kissing me once more before he got up and headed into the bathroom.
I sat up, pushing both hands through my hair and shaking it out before I reluctantly forced myself out of bed. Walking over to the mirror I looked at my reflection. Sometimes it was still a shock to see the woman I’d become, because she was so different to the woman I’d once been. But I liked the new me, ink and all.
‘You look beautiful.’
I swung around, smiling at Adam as he stood there, all just-out-of-the-shower sexy, wearing nothing but his own smile and a towel tied low around his hips. ‘Yeah. Of course I do. The just-got-out-of-bed look was always a favourite of mine.’
He came over to me, tucking my hair back behind my ear, leaning in to kiss me gently. I was beginning to wish he’d stop that now. It was only making me less keen to leave this room. Right now I wanted to act like a rebellious teenager, call Finn, tell him I was sick and stay in bed all day. My ex-husband still had a lot of things to learn about the new me. We were nowhere near done with those lessons yet.
‘You look beautiful,’ he repeated, pulling my naked body against his almost-naked one.
‘Okay.’ I slid my arms loosely around his neck, trying hard not to let the touch of his fingers stroking the small of my back turn me on too much. But it was already too late. ‘I believe you.’
He looked down, his eyes scanning every inch of me, and that did nothing but send the most delicious shiver running right through me, up and down my spine so many times I thought it would never stop. ‘I really do have to go, darling.’
I reluctantly let go of him, leaning back against the sideboard, watching as he began to get dressed.
Shirley Valentine Goes to Vegas Page 21
