‘There’s a fundraising dinner tonight,’ he said, as he pulled on a clean white shirt, slowly transforming himself from hot bedroom bad boy to sexy businessman. I just wanted to keep him all ruffled and untidy – and naked. Oh, God, I wanted to keep him naked. And maybe I really did need to get to work, focus my mind on something other than sex. But that’s what you got when you’d spent almost the entire weekend in bed with a man as beautiful as Adam. How many years had I wasted not realising just how beautiful he really was? ‘Lana, sweetheart? Did you hear what I said?’
‘Hmm? Oh, sorry, I’d drifted off there for a second.’ To a lovely place I fully intended to go back to, very soon. But maybe not when I had a tattoo gun in my hand. That wouldn’t be good for business. ‘What did you say?’
‘There’s a fundraising dinner tonight, at Calbrook Hall.’
‘Calbrook Hall?’ I frowned. ‘Isn’t that the country-house hotel up in Northumberland? The one that’s just had a massive refurbishment?’
‘Yes. That’s the one. A lot of local businesses are lending their support, and it should be a good night, so, I was just wondering if you… if you wanted to come with me.’
I looked at him with a slightly wary expression. ‘Why wouldn’t I?’
He looked down for a second or two, his hands in his pockets. ‘Well, I know how you feel about these kind of events now, Lana. I know you didn’t always feel comfortable and… and I don’t want to force you into doing anything you don’t feel comfortable doing, I just…’ He raised his gaze, his eyes locking with mine. ‘If you don’t want to go, that’s fine. I’ll understand.’
‘Do you want me to come with you?’ I asked, my tone probably more defensive than I’d intended. I was letting paranoia take over, and I instantly regretted it.
‘I wouldn’t have mentioned it otherwise, Lana. I just didn’t know if it was too soon, that’s all.’
‘Too soon for what? For you to be taking me out in public? For your high-powered business colleagues to see how much I’ve changed? To see what I’ve done to myself?’ I walked away from him, into the ensuite, grabbing a robe from the door and wrapping it around myself.
‘Jesus, Lana, come on.’ He followed me into the bathroom. ‘I don’t care about any of that, okay? But maybe you do, huh? Maybe it’s your problem, not mine. Maybe you’re the one that isn’t ready to show the real you, because me – I don’t care, sweetheart.’
I stared at him, right into those beautiful blue eyes. But I couldn’t quite read him. There was something there that unsettled me. The fact he’d hit a nerve? No. He was wrong. He was so wrong. ‘You really don’t care?’
‘No, darling. I don’t. I really don’t care what anyone else thinks, okay? Have you got that yet? You’re not the only one who’s changed, Lana.’
‘It’s just difficult for me to believe, Adam, that’s all. Hard for me to believe that you can change your opinion on so many things in such a short space of time.’
‘I lost you, Lana. And when Finn told me you’d found someone else… When I saw you there, in Vegas, I hadn’t actually prepared myself for just how much that was going to hurt. I hadn’t realised how much I missed you until that very moment. And I certainly hadn’t realised how much the idea of another man touching you…’ He sighed quietly, pushing a hand through his hair. ‘That tore me apart. That really hurt, more than I ever thought it could. And forgive me for bringing up an age-old cliché but, it’s true – you really don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone.’ He bowed his head, leaning back against the wall. ‘I love you, Lana.’ He raised his gaze, his eyes meeting mine. ‘And, okay, I’ll admit, there are a few things that are taking a bit more getting used to than others. Everything’s different, you’re different and… and it’s just something I need to get my head around. But I will. I promise you, I will. Because I am not prepared to let you go again.’
I folded my arms, my expression softening. Maybe I had overreacted slightly. Maybe the paranoia was uncalled for. ‘Nobody said it was gonna be easy, Adam. And I don’t expect you to be on board with everything that’s happened in my life just like that.It would be selfish of me to expect that. But you need to know that the woman you married, she’s gone. And she really isn’t coming back. If you want the perfect corporate wife, then you’re gonna have to look elsewhere, because I’m not it. I never will be. The tattoos, the hair, the new job, they’re all staying. This is who I am now. This is who I want to be. But I also want to be with you.’
‘I don’t want the perfect corporate wife.’
‘You used to.’
‘I used to want a lot of things.’
It was my turn to drop my gaze, looking down at the cream marble floor of Adam’s pristine bathroom. The house we’d lived in together for so many years had been sold now, the money split between us. He’d bought this place, a large four-bedroom detached on the outskirts of Newcastle city centre, and I’d moved in with Finn until I could find a place of my own. But this house – it still screamed the old Adam, that neat, tidy, almost-perfect man who loathed anything out of place; a man who liked order and routine. And that was something I fought against now, because it was something I’d once felt trapped by. I preferred the idea of spontaneity, a little bit of chaos, and, all of a sudden thoughts, of Eddie filled my head. The way he’d lived his life, that was how I’d wanted to live mine – free from the shackles of everyone else’s opinions.
‘Maybe it’s best you go alone tonight,’ I said, a feeling bordering on defeat washing over me. ‘I’m not sure I’m ready for all that just yet.’ Our perfect weekend was over now. The bubble had been burst, and he’d just brought the reality of our still-fragile situation crashing back to face us head-on – the one thing I’d feared from the second we’d decided to give our realtionship another go. But I should have known it would happen, sooner or later. It was naïve of me to think it would never be an issue.
‘Lana…’
‘You’re right. I’m not ready for all of that just yet.’
I heard him give a frustrated sigh before he turned and left, grabbing his suit jacket on the way out. I closed my eyes as the door shut behind him. Was I letting paranoia get in the way of things? I mean, in reality, if I really did feel comfortable in my new, inked skin why should it bother me what anyone else thought? Because I cared about Adam, that’s why. And I still wasn’t completely convinced that he was ready to show me off in all my tattooed glory just yet. He might be getting some kind of kick out of it all in the bedroom, but was he really ready for the reality? Was I?
I gripped the edge of the sink tightly, my fingers clinging on until my knuckles started to turn white. I’d told Adam it wasn’t going to be easy. But I hadn’t realised just how hard this battle could turn out to be.
‘I reckon one would look good on my other shoulder. What do you think?’ I asked Finn as I watched him tidy up after a busy morning of consultations and one highly intricate design he’d etched onto the skin of a young man who was turning out to be a regular customer at the studio. Finn had already done a few tattoos on the guy’s arms and back over the past year, and he was slowly building up a rather impressive collection of ink.
‘I think we’re talking tattoos so you can avoid talking about what’s really on your mind.’ He leant against the workbench at the back of the room, folding his arms. ‘What?’ He raised an eyebrow and I couldn’t help smiling.
‘You. You look like you’re about to give me a lecture.’
‘Something up with you and Adam?’
‘No. Why would it be?’
‘You are such a bad liar, do you know that?’
I picked up a book of designs, absentmindedly flicking through it. ‘I don’t know, Finn. I mean, we woke up this morning and everything’s good, you know?’
‘So, what happened between getting up and now?’
‘Adam’s got this fundraising dinner thing tonight,’ I went on, still flicking through the design book.
‘And?’
‘And what?’ he asked, widening his eyes.
I pushed a hand through my hair, throwing my head back. ‘This is exactly what I was afraid of.’
‘Are you gonna start making sense any time soon? Because I’ve got someone coming in at three who wants a sleeve tattoo starting and I’d like some lunch before I begin that job.’
‘What if he’s embarrassed by me, Finn?’
‘For Christ’s sake… The man came all the way to Vegas to show you how much he still loves you. What more do you want him to do?’
‘No, he came to Vegas because you asked him to.’
‘Do you know how annoying you are sometimes?’
‘It’s a talent.’
He took me by the hand, leading me over to the mirror by the door. ‘Look at that person there. Not the handsome one at the back, although I think we both know how insanely attractive he is…’ I nudged him gently in the ribs. ‘That woman there in front of you. The beautiful one with the blue-grey eyes and the heart-shaped face and that incredibly stunning sleeve tattoo on her arm… Who did that, by the way? Because whoever he is, he must be ridiculously talented.’
‘I’m getting bored now, Finn.’
Our eyes met in the reflection, and I felt his hand squeeze mine tight. ‘Remember who she is, Lana. Remember why she’s here.’
‘I don’t think I could take losing him,’ I said quietly, my fingers curling around Finn’s. ‘Not now I’ve found him again. Now that we’ve found each other… But if he can’t… If everyone else is…’
Finn turned me around, holding me by the shoulders as he looked straight at me. ‘You don’t give a shit what people think, beautiful. You don’t care. And that’s because it doesn’t matter. It really doesn’t. So stop moving backwards, sort yourself out, and when you go out with Adam tonight – because you are going to go with him tonight, do you hear me? – you hold your head up, look amazing, and know that every bloke in that room will be as jealous as hell of your man. Okay, one or two might throw a disapproving look your way, or stare at those unbelievable tattoos of yours, which, I have to say, really are a work of art…’
‘Finn!’ I laughed. I couldn’t help it. He was so good at doing this – helping me get my head around crap I thought was a problem, when it really, really wasn’t.
‘They might stare, kiddo. But, believe me, inside they’ll all be wondering how Adam managed to snare someone as beautiful and different as you.’
‘I love you so much sometimes, do you know that?’
He dropped a quick kiss on my forehead before walking out into the main reception area. ‘Just call me the best brother in the world, kiddo.’
I followed him out, pulling myself up onto the front counter, watching him as he laid out the design book I’d been looking through with a couple of others on a large coffee table in front of two huge black-leather couches. ‘Well, I’m not sure I can go that far.’
He looked at me, smiling slightly. ‘Just be yourself, Lana. That’s all you need to do. And remember, nobody else matters except Adam, and you. Whatever anyone else thinks…’ He shrugged. ‘Just let it go, sis.’
‘Yeah. Maybe you really aren’t that bad a brother after all.’
‘And don’t you forget it, missy.’
Both our heads turned as we heard someone come into the studio, and I couldn’t stop the smile from spreading across my face as I saw who it was because, despite the fact things had been a bit fractious between us earlier, just seeing him there, all handsome in his suit and tie, I was close to forgiving him anything. Almost. And I still thanked God every day that he’d grown used to the beard, because I found it unbelievably sexy on him. And I kept telling him that, in the hope he wouldn’t make a quick return to his clean-shaven days.
‘Hey. What are you doing here?’
He looked at me, a serious expression on his face, one that almost wiped the smile from mine, and I felt my stomach dip in a not-all-that-pleasant way.
‘Just shut up and listen to me, Lana. Okay?’
I stared at him, blinking a few times in surprise. He’d come over all dominant, which was rather nice, not to mention unexpected. Especially at ten to one in the afternoon. ‘Yeah. Okay.’
His eyes bored into mine and he left a couple of what seemed like extrememly long beats before he spoke again. ‘Marry me.’
27
I was, to say the least, a bit gobsmacked, and Finn couldn’t hold back his surprised expression either. I was just glad everyone else was out at lunch.
‘Have you been drinking?’ I asked, because I couldn’t actually think of anything else to say.
‘No, I haven’t been drinking.’ Adam walked over to me, stepping between my legs and I wrapped them around him, accepting his kiss. Even if I still didn’t know what the hell was going on.
‘Oh, Jesus, I’m out of here,’ Finn groaned, grabbing his jacket. ‘I’ll be back in half an hour, okay?’ He winked at me. ‘Don’t do anything I wouldn’t. But just in case you do, don’t forget to disinfect the work surfaces afterwards, alright?’
‘Fuck off!’ I laughed, waiting until he’d turned the closed sign around on the door and locked it behind him before I looked back at Adam. He had an eyebrow raised, his mouth curled up into a slight smile. ‘What?’
‘That mouth of yours,’ he sighed, lifting me down from the counter.
‘What about it?’
He smiled, sliding his hands up and under my t-shirt and I flinched slightly as his cold fingers touched my warm skin. It was a pretty nice shiver, though. ‘Every time you talk like that, I just want to…’ He broke off, leaning in to kiss my neck, sending more shivers to join the party. ‘Are we going to get married again, Lana?’
I looked at him. ‘Oh, Christ, you were serious about that?’
He ran his hand lightly up my back, his fingers sliding gently up and down my spine. ‘We should never have got divorced.’
‘Maybe not,’ I whispered, my mouth almost touching his now.
‘So let’s put that right.’
‘You’re not just doing this because of what happened this morning, are you?’
‘I’m trying to prove something to you, yes. I’m trying to make you believe that I really do love every beautiful, tattooed inch of you. I love the way you look, Lana, the way you move because you hold yourself differently now. Your head is up, the confidence you never seemed to show before is so prominent and I find that such a bloody turn-on. You’re stronger, more determined, and I’m sorry for being the kind of person who made you hold back from all of that for so long but… I love you, baby. I love you. I loved the old you, and I love this new version. Jesus, Lana, you’re making me crazy here, making me face up to feelings I never knew existed, and I love that you challenge me.’
I kissed him slowly, letting my lips linger on his for as long as possible, wanting to taste him, to feel him. ‘Well, fighting can be really, really sexy sometimes.’
He laughed quietly, resting his forehead against mine, his hand fanning out in the small of my back, pushing me against him. ‘I don’t want to lose this, Lana. I don’t want to lose you. You’re back in my life and you’ve changed me, changed the way I think about things, the way I feel… I love you. It’s as simple as that. I love you.’
‘I love you, too,’ I whispered, stroking the back of his neck. Because I did. I loved him. And I wanted this to work, I really did. I just wasn’t sure that getting married again, right now, was such a great idea. We were only at the beginning of a very long journey as far as I was concerned. We both still had a lot to get used to. A lot of things to work through.
‘I can’t stay long,’ he said, his fingers still stroking my back. ‘I’ve got a meeting in Durham at half past one. But you – you make me want to forget all about meetings and conference calls and contracts. You make me want to cancel everything and spend the afternoon with you, doing whatever the hell we like.’
‘That�
��ll be lots of dirty sex, then’ I murmured, running my fingers through his short, dark hair, deliberately messing it up.
‘Yes… probably.’
He pushed me back against the counter, his hand sliding down onto my hip, his mouth touching mine and I literally melted inside. It was like the first time all over again, that wonderful moment all those years ago when we’d shared our first kiss. I remembered it so vividly now, after years of it being nothing but a hazy memory. It was playing out inside my head like a movie clip, so clear and so real. I remembered it like it was yesterday. Because everything I’d felt back then, all those feelings that first kiss had kicked off, they were happening again, happening here as he kissed me.
‘I really have to go,’ he whispered, running his thumb lightly over my lower lip before kissing me again, his body pressed so hard against mine I didn’t know if he’d ever be able to pull away. I didn’t want him to, I knew that much. ‘Think about it, Lana. Please. I’ll see you later, okay?’
I reluctantly let go of him, watching as he left the studio, wondering if he really had turned into the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Because, if he had, then he was leaving me with very little choice here…
28
Adam took my hand as I stepped out of the taxi, his fingers sliding between mine, and I held on tight, not ready to let go of him in a hurry.
I watched him out the corner of my eye as we started walking towards the hotel entrance, the bright lights and loud chatter of the guests already inside filtering out through the huge, open doors of the beautiful, upmarket country house that was hosting this fundraising dinner. It wasn’t somewhere I would usually frequent now. Me and these kind of places, we just didn’t fit anymore. If we’d ever fitted at all.
‘Would you rather I’d covered up?’ I asked, a question I’d been thinking, but hadn’t really meant to say out loud.
Shirley Valentine Goes to Vegas Page 22
