The Secret Wedding Dress

by Ally Blake

  He took her to his big bed and gently laid her down. Her pale skin glowing against the rich dark brown of his sheets, her blonde hair splayed around her beautiful face, her eyes, dark with passion, watching him hungrily. She looked … He wanted … He knew …

  Hell.

  He tore off his clothes. Too many layers, damnable Melbourne winter. Then naked, protected, he lowered himself over her, carefully. Her eyes not once leaving his, she reached to cup his head, and pulled him down to kiss her. Deeply, slowly, thoroughly.

  When she wrapped one long leg around his backside and moaned softly into his mouth, any control he might have had slipped away. He pressed himself against her opening to find her more than ready, and he pushed into her in one smooth stroke.

  Skin on skin. Heat on heat. The slip and slide of their bodies created the most perfect friction he’d ever felt. Their eyes remained locked on one another throughout as he buried himself so deep inside her he wasn’t sure how he’d ever find his way back.

  Her mouth opened on a gasp, the muscles of her neck straining, her eyes drifting closed as he felt her tighten, and tighten, and tighten. The most luxurious torture consumed him right as she came in his arms with a cry that echoed around the room. He peaked while she still convulsed around him, the pleasure slamming to the absolute outer reaches of his consciousness. The devastating pressure eased from his body in slow receding waves, until he was left feeling boneless. Bare.

  He pulled out, and lay down beside her, cradling her into him, his arm holding her between her breasts, her beautiful backside pressed against his groin, her hair beneath his cheek. And it wasn’t long before her breaths settled to the soft puffs of sleep.

  As he lay there, more wide awake than he could ever remember feeling, the world outside slid back into his mind. He was keeping BonaVenture. Which meant working more closely alongside Nate. And not leaving any time soon.

  Paige had never hidden the fact that she was perfectly happy for their affair to be a short-term thing. And he’d been right there with her. His staying would change everything. One way or the other.

  She shifted in her sleep, the underneath of her foot sliding along the top of his, her cheek rising to press against his lips before she settled deeper into his pillow.

  He had to tell her. She needed to know. Not while his whole body still hummed from the after-effects of making love to her.

  He’d lived by his gut for long enough now, he’d know when the time was right.

  Paige came back to consciousness slowly. Her body felt so drugged with pleasure she could barely open her eyes. But when Gabe’s scent curled beneath her tongue she remembered where she was. In his bed, covered in a big dark blanket, with a big hard man tucked right in behind her.

  The big seduction scene she had planned had gone up in smoke the second she’d looked into Gabe’s eyes and realised how much she hoped he was staying. And then when, with so much gentleness, he’d stroked her hair from her face, she’d forgotten everything but how he made her feel. Safe, adored, hot as the sun.

  All the control she’d planned to take back had slipped through her fingers, and now she felt as if she’d been turned inside out and pulled apart and put back together again wrong. No, not wrong so much as differently.

  She turned, his big heavy arm sliding across her breasts. She pushed a lock of dark hair away to get a better look at him as he slept. His long dark lashes rested peacefully against his swarthy cheeks. His nostrils flared with each breath. Fresh stubble shadowed his jaw.

  A sigh shot past her lips, bringing with it a sense of inevitability.

  She’d spent so much time convincing herself that the intensity of their affair had sprung from the situation, her desperation to get laid and quick, his brief stay in town. But in that quiet place, that quiet moment, in his big beautiful bed with its Gabe-shaped dint in the middle that sloped their bodies towards one another, she gave up trying.

  She placed her hand over his heart and with her next breath in she let herself feel the surge of sensations blooming inside her. The pinch in her chest, the warmth in her belly, the way her lungs felt as if they couldn’t get quite enough air any more—like spots of ink dropped into a pond, spreading from her centre in little ripples that crashed softly against her skin.

  Gabe stirred, the muscles in his chest undulating, sending her hand rolling over the smooth hot skin as if it were riding the crest of a wave.

  This. This man. This heat. This feeling. It seemed as if there ought to be one word to sum all of that up.

  There was a word, she realised as the ripples headed back to her centre and joined in a warm, solid, beautiful ache in her heart. A word she’d spent her life shunning, mocking, fearing.

  It was love. And it had been coming on for so long it wasn’t even a shock.

  What it was was amazing. Beautiful. Consuming. A miracle.

  I love you, Gabe, she whispered inside her head. Then, spent, she snuggled under the blankets and fell back asleep.

  Paige nibbled on her little fingernail, or what was left of it, and watched Mae’s mouth move as she gushed over a pair of sky-high white boots at Bridge Road discount shoe shop. But she heard nothing but the thoughts swimming through her head.

  That which she’d only begun to fathom the night before had grown wings and taken flight. She was head over heels, deep and true, in love with Gabe. She’d done things, admitted things, felt things with him she’d never imagined she’d ever do. She’d never been with a man who made her feel safe enough to dare. She wanted to be with him, the way normal people had relationships. She wanted him to stay.

  She’d about convinced herself she wasn’t a sucker.

  Gabe liked her. He trusted her. He wanted her. She knew all that for sure. There was also the fact that she’d given him more than his fair chances to wipe his hands of her, and something had kept him coming back for more. Didn’t all that mean what she wanted was possible, not the fantasy her mother had believed was real?

  ‘What do you think?’ Mae asked, jabbing her with a high heel, pain finally pulling her into the present.

  ‘About?’

  ‘These,’ Mae said, wiggling the boots in Paige’s face.

  ‘For what purpose?’

  Mae blinked at her. ‘For … My … Wedding. Where are you right now? ’Cause as sure as I’m getting married you’re not here.’

  Paige pulled her finger from her mouth. ‘I’m here. All yours. Now, boots. Well … that depends. Is your theme sexy Christmas elf?’

  Mae grimaced and put the shoes back. ‘Even though your taste is totally boring, this has been fun!’

  ‘Totally.’ And it had been. Shopping with Mae—only Mae—was always fun.

  Mae said, ‘Doesn’t it feel like weeks since we’ve been able to do this, just the two of us?’

  Paige laughed, then realised by Mae’s blank smile that she hadn’t been kidding. It hadn’t occurred to Mae that it felt like weeks because it had been weeks. Which was why Paige was gripped by this amazing, delicious, petrifying, confusing, churning emotion and had no idea how to tell her best friend.

  Paige picked up a hot-pink sparkly sandal and checked the price. ‘Lucky you’ve got this wedding stuff to organise or we’d never see each other.’

  ‘You’ve been the busy one of late. You and lover boy. In fact you look exhausted. And I think you should tell me in intimate detail exactly how he exhausted you last.’

  At the mere mention of Gabe, Paige came over all hot and squidgy. Ignoring Mae she ran her fingers along the suede fringing of an aqua cowboy boot. Then she looked around and wondered if they’d walked into a shop meant for drag queens. Or hookers.

  Mae gave an exaggerated sigh. ‘Fine, then answer me this—when’s your sexy pirate setting sail?’

  Paige slowly put the pink sparkly sandal back in place, lining it up neatly. ‘Not sure.’

  Mae snuck a bite of a secret chocolate bar she had stashed in her handbag, while skimming a glance at the shop assistant
hovering nervously around the array of absurdly expensive shoes. ‘But that’s still his plan, right?’

  ‘I really don’t know,’ Paige said as she turned the lurid green pump that had somehow ended up in her hand. There’d been no mention of leaving, or staying for that matter, when she’d headed off around dawn. Just a kiss so lush and deep her toes had curled so hard they’d cramped.

  Mae swallowed slowly. ‘You haven’t thought to ask?’

  ‘No,’ Paige said, exasperated. ‘I haven’t.’

  Because she was benevolently waiting for him to bring it up? Or because deep down below all the lovely, warm, excited feelings tumbling about inside the spin dryer that was her tummy, she wondered why he hadn’t talked it over with her already? Because it changed everything? Or because it didn’t make any difference?

  ‘Wow,’ Mae said on a slow release of breath.

  Paige looked up, expecting Mae to be eyeballing some other crazy pair of wedding-inappropriate shoes.

  But Mae watched her, eyes huge. ‘You’re a goner.’

  Paige pffted with all her might and grabbed a pair of a tomato-red peep-toed ankle boots and sat on the black velvet ottoman in the middle of the store and toed off her comparatively conservative ballet flats.

  ‘Look at you,’ Mae said, sitting right next to her. ‘All flushed and trembly with that faraway look in your eyes. I caught you humming earlier. Some old movie song I couldn’t put my finger on. Sandra Dee—no, Doris Day! I think you’ve even put on a little weight.’

  ‘What?’ Paige said, hands going to her hips as she looked down at her thighs splayed on the seat. Mae was probably right there, considering what amounted to a doughnut addiction of Gabe’s, and how much she’d come to appreciate the perfect pleasure of dough and warm icing right after sex.

  ‘Careful,’ Mae said. ‘You might melt right here on the shop floor. And I don’t think la shop girl over there is big on mess.’

  Paige put the boots down and stared at her chocolate brown toenails. ‘Look. Gabe and I are … We haven’t … I mean, I like him. I may even—But I’m not sure if he’s—’ Suddenly the boutique felt claustrophobic. ‘Maybe we should head to that place down the corner. It has two floors and an espresso machine.’ Paige had her feet in her shoes and was out of the door and off down the dodgy Richmond footpath, breathing in great gulps of chilly air.

  Mae caught up a half-block down, taking her by the arm. ‘Paige, wait. Hon, this is me you’re talking to. Your best bud. What’s going on?’

  Best bud? Paige thought, turning to look at her friend. The friend who had no clue how afraid she was in that moment. Afraid of loving Gabe. Afraid that he might not love her back. Afraid that so long as she got to have him she could live with that.

  Mae looked back at her. Same wild red hair, same piercing green eyes. The same, but not. No longer all hers.

  Finally the pressure built so hard and fast inside Paige there was nowhere for it to go but out. ‘You know why it feels like for ever since we’ve done this? Because the only things we do without Clint nowadays are wedding-related expeditions on which he is not allowed to come.’

  Mae took a moment to catch onto the change of subject, before the colour drained out of her face. ‘No! No. It’s not like that.’

  Mae looked so mortified, Paige’s resentment deflated like a pricked balloon. ‘Don’t worry about it. It’s okay. I get it. Life goes on.’

  Mae pulled her out of the stream of foot traffic until they huddled on the stoop of a dark doorway that apparently led to a Brazilian wax clinic. Of all places, Paige thought, promising to backhand Lady Fate the next time they caught up.

  Mae said, ‘You know that nothing’s changed between us. I’ll always be there for you.’

  Paige’s throat felt as if it was closing up. ‘You won’t. You’re already not.’

  Mae opened her mouth but nothing came out. Then she frowned down at her Doc Martens with their red tartan laces. And Paige thought if nothing had changed Mae would wear them on her wedding day, not some vision of what she thought Clint might like.

  The anger that churned through her at that thought pushed her the final step. Paige said, ‘The past few months have been hard for me, Mae. Like I can’t seem to get a foothold any more. In the past I’d have found it at work but even that’s not enough any more. I think that’s why I bought the dress. To feel something other than lost. Then along came Gabe. He makes me feel like I’ve been found. God, that’s petrifying. That I might actually need him in some way, any way …’ She closed her eyes, all her foolish feelings hurtling against the inside of her head.

  ‘Tell me about it,’ Mae said, her voice dripping with irony.

  Paige opened her eyes to squint at Mae. ‘Don’t. You and Clint make it look so easy it burns.’

  Mae threw her hands in the air and swore so loud Paige flinched. ‘God, I’m gonna have to come out and say it, aren’t I?’

  ‘What?’

  Mae’s chutzpah faltered for a hundredth of a second before she said in a rush, ‘I cheated on Clint.’

  Every ounce of blood in Paige’s body made a dash for her feet. She pressed her back against the door, the cold glass keeping the uncomfortable heat rushing through her body from overwhelming her. ‘When did you—?’

  She couldn’t even say the word. Not after what Mae’s dad had put her mum through all those years ago. Mae knew the hurt, and had repeated her dad’s mistakes anyway. Paige felt panic rising in her throat. Was a failing like that in the blood? Could it not be helped?

  ‘A while back,’ Mae said.

  ‘Does he know?’

  ‘Yeah.’ Mae started pacing. ‘Dammit! He’ll hate that I told you.’

  ‘But why?’

  ‘Because it’s nobody’s business but ours.’

  Paige felt as if she’d been slapped. And the cold of the day had nothing on the chill sealing her emotions. Her voice was cool as she said, ‘I meant, why did you cheat.’

  But Mae was in such a state, Paige wasn’t sure she’d even been heard.

  Finally Mae stopped pacing and looked down the street. She tucked her hair behind her ears only for the wind to whip it back out sideways again. ‘I told you because you need to know that no relationship is perfect. Not even the ones that might seem all rosy on the outside. And sometimes relationships can be imperfect and still be special and magical. Clint and I know each other’s weaknesses and love one another anyway. There’s an amazing comfort in that. Like whatever comes our way we know we can handle it. Together.’

  Paige suddenly had a raging headache. Thumbs at her temples, eyes squinting, she said, ‘Look, do you mind if we do this another day?’

  ‘Sure,’ Mae said, sliding her hands into the pockets of her coat as she stared hard at her shoes. ‘There’s no rush. Besides, Clint might not even recognise me if I walked down the aisle in white heels.’

  At that it all became too much. Without another word, Paige headed off down the street. Her feet felt numb. Her head a mess. Her stomach as if it were trying to turn itself inside out.

  She heard Mae’s voice trail after her. ‘Tell him! Tell him how you feel, Paige. You’ll only regret it if you don’t. Believe me.’

  Paige just kept on walking.

  And with every footfall she knew Mae was right about one thing. She couldn’t hide her feelings any more. She had to tell Gabe how she felt.

  Not because she’d regret it if she didn’t but because he was a good man who always tried to do the right thing. She’d tell him because he needed to know how brilliant he was. She’d tell him because not telling was lying, and she never wanted to hurt him as Mae had hurt Clint.

  And she’d tell him because if she ever had any chance of making a life for herself, one that wasn’t defined by mistakes other people made, it was now.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  WEDNESDAY evening Gabe and Nate leant their backs against the edge of the dark city bar, enjoying the glow of a celebratory thirty-year-old Scotch.

 
Gabe was exhausted after being in the office most of the past two days knocking out a new company charter with Nate. But a good exhausted. As if he were twenty-five again with the wind at his back and the world at his feet. Only for the first time in years he didn’t have to be running across the globe to keep the feeling going.

  He closed his eyes to the chatter of Aussie accents, easy laughter, and he let the glow of life in his home town settle over him. There were ghosts—of his parents, his gran, his deepest regret—and always would be. But despite all that, as cities went Melbourne was pretty perfect now he came to think about it. The food, the bars, the sports. Even the strong seasonal weather was kind of lovely so long as you were ready for it.

  And then there was Paige.

  His eyes flickered open and the crowd swam in front of his vision. Yet for all the hustle and bustle he could still feel the gentle sweep of her finger across his forehead, the curl of her soft hand on his chest, the heat of her skin imprinting upon him, the air scooting over his collarbone as she’d whispered the words, ‘I love you, Gabe.’

  His gut clenched the same now, a couple of days after the fact, and no amount of shifting on his stool changed that. At the time he’d pretended to be asleep. Not to have heard. He’d told himself it had been the afterglow talking. He’d come pretty close to nirvana that night himself.

  But as the Scotch eased into his blood and the good people of BonaVenture laughed and celebrated in front of him, easing from his shoulders the years of guilt and self-recrimination, there was no deep dark place inside him to hide that moment any more.

  It hadn’t been the afterglow. Paige was in love with him.

  For a moment, a sliver of time, he let the idea find a way beneath his skin. He couldn’t kid himself. A good portion of the appeal of sticking around was about her. Being with her hadn’t been easy. Hell no. The woman was as stubborn as a mule, and could be a real pain in the ass, but it was her spirit that had hooked him, drawn him in, steadied him. It had been some time since he’d decided Paige Danforth was his karmic gift.