“Make love to me, Rafe.”
Her whispered plea barely had time to pass her lips before his head dropped and he captured her mouth in an all-consuming kiss.
The contact was like throwing a lighted match into a pool of gasoline. The combustion was instant and fire flashed between them, welding their bodies tightly together. And just as she began to think her legs were going to collapse, he lowered them both to the ground.
The grass was soft and cool and the scent of it combined with Rafe’s to fill her head. As he began to remove her clothes, she was vaguely aware of the dappled sunlight above them, the soft breeze and the faint sound of rushing water. But by the time the last garment was tossed aside, her senses were whirling too fast to comprehend her surroundings. All she knew was that his lips were plundering hers, his hands touching her everywhere, sending ripples of fire through every cell in her body.
When his fingers slipped between her thighs and found the aching, moist spot inside her, she groaned with a mixture of agony and pleasure. He probed the heated depths until she was writhing against him and just when she thought she was going to splinter into a thousand pieces, he unzipped his jeans and entered her with a frantic thrust.
The two of them hardly had enough time to settle into a rhythm before they both exploded into mindless ecstasy that had them clutching each other close and straining to merge their bodies into one.
And when awareness did finally make a flickering return to Lilly’s mind, the thought struck her that she was lost to this man. Totally and irrevocably lost.
Chapter Nine
Minutes later, after Lilly had time to collect her senses, she pulled on her shirt and panties then stretched out next to Rafe on the grass. With her cheek pillowed against her arm, she gazed at Rafe, who was resting on his back with his arms folded behind his head. His eyes were half-closed and the rise and fall of his chest was barely discernible. He was more relaxed than she’d ever seen him and as she studied his sexy image, her thoughts went beyond what she could see.
Had their heated connection rocked him as much as it had her? Even though she would’ve liked to know the answer, she wasn’t about to present the question to him. The only thing she was supposed to be interested in was the physical pleasure he could give her. But oh, the tender thoughts of longing going through her mind were traveling straight to her heart. And she didn’t have a clue as to how to make them take a detour.
After a while, she couldn’t help but voice a thread of her thoughts. “Rafe, why do you think there aren’t any women in your family home?”
The question drew his face toward her and he studied her through lazy eyes. “I never thought about it. Why do you ask?”
She sighed. “Oh, I was thinking about Bart finding us kissing yesterday. I believe it was a little shocking to him. None of your brothers have wives. And neither your father nor grandfather show any interest in finding another wife. There isn’t any kind of romantic affection going on in your home.”
“You already know that my father and grandfather lost their wives. And as for us brothers—we aren’t necessarily looking for lasting romance.”
She didn’t know his brothers well enough to form an opinion about their views on love and marriage. But she didn’t have to wonder about Rafe’s stance on the subject. He’d made it clear from the very start that he wasn’t a marrying man. Still, his words hurt. He’d made love to her as though she were everything to him. And always would be. But clearly, once the heat of his passion was doused, he reverted back to his bachelor mentality.
There’s nothing wrong with that, Lilly. You don’t want to get married, either. You’ve watched your parents battle it out for years. And you don’t want a man to pretend to want marriage, the way that Grant had pretended. Brutal or not, Rafe’s honesty is better than that.
“Why is that? And I’m not talking about you now—but the others. Have any of your brothers ever been married?”
“No. Clancy got close once. To a girl he met in college. But that fell apart and I guess the whole thing soured him on love. I think Evan has always been too caught up in being a lawman to focus on any one woman. Out of all of us, Finn is the most likely family man, but right now his whole life is horses, and little Bowie has been married to the marines for the past seven years.”
Lilly silently considered everything he’d said and all the things he’d not said. Particularly about himself.
She said, “The ranch house is a very quiet place. I noticed that the very first day I came to work with Bart. You’re probably not going to like me saying this, Rafe, but to me most of the rooms have a bit of a sad feeling.”
His gaze dropped from hers as he reached over and trailed a finger down the edge of her unbuttoned shirt. “It wasn’t always that way, Lilly. Back when Mom was alive, there were always things going on. Music playing. Friends visiting. And parties were a routine thing. Most of all there was laughter—from all of us.”
As Lilly studied his solemn face, her heart contracted. More than anything she wanted Rafe to be truly happy. The sort of happiness that came from deep within. Did that mean she was falling in love with him? That he meant more to her than even her own well-being? The questions disturbed her so much that she closed her eyes and tried to shut them from her mind.
“Your mother wouldn’t have wanted that. In fact, I think she’d be downright angry if she knew that her family had let her wonderful home change into a somber tomb.”
“You’re probably right, Lilly. But losing Mom took the joy out of our home. I don’t know how to get it back any more than my brothers do. And Dad—well, he just goes through the motions of living.”
Opening her eyes, she gave him a gentle smile. “Well, I hope that someday all of you figure out how to get the joy back in your home. I want that for you—very much.”
The light in his gray eyes was soft and tender as he rolled toward her and pulled her into his arms.
“Lilly, darling. You make me happy. More than I ever thought possible.” He pressed a kiss against her forehead, then trailed his parted lips over her cheeks and nose before finally settling them against her lips. “I have snacks and a thermos of coffee in my saddlebags. What do you say we eat and then go explore the meadow?”
“Right now?”
She could feel his lips move into a grin. “Well, I think we could tend to other things first. If you’d like.”
“I’d like,” she whispered, then groaned with pleasure as his mouth crushed down on hers.
* * *
Two weeks later, the month of May was nearing its end and since their ride to the rock cove, the weather had turned unseasonably hot. And though it seemed impossible, their relationship had grown even hotter than the weather. Somehow, sandwiched between their busy jobs, she and Rafe had managed to see each other on a steady basis. They’d even taken in a movie one evening and a few nights after that Rafe had treated her to a special dinner at the Sierra Chateau and followed it up with hours of dancing.
The enjoyable time they’d spent together away from her house and out of her bed had given Lilly hope that Rafe might be beginning to want more from her than just sex. But so far, he’d not put anything like that into words and she could only assume he was satisfied to keep any emotional ties out of their relationship.
When she’d first invited Rafe into her bed, she’d expected the explosive chemistry between them to quickly burn itself out. Instead, she was becoming more and more besotted with the man, and the realization was beginning to fill her with uneasiness. Where did she expect things between them to go? It couldn’t go far, she thought dismally. No relationship could last long unless it had a foundation of love holding it together.
After Grant’s emotional abuse and the subsequent loss of her baby, she’d convinced herself that she didn’t need a permanent man in her life, a soul mate to grow o
ld with. And yet, the idea of Rafe moving on and away from her, which he eventually would, left her feeling more than disenchanted. She couldn’t bear to think of him touching a woman the same way he touched her. And the idea that eventually, in the years to come, he might fall in love and marry someone else was like a knife to her heart. So much for not getting serious, she thought miserably.
Trying not to dwell on the subject, she carefully locked the medication cabinet behind her, and after leaving the keys with her supervisor, walked down to a small locker room where the emergency-room nurses stored their personal belongings. In the middle of a shift change, the room was full and for a moment she missed seeing Marcella, who’d worked this evening’s shift with her. Then she spotted her in one corner of the room. Her back was turned to the group of nurses and from the dejected droop of her head, Lilly sensed that something was definitely wrong.
Momentarily forgetting about opening her locker, Lilly walked over to the other woman and placed a hand on the back of her shoulder. “Marcella? Why aren’t you changing clothes? I thought we were going to go grab a drink together?”
“I’m not sure I’m up to it, Lilly.”
The woman’s husky voice was about to crack into tears and Lilly swiftly walked around to the front of her.
“What’s the matter? Is it that ex of yours pestering you about Harry?”
The auburn-haired woman quickly shook her head. “No. It’s nothing to do with him. I’ve not heard from him in months and I doubt I will.”
“Then what’s wrong? We were together less than fifteen minutes ago and you were fine then. Did something happen out on the floor? That damned Doctor Sherman wasn’t showing his—”
“No. No!” She sniffed then gestured toward the row of lockers lining two walls of the small room. “Let’s get changed and get out of here. I’ll tell you about it at the Green Lizard.”
Fifteen minutes later, the two women were sitting at a small round table, sipping on margaritas and munching on nachos. Marcella had collected herself and was now trying to explain her teary breakdown.
“It’s about little Peter,” she said. “The boy—”
“I remember,” Lilly cut in. “The boy with asthma. What about him? He’s not come back to emergency again, has he? I’ve not seen him on any of my shifts.”
“Not on our shifts. But he was admitted yesterday morning to a regular room up on the pediatric ward. I only found out about it a few minutes ago, so I stopped by Doctor Malloy’s office to talk to him about the situation.”
“Good. Maybe he’ll get something done about Peter’s welfare.”
Groaning, Marcella passed a hand over her forehead. “Seems as though when Peter was brought to E.R. the last time, Doctor Malloy contacted social services. That brought on an investigation and the boy was taken away from his parents due to neglect. From what Doc said, the old grandfather is the only other family Peter has and he’s not capable of caring for the child full-time. So that means once the boy gets well enough to leave the hospital, he’ll be put in foster care.”
“Oh. So aren’t you glad about that? At least now he’ll be taken care of by—”
“I want to adopt him, Lilly,” Marcella interrupted with a rush. “I realize that might be difficult with me being single and all. But I’m a good mother to Harry and I can give Peter a decent home with us.”
Completely surprised by Marcella’s announcement, Lilly studied her friend’s face. “There’s no doubt about that, Marcella. But adoption—that’s a huge step. To be responsible for a child’s life is a serious matter. There’s the cost to consider, and Harry’s feelings about having a brother. Not to mention the emotional investment you’d be making.”
“I understand all that, Lilly. I’ve been raising Harry on my own for a long time now. I know what being a parent entails. And Harry is already seven. I want more children.”
“But you’re single,” Lilly reasoned.
Marcella grimaced. “So are you. But if you were being totally honest with yourself, Lilly, you’d admit that you’d like to have a child. Even if you don’t have a man around to help raise it.”
“I don’t let myself think about having a baby or a child.” And for the most part that was true, Lilly thought. For years after her affair with Grant, she’d done her best to put the idea of having a baby from her mind. But now that Rafe was in her life, every aspect of her thinking seemed to be going awry. The more they made love, the more she could feel a maternal instinct growing inside her. To have his child would be an incredible gift, and the longing to become pregnant hit her at unexpected moments. Even so, she’d never go through another pregnancy alone. And that was exactly what she’d have to do if she ever got pregnant with Rafe’s baby. Even if he offered to marry her for the sake of the child, she’d turn him down so quickly his head would spin.
After taking a long sip of her drink, she replied, “I’d be a little abnormal if I didn’t think about having a child. But I couldn’t do it on my own. Not like you, Marcella. I’m not that strong.”
“Bah. You’re one of the strongest, most independent women I’ve ever known.”
“Boy, do I ever have you fooled,” Lilly muttered drily then reached across the table and squeezed Marcella’s hand. “This isn’t about me, dear friend. If you’re really serious about making Peter a part of your family, then I say go for it.”
Tears glistened in her friend’s eyes. “Do you really mean that?”
“Every word.”
“Thank you, Lilly.” She tightened her hold on Lilly’s hand. “I don’t know how to go about seeking adoption, but I’m going to find out. Since Peter will be put in foster care first, I’ll start there.”
A thought suddenly struck Lilly. “Marcella, what you need is a lawyer. And I think I know who. Rafe’s brother-in-law has a practice here in Carson City. He’s also the Calhoun family lawyer. I’ve heard Rafe speak very highly of the man. I’ll bet he’d be glad to help you.”
“You think so?”
Lilly gave her a promising smile. “Just leave it to me.”
Marcella was about to make a reply when the muffled ring of Lilly’s cell phone sounded from inside her clutch purse.
Quickly, she pulled out the device and gave it a swipe to end the noise. Across the table, Marcella said, “If you need to answer that, don’t let me bother you.”
Lilly shook her head. “It’s Rafe. I’ll call him when we finish here.”
Skeptical now, Marcella asked, “Are you dating him?”
Lilly hadn’t mentioned Rafe to her friend in several weeks. Not since that day in the snack room at the hospital and even then she’d not hinted that she had intentions of dating the man. Oh, Lord, so much had happened since then. Her thoughts and plans had changed from not wanting a man in her life, to longing for one every waking moment of the day and to dreaming of a future with him.
She let out a long breath. “Yes. After that day in the snack room and you told me that I shouldn’t be punishing him for Grant’s mistakes—well, I decided to give the man a chance.”
Marcella regarded her thoughtfully. “That was several weeks ago! So how are things developing?”
Staring at the nachos in front of her, Lilly shrugged one shoulder and hoped that Marcella couldn’t read the longing on her face. She didn’t want her friend to know just how quickly she’d made the reckless decision to mix her life with Rafe’s. Or for her to guess just how deeply involved she’d become with him. “We enjoy each other’s company and that’s as far as it will ever go.”
“By your choice or his?”
“Both.” Her gaze returning to Marcella, Lilly added, “Rafe isn’t interested in marriage.”
“And what about you?”
Lilly grimaced. “After Grant? I’m not ready for that kind of risk again. It’s better knowing where things sta
nd right off. No hopes. No dreams. No plans. Just one day at a time. I can deal with that. I can’t believe in dreamy promises for the future. Not anymore.”
“I see. Rafe Calhoun isn’t marriage material. He’s just a diversion. A pleasure for the moment.”
“Absolutely,” Lilly told her then reached for her glass to drain the last of her drink, while hoping the alcohol would wash away the fib that had just rolled off her tongue.
Across the table, Marcella pulled the strap of her purse onto her shoulder. “One of these days your past is going to collide with your future, Lilly, and then you’re going to realize what’s really important to you.”
Flipping her long, auburn hair over her shoulder, Marcella rose to her feet. “If you’re finished, I need to be getting on. Harry will be watching for me and so will Mom. And you need to call your man.”
Her man. She supposed she had a right to call him her man. But she’d never be given the chance to call him her husband. And though she’d pretended otherwise to Marcella, that reality was bothering her much more than it should be.
Snatching up her purse, Lilly said, “Let’s go. I’ll pay us out.”
In less than ten minutes she was home, and after kicking off her shoes, she curled up on the end of the couch and punched Rafe’s number.
He answered after the first ring. “Lilly, when you didn’t answer a few minutes ago, I thought you were probably still at work. Are you?”
“No. When you rang I was with Marcella—having a drink at the Green Lizard.”
“You girls must have had a bad shift.”
“No. Things were surprisingly light this afternoon and evening. Marcella had some personal things she wanted to talk to me about, that’s all. In fact, she needs a lawyer, Rafe, and I mentioned that Jett Sundell was your brother-in-law. Do you think he might help her?”
“Help her with what?”
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