The Consumption of Magic

by TJ Klune

  “Done and done,” I said. “But first we all need to stand in a row and look all badass as we face down lesbian feather dragons, one of whom thinks I’m cute and the other who wants to murder my face because I kicked her in the eye.”

  Everyone stared at me.

  “What?” I asked, confused.

  Ryan sighed. “How sad is it that everything you just said not only makes sense, but is actually not that surprising?”

  I beamed at him. “Dude, I totally love you. You don’t even know.”

  “Yeah, yeah. Let’s kick some dragon ass—”

  “Ahem.”

  “Oh my gods. Sam, come on.”

  I glared at him. “Have you been cursing the whole time we’ve been apart?”

  “What? No! Of course not.”

  “Yes,” Tiggy and Gary and Justin said.

  “Said fuck a lot,” Tiggy said.

  “And shit balls,” Gary said.

  “And for some reason, he told me to calm my tits once,” Justin said with a frown.

  “I hate you guys so much,” Ryan muttered.

  “We will be talking about this later,” I told Ryan. “After I make friends with the lesbian feather dragons, have you choke on my dick, and then maybe get something to eat, because honestly? I am fucking starving right now. But first! Line of Badasses, unite!”

  “That was capitalized,” Tiggy said to Gary.

  “Yes, kitten, I heard. We should probably step to it. Though I don’t know that I need to be standing in a line to be considered a badass. I mean, just look at me. Everything about me screams badass.”

  “You have ladybug hair clips holding back your mane,” Justin said.

  “Exactly,” Gary said. “See? Justin gets it.”

  Ryan stood at my side, helping me stand. His scowl deepened as I winced. “How bad is it?”

  “Nothing I can’t handle,” I assured him. “Let’s just get this over with for now. Then you can fret and fuss over me like you always do.”

  “I don’t fret and fuss, gods.”

  “You totally do.”

  “I didn’t even miss you at all.”

  “Liar,” I said, not wanting to look away from him. He seemed to be having the same problem.

  He leaned forward and pressed his forehead to mine. My magic pulsed around us. “Just… just don’t scare me like that again,” he whispered.

  I couldn’t promise that. So I kissed his scruffy cheek instead.

  And then we lined up in front of Castle Freesias, Randall on one side of me, Ryan on the other, Justin on his other side, a curved sword in each hand, bouncing on his toes, at the ready. Tiggy and Gary were next to Randall, the half-giant cracking his gigantic knuckles, the hornless unicorn starting to seep glitter. Kevin stood behind us, wings spread, smoke curling from his nostrils.

  “Holy shit,” I breathed. “Someone needs to paint us right the fuck now, and said painting needs to be hung in Castle Lockes to be admired forever because of how amazing we all look.”

  “Okay,” Ryan said, flourishing his sword like a douchebag. “I totally lied. I missed you so gosh darn much.”

  I grinned at him. “Right back at ya, babe. Now, let’s kick some ass!”

  Except… that didn’t happen.

  Because the lesbian feather dragons landed before us, feathers ruffling in the wind, but they weren’t getting ready to attack. They weren’t even focused on me. Or Randall. Or anyone else aside from…

  Tiggy.

  “You there,” the larger of the two said. “Your face.”

  Tiggy looked behind himself, then back at the dragons. “Me?” he asked, pointing at himself.

  “You are a giant,” the smaller dragon said, voice awed.

  “I’m a Tiggy,” Tiggy said.

  “Dragons!” Ryan cried. “You have hurt the man I love. You will taste the steel of my blade!”

  “Wow,” Justin snorted. “That sure showed them.”

  “Babe,” I said, “that was sweet, but maybe cut back on the douchebaggery.”

  “Douchebaggery?” he said, brow furrowing. “That wasn’t douchebaggery. That was how I normally talk.”

  “Sure it was,” I said. “Because normal people say taste the steel of my blade.”

  “I’ll be honest,” Gary said, “even though it sounded stupid, it did give me a bit of a boner.”

  “It didn’t sound stupid,” Ryan muttered, kicking at the snow. “You all sound stupid.”

  “Gary,” Kevin said, “I thought we agreed as part of our trial reconciliation that you wouldn’t get boners because of anybody else except for me.”

  “It’s the beard,” Gary said. “I can’t help it. He’s a dude-bro now, and for some reason, that really just does it for me.”

  “I can grow a beard,” Kevin said. “Okay, I can’t, but we can glue sheep wool to my face and pretend. You know how I feel about sheep, those fucking little shits who scream when they see me coming because I am their god.”

  “Where do you come from?” the bigger dragon asked Tiggy. She, too, sounded almost breathless. “We have not seen your kind in centuries.”

  Randall cocked his head, staring between Tiggy and the dragons, eyes narrowed.

  Tiggy looked nervous. He glanced to me like he was unsure of what to say. I stepped out of the Line of Badasses, ignoring the way Ryan protested. I felt the feather dragons’ eyes on me as I moved toward my friend. Gary leaned forward and nuzzled my neck briefly as I passed him. I stopped in front of Tiggy. He looked down at me, a small smile on his face. I held my good arm up, and he bent over, picked me up gently, and cradled me against his chest. I was reminded of that day long ago in the Dark Woods when I found a half-giant and a unicorn on the run from a man named Koklanaris, the marks of a whip upon their bodies. We’d all been younger then and a bit smaller, but he’d held me just the same.

  And he must have been thinking the same thing, because his smile widened a little as he said, “I keep you. You’re mine. I call you Steve.”

  “Your face,” I said, leaning forward and rubbing my nose against his. He hummed happily before I pulled away. “You okay?”

  “Now,” he said, and I knew what he meant. We were all together again. “You’re hurt.”

  “Eh. I’ve had worse.”

  Tiggy glared at the dragons over me. “You hurt Sam.”

  “I thought he was Steve,” the smaller dragon whispered to her mate.

  “Maybe he’s both,” she whispered back. Then, louder, “It was a test.” She didn’t sound apologetic about it.

  “A test where you tried to eat me,” I pointed out.

  “Randall,” she said, “tell him.”

  And that… well. I was not expecting that. I turned my head slowly to look at Randall. “Yes, Randall. Please. Tell me.”

  For his part, Randall didn’t even look remotely perturbed. In fact, he ignored me pretty much completely. “That was your idea of a test?” he asked coolly. “To what end?”

  “To see his mettle,” the bigger dragon said. “The scope of his heart. The minds of men are a terrible thing. Just because the gods have put their faith in him doesn’t mean he isn’t capable of corruption. We have seen what men can do.” She glanced at Tiggy again, a shrewd look on her face. “What they can destroy. You, giant. Where did you come from?”

  “He doesn’t remember,” I said when Tiggy looked unsure of himself. “Not really.” What had he said inside Zero’s forest?

  Smells like home. Like before. Before you. Before Gary.

  We didn’t know much about it. His before. What we did know was mostly assumptions. Tiggy was vague about it, and I thought it was more because he couldn’t remember rather than repression of some trauma. He didn’t act afraid, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t. The closest understanding I’d gotten to his before was that he’d been cast out by the giants, along with his parents, for being a half-breed. Tiggy had the language to tell us, but either he didn’t want to or he didn’t know. He got frustrated when we
pushed, and I couldn’t do that to him. Tiggy never seemed as if he were longing for something more. In fact, his speech in Zero’s forest was the most he’d talked about it in a very long time.

  “Is it because he’s half?” the smaller dragon asked, sounding aggrieved.

  “We don’t know.”

  “No, Sam,” Tiggy said. “You hurt. Fix you first.”

  That was something I wasn’t looking forward to. I’d seen how dislocated shoulders were fixed. It looked like the worst thing in the world. “Maybe we could just—”

  “Set him down,” the larger dragon said. “I wish to speak to the boy wizard.”

  “Apprentice,” Gary coughed, because he obviously was a dick.

  “Uh,” I said. “No offense, but lady-dude, you were just all fang and rawr not five minutes ago. Forgive me for being a bit skeptical at your intentions. I’d rather keep my arm, thanks.”

  She just stared intently at Randall. It took a moment, but then Randall sighed. “Sam, she’s not going to hurt you.”

  “You know what? I’d really rather not take the chance.”

  “You know what we discussed?”

  “We discussed many things, Randall. Maybe be a bit more specific.”

  “You told me what Zero was capable of. His forest. The trees and the flowers. How he grew them.”

  “Yeah. So?”

  “It is specific to him.”

  “I figured.”

  “Haven’t you wondered what the other dragons can do?”

  “My power is being a sex machine,” Kevin said proudly.

  “I don’t think that’s quite it,” I told him.

  “Probably is.”

  “I really don’t think—”

  “It sounds about right to me,” Gary said.

  “You know what?” I said, shaking my head. “I’m not even going to get involved in this right now. Also, we will be discussing how you two are apparently back together again.”

  “Trial reconciliation,” Gary said. “We are not back together.”

  “That’s not what you were saying a few nights ago when you were all up on my junk,” Kevin muttered.

  “And how did you even do that?” I asked. “Kevin couldn’t even talk.”

  “You don’t need words when you have the language of the body,” Kevin said, leering at me.

  “Oh, gross,” I said as I gagged.

  “It really was,” Justin muttered. “Did you know Gary makes rainbows when he—”

  “And it’s not as if I needed words,” Gary said. “I’d know his growls and facial expressions anywhere.”

  “You are my everything,” Kevin said reverently.

  “As I should be.”

  “Are you going to eat me?” I asked the larger feathered dragon, trying to get us back on track.

  She snorted. “No.”

  “You sure acted like you were.”

  “That’s because I’m ferocious.”

  “She’s actually a softy once you get to know her,” her mate said. “It’s really rather sweet.”

  “Holy lesbians,” Gary breathed. “Sam! Be an adorable twink! They will love you!”

  “Thanks, buddy,” I said. “Tried that already. Arm feels like it’s going to fall off.”

  “If you try and eat him,” Ryan said, taking a step forward, brandishing his sword, “I will spill your blood upon the earth and the snow will run red with my wrath.”

  “I have never been turned-on by alliteration before,” I whispered to no one in particular. “Until now. It has to be the beard. What sorcery is this?”

  “I told him not to shave,” Gary said quietly as he leaned over. “Thought you’d like it. You’re welcome.”

  “You give me the best presents,” I said.

  “Imagine how it’d feel on your thighs.”

  I drooled a little on accident.

  “I will not harm him,” the dragon said to Ryan. “You have my word.”

  “I would know your name,” Ryan said. “Names carry weight. Your honor as a dragon means much, but your name would mean more.”

  “Oh my gods,” I said excitedly. “This is going to be amazing. Finally I get to hear a real dragon name!”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” Kevin asked, frowning down at me. “You already know my name. And Zero’s. You know dragon names.”

  “Uh,” I said, eyes shifting side to side. “Riiiiight. Because… you two… have real… dragon names.”

  “Exactly,” Kevin said. “Do you know how long it took me to decide on my name?”

  “As long as it took to come up with the perfection that is Kevin?”

  He looked pleased at that. “Precisely.”

  “Yeah. That… good job with that.”

  The larger dragon reared up, sitting on her hind legs. It was a sign of trust, exposing her soft underbelly to Ryan, who stood before her with a sword. Her mate did the same beside her, feathers twitching on top of her head. They were remarkably smaller than Kevin, maybe half his size, which meant that they were also smaller than Zero. But I thought they made up for it with speed. Zero could move quickly along the ground and through the earth. Kevin was intimidating given his largeness. But these two seemed agile and quick in ways that Zero and Kevin could not be.

  And it chilled me a little that I was already thinking of them in terms of their usefulness in an upcoming battle. They were thoughts that I wished I didn’t have to have.

  I pushed them away. For now.

  Now I would hear the names of the fabled mated dragons of the Northern Mountains.

  My hopes were sky-high.

  The larger one would be called something like Queen Mystic Feather of the Snowy Mountains. Her mate would be Queen Snow Storm of the Ice Caves. I just knew it.

  “My name is Pat,” the dragon said, voice rumbling and eyes flashing. “And this is my mate, Leslie.”

  “How do you do,” Leslie said primly as she bowed her head, wings fluttering.

  “Yes!” I cried. “Oh my gods, yes! I knew they would be—” Then, “Wait. What.”

  “Pat and Leslie,” Ryan said as he bowed. “I am Ryan Foxheart, Knight Commander to the Good King Anthony of Verania. I am also the cornerstone to the apprentice of Morgan of Shadows, Sam of Wilds. I am joined by Grand Prince Justin of Verania.”

  “No, seriously,” I said. “What are their names?”

  “Pat and Leslie,” Kevin said. “How exotic.”

  “I know I’ve never heard of such names before,” Gary said, sounding impressed. “How unique.”

  “Are you guys for real right now?” I demanded. “Does no one see the problem here but me?”

  “Your wizard acts as if he is in pain,” Pat said to Ryan. “I can help him.”

  “I have your word that no harm will come to him?” Ryan asked, and I couldn’t be faulted for almost swooning at him sounding so regal. I actually might have swooned if I hadn’t been so incensed at learning about Pat and Leslie, for fuck’s sake. And because of my dislocated shoulder.

  “You have my word, Knight Commander,” Pat said. “He has passed his test.”

  “Pat and Leslie,” I said miserably.

  “Yes, dear,” Leslie said, peering over at me. “Sorry about all the hullabaloo. It was really rather barbaric, but Pat did have a point that we would need to test your mettle.”

  I sighed, giving in to the inevitable. “Whatever. I don’t even care right now. My dreams of knowing a cool dragon have been decimated. There’s four of you now, and the coolest one is a fourteen-year-old emo kid. I can’t even with all of this.”

  “Oh boy,” Gary said. “Someone sounds like they need a nap.”

  That actually sounded amazing.

  “Or a good fucking,” Kevin said.

  That sounded amazing too.

  Tiggy looked uncertain. “Set you down now?”

  “Yeah, big guy. You can set me down now.”

  “You sad?”

  “Just disappointed that no one here is named
Queen Mystic Feather of the Snowy Mountains. I’ll get over it. Eventually. Probably.”

  Tiggy looked over at Pat and Leslie. “You no hurt Sam. He is my Sam. I love him. Tiggy smash if you hurt him.”

  The severe look on Pat’s face softened when she looked at Tiggy. “You have my word, giant. No harm will come to the wizard.”

  “Apprentice,” Gary sneezed. “Gosh, I must be allergic to all this snow. I don’t even know what’s come over me today. Excuse me.”

  “Okay, Sam?” Tiggy asked.

  “Okay,” I agreed.

  He set me down gently, my boots sinking into the snow. He brought a big finger up and rubbed it along the top of my head. I leaned into it, thankful that after everything, my friends were alive and well and we were together again. Even if apparently all the dragons of Verania had no idea what it meant to have an epic dragon name, at least I had my family back at my side again.

  Tiggy took a step back by Gary, who leaned forward and pressed his nose against my forehead. “Hey.”

  “Hi.”

  “I like you still, in case you were wondering.”

  “Oh good. I like you still too.”

  “Of course you do.”

  “Sassy,” I said fondly, pushing his face away.

  Ryan hadn’t sheathed his sword, but he did hold his free hand out to me. I grimaced as I took a step forward, the pain bright and heavy now. I was tired and cranky and happy all at the same time. I wanted nothing more than to find the nearest bed and curl into Ryan and possibly not move for the foreseeable future. I thought that sounded like the best and most practical idea I’d ever come up with.

  I took Ryan’s hand, callused and rough and oh-so familiar. I felt more settled than I had in weeks, knowing he was here. I didn’t want to let him out of my sight again.

  Wizard, a voice whispered in my head.

  We can feel your bonds, another voice said, smooth and sweet.

  I stared up at the dragons.

  They stared down at me.

  They were there again in my head, but it didn’t feel as malevolent as it had before. I wondered then at their supposed plan, at their tests they felt the need to put me through. Hadn’t Zero done the same? Oh sure, he’d positioned it as playing, but in the end, hadn’t it been a test of wills? His versus my own. The dragon versus the wizard and his friends. In the end, we had all stood against him. He’d snapped and snarled, but he’d collapsed soon after and had turned back into the emo dragon.