The Consumption of Magic

by TJ Klune

  He was a scrawny thing with big eyes and a nervous tremble in his lips. He squeaked a little as he announced his presence, bowing so low that I thought he’d fall face-first onto the sod that covered the ground in Kevin’s stable. He looked to be of age, no more than nineteen years old.

  Gary, of course, found him precious and cooed at him while baring his teeth. It was adorable in a frighteningly aggressive sort of way.

  “M-m-my lord wizard,” the page said, taking a stumbling step toward me.

  “Apprentice,” Gary coughed.

  I ignored him. “Hey, dude. Haven’t seen you around the castle before.”

  “I-I’m new. I have. A. Um. Letter? For you. Sam of Wilds.”

  “That’s me,” I said, pushing myself up.

  He squeaked again, sounding like he was deflating. “Please don’t make my nipples explode,” he moaned.

  “Man,” I breathed. “That is just awesome. It will go on forever.”

  “He won’t do that,” Ryan said wryly as he came to stand beside me. “He actually can’t do that.”

  “Hey! You don’t know. Maybe I’ve just been keeping it a secret this whole time.”

  The page’s eyes bulged as his gaze snapped back and forth between Ryan and myself. “Oh my gods,” he said faintly. “It’s HaveHeart. HaveHeart is standing right in front of me.”

  “So gross,” Justin muttered behind us.

  “And look, everyone! There’s also DragonCorn here too. Everyone loves DragonCorn! Raaaah! Listen to all that applause for DragonCorn. Raaaaaaaahhhh!”

  We all turned slowly to look up at Kevin.

  He stared blankly down at us. “I don’t know who said that. It wasn’t me.”

  “I’m a h-h-huge fan,” the page sputtered as we looked back at him. “Me and my sister. She’s eleven. She j-just l-l-loves you two so much.”

  “She sounds very sweet,” Ryan said kindly. “What’s your name?”

  “C-Caleb.”

  “And hers?”

  “C-C-Christie.”

  “Does she work in the castle too?”

  He shook his head furiously. “No, Knight C-Commander. She’s… sickly. She doesn’t l-leave her r-r-room much.”

  Ryan stiffened beside me. “I’m… so sorry to hear that.”

  Caleb smiled weakly. “It’s okay. Sh-sh-she has her good days. Sometimes. But sh-she loves you g-guys. Sh-she has all your posters in her r-room.” He blushed, looking down at his feet.

  “And she’s here? In the City?”

  Caleb nodded.

  Ryan looked at me, arching an eyebrow, and I knew exactly what he was asking me without him having to say a single word.

  I rolled my eyes and bumped his shoulder. My knight had the biggest heart.

  “Tell you what,” Ryan said as he turned back to Caleb. “We could give you an autograph, if you’d like to take it to her.”

  I thought Caleb would fall down. “You w-w-would?” he gasped.

  “Or,” Ryan said, smiling quietly, “if it’s all right with you and she was feeling up to it, we could visit her. Do you think that would be all right with your parents?”

  There was a possibility that Caleb shat himself, but I didn’t think it was a polite thing to ask, especially when it looked as if tears were welling in his eyes. “I-I-I-I-I—”

  “Oh my gods,” Gary moaned behind us. “It’s like you just shot feelings all over my face. I just got a feelings facial and I feel so dirty.”

  Ryan reached out and dropped a hand on Caleb’s shoulder, causing him to fall silent. “It’s okay.”

  Caleb reached up and wiped his eyes. His hands were shaking, and I could see his shoulders trembling. “Y-you w-would do that? For h-her?”

  “Sure, kid,” I said, oddly touched by the whole situation.

  “That… th-that would be an honor. I-if you could spare the t-t-time.”

  “Would tomorrow be all right?” Ryan asked. “Give you enough time to clear it with your parents?”

  Caleb nodded.

  “When do you finish your page work?” I asked him.

  “Five, sir.”

  “And where do you live?”

  “Midtown.”

  “Not too far, then,” I told Ryan. “We could spare an hour or two. Morgan won’t mind. And we haven’t heard anything from Randall, so I don’t think it’ll be a problem.”

  “We can meet you at the front gates at quarter past?” Ryan said to Caleb. “If that would work for you.”

  “Y-yes. Oh, my lords. T-thank you, th-th-thank you. She will be so h-h-happy.”

  Ryan chuckled. “It’s our pleasure. You said you had a letter for Sam?”

  “O-oh! R-right. I’m s-so s-sorry.”

  “Don’t worry about it,” I said, waving a hand at him. “It’s probably something boring anyway.”

  He handed over a thick sheet of paper, folded and closed with a wax seal. He bowed again so low that my own back twinged at the sight of it. He took a few stumbling steps toward the doors to the stable but stopped when Justin called out to him.

  “Page, what did you say your last name was?”

  “I d-didn’t, Your M-Majesty.”

  “Ah. My apologies. Tell me, please.”

  I frowned.

  “It’s Marlowe, m-my P-Prince.”

  “Thank you. That will be all.”

  The page left with one last look at us, his gaze stuttering when he looked up at Kevin, but then he was gone.

  “That might have been the most adorable thing that’s ever happened,” Gary said. “And trust me, I know adorable. I mean, look at me.”

  “Who’s the letter from?” Ryan asked.

  “Mama,” I said. “It’s her seal.” I showed him the large phallus embedded in the wax.

  “Subtle.”

  “Yeah. That’s Mama for you.” I broke the seal and opened the letter. The paper had been dusted with the scent of roses, sweet and sublime. Mama’s immaculate handwriting curled seductively along the page. “She’s just checking in… apologizing for Feng… ah. She says that she’ll make it up to us any way that we desire, be it boys from the Tilted Cross to participate in a gangbang with Ryan at the center—”

  “I am so fucking down for that,” Kevin said.

  “—or any other favor that our hearts desire,” I finished.

  “Mama never offered to let me be the focus of a gangbang,” Gary muttered.

  “Me either,” Tiggy said with a pout. Then, “What’s gangbang?”

  “Well, kitten, it’s when eight or nine mens love each other very much and want to deposit as much sperm into a single person as possible to—”

  “Why’d you ask him about his last name?” I asked Justin, who was staring toward the door the page had disappeared through.

  “You seriously can’t be that stupid, Sam.”

  “Well, five or six people would probably beg to differ. But why don’t you fill me in anyway.”

  He rolled his eyes. “I want to confirm he is who he says he is. You’re not just going to go traipsing off without confirmation. Don’t be foolish, Sam.”

  “Oh my gods,” I whispered. “You love me.”

  “You’re about to get hugged,” Ryan warned him. “That’s his hugging face.”

  “Sam, you stay the fuck away from me, I swear to the—oof!”

  “Shh,” I told him. “It’s already happening.”

  Justin sighed. But he didn’t push me away.

  CALEB WAS waiting for us the next evening, wringing his hands nervously, looking slightly pale. His eyes widened as he saw us approaching.

  I’ll admit we were probably going a little bit overboard. Ryan was fully knighted out, wearing some of his best armor, his shield strapped to his back, his sword in its scabbard at his side. His short hair was slicked back, his jaw freshly shaven. He looked every bit the knight I’d known the first time I’d seen him in Castle Lockes.

  Not to be outdone, I’d put on my ceremonial robes, the ones Morgan couldn’t ge
t me into no matter how much he begged. They were a bit stifling, given how heavy they were, but the dark greens and golds contrasted with my dark skin, and Gary said they made my eyes glitter.

  Morgan had glared at me when he saw us until we told him we were trying to impress a sick eleven-year-old girl. Then he’d softened, just like I knew he would.

  “We won’t be gone long,” I told him. “It’s just Midtown.”

  “And you know who this is?”

  “Justin’s already checked into him. Caleb has been in the page program for almost four months. It’ll be fine.”

  “You can’t be too careful these days,” Morgan said.

  I grinned at him. “I’m Sam of Wilds. What’s the worst that could happen?”

  “You could be abducted by villains who either want to kill you, ransom you, or sleep with you.”

  “Sometimes all three,” I agreed.

  “I hate those ones,” Ryan mumbled next to me.

  “We’ll be fine,” I assured Morgan. “We’ll be back before nightfall.”

  “Caleb,” Ryan said now. “All right?”

  Caleb nodded, head snapping up and down. “I-I didn’t expect y-y-you to look like that.”

  “You mean amazing?” I asked, arching an eyebrow at him.

  He squeaked. “Y-y-yessir.”

  “Thank you.”

  “Are your parents okay with us coming to see your sister today? And she is in good spirits? What was her name again?”

  “C-C-Christie, Knight Commander,” Caleb said, wiping his brow. “And it’s fine. She d-d-doesn’t know you’re c-coming. It’s going to be such a s-surprise.”

  “Lead the way, then,” I said. “Let’s see if we can make a little girl’s day.”

  And he did. We followed Caleb through the gates and out into the streets of the City of Lockes. We were stared at as we walked amongst the people, some smiling at us, some glaring. A few gave us a wide berth, actively avoiding having to walk by us. Still others stopped us and asked for autographs. A woman got a little handsy with Ryan, her generous bosom spilling over the top of her dress, pressing up against him as she stroked the metal of his breastplate. He laughed and chuckled and winked, and they swooned over him, as his fans were wont to do. I was used to people fawning over him. He’d always gotten it more than I had, and while I wasn’t actively ignored when they came up to him, it was obvious that they couldn’t care less I was standing right there.

  It was fine.

  Everything was fine.

  “All right,” I said, pushing off the rather buxom woman as she started to describe how she’d just yesterday discovered that she’d gotten over her gag reflex. “That’s enough for now. While I’m sure the Knight Commander appreciates the fact that you can deep-throat, you should probably know that he can do the same and does so quite regularly. On me, if that wasn’t clear enough.”

  The woman scowled at me.

  Ryan looked amused, even as he blushed.

  I thought Caleb was going to pass out in the street.

  We moved along.

  “D-does that h-happen a lot?” he asked.

  “Not all the time,” Ryan said.

  “All the time,” I said. “I mean, have you seen him? He’s pretty much the hottest thing to exist. Of course people will randomly come up to him on the streets to tell him they can swallow an ear of corn to the hilt without choking.”

  “Did you s-say c-c-corn?” Caleb asked, eyes wide.

  “Still,” Ryan said. “You have to admit, that’s slightly impressive.”

  “Maybe you can go back and tell her yourself,” I told him sweetly. “And while you’re at it, ask if you can stay with her because you suddenly don’t have anywhere else to go.”

  “Please. Like you would ever let me go.”

  “I have no one but myself to blame for you.”

  “And don’t you forget it,” he said as he grabbed my hand and held on tightly.

  We turned down a side street in a part of the City I’d never been to before. The houses were ramshackle, not quite reaching the modesty of the street we’d just left. They weren’t anywhere near the conditions of the slums, but we were in one of the oldest neighborhoods of the City, and the road beneath our feet was cracked, and the houses loomed above us, curling over the street, the sidings in need of a good coat of paint. I looked up, and the sky above was still bright and blue, though it was starting to become streaked with pinks and oranges along the edges as sunset approached. We still had plenty of time, and I told myself the chill I felt down my spine had everything to do with my overactive imagination.

  We turned down one more street deeper into the neighborhood. The road was a dead end, with houses that looked a little shabbier. I didn’t know if what I was feeling was pity or worry for Caleb and Christie, but I decided that if the situation looked dire, I would do everything I could to help them. Perhaps Morgan would know something that could help the little girl we were going to meet. I didn’t like it when people suffered and I could do something about it.

  We stopped in front of a house at the end of the road. It was missing a few shutters on the windows, and the roof looked as if it needed to be replaced. It was a single story with a small porch, the wood of which was slightly splintered. The door was bright red, a shocking contrast with the drab surroundings.

  Caleb stopped in front of the house, looking up at it, wringing his hands again. I was concerned he would rub his skin raw, so I dropped my hand on his shoulder. He looked startled as he glanced at me, a thin layer of sweat above his upper lip. “There’s nothing to be ashamed of,” I said, taking a guess at what worried him.

  I seemed to be right, as his shoulders slumped. “I-I— It’s just that y-y-you’re so fancy,” he muttered. “And we’re n-not.”

  I glanced back at Ryan, who had a concerned look on his face, brow furrowed. “Can I tell you a secret?” I asked Caleb.

  He nodded, eyes wide.

  “I’m not exactly fancy,” I said, squeezing his shoulder. “In fact, I came from the slums.”

  “Y-you did?” he asked, sounding awed.

  “I did.”

  “As did I,” Ryan said, taking a step forward.

  I thought it quite possible that Caleb was going into shock. “B-b-b-but—”

  “You aren’t always where you come from,” Ryan said. “It’s about the path you choose for yourself.”

  What a sap. I loved the royal shit out of him.

  “Exactly,” I said, already planning on finger-blasting the fuck out of Ryan once we got back to the castle.

  He smirked at me as if he knew what I was thinking.

  Bastard probably did.

  “O-okay,” Caleb said, sounding as if he were gathering his courage. “Okay. L-let’s go inside and—”

  He scurried forward, up the stairs, faster than I would have expected him to be able to move. The door was unlocked, and he pushed it open. It creaked on its hinges, and there was nothing that came from the house. No magic, no warnings, nothing. We weren’t stupid, not with everything that had happened. Ryan’s hand was on the hilt of his sword, and I breathed in long and slow, but there was nothing. It was just a house.

  I smiled at Ryan. “Ready?”

  He nodded. “Let’s go make a little girl’s day.”

  And we followed Caleb up the stairs and through the door.

  We stood in an entryway, the wooden floor creaking underneath our feet. Off to the left was a large room with dirty windows letting in weak sunlight. There were wooden chairs scattered about and a chest of drawers against the far wall. A stone fireplace took up the other end of the room, the interior blackened with ash and soot.

  Farther down the hallway appeared to be a kitchen of sorts, and off to the right were three doors, two of which I thought led to bedrooms, the third probably to the bathroom.

  Candles were lit and lining the hallway, casting a sickly yellow glow and creating shadows in the dusty corners.

  The hairs on the bac
k of my neck stood on end.

  Caleb shut the door behind us.

  We turned to face him.

  “Parents home?” I asked as he reached up and locked the door with a heavy finality.

  He shook his head.

  “Just your sister.”

  He sighed, rolling his shoulders as if ridding himself of the tension. When he looked back up at us, there was a strange glint to his eyes. I frowned at him as Ryan gripped the hilt of his sword.

  Caleb leaned back against the door, eyeing Ryan and me coolly. When he spoke, gone were the nerves and the stutter. His voice was smooth and melodic, almost like liquid smoke. “I honestly didn’t expect this to work.”

  I groaned. “Gods. There is no sister, is there?”

  The smile that curled his lips had a nasty curve to it. “No, Sam. There’s no sister.”

  I raised my hands and clapped slowly. “Well played. Tugging on the heartstrings. That was rather devious.”

  Ryan drew his sword, the steel scraping against the scabbard. “You’re going to want to step away from the door.”

  “Was that an order, Knight Commander?” Caleb asked, looking unmoved by Ryan’s threat.

  “For now, it’s a suggestion. But the next time I have to tell you, I won’t be as polite.”

  “Oooh,” Caleb said, shivering dramatically. “That just gets me down into my nether region. No wonder she sees in you what she does. I thought she was just crazy. But what do I know.”

  “Who?” I asked, the green and gold starting to skirt along the edges of my vision.

  “In time, Sam,” Caleb said. “First, I need to tell you a little story.”

  “Oh my gods,” I groaned. “Are you fucking serious?”

  Caleb looked startled at my outburst. “Excuse me?”

  “Somehow you infiltrated the castle, became part of the page program, waited until just the right moment, got us in your clutches, and now you’re going to ruin what I admit is a pretty awesome and dedicated plan by monologuing. Dude, you totally just lost any and all credibility as the diabolical mastermind I was making you out to be. For shame, Caleb, for shame.”

  Caleb seemed a little flustered at that. “It started almost two years ago when—”

  “I am so bored with this already,” I told Ryan. “Are you bored with this? Because I’m bored with this.”