Inked Babies: Epilogue to Inked Brotherhood

by Jo Raven

  Yeah. And if talking helps, then I need that help. Though I’m not going back to my therapist, not after seeing Kenneth’s car there.

  Or did I? Sorting through real memories and flashbacks is fucking complicated. If I decide to believe that he chased after me… Fuck.

  I’ll find another therapist. I need to get better.

  I lean back against my pick-up truck, waiting for the girls to reach us. They’re talking to the officer. Rafe opens the car door for Megan and helps her settle the baby in the baby seat, circles her waist with his arm and kisses her.

  I look away, heat building in my chest, in my dick. It’s been so damn long since I got off. First Dakota gave birth and couldn’t bear to be touched, and then the nightmares came crashing down on me and sex was off the menu.

  Still is.

  But what I wouldn’t give to hold my girl naked in my arms. Try again. She seemed to wanna give it a go the other day. It’s been over two months now since Emmanuel was born, and I…

  I want it. So fucking bad. If only I don’t flip out on her and scare her, if only I don’t get lost in the past and puke because she touches me…

  Yeah, that’s my fear. But as Dakota reaches my side and stands on tiptoe to kiss me, as I open the door for her and look into her bright eyes, I know it’s time to go all in, or lose the war.

  And that’s not an option when you love a girl the way I love her.

  ***

  Lee sleeps all the way from Dylan’s apartment to ours, and then barely stirs when I carry him upstairs in my arms and lay him in his crib.

  “Did Dylan wear you out, little man?” I pull the blanket over his tiny body, and I gaze down at him, lost in thought. I admit I’m still kinda in awe that Dakota and me created this new life. This perfect little boy with his tiny fists and chubby face, the pursed lips and dark hair.

  A baby who tends to fall asleep as he breastfeeds, snuggled in Dakota’s arms, who likes it when I make him fly over my head, who is perfectly happy sleeping belly down on my thigh while I stroke his hair.

  Our baby. He’s ours. We’re a family. He’s mine to protect, and I’d do it with my life. It’s a powerful feeling, even more powerful than the protective urge I have with all of our friends. Maybe because he’s so tiny, so innocent. So ready for life’s opportunities, and I want him to have them all, to grow up with love and laughter and safety.

  I want him to have everything I didn’t have, and more.

  “Is he asleep?” Dakota comes to stand beside me, looking down at the baby. “Awww, he’s knocked out.”

  I grin at her, feeling lighter than I have in ages. “Are you tired?”

  She shoots me a questioning look. “No more than usual.”

  “I wanna take you to bed and undress you.” I slip my hand behind her back, down to her ass. “Kiss you all over.”

  Her breathing speeds up, and her blue eyes darken. “Oh God, yes.”

  “Told you before, it’s just Zane for you,” I mutter, then swing her up in my arms and kiss her, swallowing her squeal of surprise. “Shh. I’ve got you.”

  She wraps her arms around my neck and I fight my initial jerk-knee reaction to shove her off. I thought I was past those days, dammit.

  Instead I kiss her again and the urge fades, replaced with raw need. My dick hardens, pulses, tries to drill a hole through my jeans as I walk into our bedroom and lay her down.

  That’s more like it, Dick the dick. Welcome back into the game.

  Pulling off her boots, I let them thump to the floor, then I slide my hands under her short skirt and tug down her black tights and yellow lace panties.

  “Zane…” she whispers, reaching for me, but I only give her a smug smile and press my face between her legs.

  I’ve missed this. Her. Her taste, her moans, the way her legs tremble, the way her clit throbs under my tongue and her pussy clenches when I lick into her. I drag my tongue up and down, letting her feel the barbell, reaching up a hand to cover her mouth as she gets louder, not to wake up the baby.

  She’s so close.

  And I wanna be inside her. But first I’m gonna make her come, and I lick her harder, faster, using my other hand to thrust a finger inside her, to stroke her inner walls until she wails under my palm, her body tightening and arching.

  God, yeah. So good. I gentle the thrusts of my finger, the lashing of my tongue, giving her time to calm down.

  But I can’t wait too long. Better not give my mind time to connect this to anything bad. I rock back on my heels on the mattress and unzip my pants, push them down my legs, briefs and all. Reaching behind my head, I grab a fistful of fabric and pull my T-shirt off.

  Naked, I grip my dick and squeeze. My head falls forward as I tug on the rigid length, feeling the slight bite of the Jacob’s Ladder, all those barbells on the underside stinging a little as I stroke.

  “Holy crap…” Dakota sits up, openly staring as I jack off. “Let me…”

  I suck on the barbell in my tongue, so hard I ache with it, so damn aroused because she’s still displayed for me, her legs spread. Her blouse has slipped off one shoulder, and her mouth is slack, her lips reddened from our kissing.

  I need to be inside her. I can’t speak, too focused on keeping the reins tight on my mind, on telling myself this is real, this is now, so I let go of my dick in favor of crawling over her, pushing her back down on the mattress.

  Bracing my elbows on either side of her face, I lean down until only a breath separates our mouths and my hard-on drags on her skirt. I kiss her, deeply and thoroughly, tangling my hands in her wild dark hair. I suck on her tongue, bite on her lower lip, taste her and let her taste me, telling my thoughts to go fuck themselves.

  Kissing is relatively new for me. Dakota is the only girl I’ve ever kissed, and I think I’ve gotten pretty good at it over the past two years, if the way she clutches at my shoulders and moans in my mouth is anything to go by.

  I draw back just enough to suck in a ragged breath. “Wanna be inside you,” I whisper. “But I’ll understand if you’re not ready.”

  “I’m ready.” She licks her lips, and it makes my dick twitch. She lifts her arms around my neck. “Please, Zane. I’ve missed you.”

  “Fuck, missed you, too.” I reach down, grab my dick and press between her legs. With her skirt bunched up around her hips, her heat kissing the head of my cock, I wonder how long I’ll last.

  If I don’t freak out.

  I won’t freak out. The kids are safe, and I’m ready. I’m fine, I tell myself, as I push into her.

  Only something is off. Maybe it’s my position on the bed, looking down at the twisted sheets, or her hands touching my upper back, the burn scars scattered there.

  I’m drowning. I can’t breathe. I jerk back, and I have an oh-fuck moment when I realize this is worse than usual, this is a full-on panic attack, and I need to stop it before it gets worse, and—

  “Zane?” It’s her voice, and I latch on to that desperately. “Look at me.”

  I find myself on the edge of the bed, struggling to breathe. I’m shaking, and I’m so fucking cold my teeth are chattering.

  It’s the pain. Pain clawing through my back, tearing me to shreds, and it’s all I can do not to howl. Hands on my back, on my ass, digging into wounds, into me.

  ‘My turn,’ a deep voice says, turning my blood to ice. ‘My turn now.’

  But her sweet scent soothes me. Warmth covers my hands. “Zane,” she says, and it’s a voice calling me home, where I’m safe and happy.

  So I fight through the murky water of the memory, telling myself the pain isn’t real, the man’s voice isn’t real.

  It isn’t here.

  “Dakota,” I whisper, reaching blindly for her, and she’s in my arms, her head pressed to my chest. “I’m so fucking sorry.”

  “Don’t be.” She’s rubbing her hands up and down my sides. “I understand.”

  I wanna curse and punch something, but she’s in my arms, and I’m still trying to c
atch my breath, damn grateful that I didn’t fall headfirst into a flashback, that it was only a small panic attack.

  Shit.

  “We’ll take it slow,” she says. “Like when we first met. One step at a time.”

  It sucks. It makes my neck heat with shame that I can’t just make love to my girl without freaking out. It makes me goddam furious with myself for not being strong enough, and with that asshole for breaking me like this.

  But her touch is distracting, and then her mouth trails over my chest, warm and soft. She lifts one hand to toy with the barbell in my nipple, and fuck, this feels good.

  She feels so good.

  “All I’ve ever wanted,” she says, “is you. You gave me wings to fly. Remember? The tattoo on my back. Your gift. Though it’s not the ink that helps me fly. It’s your love. And I’ll make sure you fly with me. I won’t let you fall.”

  For some strange reason, my eyes burn. I swallow hard. “I know.”

  “Let me make you come.”

  And her words are like lightning bolts to my dick. I can’t keep back a groan when she tugs harder on the barbell. Can’t think. All the blood is rushing south, and my hardening cock tries to lift up, trapped underneath her.

  Her breath comes out in a rush when she feels me and she shifts back, giving me space. Her hand drops from my nipple to my dick and I gasp out loud.

  So damn different when she grips me than when I jack off myself. Maybe it’s the image of her small hand wrapped around my hard on, her thumb stroking the head, toying with the small, wet slit there. Maybe it’s the way her lashes lower as she watches my dick swell more in her grip until she can barely hold it.

  How her lips part when I lean in and crush my mouth to hers, needing to feel more of her on me. This is good, this is so different from the memories. It’s only arousal and white-hot need.

  Her hand grips me harder and the pressure behind my balls is suddenly reaching critical mass. I release her lips to lean back, my stomach clenching, my hands scrabbling at the sheets for balance.

  It’s been too fucking long, and her flushed cheeks, the way her hard nipples poke through her thin blouse, Christ, it’s all turning me on so damn much it’s a miracle I haven’t come yet.

  Guess I need something more, and this girl knows my body better than I do, because she plays with the Jacob’s Ladder as she strokes my dick, pushing the pleasure to the point of pain. Her other hand finds my other nipple, tugs on that barbell, too, and ah hell. The combination just about kills me.

  My dick jerks, my balls tighten, and before I can warn her that I’m coming, pleasure rushes through me, sharp and hot. My ass all but lifts off the bed as I grunt and push my cock into her hand, shooting load after load all over my chest.

  Whoa.

  Goddamn.

  When I can finally look up again, I find a pleased little smirk on her face. I wrap a hand around her head and pull her in for one more kiss as I pant and pray my heart won’t pound its way out of my chest.

  “Love you,” I say against her sweet lips. “You have no idea how much.”

  “I think I do.” She winks at me, and scoots away. “Let me clean you up.”

  God, she has no clue. She’s everything to me. It makes my resolve stronger to fix what’s wrong with me, make sure I can be good enough for her and our family.

  That crazy plan to catch Kenneth Shaw I shot down earlier on because it scared me shitless?

  Fuck that.

  I’m in.

  Chapter Thirty Three

  Dakota

  The baby’s thin wail wakes me up in the middle of the night, and I open my eyes with Zane’s breath on the back of my neck and his arms around me. He’s spooning me, covering as much of me as possible with his naked body, his chest pressing into my spine every time he inhales.

  I smile in the dark, happy. He stayed in our bed, and he’s in such deep sleep he doesn’t stir as I get up.

  Sending him an affectionate glance, loving how peaceful he looks, I hurry to pick up Lee.

  Images of last night flash through my mind as I feed him, and my face heats up, a hard throb starting between my legs. God, it felt good to have his mouth and hands on me again, in me, giving me pleasure.

  And seeing him come apart like that… So damn hot.

  It almost broke my heart to tiny pieces when he had the panic attack, when frustration and self-loathing filled his beautiful eyes.

  But he trusted me. He let me take care of him.

  He loves me. I know it, but seeing him put himself in my hands like that is an incredible feeling. I’ll always cherish his faith in me. I won’t let him down.

  I’m so frigging glad that throughout this difficult time he didn’t start cutting himself again or drinking himself to death. It gave me hope from the start that he’d pull through okay.

  Lee quiets eventually, and I put him back in his crib, then reach back to rub my lower back. My back injury from years ago flared up a little with the pregnancy, and it still bothers me from time to time. What I need is…

  Warm, big hands drop on my hips, and I barely stifle a yelp. “Oh God.”

  “You keep calling me that.” Zane’s sleep-drenched, sexy voice rumbles with a hint of laughter. “And you might again after I massage your back.”

  My head rolls forward on a sigh when he rubs his hands over the painful spot, he digs in his thumbs expertly, massaging. “Thank you.”

  “Why don’t we go back to bed? Lie down and let me take care of you.”

  Tears prickle my eyes. “That’d be nice. I just…”

  “Sh.” He turns me around, gathers me close. “I told you, girl. I’m so fucking sorry I haven’t been there for you. I’ll do all I can to get better.”

  And I believe him.

  His courage and strength always amaze me. If anything, now I love him more than ever. I wish I could help him more, but I guess it will take time. Patience is a small thing compared to having him back, healthy and happy.

  ***

  Zane is at Damage Control. He has quite a few appointments today, and he’s deemed himself well enough to work. I know it’s part of his own private battle with his demons, convincing himself he’ll be okay, that he’s back to normal.

  Only he isn’t, not yet, and I worry.

  Then again, what’s new?

  I’m sitting with the girls, making plans. The weddings are coming up in a couple of weeks, and college is starting. We’re looking at our schedules—work, school, doctor appointments—trying to work out a system so two of us at a time can look after the kids and babies, allowing all of us to slowly resume our activities as much as possible.

  I already know I won’t be studying full-time this year. There’s no way, not even with my mom and the girls helping out. The Damage girls and boys have also offered to babysit on occasion, and it makes me laugh when I remember their faces that day we left the kids with them. They’d been terrified.

  Looks like they liked it, though, after all.

  Tessa is sitting with us. She says she has cut down on her work hours quite a lot to have more time for her family, and Audrey teases her mercilessly that she’s pregnant and hiding it from us.

  I shake my head, laughing, as I switch Lee to my other breast. “She just doesn’t want you to be the first girl in the group to get married without showing, Tess.”

  “She wasn’t pregnant when she got married!”

  “That’s because I’d already had a baby.”

  Tessa sticks her tongue out at Audrey. Audrey crosses her eyes at her.

  Sometimes moms are worse than their babies.

  “When are we going to meet with the Lost Boys?” Erin asks.

  “Lost Boys?” I narrow my eyes at her. “Who calls them that?”

  “Tyler, who else?” She snickers as she gets up, baby on one arm, to pour six-year-old Jax a glass of water.

  “He’s the one who changed my baby’s name to Zay.” Megan mock-pouts. “He said it was that or Rafe’s Brat.”

/>   “Oh God.” I laugh. Of course he said that.

  “Give me Rafe’s brat,” Tessa says, opening her arms. “I want to hold him.”

  Megan passes the baby over, giggling. Then she turns to me. “Hey, girl, how’s Zane doing? Was he okay after meeting with the boys?”

  “The Lost Boys.” I sigh. Wasn’t that a film about vampires? “He’s doing okay. Struggling a little, but he’s not letting it put him down.” I examine my fingernails. The dark blue varnish is chipped. Can’t remember when I painted them. “Finding those kids meant a lot to him. I mean, it shocked him, but I think deep down he feared it would come to that, and knowing they are now safe… it has given him the strength to fight back, you know?”

  Audrey puts an arm around my shoulders. “It makes sense. And we’re always here, girl. For whatever you need.”

  “I know.” I bite my lip, nod, and smile. It comes straight from my heart. “I do know it. Thank you.”

  “Kayla will be here any minute,” Erin says. “Think we can rope her into making a matching gown for Isabella?”

  I squint at baby Isa. “That would be really funny.”

  “Girls are fun. We need more girls.” Erin points at Tessa. “You are our only hope. You need to have some daughters.”

  “I’m having a girl this time,” Audrey says, patting her tummy.

  “You know for sure already?”

  “No. I just feel it.”

  “I can’t wait to see my gown.” Tessa claps her hands excitedly.

  Kayla threw together a wedding gown lightning-fast, since it was decided Dylan and Tessa would get married with the other two couples. I’m pretty excited to see it, too, truth be told.

  It shocks me. It’s the first time I’m excited about the weddings and the party, and the joy of it all since Zane started having the nightmares and flashbacks.

  Everything will turn out okay. I’m starting to feel it, deep in my bones. All of us, we tried to find the problem, fix it, set things right.

  But Zane is the only one who can set himself right, and he will do it, no matter what it takes. I know my guy. He never gives up.