Fireflies & Family Ties

by Rachel Hanna

  “I’m so sorry, Mom…” she said, sobbing uncontrollably.

  “We should go,” Dixie said to the others, waving for everybody to get up.

  “No, it’s okay,” Meg said, slowly standing up. “Everybody might as well hear what an irresponsible, immature person I am.” She wiped her eyes and finally looked at Christian. He was standing there, the bag in his hand by his side, his eyes wide.

  “Meg, why didn’t you tell me? Why did you just leave without a word? I was broken hearted.”

  “I know, and I’m so sorry. I didn’t want to risk you losing your job. You’ve worked your whole life for that.”

  Julie continued standing by the front door, her body frozen. She didn’t know what to say or do. Her daughter, her baby, was pregnant. How could that be?

  “Mom? Are you okay?”

  “Yeah, I’m just…” And that was the last thing Julie remembered until she saw Dawson’s face hovering over her.

  “Oh, thank God. She’s coming to,” he said.

  Julie’s eyes felt glazed over as she looked up to see the ceiling fan above her. “What happened?”

  “You fainted, hon,” Dixie said.

  “Wow. I haven’t had that happen in years,” Julie said, trying to sit up.

  “Easy does it,” Dawson said, slowly helping her up to a seated position. “No sudden movements.”

  “I’m fine. Meg, I’m so sorry,” she said, looking over at her daughter, who was sitting on the floor beside her.

  “No, I’m sorry, Mom. I didn’t want to disappoint you. That’s why I didn’t tell you.”

  Julie felt awful that she fainted in the middle of her daughter’s worst life moment. She wasn’t one to be dramatic or try to take attention away from her kids. They were her world. Her heart ached when she realized just how little she knew about her daughter. She’d been so wrapped up in her worries about Dawson that she hadn’t even noticed her daughter’s obvious baby bump?

  "Now, we really are all going to go and give you some time to talk. Call me if you need anything, Julie,” Dixie said, ushering William and Dawson to the door.

  "I'm going to go too, Mom. Me and Aunt Janine are going to just take a walk and give you some time."

  Julie nodded as she watched everyone walk out of the room, except for Christian, who continued standing there like he didn't know exactly what to do.

  "Christian, why don't you sit down," Julie said, pointing at a chair next to where they were sitting on the floor.

  She couldn't remember a time in her life when she felt more awkward. Here was a guy that she didn't know, but her daughter was carrying his baby. Suddenly, their age difference popped into her head and made her even more uneasy. Her daughter was still just a baby herself, even though she was turning twenty in just a few weeks. She wasn't ready to be a mom, to be hit with all of the emotions that motherhood brought.

  "Meg, I don't understand why you ran away,” Christian finally said.

  "I told you. I love you, and I didn't want you to lose everything you’d built. Not only would you get into all kinds of trouble, if not fired, for dating a student at the University, but having a baby right now would have thrown off your career path."

  He shook his head, a stray tear rolling down his face. "It's our baby."

  "I understand that. I was just trying to keep you from having to make impossible decisions. Look, Christian, I know you're a good man. I know you would've done the right thing, but I didn't want you to feel obligated to me. This was my mistake."

  "Wait just a minute!" Julie said, holding up her hand. "I'm sorry, but this was not all your fault, Meg. This man is much more experienced than you are, and this sure didn't happen without his involvement," she said, very uncomfortable talking about her daughter’s sex life.

  "Mom, you know I've been on birth control for my cycles all these years. I ran out, and I just got lazy. And then I decided to go further than I planned…"

  "Please, Meg. There's only so much I can take in one day. I don't need to know the details."

  "Your mother is right, Meg. This isn't your fault. I was there too."

  "But you didn't know I wasn't taking my pills. That was all on me."

  "Look, both of you made mistakes. The baby is the most important issue now. Have you even been getting prenatal care?"

  Meg nodded. “Of course, I have. I'm not stupid."

  “How many weeks along are you?"

  "I'm about halfway through my pregnancy."

  Julie’s eyes widened. "You've been keeping this a secret for half of your pregnancy? I can’t believe you didn’t tell me. I'm your mother."

  She wanted to dissolve into a puddle of tears. All of these years, she thought she was being a great mom to her girls. She wanted to be a wonderful example of a woman, wife and mother. And now her daughter was pregnant and didn't even tell her. It made her feel like the world's biggest failure as a parent.

  "I just didn't want you to be disappointed in me. And I know you are."

  Julie put her arm around her daughter, pulling her head to her shoulder. “I’m your mother. I may not always like what you girls do, but I love you and I will always support you. No, this isn't what I expected. But this is my grandchild, and I can't wait to meet him or her."

  Meg sat up and looked at her. "Mom…"

  "And this is my child. Don't you think I should get a say so in what goes on?" Christian asked, a hint of irritation in his voice. "I mean, I can't believe you ran away and took my baby with you. That's not fair, Meg."

  Meg stood up, running her fingers through her hair in frustration. "I've met with an adoption attorney."

  Julie and Christian both looked shocked. Julie decided to stay on the floor, not wanting to risk passing out again. This was all too much to take.

  “You were going to give our baby away without even talking to me?" Christian said, standing up to face her. "This is our child!"

  "I know that! Don't you think I've thought about every possible scenario? It’s all I think about! I don't know what I want to do, but I want to be ready. I'm nineteen years old. I can't do this alone, and it's not fair to a baby!"

  "Who says you have to do this alone? I was there! I would've never left you or the baby!" Christian said.

  "I know you wouldn’t. But I'm not sure I'm ready," she said.

  Julie's heart clenched in her chest. The thought of losing her first grandchild made her want to cry, but she held it together. She had to realize that Meg was an adult now, capable and able to make her own decisions. And this was a life-changing decision, for her and the baby. More than anything, she wanted to scoop her daughter up in her arms and make all of her problems go away. She wanted to offer to adopt the baby herself.

  Slowly, Julie stood up and faced her daughter. "You don't have to make any decisions right now. I'm just glad that I know. I'm not disappointed in you, Meg. I love you, and I want to help you through this in whatever way you need me."

  She said the words, but she only partially meant them. She was a bit disappointed that her daughter had squandered her educational opportunities in Europe in favor of shacking up with an older man and getting pregnant. But she surely wasn't going to say that. And she felt guilty for even feeling it.

  She also wasn't being quite honest about helping her in whatever way she could. She wanted to scream at the top of her lungs that she didn't want Meg to give away her grandchild. But that wasn't her decision to make. She felt very selfish thinking those things, but as long as she didn't say them out loud, they were her’s to feel bad about.

  “Meg, I think we need to talk more about this.” Christian looked just as devastated as Julie felt inside. "Can we go somewhere?"

  "Christian, I'm not ready right now. All of this has been such a shock, you showing up here without warning. I think I just need to go lay down for a while."

  He nodded and looked at his feet. "I'm going to go over that bridge and get a hotel room. I'm not leaving until we settle this. I love you, and that hasn'
t changed. Please don't make decisions without me. That's my baby too." Without another word, he turned and walked out the front door, getting into a rental car and driving away.

  Julie looked at Meg. She looked like she had the whole world weighing on her shoulders. "You go get in the bed. I'm going to make you a nice cup of tea. If you’re hungry, we have plenty of food," Julie said, laughing sadly.

  "I'm not very hungry. But tea sounds nice."

  Meg started walking toward her bedroom. "We will get through this," Julie said.

  Meg turned around and looked at her mother. "I know, but my life will never be the same no matter what choice I make. And that terrifies me."

  As the days passed, Julie finally came to the realization that her daughter actually was pregnant and they were going to have to figure out what to do. Meg had not wanted to talk more about it for the last few days, opting instead to stay in her room most of the time. Julie was getting worried about her mental health on top of everything else.

  Christian had stayed in town, dropping by the house a couple of times, hoping that Meg would talk to him. Every time, she instructed her mother to send him away. She just wasn't emotionally ready to deal with it.

  As Julie sat across from Dixie, she hoped for some kind of motherly advice that would pull her family out of the mess they were in. Dixie always seemed to know what to say and what to do. Right now, she needed someone to take the reins. Even though she was a forty something-year-old mother, she felt like she wasn't equipped to deal with everything going on around her. And the last person she could call for advice was her own mother, the most critical person on the planet.

  "I'm just so worried about her. She said that she's getting regular prenatal care, but I don't know who she has been seeing since she's been here.”

  "You have to trust her, Julie. She's going through a lot right now. Just give her a few days to get used to the idea that you know. Her biggest fear was that you were going to be disappointed in her."

  "I know, and I don't know where she got that from. I've always been so encouraging to my daughters."

  Dixie smiled and reached across the table, putting her hand on top of Julie's. "Our kids want to impress us. They want to make us smile, make us proud. Even when they don't want to admit it. And to have to come back home pregnant, having lost her opportunity at the University, I'm sure she felt like there would be no way around you being disappointed in her."

  "I mean, I guess a part of me is a little disappointed. Not in her, but the situation. This just wasn't what I envisioned for my daughter."

  "Well, we don't always get to choose how our kids turn out. We can only love them and support them, but in the end they have to take responsibility for their life choices."

  "I know. And at least I know that she did come by the bookstore the other day to get that pregnancy book. That made me feel better about her state of mind."

  Dixie looked at her, cocking her head slightly to the side. "You're not mad at me then?"

  "Mad at you? Why would I be mad?"

  "I guess I just thought that you would be upset that I knew Meg was pregnant before you did."

  Julie stared at her, her mouth hanging open. "What do you mean?"

  Dixie's face changed to one of surprise. "Oh. I thought you knew…"

  "You thought I knew what?"

  Dixie sighed and looked down at her hands. "Boy, I really stuck my foot in my mouth this time."

  "Dixie, what are you talking about?"

  "When I gave Meg a hug that first day, I felt her little pregnant belly. So, she came by the shop the other day to look at some books. Being the sneaky old woman that I am, I went to see what she was looking at and it was the pregnancy books. So, I told her I knew she was pregnant. She just fell apart.”

  "You knew and you didn't tell me? How could you do that?” Julie felt a rage well up inside of her. She knew Dixie probably meant no harm by it, but this was her daughter. She couldn't believe Dixie wouldn't have told her what she knew so that she could have helped her sooner.

  "Honey, I didn't do it to hurt you. It's just such a big secret, and I encouraged her to tell you. I just didn't feel it was my place."

  “You’re a stranger to her, and she felt more comfortable talking to you about it?”

  “No, darlin’, I’m just a good guesser. She wasn’t going to tell me diddly squat. I gave her that book, in a way hoping you’d find it.”

  Julie sighed. ”I’m sorry. I didn't mean to get so upset with you. It's just that I don't understand why my daughter would tell anyone other than her own mother."

  “Again, to be fair, she didn't tell me. I guessed."

  Julie smiled sadly. "And that's what upsets me even more. I've hugged my daughter several times since she came home, and I didn't notice. I've been so wrapped up in my own stupid problems that I haven't been paying enough attention to her."

  "Now, don't beat yourself up. You had no reason to believe that your daughter came home with a baby on board."

  "Yes, but I've been so focused on working, helping Dawson renovate his house, writing my book…"

  "As you should be! Look, I know you love your kids, but they are adults now. All you can do is be there for them. You can't run their lives. You have to have your own life too. You deserve it.“

  "I know. It's just so hard to balance all of this. And Michael doesn't even know. Meg won't let me tell him, and I just don't feel right about that. But she said she doesn't need any more pressure."

  "I get that. It would be hard for her to make a decision about this with everybody giving their input. But, surely she'll want to tell her father pretty soon."

  "I hope so."

  As they continued chatting and eating lunch, Julie looked up and noticed Dawson down the road on the other side of the sidewalk. She thought about standing up and waving her hand, to invite him over to have lunch with them. But before she could do that, she saw Tiffany.

  She was walking out of a restaurant behind him, the two of them laughing and talking. Julie's guts churned. As much as she didn't want to be worried about her own romantic life right now, she couldn't help but feel jealousy. After all, Dawson had told her he was working today, and yet here he was having lunch with his high school crush.

  She thought about saying something to Dixie, but she didn't. After all, Dawson was like a son to Dixie. And even though she was close to her also, she couldn't compete with the long history the two of them had. So, she pushed her feelings down by taking another big bite of her sandwich and trying to look in the other direction.

  By the time she looked up again, they were gone. Probably going to have a romantic walk on the beach or ride a bicycle built for two. She wanted to throw up.

  "Are you okay?” Dixie asked, turning around to see what Julie was looking at.

  "Oh, yeah. I just saw this sickening couple down the road."

  Dixie laughed. “Don’t ya just hate a sickening couple?”

  Janine sat cross legged in the middle of the floor, her eyes closed and her hands in prayer position in front of her heart. She sucked in a long deep breath and then blew it out very slowly.

  "Take one more deep breath in, hold it at the top and then blow it out. Try to get your exhalation longer than your inhalation,” she said to the class. Today there were nine women sitting in front of her, all in the same position with their eyes closed. The feeling of energy in the room was something she always enjoyed.

  "Now, open your eyes. Namaste,” she said, bowing her head as she ended the last yoga class of the day. She only had two classes a day right now, simply because she didn't have enough students to warrant any more. Business had been good, but it would have to grow a lot more in order for her to maintain the monthly rent and utilities.

  Over the last few days, she had calmed down about her fight with William. What was going on with Meg was much more important, obviously. But she missed William. He had come to the family dinner, but they didn't even get a chance to talk before everything ha
ppened.

  And now she regretted being so ugly to him. Taking criticism had never been something she was good at. Her mother had always been a critical person, so Janine felt a little bit like a scalded dog whenever someone criticized her.

  Then there was the added fact that people tended to think that because she taught yoga and meditation, she was somehow stupid. Uneducated. Head in the clouds all the time. And while that was somewhat true in the sense that she didn't have a whole lot of business acumen, she was no dummy.

  "Have a good day, ladies," she said, as the last two women walked out the door. She turned around to check her phone for any text messages. She and Julie had been talking a lot back-and-forth about Meg and what to do. She hadn’t admitted that she knew for weeks that Meg was pregnant, and she hoped she never had to. That might just completely destroy her relationship with Julie.

  "Hi."

  She turned around to see William standing there, his hands in the pockets of his jeans, a slight smile on his face. Dang, he was handsome. Her immediate urge was to run to him, grab his adorable cheeks and plant a kiss on his lips. Instead, she stood still.

  “Hey.”

  He took a few steps toward her. “I miss you.”

  “Do you?” she said, her lips starting to turn up into a smile that she tried desperately to stop.

  He walked closer. “More than I could’ve imagined.”

  “Well, then, I guess you shouldn’t have acted like a horse’s ass.”

  He chuckled. “Is that the way it went?”

  “Okay, so maybe I also acted a little badly…”

  He closed the distance between them, his face just inches from hers. “Forgive me?” he asked, softly.

  “As long as you forgive me,” she said, looking up at him. William leaned down and brushed his lips against hers.

  “Forgiven.”

  “Ditto.”

  He pulled her into a tight embrace, pressing his lips to hers. When they finally came up for air, she smiled up at him.

  “I guess this was our first big fight.”