Fireflies & Family Ties

by Rachel Hanna

  "I just don't think she's thinking clearly. And the very fact that someone else knew that she was pregnant and didn't tell me…"

  Janine froze in her seat, her hands gripping her cup of coffee for dear life. Her eyes were wide, and her face seemed to lose its color quickly.

  "Wait. You know about that?”

  "Yes, I know," Julie said. "And, at first I was very angry about it. But the more I thought about it, the more I understood."

  Janine blew out a relieved breath. "Wow. I wasn't expecting that kind of reaction. I really thought you would be angry, and maybe it might even ruin our relationship."

  "Our relationship? Why would…" Julie started to say. Then her brain cells all started connecting together. "Are you telling me that you knew?"

  Janine swallowed hard, her mouth hanging open for a moment. "I thought that's what you were saying…"

  "I found out that Dixie knew a few days before I found out. But you knew also?"

  Janine buried her head in her hands. "Oh no…"

  "Answer me, Janine," Julie said, her voice shaking with anger.

  "Julie, you have to know that I didn't intend for this to happen."

  She couldn't believe it. All those years that they didn't speak happened because Janine had butted into her relationship with her daughters, and now she had gone and done it all over again.

  "How long have you known?" Julie asked, her voice monotone and restrained. They were in a public place, and she really didn't feel like getting arrested for disorderly conduct today.

  "I've known since shortly after she got here. I overheard her talking on the phone, making a doctor’s appointment. I confronted her about it that morning and ended up going to the appointment with her."

  Julie started to cry, something she did when she got angry enough. It was an irritating personality trait. The very moment she wanted to be strong, but she couldn't stop bawling.

  “You went to her appointment?”

  “I thought someone should…”

  “Yes! Her mother! You’re not her mother, Janine!”

  “Julie, please, try to understand…”

  "I trusted you. I thought we had a new relationship, and you do this to me?"

  "I didn't mean to do anything. I told her to tell you. I begged her.“

  "Why didn't you tell me?"

  "Because it wasn't my secret to tell."

  "Gosh, I'm getting tired of people saying that to me. I'm the mother! This is my child! How could you go for weeks and not tell me? How could you sit and have dinner and coffee and go shopping and never tell me?”

  "I was so worried about Meg, and she swore me to secrecy. She just wanted time to think through her options, and I thought I should give her that."

  Julie stood up, picked up the shopping bag and stepped away from the table. "Keep your nose out of my daughter’s business. And maybe you should start looking for another place to live."

  With that, she walked down the sidewalk without looking back.

  Dawson stood in the middle of the room and took a long sip of his water. It had been a hotter than normal day, and he wasn’t feeling himself anyway. Contracting work was tough, and the older he got, the more he wondered how long he could do it. Tarps were strewn around the old house, and new appliances were still covered sitting in the kitchen.

  His relationship with Julie was up in the air right now, and he was trying hard to give her the space she needed. Her daughter’s pregnancy seemed to have brought the family to a halt, and every time he tried to talk to her, she brushed him off. She was in a rush or too busy to see him. And his work schedule seemed to be a sore subject with her too. The last thing he needed was for her to find out his client was Tiffany.

  The more time he spent with Tiffany, the more thankful he was that things had never worked out between them. A high school crush was one thing, but the woman was nauseating to be around. He’d thought long and hard about telling Julie who his new client was, but decided she didn’t need the extra stress. In his eyes, it was better to just get the job done and move on with his new life with Julie.

  But now he wondered if she even wanted that. She had pulled back so much that he feared she wasn’t interested in him anymore. He decided to let her come to him since she obviously needed her space.

  “It’s shaping up nicely, don’t you think?” Tiffany said as she breezed through her shambles of a living room for the twentieth time that day. She was a control freak, and it was grating on his last nerve.

  “Yep,” Dawson said, under his breath as he went back to painting the wall for the third time. She’d changed her mind about the paint color so many times that he was getting embarrassed to go to the paint store.

  “Blaine’s money spends much better than mine,” she said, giggling like a crazy person. After running into Tiffany at the reunion and exchanging contact info for her renovation project, Dawson had learned that she and Blaine divorced a year ago, and she took him to the cleaners, as they say. She got most of his money and one of their houses. Of course, after seeing a late night infomercial, she decided to become a real estate investor. And she was a terrible one.

  Bossy. Uninformed. Uneducated. Mouthy. Argumentative. There just weren’t enough adjectives to describe how much he wished he hadn’t taken the job.

  “My guy will get those appliances installed tomorrow. Once I finish up the painting in here, we’ll move to the master bedroom.”

  She smiled and made a purring noise. “Wow, I never thought I’d hear Dawson Lancaster say we could move to the master bedroom.” Tiffany walked by and rubbed his upper arm as she moved to the other side of him.

  “Tiffany, I told you to stop saying stuff like that. I have a girlfriend.” He didn’t know if he really did, but he sure wasn’t interested in her no matter what.

  “Really? That mousy little thing from the reunion? She can’t hold the attention of a man like you.”

  Now, he was mad. “Okay, you listen up, Tiffany. I’m doing this renovation job because it’s my business. I won’t be discussing my personal life with you, and I don’t want to hear your opinions about anything. Got it?”

  She poked her bottom lip out, which looked incredibly ridiculous for a forty year old woman, but then again so did those knee high fringe boots she was wearing. “Don’t be rude, Dawson. It’s unbecoming.”

  He rolled his eyes and went back to painting. For the life of him, he couldn’t understand why any sane teenage boy had a crush on her back in the day. Hormones were a funny thing.

  “I think I’m about finished here for today,” he said, putting the roller down and turning toward the door.

  “Wait, Dawson. I’m sorry I offended you. Why don’t we go into Charleston and get some lunch?”

  “No, thanks. I’m going to go fishing and then see Julie, if she’ll see me.”

  “If she’ll see you? Is she crazy?”

  “Tiffany, enough. I’ll be back tomorrow morning, bright and early.” Without another word, he gathered his things and walked out the door.

  Julie tapped her foot as they waited for the doctor to come into the room. Meg looked so tiny sitting on the table wearing the paper gown. How, in all the decades of medical technology, had they not developed something better than a tiny, ill-fitting paper gown to cover women? These were the beings that brought life into the world; didn’t they deserve fabric or something more comfortable?

  As she watched her daughter, who was checking social media on her phone, she remembered when she was young, having to take her to pediatrician appointments. Meg had childhood asthma, so they spent a lot of time together sitting in examining rooms, and Meg didn’t look much bigger now than she did then. Well, except for the growing belly that protruded from her midsection.

  “Why are doctors always running late?” Meg said, groaning. The age old question.

  “Because they know we’ll wait no matter what,” Julie said, honestly.

  “I’m nervous.”

  “Why? Things have bee
n going well so far. No reason to think this appointment will be any different, honey,” Julie said as she mindlessly flipped through a magazine, not really reading any of the words.

  “No, I mean about the delivery. It’s getting closer, and it’s starting to freak me out. I watched some videos online…”

  “Oh, sweetie,” Julie said, standing up and rubbing her leg. “Don’t watch videos. That will terrify you. Childbirth isn’t pretty.”

  “It was like a horror movie, Mom. I never saw it from that… angle… before.”

  Julie smiled. “Listen, they have wonderful drugs for that.”

  “Have you seen an epidural needle? It’s twenty feet long!”

  Julie tried not to laugh at that description. “You’re going to do just fine, Meg. You’re strong, and we’ll take this one step at a time.”

  “Sorry to keep you waiting, folks,” the doctor said as she breezed into the room. “Doctor Hodges is on vacation. I’m Doctor Wells.”

  “Hi. I’m Meg and this is my mother, Julie.”

  “Nice to meet you,” Julie said, reaching out her hand. The doctor smiled and nodded.

  “Sorry, I can’t shake your hand. Already put my gloves on,” she said, smiling.

  “Of course.”

  “So, how are you feeling, Meg?”

  “Fat.”

  The doctor laughed. “I hear that a lot. Any issues?”

  “Gas, belching and mood swings.”

  “I hear that a lot too. I can give you some literature on how to help with the gas and belching, but I’m afraid the mood swings are going to remain. It gets a lot better in the third trimester for most women. You’re almost there.”

  “Thank goodness.”

  “Any pain or bleeding?”

  “No.”

  “Excellent. Have you been taking your pre-natal vitamins regularly?”

  “Yes. And avoiding caffeine.”

  “Great. Let’s go ahead and take some measurements, and then we’ll listen to your sweet baby’s heartbeat.”

  As the doctor moved around Meg’s belly, Julie thought about her words. “Sweet baby”. There was a tiny little human growing inside of her daughter, completely dependent on her to make decisions. Julie prayed that whatever decision was made would be the right one for the baby.

  “You’re measuring right on target,” the doctor said. “Let’s take a listen to the baby’s heartbeat.” She pulled out a portable device and moved it around Meg’s stomach until she found the heartbeat. It was fast, as baby’s heartbeats normally were. Meg smiled when she heard it. “Have you been feeling the baby move?”

  “Yes. A lot more in the last couple of weeks.”

  “Well, that will increase even more when you pass twenty-five weeks. Get ready to be elbowed and kicked from the inside,” she said, laughing.

  “I remember when I was pregnant with you,” Julie said. “You were my most active baby. Constantly kicking and twirling around.”

  “Really?” Meg said as she sat up.

  “Oh yes. Of course, you were the same way after you were born, so I wasn’t surprised.”

  Meg laughed, and Julie was so excited to see that. It was the first time in a long time she’d seen her daughter happy, even if it was just for a fleeting moment.

  “Well, that’s all for today. We’ll schedule your glucose screening test for two weeks from now.”

  “What’s that?”

  “We just want to make sure you’re at low risk for gestational diabetes.”

  “Pregnancy is way more complicated than I realized,” Meg said as she stepped off the table.

  “Wait until you get to parenting,” the doctor said, laughing, as she looked at Julie for agreement. Julie froze in place. “Oh. Jeez. I’m so sorry, Meg. I totally forgot you were considering…”

  “It’s okay.”

  “I’d better get to my next patient. Call me if you need anything, and you can check out up front. Nice to meet you, Julie.”

  The doctor left the room, and Julie turned around to give Meg privacy while she changed back into her clothes. “So, when can you find out the sex of the baby?”

  “I already have it in a sealed envelope.”

  Julie was surprised. “Really?”

  “Yeah, but I’m not sure I want to know,” she said. “You can turn around now.”

  She stood there in her new maternity jeans and flowy top that Julie had bought for her earlier in the day, and she looked so mature, so grown up. It made Julie’s eyes water a bit.

  “It’s your decision, honey. No pressure.”

  They checked out and walked through the parking lot of the large medical building toward Julie’s car. Meg was quiet, but finally spoke.

  “Listen, Aunt Janine told me what happened today.”

  Julie’s jaw tightened. “She shouldn’t have said anything to you. This is between me and my sister.”

  Meg stopped. “Mom, look, this is all my fault. I should’ve told you first. I get that. But when she guessed, I was relieved that someone knew. I needed someone who loved me to be there.”

  “That should’ve been me, Meg. I’m your mother. No one loves you more than I do.” She struggled to hold back her tears.

  Meg put her hand on Julie’s arm. “This isn’t Janine’s fault. I put her in an impossible situation, Mom. I begged her not to tell, and she begged me to tell you several times. She risked her relationship with you to give me the peace I needed for a few weeks. She took care of me in your place, even though she was against it the whole time.”

  “It hurt, honey. To know I was the last person you trusted…”

  “No. That wasn’t it. You were the last person I wanted to disappoint.”

  Julie hugged her. “You could never disappoint me, Meg. I love you, and I love that baby.”

  Meg pulled back. “Are you still going to love me if I decide not to keep this baby?”

  Julie nodded, a few tears escaping her eyes. “Of course, I will. No matter what. That’s what mothers do.”

  And with that, Julie put her arm around her daughter and walked to her car, praying that she said the right words and that her daughter would come through this whole ordeal a better, stronger woman.

  Meg stared off into space as she waited for Christian to arrive at the restaurant. She’d chosen a place on the water, mainly to give herself the serenity of the ocean view. She was more stressed out than she’d ever been in her life, and working up the courage to face Christian again was one of the hardest things she’d ever done.

  “Hello,” he said, softly, as he sat down across from her.

  “Hey.”

  “I was happy that you texted me. Honestly, I was starting to worry that you never would.”

  “I just didn’t know what to say.”

  “And now?”

  “I still don’t. Look, I never meant to hurt you. You know I adore you.”

  He reached across and took her hand. “And I adore you. Which is why you broke my heart so easily, Meg. I’ve never felt about anyone the way I feel about you.”

  “I didn’t want to risk your job, and I didn’t want you to feel obligated,” she said, finally looking him in the eyes.

  “How could you think I would feel that way? Obligation is not something I feel about this situation at all. If that were the case, I wouldn’t have traveled all the way here to ask you if you were carrying my child.”

  “You’re a good man, Christian. I knew you’d do the right thing even if it threw your whole life off track. Do you know what a great career you have in front of you? If the administration found out a student was pregnant by a professor, even though you weren’t my professor… well, it’d be on the local news! You’d lose everything you worked for. And for what? Me?”

  Christian’s eyes widened. “You act as if you’re not worth valuing, my darling. But you’re everything to me, and that baby you’re carrying was conceived in love. You know this.”

  “I do know, but you have a chance to have your dre
am life. I’m staying here, no matter what. My family is here. And even if I give up the baby, my life will never be the same.”

  Christian hung his head. “How can you even think of giving our child to strangers? Please understand that I can’t accept that, Meg. I love you and this baby. We can be a family.”

  Tears fell down her cheeks. “I want that more than anything,” she said. “But you live in France, Christian. Your whole life and career are there. It isn’t fair to ask you to uproot everything just because I forgot to take my pills.”

  “This baby was meant to be here, Meg. I believe this with my whole heart. Please don’t make any rash decisions yet, okay? Let me be a part of this. Let me feel my baby kick and hear the heartbeat and see the ultrasounds. Give me that much.”

  “It will only make it worse if I decide to pursue the adoption.”

  “Let’s not talk about that just now, okay? For this moment, let’s see what it would be like to be a family. Will you do this for me?”

  She never could say no to his beautiful French accent.

  “Fine. We’ll play family. I’ll take you to my next appointment. You can feel my belly all you want. But, I’m not making any promises.”

  Chapter 9

  Janine sat in her room, looking around at the very few belongings that she actually owned. It wouldn't take her long to pack up and leave, just like Julie told her to. She could have pretty much everything in one suitcase and be out within the hour.

  But she didn't have anywhere to go. And she didn't want to leave like this.

  She sat on her bed, thumbing through the only photo album she had. Pictures from her childhood, from all of her travels and pictures of her and Julie as kids brought back tons of memories. She looked at one photo, from her tenth birthday party, where she and Julie were running through a sprinkler in their backyard. As she closed her eyes, she could smell the freshly cut grass and hear the laughter of all of her friends. Those were such simple times. She hated for their relationship to break apart all over again like this.