Fireflies & Family Ties

by Rachel Hanna

  She sat down on the floor as Janine instructed in her opening remarks, and they began the class. There was a lot of breathing, slow stretching and the occasional pose that was more challenging. Meg was surprised that she was able to keep up.

  When it was over, they laid on the floor in corpse pose, arms and legs spread out. Breathing in and out, Meg felt herself relaxing more than she had in months. Maybe this yoga thing was something she should add to her regular regimen. It definitely made her feel less stressed, and she felt muscles she forgot she had.

  The newly pregnant woman left quickly after class, saying she had a doctor’s appointment. But the other woman, Casey, hung around. Janine gushed over how cute the baby boy was.

  “His name is Harrison,” Casey said, beaming with pride.

  “Well, little Harrison is adorable. I think he might be a movie star one day,” Janine said, looking down at him.

  Meg had often wondered if her aunt wished that she had children of her own. She never really talked about it, but Meg always thought she would've made a great mother.

  "So, when are you due?" Casey asked her.

  "Oh, not until mid summer.”

  "Not much longer now!"

  "I guess you're right."

  "So, I noticed we’re around the same age. Pretty scary to think about raising a baby, isn't it?"

  Meg smiled slightly. Janine asked to hold the baby, and Casey nodded. She walked across the room, rocking the sleeping infant back and forth in her arms.

  "Yes. For me, it was not planned."

  Casey laughed. "Mine wasn't planned either. But I have to say, he has been the greatest blessing of my life. It's hard. Don't get me wrong. Long nights, lots of messy diapers. But, the moment they put him on my chest, I knew he would be the great love of my life."

  Meg’s stomach knotted up. Would she want them to put the baby on her chest if she was giving it away? Could she live the rest of her life without ever holding her baby?

  "If you ever want to meet for lunch or something, I could definitely use a friend in town. My boyfriend just got relocated here, so I don't know anyone. And I'd be glad to let you practice with my baby," Casey said, smiling.

  "You know what, I don't have any friends here either. Maybe we could meet for lunch tomorrow?" She couldn't believe she was saying that. Meg had never been an overly friendly sort, opting out of most social engagements in order to read a book at home. But for some reason, she felt a kinship with this woman.

  "That would be awesome. There's a great little sandwich shop over on Elm Street. Say, twelve-thirty tomorrow?"

  "I'll see you there."

  Janine walked over and handed the baby back to the woman who put him, still sleeping, in the stroller. As Meg watched them walk out the door, she was more sure than ever that her aunt had set the whole thing up, but for some reason she didn't care.

  The next day, Meg met with Casey for lunch. She was surprised at how similar they were, and they got along like old friends. Casey had gone to college for almost two years before learning she was pregnant with her boyfriend’s baby. They had gotten engaged shortly afterward, and their wedding was going to be at Christmas time.

  Meg liked watching Casey’s interaction with her infant son. She seemed comfortable, like she’d been taking care of babies her whole life.

  “Did you do a lot of babysitting as a teenager?” Meg asked her, as she took a bite of her salad.

  “Not really. I wasn’t big into kids,” Casey said, laughing as she burped Harrison over her shoulder.

  “How did you learn how to take care of him so well? Did your mother help?”

  Casey looked sad. “My mother isn’t in my life. She’s chosen alcohol and men over being a parent to me and my brother.”

  “I’m so sorry to hear that.”

  “I’m used to it. But, I’m determined to be the best mom in the world to my son. I don’t want him to ever wonder if I love him or if I’m proud of him.”

  “Well, for what it’s worth, you seem like a natural,” Meg said.

  “Thanks. I’ll be honest. Those first couple of weeks were hard. Really tough. My boyfriend and I were pretty lost. His mother was a big help, but when she went back to Florida, we were on our own. Tray, my boyfriend, had to go right back to work. So, I was left alone a lot of the time. I had to learn so much, but a lot of it comes naturally, you know? I mean, he’s my kid, and I’ve known him since the moment he was conceived. There’s a connection there I can’t explain.”

  Meg thought about the connection she was already feeling with her child. Could she hand him or her over and never look back?

  “I’m really nervous about the giving birth part.”

  Casey laughed. “It’s no walk in the park, but the drugs they give you are fantastic. And once you have that baby in your arms, you forget all the pain you went through.”

  Suddenly, Meg began to cry. She hated crying, especially in front of a virtual stranger in public, but her emotions were all over the place.

  “Oh, honey, are you okay?” Casey asked as she laid Harrison back in his stroller.

  “No, I’m not. I’ve been thinking about adoption.”

  Casey paused for a moment. “Oh.”

  “I just don’t know what to do. My boyfriend is here - he’s from France - and wants to be a father. My Mom, aunt and sister are all here. Everyone wants to support me, but I’m trying to think of what’s best for my child.”

  “Only you can decide that, Meg. But, I’ll tell you what I think. Your child needs one thing - love. All of the other stuff will fall into place. You have a support system. I don’t. And I’m still doing it. My baby is thriving, and I’m exhausted. But, I know it’ll all be worth it.”

  Julie was more than a little bit excited about hosting a surprise party for Meg. Janine was working on the finishing touches for the cake while she hung the decorations. It seemed like they’d done nothing but host parties for the last couple of weeks. It had been that long since she had seen Dawson, not that she was counting down the days or anything.

  She had thought about inviting him to the party, but decided against it. Even though she had said she wanted to be his friend, it was far too painful to have him around. She thought time away would make her miss him less, but that wasn't happening. Sometimes, she thought that it had been easier to get over Michael than it was to get over Dawson.

  Maybe that was because Michael had betrayed her in the most egregious way a husband can. Dawson, on the other hand, was still a good person. A good man. And the person she thought was perfect for her.

  At night, when she couldn't go to sleep, she considered calling him and just telling him what she had seen that day with him and Tiffany. Maybe there is a logical explanation, although she couldn't think of one. He was obviously hiding it from her, and that never had a good outcome.

  But she was still having a hard time being angry at him. It seemed so against his nature to do what she thought he was doing. Risking her heart was something she just couldn't see herself doing again, even if it meant she had to be alone for the rest of her life.

  "Ta-da!" Janine said, stepping back from the cake and holding her hands in the air. She had been insistent that she wanted to make Meg’s birthday cake instead of buying it from the local bakery. Julie had thought it was funny because Janine had never been super good in the kitchen.

  She walked over and looked. It was a double layer cake with white icing that had chocolate chips in it, Meg's favorite. When she was a kid, she would sit down on the kitchen floor with a spoon and a container of that icing and eat it all in one sitting. Of course, she always had the requisite stomach ache for a few hours after that. Being such a petite person, she had always been able to put away massive quantities of food and never gain any weight. Now that she was eating for two, it was strange to see her eat and gain weight. She had never been that big in her life.

  There were only a few weeks left before she was going to give birth, and she still hadn't said a peep
about her plans. Julie knew that she had met with the adoption attorney again, and she had at least looked through some more adoptive family files a couple of weeks ago. But other than that, she didn't seem to have made a final decision.

  On the one hand, that gave Julie hope. But on the other hand, she felt like Meg might just be procrastinating on telling her family the final decision.

  Today was about celebration. She was turning twenty years old, about to become a mother and they were going to have a good time no matter what.

  Christian knocked on the front door and then entered. He had become more comfortable around the family, always chipping in to lend a helping hand at whatever they were working on.

  "Allow me to help you there," he said, reaching up with his long arms to help Julie hang the last of the decorations. His French accent had become endearing to her, although sometimes he said words she couldn’t understand. They had taught him to say “y’all” and “down yonder”, which was hysterical to hear coming out of his mouth.

  “So, where is Meg?" Janine asked.

  "I had Colleen take her to do some more maternity shopping since she can barely fit into those shorts we bought her. They should be here any minute, though. Colleen texted me when they were checking out at the store.“

  Dixie, William and Meg's new friend, Casey, all arrived at the same time. Everybody had pulled their cars down the road to a neighbor’s house who had agreed to allow them to park there. Meg should have no idea this was going on.

  "She's going to be so surprised," Julie said, a broad smile on her face.

  "Yes, she is," Janine said. They all waited in the hallway as they saw Colleen pull into the driveway. When they walked through the door, the whole group came running out of the hallway screaming surprise. Meg put her hand to her heart.

  "Oh my gosh! Y'all nearly scared me half to death! I'm surprised I didn't go into labor early!"

  Everybody laughed and took turns hugging her.

  "Happy birthday, sweetie!" Julie said, hugging her daughter’s neck tightly.

  “Thanks, Mom. I can’t believe you did this!”

  Meg walked over to Christian, who leaned down and pecked her on the lips. Their relationship seemed to be progressing day by day. Christian was getting close to starting his new job, and he had found a small apartment on the mainland.

  "Thank you all for coming! It means the world to me to be turning twenty years old and have so many wonderful friends and family around me."

  They spent the next hour eating appetizers, cake and ice cream. As they sang to Meg around the lit candle, Julie wondered what her wish would be. Would she wish for guidance on what to do about the baby? Would she wish for a great job or to win the lottery? Julie always wondered what people wished when they blew out their candles.

  As the party was wrapping up, Meg had a look on her face that Julie couldn't identify. She seemed stressed, anxious about something.

  "Everybody, can I have your attention?" Meg said, standing up. "I want to say thank you to everyone for coming. I only have a few weeks left of this pregnancy, and I have to say that I didn’t expect to be pregnant when I was this age. But, I'm also aware that every baby is a blessing. I know that a lot of you have wondered what I'm going to do about the baby. It's been a very long, difficult pregnancy, physically and emotionally."

  Julie sat there, her hands sweating in her lap. What was this all about?

  "I've gone back-and-forth in my mind a lot about whether to pursue adoption because I want my baby to have the best life possible. I want him or her to have everything they need, and to have all the love in the world. So I've struggled this whole time wondering if I could provide that. I've been wondering if I would be a good mother at all."

  Julie swallowed hard. This didn’t sound good. She and Janine had tried so hard over the last couple of months to show Meg that she had the support system she needed, but in the end, it came down to her decision.

  “And what I've realized through all of this is that none of the families I've seen in the file folders can give my baby what this family can."

  Julie sat there, stunned. Was she hearing what she thought she was?

  "Family is about love, and while I'm sure those families have a lot of love, they can't match the love I have for this baby. And I know that love isn’t enough. That's where support comes in. And there's no family in the world that could have the support that I do. From my mom," she said, pointing to Julie. "To my aunt Janine and my sister. And to this wonderful man standing beside me.” She looked up at Christian, and he smiled. “And now I have a new friend and fellow mother, Casey, to help me along as well."

  "Honey, are you saying that you're going to keep the baby?" Julie asked, her hands in prayer position under her chin. Janine reached over and squeezed her leg, the two of them teary-eyed.

  “I’m going to keep my baby!"

  The entire crowd erupted in celebratory screams, each of them running over and hugging Meg yet again.

  "So," she said, trying to calm down the hoots and hollers happening in the room. "I thought now would be as good a time as any to do a gender reveal."

  “Oh, how fun!” Janine said, clapping her hands together.

  Meg walked across the room to her purse, and reached inside to pull out an envelope. Janine recognized it from the doctor’s appointment.

  "That's where the ultrasound technician wrote the gender," she said.

  “Yes, it is. So I thought I could open it, and let all of us know what kind of baby clothes we need to be looking for!"

  "I can't wait to find out what we're having," Christian said, watching Meg tear the envelope open.

  She pulled out the paper and stared at it for a moment, a smile spreading across her face.

  "Well, Casey, tell Harrison to get ready because his future wife is coming soon!”

  Julie and Janine jumped up and down, holding each other's hands. "A baby girl!" they said simultaneously.

  As everyone celebrated and talked about the baby for the first time, Julie couldn't help but smile from ear to ear. Her cheeks would definitely be hurting tomorrow.

  Chapter 12

  Dawson stood at the water’s edge, tossing seashells he found on his walk back into the ocean. He’d done that since he was a kid, rarely ever bringing shells back to the house with him. His grandmother had explained when he was young that seashells were homes for living creatures in the ocean, so he always felt bad about keeping them.

  Today, his mind was elsewhere. He'd heard through the grapevine, a.k.a. Dixie, that Meg had chosen to keep the baby. He’d also heard all about the birthday party and the gender reveal, and while he was happy for Julie and her family, he felt excluded.

  Much to his dismay, he’d made plans in his mind about a future with Julie and her whole family. He had seen himself there, when he was old and gray, chasing grandchildren right alongside her. It was the first time since losing his wife that he had visions of the future that made him happy.

  But it was over. And he still really didn't understand why.

  He sat down in the sand, digging his feet into the warmth, and stared out into the open water. This place had always brought him serenity, but sometimes he looked out and it made him miss Julie. Even though she had claimed they could be friends, he felt like she had cut him out of her life.

  "Hey, man," William said, walking up behind him.

  "Oh, hey. Didn't expect to see you out here."

  William was carrying a fishing pole. "Oh, I had a day off so I just thought I would do some fishing in the surf. You don't mind, do you?”

  “Of course not. My beach is your beach."

  As William got his pole set up, he looked over at Dawson.

  "You okay?”

  "Yeah."

  "Because you don't look okay,” he said, sitting down next to his friend.

  "Just lost in thought, I guess."

  "About Julie?"

  "I guess."

  "I know what it's like to be in an
argument with the woman you love. Sorry, man."

  Dawson sighed. "That's the thing. I could deal with an argument. This isn’t an argument. She's just completely broken things off with me, and I have no idea why."

  "You know, she asked me some questions the other day that were kind of weird."

  "What kind of questions?" Dawson asked, looking at him.

  "Well, we were cleaning up after Janine's party, and she was asking me if I knew Tiffany from high school."

  Dawson looked at him quizzically. "Tiffany? Why on earth would she be asking about her?"

  "No clue. It was strange.”

  "What did you tell her?"

  "I just told her how all the guys were in love with Tiffany, and about that time you were going to ask her out for Valentine's Day but she ended up dating Blaine. Then I told her I heard that Tiffany had gotten divorced recently."

  Dawson sat there for a long moment. Could that conversation have anything to do with why Julie wanted to break up with him? Surely not. She would have at least asked him about it.

  He continued looking out over the water. What would make her ask about Tiffany? Why would she even care?

  One thing is for sure, he would never understand women.

  Julie walked through the shop, giddy with delight about shopping for her new granddaughter. She was so thrilled that Meg had made the decision to keep the baby, and now she had to play catch-up buying all the stuff.

  They had talked over the last few days about where they would live, the nursery and all of the other important things one must think about when having a baby.

  They came to the decision that Meg would continue living with her mother, carving out a small nursery area in her bedroom. Colleen had decided to get an apartment on the mainland, not because she didn't want to be with her family, but because she wanted to start establishing her own life. She was an adult, and it was time for her to move out and find her own place.