Sweet Hope

by Tillie Cole

  In minutes I’d turned into Austin’s driveway and parked up my car. I rapped on the door and after a short wait in the rain, Austin opened the door.

  Ducking in from the downpour, I rushed into the hallway shaking off my trench coat. “It’s damn soaking out there!” I yelled and finally looked to Austin.

  His face was pale and he was staring at me with sad eyes. “You okay, Aust?” I said and glanced upstairs. Levi was walking down, his eyes rimmed with red.

  My stomach fell.

  “What?” I whispered. Lexi walked in from the kitchen. “What’s wrong? Where’s Axel?”

  Shivers ran down my spine at the way they were all watching me, when Austin put his hand on my arm. “He ain’t who you think he is, Al.” His voice was hoarse from what sounded like hours of crying.

  My gaze darted around the three of them and I asked, “What the hell are you talking about?”

  “Axe,” Austin said, “He’s been pushing coke again.”

  Feeling like the floor had vanished from beneath me, I said, “What? What the hell are you talking about? He would never do that again.”

  Austin shook his head. “I’m sorry, Al, but it’s true. I didn’t wanna fucking believe it either, but I went down to that fish market he was working at as part of his parole and they hadn’t even heard of him. He lied, Al. He’s been lying all along.”

  “No!” I said shaking my head, trying to imagine what the hell must have happened here this afternoon. Austin held up his hand.

  “I found a bag of coke in his room, Al. Cocaine! He’s been dealing since he got here, and worse, he brought that shit into my house. I asked him to leave. I can’t have that shit around us no more. I can’t have my family involved in that kind of life no more.”

  A mixture of dread and sympathy flooded my chest and my hand flew over my mouth. “You… you asked him to leave?”

  Austin nodded his head.

  “Did you even let him speak to you? Did you give him a chance to explain the coke, the market?”

  Austin’s eyes dropped. When I looked to Levi he dropped his head too.

  “You didn’t, did you?” I asked. Tears began filling my eyes. My God, he came here today to tell them all about his art and they’d thrown him out and accused him of dealing because they’d found a bastard bag of coke… that damn coke he’d only ever bought because he was drowning in this new life… drowning in their rejection of him, of my rejection of him.

  “God…” I cried and pressed my hand to my forehead.

  Austin stepped forward but I stepped back. “Where is he now? I haven’t been able to get in touch with him all day.”

  A flash of worry crossed Austin’s face, but it quickly turned to stone when he said, “I told him to leave. He did. He didn’t even take his things, he just cut and run.” I choked on a breath. “Al, he’ll be long gone. It’s what he does when the shit hits the fan. He runs away.”

  Anger swirled within me, and I backed toward the door. “You have no idea,” I said in devastation to them all. “You have no idea what he’s done for y’all, no idea how much he’s sacrificed and how much he’s changed his life.”

  Austin’s eyebrows pulled down at my words, but before he could speak, I reached into my purse and pulled out the invites. If Axel wasn’t able to tell his brothers what he’d been doing, then I would.

  Slapping the invitations on the side table, I looked each of them in the eye and said, “Invites for my gallery opening tomorrow night. You need to be there.”

  Austin shook his head and Lexi walked to join him at his side. “Al, I’m really happy and proud of you but, fuck, I just don’t think the timing’s right to—”

  “You need to be there,” I said interrupting him and Lexi frowned at me.

  “Why Ally?” she asked and my anger dropped some. Shit, I could never be mad at Lexi. She hadn’t done anything but accept Axel into her home, and out of everyone, she had cause to reject him.

  “Just please, Lex. Please be there… there’s something y’all need to see.”

  Reaching for my keys, I turned the doorknob, just as Austin said, “I know you liked him, Al, but Axel’s always been this way. He’s always been drawn to the darker side of life, the illegal shit. I’m just sorry you got hurt in all this.”

  Glancing back at Austin with incredulity, I replied, “I didn’t just like him, Austin. I’m head over heels in love with him. He’s changed my life in every way for the better, and I’m real sorry that you are so blinded by his past that you can’t see him for the damn honorable guy he is today.” Tapping my hand on the invites, I demanded, “Be there tomorrow night.”

  As I rushed out to my car, I pulled out my cell and dialed Axel’s number again. It went straight to voicemail. I pressed END and stared out of the wet windshield.

  Tears ran down my cheeks and my hands trembled with panic. Closing my eyes, I rested my head back against the headrest and whispered, “Axel… where the hell have you gone?”

  *****

  The following night I stood in the bathroom of the museum, staring at myself in the mirror. I looked tired and pale; the effects of feeling like my heart had been shattered.

  Axel hadn’t appeared. It was starting to become more than apparent that he’d gone. He’d actually left me. Part of me screamed that it wasn’t possible, that he couldn’t have left me, even though Austin and Levi were convinced it was his usual M.O. He loved me… he wouldn’t leave me behind.

  But then another part of me said it was entirely plausible. He’d been rejected by his brothers again. Of course he wouldn’t want to stay. How much rejection could one person take? But I thought he would have at least called me. Told me he was leaving for a while, that he loved me and, at some point, he would come back to me.

  On top of that, Vin had been in the Gallery all day, working on something in a cornered-off section at the back… on opening night! I was livid. I was exhausted, and I was racked with worry. I had no idea what he was up to, but as a patron and the sole funder of this exhibition, I didn’t really have a choice.

  Hearing the hustle and bustle of museum and University stakeholders, fans and students alike, waiting for the show to begin, I forced myself to stand straight and shook my shoulders.

  You can do this, you’re a professional, I tried to convince myself.

  Brushing back my long dark hair, styled straight and hanging down my back, I then ran my hands down my black knee length column dress. Finally, I checked my Louboutins were free of dust.

  I was set.

  Moving out of the bathroom, I walked to Bridgette, the museum director, and nodded to her that I was ready. I scanned the crowd for Vin, wondering where the hell he could be, but there was no sign. My hands were damp as I raced through an introduction in my head.

  Bridgette introduced me as the curator, and I stepped up to the mic, a sea of eager eyes all looking my way.

  “Good evening, everyone,” I began. My name is Aliyana Lucia, and I am pleased to be here tonight to celebrate the inspiring and truly once-in-a-lifetime talent of Elpidio.”

  I paused when I saw Lexi, Levi and Austin enter the gallery, along with Molly, Rome, Cass and JD. My heart fell at how sad and forlorn the two Carillo brothers looked. I could see that the pain of their confrontation with Axel yesterday was weighing heavily on their hearts.

  Focusing back on the crowd, I continued. “Elpidio began his journey with Carrara marble only a few years ago. In that time he has become a master in his field, capturing our hearts with his soul shattering depictions of despair, grief, guilt; indeed every facet of raw emotion and the human condition.

  “Tonight you will see works that have yet to be published in magazines, and you will also see recent sculptures that will…” tears filled my eyes as I thought of the boy crying bullets, “that will challenge the emotions of even the most stoic among you.”

  Taking a deep breath, I added, “Tonight, you will also be able to read what inspired the creation of his flawless sculptur
es. Elpidio is notoriously reclusive, and as such, won’t be making an appearance tonight,” the crowd murmured in disappointment, “but he has shared with me his inspirations for the pieces which I’m sure will both astound and inspire you.”

  I nodded at Bridgette who was standing by the large red velvet curtains that would draw back to reveal the show. Turning back to the crowd, I said, “It is my pleasure to present to you, Elpidio!”

  Bridgette drew the curtains, revealing the bright white of the show and I moved aside as the crowd eagerly filtered into the space.

  Forcing myself to stay strong, I watched Austin, Levi, Lexi, Molly, Rome, Cass and JD approach me.

  Molly walked over and wrapped me in her arms. I had to fight back the lump in my throat at the heartfelt comfort from my best friend. My heart was broken and it was taking everything in my power to not give in to deep sadness.

  Axel should be here. He should be seeing how many people have turned up to view his show. He should be seeing his family’s reaction.

  “I’m so proud of you,” Molly said and moved aside to let Rome hug me too. He hadn’t said anything about Axel running off. I could see in his expression that he’d always expected him to fall back into his old ways.

  All the gang congratulated me on the success of the show, but I only had eyes for Levi and Austin. Austin saw me watching them and asked, “Why did you want us to be here so bad, Al?” His voice was still raspy and he looked so tired. My heart clenched when I thought of how much kicking Axel out must have hurt him. Austin loved Axel, it was all a huge damn mess.

  “It’s about Axel, Aust,” I said and walk forward put my hand on his and Levi’s backs. Ushering them forward toward the gallery, both brothers were frowning at me in confusion.

  Stopping at the entrance way, I turned to them, my other friends trailing at the back, and said, “You were right, Austin, Axel didn’t come to Seattle to work at the fish market as part of his parole.” Levi tensed, as did Austin, then I added, “But he also wasn’t selling drugs either...” I dropped my head and huffed a humorless laugh. “You see, Axel is exceptional… he’s so talented and amazing, yet never felt he could tell you. He felt he didn’t deserve any praise or acclaim after what he’d put y’all through.”

  “Praise for what?” Austin pushed. Levi nodded in agreement,

  “Praise for his work.”

  “What work? Al, what the fuck are you talking about?” Austin said curtly. Rather than tell him, I moved aside to face the gallery and gestured to the stunning show with my hand.

  “This work, Austin… Axel… Axel is Elpidio…”

  I scanned the shocked faces of my friends and watched as they took in the exquisiteness of the marble sculptures.

  Lexi stepped forward, her hand over her mouth and said, “Axel… Axel created all these… Axel is… Elpidio…?” Her green eyes brimmed with tears and she whipped her head to Austin. “My God, Austin… Axel did all this… and we all thought… oh God!” she cried.

  “You didn't lie,” Molly said. I met her knowing gaze.

  “No, I fell in love with Elpidio… it just so happened that he was Axel Carillo too; both the hero and the villain.”

  Molly’s expression filled with sympathy and Rome stood beside her gaping at the packed gallery.

  “Come see,” I said to my friends, holding back my tears. Walking forward, we came face to face with the marble boys pointing up at the stars. I heard Austin suck in a sharp breath.

  “Stelle,” I said, revealing the title.

  Austin took a step forward, gazing down at the marble boys lying on their backs, smiles on their faces. “Fuck…” he said through a tight throat. “That’s us,” he looked to Levi who was pale and rooted to the floor. Levi was completely dumbfounded by it all. “Lev, that’s you as a baby.”

  Lexi wrapped her arm around Austin like he needed the support and she asked, “You used to look at the stars with Axel, baby? Like you do with me?”

  Austin nodded, unable to tear his gaze away from the sculpture. “Yeah… Axe used to take us to the top of the trailer when my papa would come home drunk and hit my mamma.” Austin’s face scrunched up like he couldn’t bear to remember those times, but he added, “He would make me look up at the stars and tell him the constellations… he would distract me so I didn’t hear my mamma’s screams.” Austin looked to Levi, and wrapping an arm around his shoulder, he pointed to the baby. “That’s you, Lev. At night, Axel would take you from Mamma so when Papa came home piss drunk, he wouldn’t hurt you. Axel would keep you in our room, feed you, change and bathe you… fuck, he’d hold you all night long in his arms just in case papa came in for us. When the fighting got real bad, he’d take us both on the roof and we’d look at the stars…”

  Levi’s gray eyes were huge as he leaned forward to inspect the baby in Axel’s arms. “He… he looked after me? Protected me when I was a baby?” Levi asked innocently. I watched as tears began dropping down their faces.

  “I… I don’t know why I forgot all that?” Austin said numbly. He looked at Levi, then his wife, “He practically raised Levi until papa left… and me… he was always looking after me.”

  Clearing my throat, my heart breaking at the love shining in their faces, I led them to Axel’s newest piece. As I walked in front of Levi, I heard a painful whimper escape his mouth.

  I stood in front of the sculpture and looked to my friends. Rome was running his hand down his face. “Shit,” I caught him whisper to Molly who was studiously reading the text board.

  “Hamartia,” I announced, pointing at the statue.

  “That’s me,” Levi claimed. I could see the agony on his face as he relieved that moment. “Shit, Aust, that’s me and Axe when I was younger.”

  Austin was drinking in the piece with disbelieving eyes. “What does Hamaria mean?” he asked gruffly.

  “Sin,” Molly said from behind us and everyone turned to face her. She blushed as she realized she’d said it out loud. “It’s Aristotelian philosophy. It means taking someone to a dark place, missing the mark, to err, or doing wrong is how it’s normally interpreted today.”

  “Sin…” Levi said.

  I heard Cass whistle low in her throat. “That’s some powerful shit right there,” she said quietly. I wanted to look to her, but I couldn’t take my eyes off Levi. Tears were streaming down his handsome face.

  As though sensing my stare, Levi looked to me and asked, “How, Al? How did he go from the Heighters, to prison… to this? How is it possible?”

  Glancing away from his penetrating gaze, I debated how much to tell them. But deciding that secrets and lies had been the source of so much misunderstanding, I came clean with it all.

  “Axel… went through some things when he was in prison.”

  “What things?” Austin snapped, his body stiffening in apprehension.

  “Beatings, being ostracized by his former crew members. The Heighters inside branded him a turncoat. They pinned him down and blotted out his Stidda with a needle and ink.” Austin paled and he squeezed Lexi tighter.

  “A guy called Alessio was sent down to the same prison as him,” I explained. Levi gasped, his eyes shooting to Austin.

  “Did you know that, Aust? Did you know Alessio was inside too?”

  Austin shook his head. “Ally, when—”

  “Two years into his sentence. It was the reason he started refusing your visits. He was worried Alessio would get to you when you came back to Bama, so he cut off all ties.”

  Austin looked like he was going to be sick, so I decided to tell him everything at once. “Long story short, Alessio attacked him over Gio’s death and Axel got hurt… bad. They stabbed him in his neck, held him down and shanked him.”

  Lexi turned her head and nuzzled into Austin’s chest. She cried.

  “It’s the reason he has long hair,” I informed. “It hid the scar so you wouldn’t ask questions.”

  “Christ…” Austin rasped.

  “He nearly died,” I said
sadly. “He was in the infirmary for a real long time. He was so angry, so bitter at the world… so angry at himself for everything he’d done… especially for missing your mamma’s death. To try and help him cope with his anger, they sent him to an art class. He was a natural, and quickly gained the favor of the teacher, who sent pictures of his first piece to Vin Galanti, a marble sculptor. He took Axel under his wing and the rest is history.” I looked into the eyes of every single one of my friends and said, “He came to Seattle for this show. He just never felt he deserved it enough to tell y’all. He’s crippled by guilt and shame.”

  “Austin,” Levi croaked, unable to hold back his cries, “We were wrong. We made him leave and he hadn’t done anything wrong!”

  Austin was lock still, until his eyes snapped to mine. “But the coke I found?”

  Dipping my head, I worked on not letting my anger show, but I snapped, “He bought it after the Seahawks game… when everyone ignored him… including me. I hadn’t known he was Axel Carillo until that day. I’d met and fallen for Elpidio, then when he was introduced to me as Axel, I freaked out. I hurt him so badly.”

  “I knew I saw something between you that day,” Molly suddenly said. I offered her a weak smile. “They way you both couldn’t keep your eyes off each other… I should have put two and two together, but I never ever dreamed Axel could do this.” She gestured in awe to the gallery of his works. “The talent he possesses is astounding.”

  I nodded and my tears came thick and fast. “I hurt him, Levi hurt him… all of us did, and he stupidly bought the drugs from some street gang. He just wanted to escape the pain for a while… he was so lost and reverted to what he knew best.”

  “But he didn’t take the coke, did he?” Austin asked, knowingly.

  “No… he didn’t.”

  “Shit!” Levi said, “How do we tell him we’re sorry? How do we get him back?”