Beatrix the Bold and the Riddletown Dragon

by Simon Mockler

  ‘Wilfred, Oi, give me a hand,’ she said. Oi and Wilfred rushed to her side. They pushed and pulled at the stone dog, with the real Dog jumping up at it and yapping.

  ‘It’s no use,’ Wilfred said. ‘It’s solid – we’ll never get it to move.’

  He was wrong. All of a sudden, the dog’s head sprang back and the whole fireplace swung outwards with a scraping sound, knocking the three of them over like skittles.

  Behind it was a great black hole of darkness.

  ‘A secret passage,’ Wilfred said, getting to his feet and peering behind it.

  ‘What are you waiting for? Let’s go!’ Beatrix said, pushing past him.

  19

  The Tunnel under the Mountain

  Beatrix went first, holding the candle in front of her. Oi and Wilfred and Dog followed. They were standing in a very cold and very dark room. Without any warning, the fireplace door slammed shut behind them. It made a huge thud that shook the building.

  ‘That doesn’t sound good,’ Oi said.

  Beatrix held her candle close to the wall, trying to see if there was any way they could open the door again from this side. She couldn’t find one. Wilfred felt along the wall with his hands, looking for some kind of lever or switch.

  There was nothing.

  ‘I suppose the only way we can go is forward,’ she said. ‘It has to lead somewhere.’

  Steep stone steps led downwards and the air got colder and colder as they descended. On the walls were strange paintings. Children holding hands, walking along a pathway. Some of them looked like they were eating sweets. The air was damp and some of the paint was peeling off the walls, so a few of the children’s faces were blank and empty. One of them was missing an eye, but still smiling a strange, half smile.

  It made Beatrix think of all the children who had disappeared, all the ones who’d been led away by the dragon. She felt sad and angry, but more than that, she felt determined to find out what had happened to them.

  ‘Where do you think this passage goes?’ Oi said.

  ‘We’ll find out soon enough,’ Beatrix replied. She hoped Matilda and the dragon weren’t too far in front of them. They’d had quite a head start. Dog was running beside her. She checked her candle. It had already burnt down halfway.

  The floor of the tunnel was paved with smooth, flat stones. The ceiling was low, and Wilfred had to stoop so that he didn’t hit his head. He kept whistling and humming songs to himself.

  They walked and they walked but still they didn’t get to the end of the tunnel. Beatrix lit another candle. It felt like the passageway was going upwards now.

  ‘We must have reached the edge of Riddletown,’ she said. ‘I wonder what’s above our heads?’

  The walls were no longer smooth but rocky and jagged. Water dripped and there were puddles on the ground.

  ‘I think we’re going through the mountain, behind Riddletown. It feels more like a cave than a tunnel.’ Beatrix stopped in her tracks.

  ‘Isn’t General Burpintime’s castle in the mountain above Riddletown?’ Beatrix asked, remembering the map. Wilfred, Oi and Dog also stopped.

  ‘It is,’ Wilfred replied.

  ‘And if we keep heading upwards, my guess is we’ll end up …’ Beatrix didn’t finish her sentence. She wasn’t sure she wanted to.

  ‘We’ll end up with Burpintime chopping us into little pieces?’ Oi said.

  ‘I wasn’t going to say that,’ Beatrix said, ‘but now you mention it, I do think we should be a little more careful. I don’t want to lose any pieces of myself. Apart from maybe my hair – it’s a little long at the moment. He could chop off some of my hair.’

  ‘I don’t think that’s what Burpintime will chop off,’ Wilfred said. ‘If he wanted to give you a haircut he’d just chop off your head. You’d have no hair, but you’d also have no head.’

  ‘Well I don’t want that – so, from now on, only speak if absolutely necessary, and only as a whisper.’ Beatrix was going as fast as she could over the uneven ground. Oi, Wilfred and Dog were close behind. It felt like the tunnel went on for ever. It was like having to do a school cross-country run. In the dark. With the possibility of ending up in a castle filled with soldiers who want to kill you when you get to the end.

  ‘Come on, Dog,’ Beatrix said, turning round. ‘You run ahead. Give us a little growl if there’s anything unusual.’ Dog scampered off, wagging his tail. Even though he was quite an old dog, he was still pretty fast and sure-footed on the rocky ground.

  Beatrix, Oi and Wilfred followed him. Up and up they went, further into the mountain. Sometimes the tunnel opened out into huge caves, and their footsteps echoed and multiplied so it sounded like there were twenty of them. Sometimes it narrowed till it was so small they could only just squeeze through. It felt less like they were running through a tunnel, and more like they were running through the insides of some strange, giant monster.

  At last, after what seemed like an eternity (an eternity being the length of two maths lessons and a wet playtime added together), the path became smooth and flat again. They were all out of breath and took a moment to rest. Dog was ahead of them and they couldn’t see what he was looking at, but he was standing still. His hackles were raised and he was giving off a low growl.

  ‘Shhh,’ Oi said. ‘Good boy, come here.’ Dog turned and ran back to Oi, but he wouldn’t stop growling. ‘Stop making that noise – you sound like Wilfred,’ Oi said.

  Beatrix crept forward. What was making Dog growl? The air in this part of the tunnel was different. It was fresher, colder, not as damp. Dog’s nose was twitching. She walked forward. They’d reached the end of the tunnel. It opened onto a moonlit valley. On the opposite side Beatrix could see General Burpintime’s castle, perched like an eagle’s nest in the rocks. Next to it was a tall waterfall that poured into a wide river that ran along the valley floor. The river flowed fast, churning the silvery-black water.

  Next to the river, Beatrix could see what looked like a small village. Even though it was the middle of the night, they could see figures moving about. Flaming torches marked out paths, and in the middle of the houses a huge pit glowed red with the embers of an enormous fire. It looked like a fiery red stamp on the ground.

  ‘Let’s get a closer look,’ Beatrix said. ‘Matilda must be down there somewhere.’

  She skidded down the hillside, with Oi and Wilfred following.

  Now that they were closer, they could see that the tiny dots hurrying about were children. Some were pushing wheelbarrows, others were moving large boxes. They were dressed in rags. Soldiers from the Evil Army shouted at them whenever they slowed down.

  Beatrix could see a cauldron suspended on chains over the fire pit. Next to the fire pit was a barn. She couldn’t see what was going on inside, but behind the barn was a conveyor belt. This reached up the mountain, and disappeared into a cave just below Burpintime’s castle.

  Two children had to run in a hamster wheel to make it move, and other children were loading boxes onto it.

  ‘What is this place?’ Oi said. ‘Do you think this is where General Burpintime makes the weapons for the Evil Army?’

  ‘I’m not sure,’ Beatrix said, staring down at the bottom of the valley. ‘It could be. The soldiers guarding the children are definitely from the Evil Army, but I can’t see what they’re making. Hang on, isn’t that Matilda down there?’

  Beatrix pointed at a small girl. A soldier was walking behind her. She was carrying a heavy-looking wooden box and every time she slowed down he poked her with a stick.

  ‘Let’s see if we can get a message to Matilda using Jeff,’ Beatrix said.

  ‘We left Jeff in Riddletown,’ Oi replied.

  ‘Jeff the pigeon,’ Beatrix replied, scribbling a note onto a piece of paper, ‘not Jeff the horse. Unless you’ve got a flying horse hidden in your pocket.’

  Oi took Jeff carefully out of his pocket and Beatrix tied the note to his leg.

  ‘OK, Jeff,’ she said. ‘Let’s
see if you can get the message to Matilda.’

  ‘What does it say?’ Wilfred asked.

  ‘It says, Help is on its way,’ Beatrix said.

  ‘Oh good,’ replied Wilfred. ‘I was beginning to worry. When will it be here?’

  ‘It’s us. We’re the help!’ Beatrix replied. She lifted up her hands, opening her palms so Jeff could fly away. Jeff looked confused, but then Jeff always looked confused, on account of his cross-eyes. He turned to Beatrix, made a cooing sound, then flapped his wings and flew into the night sky.

  ‘Where’s he gone?’ asked Wilfred.

  ‘No idea,’ Beatrix replied.

  20

  A Very Short Chapter (with a very long title) in which Martin the Murderous Draws a beard on Beatrix the Bold

  ‘There must be a way to unlock this padlock,’ Martin said, as he shifted and wriggled and tried to shake off the chains. It was no good, they were wrapped tightly around him and Colin.

  ‘Maybe Fernando used real magic to open it,’ Colin said. ‘Maybe that’s how he escaped.’

  ‘There was no Fernando,’ Martin replied irritably. ‘It was a girl, the same girl who was with Bob and Norman at the inn with the squashed meatballs. She just had a fake beard. And a fake belly. Now, if I could get my hands on that padlock …’ His thick fingers felt their way along the chain, then wrapped around the lock. It was awkward trying to examine the lock, especially with the chains digging into his arms. He felt something, pressed it. The lock clicked open.

  ‘Ha!’ he said. ‘I knew it. Classic spring-loaded release system.’ He managed to work the lock free. The chains rattled onto the floor and he stood up and stretched his massive arms, shaking out the stiffness.

  ‘Now, where’s that picture?’ he said. Colin pulled off his chains and reached into his pocket.

  ‘Here you are,’ he said, unrolling it and placing it on the table. Martin held a candle next to it and examined it closely.

  ‘Pass me a piece of charcoal from the fire, would you?’ he said. Colin passed him a piece of charcoal. Martin drew a beard onto the face with the charcoal, then added a hat and a bigger nose.

  ‘What do you think?’ he said. ‘Fernando the Fantastic looks an awful lot like Beatrix the Bold, wouldn’t you say?’

  Colin frowned. ‘I suppose he does. I wonder if they’re related.’

  Martin stared at him. Sometimes he couldn’t understand how Colin had got a job as a spy.

  ‘Go and tell General Burpintime we’ve found her, fast as you can. I’m going to try and follow their tracks.’

  21

  Vice President of Spying and Extreme Danger

  Colin’s horse skidded to a halt outside General Burpintime’s castle. He climbed down and ran past the guards without even stopping to insult them. (This was how Evil Army soldiers usually greeted each other – with a couple of well-chosen insults.) He ran across the drawbridge, through the courtyard, up the spiral staircase and barged through the large wooden doors into the dining room. Of all the places to find General Burpintime, he was most likely to be in the dining room. Breakfast, lunch and dinner weren’t so much three meals as one long continuous meal.

  ‘We’ve found her!’ Colin said, gasping for breath as he tumbled into the room. ‘Beatrix the Bold. Seen her with my own eyes I did.’

  General Burpintime was sitting at the table with Esmerelda the Terrible. As usual, they were in the middle of an argument. This time about where he’d been all afternoon and why he still hadn’t found Beatrix.

  ‘You’ve found her, where?’ Esmerelda asked quickly.

  ‘Yes, where did you find her?’ General Burpintime said. He hated the way Esmerelda always acted as if she was the boss, asking questions first, helping herself to the best food.

  ‘In Riddletown, at the inn. She tried to disguise herself as Fernando the Fantastic but I saw through it. You don’t get past Colin just because you’ve got a beard and pillow stuffed under your top. Martin wanted you to know straightaway, so here I am.’ Colin performed a funny little bow then stood very straight. He wondered if General Burpintime would give him a medal now or whether he’d just shake his hand and offer him a promotion. Maybe to Vice President of Spying and Extreme Danger.

  General Burpintime didn’t do either of those things. Instead he said:

  ‘Well don’t delay, bring her in. I want to see this girl; I want to see the one who is supposed to lead an army of Wobblers and destroy our lands. I want to see the person who’s going to make the curse come true. Especially as it now obviously won’t come true.’

  General Burpintime rubbed his hands together. The day was getting even better. It looked like his spies had actually done what they were supposed to do. And he really was curious to see the girl. It would be like meeting a character from a story or a legend, someone who was supposed to have special powers and everything. Well, she didn’t seem so special now. He couldn’t understand why his boss, the Evil Overlord, was so worried about her.

  ‘A-hem,’ Esmerelda said, making a coughing sound. Nobody paid her any attention.

  ‘A-HEM!’ she said again, this time more loudly. Burpintime turned to her. ‘What’s the matter with you? Got a cough or something?’

  ‘My gold,’ Esmerelda said. ‘I want my gold. This was thanks to me. You couldn’t have done it without me. We had a deal.’

  ‘Your gold? Oh yes, of course I remember your gold. Don’t worry. You’ll get what you deserve.’ Burpintime looked at Esmerelda. He didn’t need to give her anything at all. It wasn’t like she had an army. He could feel an evil laugh coming on, a deep Woo-ha-ha-ha-ha, so he stuffed a marshmallow into his mouth to try and stop it. Then he stuffed another in because the first one tasted so good.

  ‘Come on, where is she?’ he said to Colin, through a mouthful of marshmallows. ‘Bring her in, I want to see her.’

  ‘Ah, well,’ Colin said, taking a step backwards. ‘When I say we found her, I don’t mean we captured her.’

  ‘Wait – what?’ Burpintime said. Little specks of sticky white marshmallow splattered over the soldier, as if a seagull had just flown overhead. ‘Are you saying she escaped?’

  ‘Not exactly,’ Colin said. Although that was sort of what he was saying. ‘We know where she is – she’s in Riddletown. Martin the Murderous is on her trail and you know how expert he is at catching people.’

  ‘So Martin’s captured her, has he?’ Burpintime said. ‘He’s got her locked up in a little cage and everything?’

  ‘Er, maybe. By now, maybe, she’s in a cage. I mean, probably that will definitely have happened by now. If not, then, er, Martin will still be trying to find her.’

  General Burpintime made a Nnngggghhhh sort of noise, picked up a bowl of peas from the table and flung them across the room. Colin ducked. The bowl crashed into the door and the peas rolled over the floor.

  ‘I’m going to Riddletown,’ Burpintime shouted. ‘I want to make sure Martin doesn’t mess this up. Beatrix has already escaped from us once before.’

  ‘I’m coming too – you need my help,’ Esmerelda said. ‘Frankly I’ve been extremely disappointed by both the quality of your spies and your soldiers.’

  Burpintime picked up another bowl. He was about to throw it at Esmerelda when he realised it was full of marshmallows. He put it down on the table, took out the marshmallows very carefully, one by one, then threw it at her. Esmerelda ducked and it crashed into the wall.

  ‘Colin, get the horses ready,’ Burpintime said, ‘and at least twenty soldiers. We leave at once,’ he went on, then paused to eat a marshmallow. And another. And another.

  ‘Well, what are you waiting for?!’ he shouted, before eating another marshmallow.

  22

  The Worst Soup in the World (and that’s including sprout soup. And sprout slushy, which is a sort of soup)

  Wilfred, Oi, Beatrix and Dog watched the children working. It was as if they were all moving to the beat of the same drum. If they’d once been naughty, then that naught
iness had been well and truly drained out of them by the hard work the Evil Army soldiers made them do. (A bit like when you get to the end of a popsicle and all the fruity sweetness is gone and you’re just left with icy water.)

  ‘If we’re going to get out of this alive with all those children, we need a plan,’ Wilfred said.

  They couldn’t go back down the tunnel, and the valley had high cliffs on one side and a raging river on the other.

  ‘I have a plan. A very rough plan,’ Beatrix said. She cleared her throat. ‘Stage one, we rescue the children so they can see their parents again; stage two, we escape. Stage three, we carry on our journey to Beluga and I get to see my parents. Because I’d really like to see them soon. Got that?’

  Wilfred scratched his chin thoughtfully. Oi scratched his bottom, also thoughtfully.

  ‘How will we rescue them?’ Oi said.

  ‘How will we escape?’ Wilfred added.

  Beatrix stared at the factory.

  ‘As Uncle Ivan taught me, if you want to win in a battle, you have to understand your enemy. You have to know the battleground. You have to give yourself the advantage.’ She paused. ‘You two wait here. I’m going to see what’s going on down there. I’ll be back soon.’

  ‘Wait a minute, you can’t just …’ Wilfred began. But Beatrix was already running down the hill.

  ‘I’ll go with her,’ Oi said, racing after Beatrix.

  ‘OK, fine – I’ll just stay here with Dog,’ Wilfred muttered to himself.