Beatrix and Oi hid in the snow, watching the children work. They counted fifteen guards. It was hard to tell how many children there were, because they kept disappearing into the mine, the big barn and the low stone building next to it, but she thought there were at least twenty.
Now they were closer, they could see that the giant cauldron that hung over the fire was actually more like a saucepan. Whatever was inside it was boiling and bubbling and spitting, like a pool of hot lava. Two boys stood on a platform next to it. They looked exhausted. Beatrix thought one of them looked a lot like Matilda.
‘Do you think that’s Matilda’s brother, Jack?’ she said to Oi.
‘Could be. Whatever are they doing?’ Oi replied. Buckets filled with a strange gloopy mixture were lined up on the platform. The two boys kept looking over into the bubbling mixture, as if they were waiting to see when it was ready, then they poured the gloopy stuff from the buckets into the huge saucepan.
‘What on earth is going on?’ Beatrix whispered. It seemed more like they were making a disgusting dinner than weapons for General Burpintime. A thin young girl in a torn yellow dress carried another two buckets from the stone building next to the barn and passed them to the boys on the platform.
‘Thanks, Anna, be careful,’ said the one who looked like Jack.
‘No talking!’ growled the guard standing near the fire pit.
‘Let’s find out what they’re doing in there,’ Beatrix said. They crept towards the low stone building Anna had come out of. What they saw took their breath away, quite literally – the smell was so bad they could hardly breathe. It smelt of boiled bones and bits of animals and all sorts of disgustingness. It was even worse than sprout soup. Or a sprout slushy. There was another cauldron over a fire. This one was a lot smaller, but still big enough to fit at least three medium-sized children in it.
Beatrix and Oi ducked down in the shadows and watched as a small boy scooped a strange jelly off the top of the stinky soup. He ladled it into buckets so that the girl in the ragged yellow dress could carry it up onto the platform for the two boys to tip into the saucepan.
‘I can’t see Matilda,’ Beatrix said, staring into the smoky room.
‘Let’s try the barn,’ Oi replied. They crept forward, crouching low. There were two guards standing next to the enormous fire pit to keep warm. One was busy eating a cheese and onion sandwich and the other one was busy telling him how much he hated the smell of cheese and onion sandwiches. They both had very strange haircuts – they were completely bald on top with long hair at the sides, as if someone had glued their helmets on for a joke, then pulled them off, taking all the hair with them.
Beatrix and Oi slipped past them. They stood outside the barn. Beatrix peered into the entrance. Only children were inside – no guards. They ducked through the doorway and hid in the shadows behind a stack of wooden boxes.
It was a large room, lit by flickering candles. In the centre was what looked like a huge white mattress. Above it hung an enormous and very sharp-looking blade. Three children pulled the rope to lift the blade, then they let it go. It whooshed down onto the mattress, slicing it in two. They pulled the rope so that it lifted the blade again, whilst two other children moved the big fluffy white mattress so that it could be sliced into smaller pieces.
‘What is this place?’ Oi said.
Behind her, Beatrix heard the rattle of chains. She turned to see what was going on. The giant saucepan that was over the fire was spinning upside down. A big white fluffy thing fell out and was caught by the children on a large wooden plate below. They carried it into the barn.
Beatrix and Oi watched the children raise the blade once more. There was no mistaking what was underneath now.
They let go of the blade.
‘Marshmallow!’ Beatrix whispered. ‘They’re making and slicing marshmallow.’
The stinky stuff they poured into the saucepan was a jelly made from bones. They mixed that up with the boiling sugar to make the marshmallow. (I know this is hard to believe, but that really is how you make jelly, and jelly plus boiling sugar equals marshmallow.)
Once the marshmallow was cut into smaller pieces, children packed it into wooden boxes, ready to put on the conveyor belt so it could be carried up the mountain to Burpintime’s castle.
‘Look, there’s Matilda!’ Beatrix said.
In a corner of the room, a very tired-looking Matilda was helping to move the boxes of marshmallow. Beatrix and Oi ran towards her, staying close to the wall. The enormous blade made a whooshing sound as it cut another huge marshmallow mattress in two.
‘Matilda – psst. It’s me,’ Beatrix said.
Matilda jumped, then turned towards Beatrix. Her face was a mixture of relief and fear. ‘Thank goodness! I thought I’d lost you once the dragon took me into the house in Riddletown. Where have you been?’
‘Trying to find you – oh, and rescuing Wilfred and Oi from the Evil Army spies. What happened to the dragon?’
‘It disappeared once we arrived here. There are mines under the mountain, it might hide out in there. The soldiers tell us that they’ll feed us to the dragon if we’re bad.’
‘So it was real then? A real dragon? A real dragon, with a funny high-pitched voice?’ Beatrix asked, her voice full of doubt.
‘I don’t know, it was dark. And I’ve never seen a real dragon. The other children say it sometimes walks through the factory at night, checking the marshmallows.’
‘I bet it does. Everyone loves a marshmallow,’ said Oi.
‘I think we saw your brother Jack,’ said Beatrix. ‘At least, we saw a boy who looked a lot like you by the enormous saucepan just outside.’
‘Yes, that’s him! It’s one of the most dangerous jobs here – if you fall into the boiling sugar then …’ Matilda shook her head. ‘That’s just like Jack, he’s not scared of anything. We’ve got to get everyone out of here, but how? There are cliffs and a river blocking our way, not to mention all those guards. Can you use your special powers to make us all disappear, send us back to Riddletown?’
‘I don’t have any special powers and I certainly can’t make all the children disappear, but …’ Beatrix peered through the barn door at the huge saucepan hanging over the fire. ‘I might be able to make the guards disappear, if I can get them all in one place. And I think I might have an idea for how we can get away.’ She pointed at the huge mattresses of marshmallow that were stacked in the corner of the room, ready for slicing. ‘Marshmallow floats in hot chocolate, doesn’t it?’
‘Of course.’
‘So it will definitely float on the river. And that river must be the River Riddle, which flows all the way to Riddletown. Are you any good with boats?’
‘Don’t know. I’ve never been in one,’ Matilda replied.
‘Neither have I. Doesn’t matter. All we have to do is hold on and try not to eat the boat. How many children are here?’
‘About twenty. There were more, but Jack told me some children managed to climb up the cliffs and escape,’ she said. ‘I don’t know where they went – they didn’t come back to Riddletown.’
‘How strange,’ Beatrix said. ‘Now, we’ll have to make sure we get away as quickly as possible. You stay here. We’ll go and get Wilfred. We have to work fast.’
23
General Burpintime Gets Mad
General Burpintime, Colin, twenty soldiers and Esmerelda raced to Riddletown on the fastest horses in his army, clattering over the cobbled roads.
‘Who goes there?’ the guard at the Riddletown gates shouted as they approached.
‘General Burpintime. I command you to open these gates immediately.’
‘Can’t do that, I’m afraid. You’ll need to answer a riddle first.’
‘ME?’ Burpintime shouted. ‘ME?! Didn’t you hear my name?! I’m General Burpintime! I don’t answer riddles. Here’s a riddle for you instead – if you don’t open the gates immediately, what cake do you think you’ll end up looking like?’
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‘Er, hmmm …’ The gatekeeper wasn’t sure if this was an actual riddle, or just one of those questions people asked but didn’t really expect an answer to, like when teachers say, Why can’t you just be quiet?
‘A pancake!’ Burpintime exploded. ‘That’s the cake you’ll look like. Because I’ll flatten you – I’ll have them roll barrels full of rocks over you till you’re flat as a pancake. Then I’ll squeeze lemon juice and sugar on you and feed you to my soldiers for breakfast. Now open the gates before I send my soldiers up to drag you down!’
The gatekeeper looked down.
‘All right, all right,’ he said. ‘I’ll open the gate.’ Honestly, when he got the job as gatekeeper they hadn’t told him it would be like this. Ask a riddle, open the gate, close the gate, snooze. Ask a riddle, open the gate, close the gate, snooze. That’s all they said he’d have to do. There was no mention of marshmallow-chewing generals threatening to make him into a pancake.
General Burpintime charged through the empty streets towards the market square. The soldiers and Esmerelda raced behind him, trying to keep up.
His horse skidded to a halt outside the inn. Martin was pacing up and down nervously. Burpintime jumped off his horse and grabbed Martin with both hands.
‘Where is Beatrix – have you got her?’ he said.
‘What … who … er – no, Sir General Sir.’ It took Martin a few moments to realise who he was talking to. He wasn’t expecting General Burpintime to come to Riddletown in the middle of the night. He’d assumed that once he got the message he’d just pop a few marshmallows in his mouth, rub his hands together, sit down in his high chair like a big baby and wait patiently by a nice warm fire. (Everyone knew that this was Burpintime’s favourite way to spend an evening. And a morning. And an afternoon.)
‘I haven’t captured them, but I have tracked them – they took their cart through the town then left it outside a house not far away. Trouble is, they seem to have vanished into thin air. Not that I believe that’s possible,’ he added hastily. ‘I’ll show you.’
General Burpintime stared at the cart. What was Queen Beatrix doing here, by the house that hid the entrance to the secret passage through the mountains? She was supposed to be on her way to see her parents in Beluga. This definitely wasn’t the way to Beluga.
He didn’t like it. He didn’t like it at all. He turned to Esmerelda.
‘This girl, this Beatrix, she’s up to something. She isn’t on her way to Beluga to see her parents. She’s gone into the house. And the only thing in this house …’ he said.
‘Yes?’ said Esmerelda.
Burpintime frowned. He didn’t like telling Esmerelda his secrets.
‘In this house,’ he whispered, ‘is a secret passage through the mountains to my marshmallow factory.’
Esmerelda raised her eyebrows. A marshmallow factory, and a secret passage? The general really was full of surprises. There was silence for a moment. Then Esmerelda said, ‘Maybe Beatrix wants to steal your marshmallows. She can be very annoying like that – she stole ten rooms in my palace from me. I only had a hundred or so left.’ Then she took a marshmallow out of her pocket and popped it in her mouth.
General Burpintime turned towards her, his face the colour of boiled beetroot. He made a strange noise, a noise Esmerelda had never heard before, at least not from a human. A screamy, screechy wail of a sound. If you squished the word ‘No!’ with a rolling pin and stretched it out like playdough, you’d be halfway there.
Anyone in Riddletown who was sleeping was now fully awake.
‘Follow me,’ General Burpintime said, pulling himself together and unlocking the door to the house. ‘I want all my soldiers to surround the marshmallow factory. And I’ve got a little surprise of my own that I might unleash upon Queen Beatrix – a terrifying surprise, something so terrifying it will terrify anyone who sees it so much that they are well and truly …’
‘Terrified?’ Esmerelda said.
‘Exactly,’ General Burpintime said. This time he did let out an evil laugh. A terrifyingly evil laugh. So terrifying he scared himself a little bit, almost did a wee, and had to stop laughing.
24
The Great Escape
Beatrix and Oi crept out of the barn and ran back to Wilfred.
‘Where’ve you been? I’ve been waiting ages,’ Wilfred said in a fierce whisper. ‘I thought something had happened to you!’
‘We’ve found Matilda and her brother. And you’ll never guess what they’re making – it’s marshmallows! This place is a giant marshmallow factory!’
Wilfred stared down at the factory. He looked a little bit impressed, and a little bit horrified.
‘Wow – I mean, I like marshmallows, but that’s taking it to a whole new level,’ he said.
‘I’ve worked out a way to rescue everyone and escape. But the first thing we have to do is make the guards disappear,’ Beatrix said.
Wilfred frowned. ‘I hope you’re not expecting me to do some sort of magic trick, because I’m telling you now, I can’t fit all those guards up my sleeve. And even if I could, they’d probably chop my arm off.’
‘No, you don’t have to do a magic trick. Come with me.’
Oi, Wilfred and Beatrix made their way through the snow, crouching low. There were guards everywhere and they didn’t have long before sunrise. Even though they’d been up all night they weren’t feeling tired – they were fizzing with nervous energy.
‘See that barn?’ Beatrix whispered to Oi and Wilfred. ‘That’s where they take those huge pieces of marshmallow. Follow me.’
The two guards who’d been arguing about a cheese and onion sandwich were still arguing about a cheese and onion sandwich. They didn’t see Beatrix, Oi and Wilfred as they ducked into the barn.
The children who were slicing marshmallow and putting it into boxes stopped what they were doing and stared at them.
‘It’s OK,’ Matilda said, running forward to greet Beatrix. ‘They’re here to help us.’
Beatrix turned towards them.
‘My name is Queen Beatrix the Bold. You might have heard of me from those stories they tell around the campfire. Or if you’ve read Beatrix the Bold and the Curse of the Wobblers. Or maybe you haven’t heard of me at all. Doesn’t matter. I’m here to rescue you.’
‘Well, technically you’re here because you were on the way to Beluga to find your parents,’ Oi said.
‘All right, all right. Technically that’s why I’m here. I was on my way there when I met Matilda and she told me about her brother and all the missing children. I couldn’t carry on my journey to see my parents knowing you might not see yours again. And I hate the fact that everyone is so scared of that dragon. I don’t even think it’s a real dragon. Now, here’s what’s going to happen, and I’m going to need all your help.’
For the soldiers who were guarding the children it had been a very dull night. Nothing had happened. The same as last night, and the night before, and the night before that. And it had been ages since any of the children tried to run away. Sometimes they wished one of them would, just to give them something to do.
The guard who had been eating a cheese and onion sandwich had finished eating it, but the guard who’d been complaining about the smell of the cheese and onion sandwich had not stopped complaining.
‘How would you like it if I stood here all night eating peanut-butter sandwiches?’
‘I wouldn’t care.’
‘You would if you were allergic to peanuts.’
‘Well I’m not. So I don’t care. And you’re not allergic to cheese and onion sandwiches.’
‘I might be. Maybe that’s why I can’t stand the smell. It’s my brain warning me to stay away …’ He paused. He was distracted by what looked like a small child, jumping up and down on the conveyor belt.
‘What’s going on up there? Is that what I think it is?’
The other guard followed his gaze.
‘It looks as if … it looks as if one of
the children is dancing. Wait a minute, what’s that in his hand? Is it a –’
‘Marshmallow?’
The two guards were so stunned by this, that for a moment they stood completely still. Oi was standing on the conveyor belt, stuffing as many marshmallows into his mouth as he could and doing the most ridiculous dance he had ever done. (He didn’t realise it, but he was actually doing the Floss hundreds of years before it had been invented.)
‘It looks like he’s eating it. Yes, that’s what he’s doing. He’s stuffing it in his mouth and eating mouthful after mouthful.’ The two guards stared at the boy. It had been a long time since they’d had to deal with an emergency. They couldn’t even remember what the first step was in the Evil Army’s What-to-Do-in-an-Emergency Handbook.
‘Hey! Hey, you! Stop it. Come ’ere!’ The two guards shouted as loudly as they could, but it didn’t make any difference. The boy wouldn’t stop. He just kept eating and Flossing. More guards joined them.
‘What’s going on?’ they said.
‘It’s that boy over there. He’s stuffing his face with marshmallows.’
‘The general’s marshmallows?’
‘The general’s marshmallows.’
‘Wait a minute. I think there’s another one. Look at that one, in the ragged yellow dress. It’s Anna, isn’t it? The one who carries the buckets of jelly. She’s eating and jumping about all over the place.’
‘And over there! Isn’t that Jack? He’s one of the worst.’
‘Another!’
‘They’re all at it!’
Suddenly, the very bored Evil Army soldiers were no longer very bored. They ran towards the children as fast as they could, waving their swords and daggers. At last they had something fun to do! More soldiers joined them. They charged towards the children, who were spread all over the factory.
Oi watched the chaos. Then he jumped off the conveyor belt and started to run back down the mountain. The rest of the children followed. This was the clever part of Beatrix’s plan. You see, the children weren’t just running in any old direction, they were running towards Oi, and once they reached Oi they made sure all the soldiers were running together in a big group, which was exactly how Beatrix wanted them.
Beatrix the Bold and the Riddletown Dragon Page 8
