Meanwhile, Beatrix, Matilda and Wilfred ran in the opposite direction, without any soldiers chasing them, towards the giant saucepan hanging over the fire.
They heaved at the heavy chains, turning the handle to twist the pan. It creaked away from the fire pit, spinning so it was upside down. A few gooey drops of marshmallow fell onto the ground. All they needed now was twenty soldiers to drop it on.
25
Into the River
Oi and the children were running as fast as they could, throwing pieces of marshmallow on the ground to distract the soldiers. The soldiers were a lot faster at running than they expected. The children ran round the entire factory, then into the enormous barn and slammed the doors shut behind them.
The soldiers gathered by the barn doors, getting ready to knock them down. They were out of breath and excited at the thought of capturing the children. You couldn’t just eat General Burpintime’s marshmallows. No one was allowed to eat them without his permission. And as for throwing them on the ground, the Evil Army soldiers didn’t like to think what he’d do to them because of that.
‘Right, let’s get these doors open,’ said one of the soldiers. ‘Time to punish some children.’
They were so busy getting ready to charge at the doors that they didn’t notice the enormous saucepan hovering above their heads. They didn’t hear the creak of the chains as Beatrix and Wilfred got ready to drop it, and they didn’t notice the sudden whirring sound as they let go of the chains and it fell to the ground.
They heard the thump of it hitting the snow, and they noticed they could no longer see anything at all. But by then it was too late. They were trapped in the pitch-black pan. For a moment, there was silence. Then there was an almighty din, as twenty angry soldiers started banging and whacking the sides of the saucepan, trying to get out.
‘Excellent!’ Beatrix said. ‘That’s taken care of them. Now we need to get all the children out of the barn, and get those huge pieces of marshmallow down to the river to use as boats.’
She ran to the barn doors, shouting for Oi. In a moment, the doors swung inwards. The children came out in groups of four, carrying the great big marshmallow mattresses between them to the water’s edge. The river was flowing fast, swollen by melted snow. The water looked black and dangerous.
‘I’m not sure if this is such a good idea,’ Matilda said, looking at the water.
‘What are you talking about? It’s a brilliant idea!’
Matilda’s brother, Jack, was standing next to her, hopping up and down in excitement.
‘This is my brother, Jack,’ Matilda said.
‘Nice to meet you, Jack,’ Beatrix said. ‘You can be in charge of one of the boats. Just make sure you hold on tight. There’s no other way out of the valley so it’s got to be the river.’ She hoped it would be fine – but if anyone fell off their marshmallow boat they’d end up in ice-cold water, and they wouldn’t survive. The current was so fast they’d be pulled under in a second and might get knocked out on the rocks.
‘What’s going on over there?’ Wilfred said. He pointed towards the mountain. ‘It looks like lights coming out of the tunnel we came through.’
Beatrix stared in the direction he was pointing. Wilfred was right. Flickering torches were coming out of the tunnel like a swarm of fireflies, charging down the hillside.
‘Listen,’ Beatrix said. ‘Can you hear that?’ A stomach-churning chant floated on the still night air:
‘KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL!’
It echoed round the valley.
‘More soldiers!’ Beatrix said. ‘They must have come from Riddletown, through the secret passage. We’ve no time to lose. Onto the marshmallow boats.’
As she said this a flaming arrow flew through the air, lighting up the night sky above them. It landed in the ground a few metres from her, setting fire to a pile of wooden crates. The children around her looked up in astonishment.
‘What the?!’ Oi said. Overhead the sky was lit up as if it was Bonfire Night, and flaming arrows sped towards them.
‘Get under the marshmallows!’ Beatrix shouted, running to a group of children and helping them lift one of the marshmallow boats over their heads. ‘To the river, quick as you can!’
Everyone ran as fast as they could, holding the giant marshmallow boats over their heads like enormous umbrellas. Occasionally they heard a splat and sizzle, as an arrow plunged into one of the marshmallows. Then came the smell of it toasting.
‘Let’s get these boats into the river,’ Beatrix said. ‘Splash water onto them to put out the fires. Then two of you hold onto each one while the others climb on board.’
It was shallow and muddy by the river bank. The shouts of ‘KILL KILL KILL!’ were getting louder. They could see shadowy forms running towards them.
Soon, five marshmallow boats, still smoking from the fires that had started on them, were ready to float downriver. The children climbed on board. Matilda was with Jack, both of them holding tightly to the sticky marshmallow. The boats floated towards the centre of the river, where the current was strongest. The children dug their hands into the marshmallow to try to hold on. Oi lifted Dog onto the boat, before sitting down himself and taking out a chunk and eating it.
‘ ’S good!’ he said. ‘At least we won’t get hungry on the journey.’
‘Don’t eat the boat, Oi!’ Beatrix replied, trying not to feel sick as the marshmallow lurched to the left and the right. ‘Once we’re in the middle of the river the current will carry us away,’ she said.
‘Look – on the shore! What on earth …?’ Wilfred said.
They all looked towards the shore. A greenish shape was lurching through the snow towards them.
‘The dragon!’ Matilda said.
26
Help Is On Its Way
‘Come back here at once! Come back here or I’ll burn all your homes to the ground!’ the dragon shouted, in his strange, high-pitched voice.
Then the dragon jumped into the water. Dog was barking like mad. He’d never seen a dragon before, but it definitely looked like something he should chase. Oi struggled to hold on but Dog leapt from his arms into the river, swimming for the shore.
‘No!’ cried Oi. ‘Come back!’ Dog had already reached the shallows. ‘Stop the boat – we can’t float away without Dog!’
Wilfred slid into the icy water, holding onto the marshmallow boat so it didn’t get dragged into the middle of the river and pulled downstream with the other boats.
Oi and Beatrix climbed off the boat and waded towards the shore, dodging the flaming arrows that were still flying overhead. ‘Dog! Come back!’ they shouted.
‘What’s that flapping around the dragon’s head?’ Beatrix said. ‘It looks like Jeff!’
Jeff the pigeon was back – and not only was he back, he was diving at the dragon as if he wanted to peck it to pieces.
Dog had reached the dragon too – he was yapping at it and biting its ankles and running in circles around it, splashing about in the shallows with a furious energy.
‘Get away from me!’ the dragon shouted. It tried to kick Dog but he was too quick, and kept snapping at him. The shallows were muddy, and the dragon found his feet were getting stuck. It was hard to keep his balance. He reached down to grab Dog with both his hands, but as he did so Jeff dived at his head.
‘What on earth …?’ he called out, trying to fight off Jeff.
Dog ran between the dragon’s legs and jumped up and bit him as hard as he could on the bottom. The dragon let out an almighty (and not very dragony) scream, then fell forward into the muddy water. No sooner was he down than Dog dived at his head, grabbing the dragon’s nose with his teeth and pulling at it as if it was a fallen piñata.
‘Dog! What are you doing?! Come back to the boat!’ Beatrix and Oi shouted.
Dog chewed and ripped and pulled at the dragon’s head until it came clean off the body. Jeff flew in circles around Dog, then landed on Oi’s shoulder.
‘
Dog just killed the dragon!’ Oi shouted. ‘He’s bitten its head off!’
Dog splashed towards them through the water, pulling the dragon’s head behind him. Beatrix grabbed him.
‘Back to the boat, quick!’ she said, as a flaming arrow zipped through the sky above them, lighting up a very strange scene.
‘Is that who I think it is?’ Wilfred said. He was still in the water, clinging onto the marshmallow boat, trying to stop it being pulled downstream. His whole body was shaking with cold. Beatrix and Oi turned and looked back at the shore.
‘It looks like General Burpintime – well, I mean it looks like General Burpintime crossed with a large green chicken,’ Beatrix said, as she climbed back onto the boat.
‘It is General Burpintime!’ Oi said.
Burpintime stood in the water, wearing half a soggy dragon costume and shouting at the top of his voice. He was shaking his fist and punching the air.
‘I’M GOING TO DESTROY YOU, BEATRIX THE BOLD, AND I’M GOING TO DESTROY YOUR PALACE, AND I’M GOING TO DESTROY YOUR WHOLE FAMILY IN BELUGA AND YOU’LL NEVER SEE THEM EVER AGAIN! AND I’M GOING TO DESTROY YOUR TOYS. ALL YOUR TOYS. AND THAT DOG THAT’S NOT EVEN YOURS. AND THAT PIGEON. ESPECIALLY THE PIGEON. YOU HEAR ME?’
‘I don’t think he likes you very much,’ Oi said, settling onto the boat.
Wilfred steered the raft back to the middle of the river then jumped back aboard, and the current started to pull them downstream again.
‘No. I don’t think he does. Who’s that next to him?’ Beatrix said, looking back over her shoulder. ‘It looks like Esmerelda! It is! I can’t believe it – she’s been helping Burpintime!’
As Wilfred strained his eyes to see, the marshmallow boat floated further away from the madly fizz-popping general.
‘You’re right. It’s her. She really is …’
‘Terrible?’ Oi said.
‘She’s worse than terrible,’ Beatrix said. ‘Next to her, someone who’s terrible is actually quite nice. She needs a new name.’
‘Esmerelda the Terribly Terrible?’ Oi suggested.
‘Esmerelda the Worse than Someone Who’s Really Terrible?’ Wilfred said.
Beatrix frowned. ‘More like Esmerelda the Massive Pain in the –’ A flaming arrow whooshed overhead and landed with a sizzle in the cold water, drowning out her words.
‘Numb Butt Lane?’ Oi said.
27
Back to Riddletown
If you’ve ever been on one of those rides at a theme park where you bounce down a pretend river and get a bit splashed, you’ll know exactly how the children on their marshmallow boats were feeling. For the first few minutes it was quite exciting – the rafts swayed this way and that, bouncing off the rocks. Matilda and Jack clung on tightly. For the next few minutes it was less exciting, and a bit more sicky-feeling, as the river rolled them to the left and to the right, up and down and up and down on the current. After that it was all just sicky feelings. Like being stuck on a never-ending theme-park ride. Made of marshmallow. When you’re feeling seasick, the smell of slightly toasted marshmallow is one of the worst smells you can smell.
The children huddled together, feeling cold. The night sky changed from black to grey as the sun rose behind the clouds. As the sky brightened, they could see more of the world around them. The river flowed through fields, still covered in snow. The water was moving more slowly now. In the distance, they could see the smudgy grey outline of Riddletown.
‘Looks like we’ll be there soon,’ Beatrix said. ‘Which is good, because if the journey goes on much longer Oi will have eaten a hole in the boat.’
‘What?’ Oi said, looking up, his mouth full.
‘Stop eating the boat. Surely you’ve had enough marshmallow!’
‘There’s no such thing as enough marshmallow. And the bits that caught fire taste even better.’
‘Hey, Matilda,’ Beatrix called out, ‘look at this!’ She held up the soggy dragon’s head. ‘No more Riddletown Dragon!’
And Matilda grinned.
The marshmallow boats drifted down the River Riddle into Riddletown. The town was still and silent – the only people up were those on their way to market. As the rafts went under the bridge, people stopped and stared. What were these big white floaty things in the river, covered in children? They were like a new kind of biscuit, the kind an ogre would like to gobble up. They started calling out to them, running down to the river bank.
‘What’s going on? What are you doing?!’
‘Hang on – isn’t that Anna? The girl who disappeared last year?’
‘And her friend, the one who broke my window!’
‘And isn’t that Jack, Matilda’s brother?’
‘Look, there’s Matilda too!’
More people came out of their houses to see what was going on. They threw ropes to the children, pulling the marshmallow boats towards the river bank. By now the whole town was awake. There was a great commotion as everybody crowded round.
The people of Riddletown were laughing and crying and hugging each other. They had their children back. Matilda tried to find Beatrix so she could thank her and, of course, tell the whole town to thank her, but she was nowhere to be seen. All she found was a soggy dragon’s head, sitting on the river bank.
Beatrix, Wilfred and Oi had slipped away through the crowd without anyone noticing. They walked along the narrow streets to where they’d left the cart. Oi and Beatrix climbed onto it, feeling as if they could sleep for a thousand years. It had been the longest night of their lives. Wilfred took hold of the reins and flicked them. The horse made a sleepy Neeeiiggghhh sort of noise and the cart trundled off, bouncing over the cobbles in a bottom-achingly bottom-aching end to their adventure.
‘Well,’ Wilfred said, as they reached the gates of Riddletown, ‘that was an adventure I wasn’t expecting to have.’
‘Me neither,’ said Oi. ‘But at least we managed to save all those children. I can’t imagine how horrible it must have been having to make marshmallow all day and not be able to eat any of it. No one deserves that.’
‘We didn’t save all the children,’ Beatrix said, after a moment. ‘Matilda told me some had escaped over the years. No one knows where they went or what happened to them. They didn’t go back to Riddletown.’
‘How strange,’ Wilfred said.
‘How very strange,’ Oi said.
‘Woof,’ said Dog.
Jeff the pigeon didn’t say anything. He just pooped in his cage.
The cart reached the gates. There were no guards – they’d all run to the centre of town to see the children, so there was no riddle to answer. Well, almost no riddle. Beatrix still couldn’t work out where all the children had gone who’d run away.
It was another mystery, but for now she’d had enough of riddles. Her brain was too tired to try and solve it. She thought instead about her father and mother. Now that she’d reunited the children of Riddletown with their parents, she felt more determined than ever to find her own.
‘By the way,’ Oi said. ‘Do you think we should find a faster way to get to Beluga? It’s too late to cross the mountains now – there could be avalanches And the last thing I heard General Burpintime say when he was shouting and jumping up and down on the river bank, was something like, I’M GOING TO DESTROY YOUR WHOLE FAMILY IN BELUGA AND YOU’LL NEVER SEE THEM EVER AGAIN! I can’t be one hundred per cent sure, but it definitely sounded like that.’
‘And Esmerelda was standing next to him,’ Wilfred said. ‘Which means they’ll be plotting their next steps already.’
‘We’ll get to Beluga as fast as we can,’ Beatrix replied. ‘But it’ll mean sailing across the Sea of Sinking Ships. And that means we’ll have to hire a ship. And a crew.’
‘And not sink,’ Oi said.
‘Definitely not sink,’ said Wilfred. ‘It’s too far to swim. We’ll need to look out for pirates too – I’ve heard there are pirates in those waters.’
‘And sea monsters,’ Oi said. ‘
And terrible storms.’
‘Anything else?’ Beatrix asked. ‘Sea Wobblers? Giant jelly-baby fish? Angry swimming cats? We’ve just defeated General Burpintime and his army for the second time and freed all those children from a lifetime of marshmallow making. It’ll take more than a few pirates and sea monsters and whatever other stories people tell to stop me getting to Beluga.’
28
The End (well, almost)
And talking of General Burpintime, he was at that very moment standing in front of his boss, the Evil Overlord, trying to explain what had just happened without making himself sound like a complete nincompoop.
Martin and Colin were there too. They stood behind him, still dressed as farmers and looking very sorry for themselves.
General Burpintime hated these meetings. When he did the right thing, like winning a war, the Evil Overlord was never satisfied. He’d just ask why he hadn’t won the battle more quickly. When he did the wrong thing, like not capturing Beatrix the Bold, or not capturing Beatrix the Bold again, it was like standing in front of a tornado that had got stuck in your living room.
The Evil Overlord had finished screaming and shouting and was now simply shaking his head at the general. The general’s ears were ringing, as if he’d been listening to very loud music.
‘So you still haven’t captured Beatrix the Bold?’ the Evil Overlord said.
‘No. I still haven’t captured her.’
‘Even though she was right next to your castle?’
‘Even though she was right next to my castle.’
Beatrix the Bold and the Riddletown Dragon Page 9
