The Runaway Girl

by Jina Bacarr

  ‘You may get your wish,’ chimed in his fellow passenger. ‘The ship’s first officer believes she’s hiding in an empty stateroom. Could be the one next to you.’

  Buck nearly choked. His stateroom was next to the American millionaire’s.

  ‘God knows the ship is only filled to half capacity, gentlemen,’ said Mr Guggenheim. He turned to Buck, who had been strangely silent throughout the conversation. ‘Have you seen our mystery woman, Captain Lord Blackthorn?’

  ‘No,’ Buck said in a careful manner, then added with a smirk, ‘If I had, you gentlemen wouldn’t stand a chance.’

  His mind reeled. Five hours of playing poker after meeting up with the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen, only to hear the search for her was still on, was enough to rattle a man’s nerves.

  ‘From what I’ve heard, Captain Lord Blackthorn is quite a ladies’ man,’ said the gent smoking a cigar and not hiding the tone of envy in his voice.

  Buck eyed him suspiciously. ‘On whose authority, sir?’

  The man blew smoke his way. ‘Lady Pennington mentioned it to my wife.’

  ‘The lady is mistaken,’ Buck said, maintaining his composure. Inside he was amused. Was his former lover boasting or complaining?

  ‘Perhaps,’ the man conceded with a sly look to the other gentlemen. ‘Didn’t I see you board at Southampton with the Countess of Marbury?’

  ‘Along with her American fiancé,’ Buck insisted. He rose from the table and patted his breast pocket holding his winnings. He had no desire to get into an argument with these gentlemen when he had five more days aboard the liner to skillfully relieve them of their ready cash. ‘Time for me to turn in, gentlemen. Until tomorrow night.’

  Wandering out of the smoking room with his thoughts preoccupied, Buck paid little attention to the fog rolling in on deck. He was worried. What if Ava left the cabin and was discovered?

  Nothing he could say would keep her out of the hands of the law. Yet he wanted to, desperately. Ava touched a nerve in him buried too long. She was real. Through and through, like a beautiful gem smudged with the dust of time but underneath, she was pure and fine. A rare woman when most females he knew sparkled with a false glow that dimmed after a while.

  Not her.

  She was worthy of a man’s protection for no other reason than her honesty and fervent joy in believing she could better herself even in a world that wouldn’t allow it. For a brief minute, he wondered if his father, the duke, would intercede for her on his behalf. He tossed that idea out quickly. The Duke of Clarington lived by a strict set of rules that governed society and wouldn’t stoop to fund a local charity, much less give assistance to an Irish servant girl.

  Buck replayed the afternoon’s events over and over again in his mind, trying to decide whether he was a knight in shining armor or a damn fool. He couldn’t be both.

  Was that what fascinated him about the Irish girl? That she was a work in progress?

  And he was her mentor?

  Not a feasible proposition for a man in his position with little funds to finance such an undertaking. And why should he? He firmly believed no tactics, gentlemanly or otherwise, would work with the girl. She was safe with the countess, so his obligation to her was finished. He wouldn’t see her for the rest of the crossing.

  Who was he fooling?

  Himself.

  He couldn’t forget her easy laugh or her sparkling green eyes, or how beautiful she’d looked when he’d pulled open the curtains on his bed.

  He’d nearly lost his mind.

  Buck suspected she was playing games with him and believed she was fully dressed. But no, she’d gone and done it on her own. Undressed after telling him she wouldn’t.

  He wasn’t used to being challenged and he didn’t like it. He would never force the issue. He considered himself a man of moral high ground when it came to how he treated a lady.

  He smiled. Then again, Ava O’Reilly was no lady and that intrigued him. Along with her spunk and ability to speak her mind in a world where nobody did. Or was it the fact he didn’t want to know what crime she was accused of? That he wished to keep his image of her as an angel wronged for as long as possible. He also had to admit his recent affair with Lady Pennington had left him with a deflated ego when the woman went back to her husband when he had had a bad run in a card game and couldn’t keep up with her extravagant lifestyle.

  ‘You can’t afford me, darling,’ she’d whispered in his ear. ‘And I can’t afford to be poor. What would my friends say?’

  Ava was a different sort. The girl was too stubborn for her own good and insisted on honesty above all. Yet she was shrewd and remained cool under pressure when she challenged him, but he’d bet a night’s poker winnings she was still an innocent.

  But he knew he was playing with fire if the girl were found out. There’d be hell to pay with the captain for sheltering a criminal, even if she was a beautiful woman.

  It wouldn’t add to his reputation as a gentleman, though such things had never bothered him before. He plunged into an adventure first and asked questions later. He’d rather forge ahead than simply wonder what might have been.

  Buck rather enjoyed the idea of a woman needing the protection he could offer her as a gentleman and not what he could buy her. His gambler’s instinct never steered him wrong, making him dead certain none of the talk about her was true. Still, he had every intention of asking the Irish girl what her crime was before they docked in New York. Until then, he intended to hide her by putting her in plain sight.

  With thoughts of their secret escapade continuing to make him smile, Buck decided to abandon the Promenade Deck and go up on the Boat Deck before retiring. A brisk breeze blew along the deck, making him pull up his coat collar to keep out the chill. He felt no creaking or shuddering beneath his feet as he had on other ships. Slicing through the cold North Atlantic at record speed, the Titanic had a steadiness about her that amazed him.

  No doubt the girl would leave him in New York with half her story untold. That disturbed him more than anything else. Why was he drawn to her with such intensity? If she were a burning flame, he’d still want to touch her, be with her, no matter what the price. His mind gave birth to numerous fantasies, seeing her again, holding her, kissing her.

  He continued walking, when he saw a woman wearing an ankle-length black coat, the wide collar and cuffs trimmed with silken braid and a distinctive plaid inlay.

  The countess.

  The woman’s hood slipped off and her long red hair billowed over her shoulders like rolls of silk. It caught the glow of light as the wind’s breath curled it like fire before she disappeared into the dark shadows on deck.

  Ava. Damn it all.

  What fool notion was she up to now?

  ‘Have you gone mad, Ava?’ he said, racing over to her and taking her by the elbow. ‘They’re searching for you everywhere.’

  She turned around and grinned at him, lightening up his mood. ‘Evening, your lordship. It does my heart good to think you’re worried about my safety.’

  ‘You were told to stay in your cabin, but when do you ever do what you’re told?’ he said, exasperated. ‘Don’t answer that. I already know the answer. Never.’

  ‘I couldn’t sleep, milord,’ she said, her words honest and sincere. ‘The countess said I could borrow her coat, so here I am.’

  She wasn’t trying to vex him, but she was doing a good job of it. A woman alone on deck this time of night was certain to be observed by the ship’s officers and questioned for her own safety.

  ‘Don’t you realize you’re in danger?’ he asked, guiding her along the Boat Deck past folded deck chairs, the evening air brisk and sharp.

  ‘I wanted to see if the stars out tonight are the same stars you see in Ireland.’

  ‘Are they?’ Buck said, softening toward her as they leaned over the rail. The cloudy sky they’d experienced earlier had given way to starry sparkles he swore shone brighter than on his last crossing. The Nort
h Star, the Milky Way. The view of the stars and the calm ocean took his breath away, made more so by the lack of lifeboats cluttering up the first-class section of the deck so as not to spoil the view. He moved closer to her, his shoulder brushing up against the soft velvet wrapped around her like a night carpet. She shivered, shuffling her boots on the wooden deck. A sudden need to touch her swept over him.

  If only he could.

  ‘No,’ she said, unaware of the urges overtaking him, her breath misty, her words catching on the sea spray. ‘The stars are brighter here at sea.’

  ‘Why is that?’ he asked, curious.

  ‘Because here they can wander about in the big, black sky anywhere they choose.’

  ‘And in Ireland?’ he asked, guiding her away from the entrance to the first-class staircase lest an officer spot them.

  ‘There they have to obey the rules and stay in their own patch of dark sky,’ she said, turning and looking at him square on. She sat down on an empty bench. Her eyes glistened with mist or tears, he couldn’t tell which. ‘There they can never be free.’

  ‘If you were a star,’ he asked, ‘where would you be?’

  ‘Here, your lordship,’ she said without hesitation, ‘where I can glow the brightest. Look, there, on the sea.’ She pointed to the starlight glistening like glass. Buck followed her gaze, the sparkle so bright since it was the only open space on the ship. ‘So still it is, as if someone threw an enchanted stone into the ocean and calmed the waters.’

  ‘What if you lost your way?’

  ‘It would be worth it… to be free.’

  Her words took him aback, making him wonder more than ever who she was, where she came from and why in God’s name the law was after her.

  ‘You are a dreamer, Ava, but tonight is no time for wishing for what we can’t have.’ He took her arm in his and stopped. The way she looked at him with such sadness disturbed him.

  They sat close together, their frosty breaths as one, their eyes meeting, yet she revealed nothing more. As if she chose to keep her secrets hidden from him for a while longer. He should let her go, but first he must tell her what he knew.

  ‘They haven’t given up looking for you, Ava. If you’re caught, I won’t be able to do anything to help you.’

  His words hit her hard, sobering her up. She nodded. ‘I understand, Captain Lord Blackthorn.’

  He let out his breath, relieved she knew. He came very close to taking her in his arms and tilting her head back for a kiss.

  He didn’t.

  That would be the ruination of them both.

  Lying in bed in her cabin, Ava looked back on everything that had happened to her since she had run away from the great house in County Cork. She had escaped from a lie that would be the death of her and found her way aboard the Titanic.

  Into the arms of Captain Lord Blackthorn.

  They’re searching for you everywhere, Ava.

  If they caught her, she’d never see his lordship again. That saddened her more than she thought it would.

  She shivered, still chilled from her walk on the open deck. In her thoughts, she was safe and warm, wrapped in his embrace. Holding her against his chest, his lips brushing her hair.

  It hadn’t happened, but she wanted it to, and she believed so did he. That was enough for the likes of her. If every moment, every step had been to bring her closer to him, then she would change nothing. He was a powerful protector but he’d never be with her, not a fine gentleman like him. The son of a duke, her ladyship had told her, and her the daughter of a fisherman and a woman who took in washing. They were good, God-fearing people and she knew in her heart they would like Buck.

  How easily his name tripped over her tongue. And her not even knowing him long enough to say a novena.

  Embarrassed by her brazenness, Ava buried her head under the covers. She held onto her black rosary as if it were a lucky talisman, clutching it to her breasts.

  How she wished she were back in the small cottage she shared with her mum. The kind woman would fix her a nice cup of tea, wrapping the blue-and-white checkered quilt around the teapot to keep the water hot.

  Ava was half-asleep when a disturbing sound grated upon her ears. She popped her head up from under the heavy bedding. Someone was weeping.

  Could it be…

  She got up from the bed and very quietly put her ear to the connecting door to her stateroom. Yes, she could hear the countess crying. A gentle crying, her sobs born not of despair, but of longing.

  It hurt her to hear such sounds.

  A different emotion tapped her soul with something unexpected. She sensed a bond forming between the countess and her that had nothing to do with class.

  Two women longing for what they couldn’t have.

  That didn’t change anything. A great social barrier divided them, one Ava could never hope to cross.

  She lay awake for a long time, thinking about the countess with her privileges and fine manners. A new, unsettling thought made her lose a bit of her confidence. A small bit, but it shook her nonetheless.

  What can I expect from this life if a fine lady like the countess isn’t bearing up so well? Is it wrong of me, God, to want more than what I was born with?

  Ava could find no answer.

  The blessed saints be praised she should find herself in the lady’s company. The countess was like a string of pearls, polished, glowing and fastened in a fancy setting. In the end, Ava had to accept the fact that even the most beautiful pearl had a flaw in it no one could see.

  Nothing was perfect. Not family, not love nor social position.

  10

  12 April 1912

  ‘Why didn’t you tell me you met up with Captain Lord Blackthorn, Ava?’ said the countess, eyeing her with something Ava hadn’t seen before.

  Jealousy.

  ‘I was minding my own business, your ladyship,’ Ava said, trying to defend herself, ‘when Buck, I mean, his lordship, happened by and escorted me back to the cabin.’

  Look at you, girl, uttering the man’s Christian name as if the two of you were on intimate terms. No wonder the countess has gone pale under her face powder. Fine lass you are, adding to her troubles.

  ‘You’re as glib as the rest of them with your lies, Ava.’

  Ava shot her a questioning look. They had been getting along so well. Whatever her ladyship’s reasons were for talking about his lordship, Ava would never know. Whether it was merely a lonely woman who wished to take advantage of female companionship, or an idea had taken root in her mind she should be forewarned about him.

  ‘I should have known Buck would sniff you out like a hound after its prey,’ she continued without taking a breath. ‘Take my word, Ava, you’ll never change him. He’s a man who does what he wants with whomever he wants without recourse.’

  ‘It’s not like that between him and me, your ladyship.’

  Isn’t it, girl? Are you turning into the liar the countess thinks you are? Or have you been telling untruths, especially to yourself, where his lordship is concerned?

  ‘I fear you’re as blind as I, Ava, and will suffer as I have.’ The countess sighed and her anger dissipated. ‘Forget what I said. I spoke the distraught words of a woman too long denied her heart’s desire.’

  There the conversation started and ended.

  Her attitude this morning had surprised her, yet Ava yearned to know more about this quiet woman with an elegant style but a sharp disposition. She never expected the countess to bring up the subject of Captain Lord Blackthorn again as the morning turned into afternoon.

  ‘Did Buck tell you how we met, Ava?’ she asked suddenly after lunch, changing her point of attack with finesse.

  ‘No, your ladyship,’ Ava said, covering the lunch tray with a linen cloth. She’d finished her own lunch in her cabin and had gulped down the last of her tea when her ladyship had called out to her. Ava avoided taking her meals in the lounge for maids and valets on C Deck lest someone ask too many questions.


  ‘I was seventeen and filled with romantic stirrings, no doubt fueled by my cloistered life at Dirksen Castle,’ the countess began, reliving those days as if they were a prelude to a grand opera. ‘I had few gentleman callers, since I had not yet been presented to their majesties at court. You can imagine how the appearance of a man like Captain Lord Blackthorn upset my everyday existence. Anyone who looks at him can see how he embodies courage and adventure.’

  The countess stared off into space, thought a moment, then continued.

  ‘I was out riding my favorite mare when I saw him. I was never afraid of venturing into the forest alone with its dim light and deep shadows. It was my refuge. The wind blew cold that autumn, the hills topped with brown when I raced through the forest, thick with pine against a sky deepening with dark clouds. The rumble of a coming storm echoed in my ears.

  ‘Buck emerged from the woods with an animal vitality and an intensity which made me wish I was his prey. He possessed a rugged manhood any woman could admire and fall in love with. I was no exception. I was young and foolish enough to believe his charm was meant only for me.’

  Ava remained quiet, imagining the countess as a young girl, wrapped up in the illusions of what she wanted her life to be – love, marriage and running her country estate. Life had altered her plans and she hadn’t yet accepted that.

  Loving Buck was her penance.

  The countess cleared her throat and continued, ‘I once thought we shared a common destiny and I intended to make that happen no matter what I had to do. When Buck last came to pay me a visit at Dirksen Castle, I tricked him into being alone with me in my bedroom. I wanted so desperately for him to make love to me, I stripped off my silk dressing gown and stood there naked, offering myself to him. I believed that if I ruined myself with him, he would do the right thing and marry me.

  ‘I was so caught up in my plan, telling him I imagined him as lord of the manor, I didn’t realize he wanted no part of it until it was too late and I’d bared myself to him. Buck wrapped the silk gown around me, kissed me on the forehead and put me to bed.