by Jina Bacarr
Ava looked up at the sky. It was getting on toward the darkest part of the night. The stars blazed overhead, but nothing could overcome the blackness settling in her soul.
Would she see Buck again?
She had to, but she couldn’t shake the foreboding.
She felt as lost as a sinner with no faith.
25
Buck scurried back down to steerage along the maze of empty corridors and passages, a heated urgency surging through him in spite of the bitter chill.
A frantic race against time.
He held onto that truth when he saw several men on bent knee praying. A fervent aura held them in its grasp, holy and impenetrable, until each man secured his place in the hereafter.
Buck murmured his own prayer for salvation as he passed by them, then went about the business at hand.
Saving the two Irish girls from a cruel fate.
Slinging his heavy overcoat over his shoulder, he headed quickly to the aft women’s quarters. The vision of Ava looking at him with such sadness branded her in his mind with amazing clarity. Her eyes aching for him to hold her, her face pale behind the black net veil, pink lips parted.
He’d never forget it.
Buck snapped back to his duty. Devotion to the task at hand took hold of him. With water sloshing around his ankles, he started banging on doors and calling out the girl’s name.
‘Peggy, Peggy!’
Damnation, why didn’t she answer him?
Or was she already up on deck? Safe in a lifeboat?
He grimaced. He doubted that. Stark scenes of steerage passengers roaming around the third-class section of the Boat Deck, looking for boats that didn’t exist, played over and over again in his mind.
At the same time, his ears buzzed nonstop, as if he could hear the girls’ voices calling out for help. They were still down here. He’d bet on it. It was a losing hand, but he’d made a promise to play it.
‘Peggy, where are you?’ he called out. He was soaked up to his knees, his trousers wet and heavy. ‘It’s Captain Lord Blackthorn.’
‘In here, sir!’ a girl’s frightened voice cried out to him. ‘Help us, please!’
He swung his head around, his eyes searching the narrow corridor. Where did the voice come from?
Rushing seawater slowed his progress, each stride slow going, but he plunged ahead, desperation to find them pounding in his ears. Pushing his shoulder into the wood, he shoved open the first cabin door.
Empty. Then the next and the next. All empty.
He came to the last one.
He grabbed the door handle. It wouldn’t turn. What the devil. He’d break it down.
He pounded on the door hard with his fists. ‘Peggy, are you in there?’
‘Yes, your lordship,’ he heard a girl call out, her voice hopeful. ‘Hurry, please, the water’s rising!’
Buck ripped off his cuff links and rolled up his shirt sleeves. Using his heavy coat as a buffer and all his strength, he leaned into the door and, with a loud grunt, banged against the panels until he felt it give. One more shove and he pushed the door open, the handle falling off and floating away on the fast-moving seawater.
Standing in the doorway, Buck took a deep breath and blew it out. He couldn’t hide the alarm on his face. He was nearly too late. The seawater was filling their cabin fast, its sickly green color turning his stomach.
A dim light flickered overhead, but he could see Peggy and her sister sitting on their bunks, looking small and cramped in the four-berth cabin, their feet curled underneath them, their hushed voices saying the rosary in unison.
Compassion for these two girls overwhelmed him. A rush to keep them from harm took hold of him.
The girl named Peggy must be freezing, he thought, huddled on the edge of the bunk wearing only a dressing gown. There was enough of a chill in the cabin to raise goose bumps on his bare forearms. With a groan, Buck squinted to make out her sister squeezed into the corner.
She stared at him, her eyes glassy and wide.
From what he could see, their faces wore looks of sheer terror. After they’d wandered away from the locked gate, they had returned to their cabin. Alone.
‘Christ,’ he said.
What insane madness was about on this ship that no one tried to help these girls?
Leaving them to die.
The cowards.
Anger seethed within him. A deep shame for a class system that condemned these innocents to death came over him. Shook him until he lost all sense of trust in his fellow man to do the right thing.
An even deeper shame hit him, thinking only of his own plight and not those he hurt.
It wasn’t too late to make amends.
Buck was determined to save these girls or die trying.
‘Why aren’t you up on deck?’ he asked. ‘Surely a steward came down to lead you up on top.’
‘I couldn’t leave her here, milord,’ Hannah said, her loyalty to her sister steadfast. ‘She’s all I’ve got.’
‘You’re both coming with me,’ he said firmly.
‘I can’t walk, sir.’ Peggy showed him her swollen bare foot.
He hadn’t planned on this. ‘What happened?’
‘I hurt my ankle when I slipped and fell in the wet corridor.’
Sweat trickled down his forehead. He’d seen similar injuries on the battlefield. A bad sprain and very painful. She’d never make it up top on her own.
He tore the flimsy bunk sheet into long strips and bandaged up her bare foot.
‘This ship is going down,’ Buck said. ‘And by damnation, you two are getting into a lifeboat if I have to carry you both.’
Before the girl could protest, he picked her up in his arms. Her slender body cradled into his shoulder as she leaned into his chest. Her body was cold like marble.
He covered the shivering girl with his heavy overcoat and carried her toward the stairs, starting down the long corridor with Peggy in his arms and Hannah trailing behind them.
‘The girl with the red hair sent you to fetch us, didn’t she, sir?’ Peggy asked, raising her head from his shoulder.
‘Yes.’
A welcoming warmth replaced the chill in him thinking of Ava.
‘I knew she wouldn’t forget us,’ Peggy said. ‘She’s a fine lass, your lordship. You’re a lucky gentleman.’
An immediate kick to his gut sent him into agony.
The odds of ever holding her again were stacked against him.
Buck knew when his time came, he’d still count himself lucky. With Ava, he had something he’d never had before.
The love of a good woman.
Buck breathed in deeply.
He had to keep going. They were nearly at the companionway leading up to the emergency ladder. Then it wasn’t far to the first-class stairway and up to the lifeboats.
With the girl in his arms, he moved slowly but steadily down the long, narrow corridor, the water rising up around his thighs. The naked bulbs overhead hissing and crackling in his ears.
Peggy rested her head against his shoulder, her sister tagging along behind him when suddenly the girl grabbed his jacket. Pulled on it hard.
‘Look, sir!’ Hannah cried out, pointing behind them.
It happened so fast Buck barely had time to twist his head around. His eyes opened wide, his concentration divided between keeping the girls safe and looking for another way out.
The bulkhead barrier behind them separating them from the flooded compartment was giving way.
What should have been a simple ascent up to the top had suddenly became a trap.
Unforgiving, deadly.
He wouldn’t accept defeat. He’d not allow these girls to die.
He shot his head back around, looking for somewhere, anywhere they could escape.
An empty cabin? No. A trap with no way out.
Storage room? No. Filling with water fast.
Then he saw—
Lady Luck hadn’t given up on him yet. Up ahead som
eone had left the door open that led to the second-class staircase.
He had to move out. Now.
In an instant, he slung Peggy over his shoulder, then turned around. Hannah stared up at him, panic slashed across her face.
‘Take my hand, Hannah, quickly!’
She reached for him, her eyes fixed with a look of utter terror.
It was too late.
Buck braced himself as the bulkhead broke. Hannah screamed as he reached out and pulled her to him by her long braid. At the same time, her sister grabbed him around the neck so tight she nearly choked him.
Still, he held onto the girl’s hair as the freezing cold seawater rushed around them like a river wild and furious, the torrent of water coming at them with full force. The green tide hit the three of them hard, washing over them and sweeping them away.
It was maddening. Horrifying. His inner turmoil rising up in him to a feverish pitch. His eyes, ears, mouth all filled with water, gagging him. He’d not let go of the two girls no matter what. He’d made a promise to her.
One Buck intended to keep.
He held his breath and thought of Ava O’Reilly.
26
Ava paced up and down the Boat Deck, twisting the red fringe on her shawl around her fingers, her mind reeling with doubt. Something was wrong belowdecks. Buck should have fetched the Irish girls up on top by now.
Do you have no faith in the man, girl? A brave one he is and honorable, too. Don’t set him aside like leftover wine gone sour after Holy Mass. He’ll not fail you.
Then where was he? Why wasn’t he here? With her. And the countess and Mr Brady, both at her side and as nervous as hound dogs before a hunt.
They knew the ship was taking on more and more water by the minute and they hadn’t much time before she foundered.
Fretting and sniveling, Ava pulled the shawl tighter around her. The agony of waiting intensified as the crisp night air shot up her nostrils, sending a fierce pain to her head that wouldn’t stop. Down below she imagined seawater swirling through the narrow corridors like an eerie green dervish, reaching out to drown everything in its path.
Everything looked blurry to her from behind the black veil covering her face, sticking to her cheeks and pricking her skin. Was her veil wet from the sea spray or her tears?
Where in the name of heavens is Buck?
‘Why can’t they make up their minds what they want us to do?’ said the countess, breaking into her thoughts. Frustration and worry were both apparent in her terse words.
‘Because they don’t know themselves, Fiona,’ Trey said, trying to explain. ‘From what I heard, the crew had only a short lifeboat drill before sailing and no training in lowering the boats.’
‘It’s outrageous. Sending us up here on top,’ the countess rattled on, ‘and now they say go back down again to the Promenade Deck. Thank God it’s not yet flooded, but it’s too much to bear.’
Though the countess was born to privilege, Ava wasn’t surprised when the countess abandoned her proper manners for the most human of traits. Fear. Fiona was holding up well, but Ava knew she, too, was worried about Buck.
She put her gloved hand on Ava’s arm and drew her to the side, her lips tight together, her eyes wide. ‘What if Buck came back and didn’t see us?’
Ava shook her head. ‘Don’t worry, Countess. I imagine Buck is settling the two girls in a lifeboat with warm steamer rugs wrapped around their legs.’ Her words sounded confident, but what did she know anyway?
The only thing Ava did know was that she didn’t believe a word of what she was saying. Then again, the countess didn’t know that.
‘I pray you’re right, Ava.’ The countess muttered she was cold and Mr Brady suggested she take shelter in the gymnasium on the starboard side. He waited for Ava to follow her. She didn’t. Instead she looked down the narrow companionway leading belowdecks.
What if he was trapped down there?
Trey must have read her mind. ‘If anyone can survive this, Ava, it’s Buck,’ he whispered in her ear.
Ava grabbed his arm. ‘What about you, Mr Brady?’
‘Me?’ Trey answered glibly. ‘I’ll go down with the ship with the rest of the millionaires.’
‘Are you saying there aren’t enough lifeboats?’ Ava looked at him straight on, her heart accelerating. Unlike Buck, he didn’t try to mask his thoughts. The serious look he gave her chilled her, but didn’t surprise her.
‘Yes. And I’m prepared to do my duty.’ He caught his breath. Was that a spirit of resignation she detected in his voice? ‘I want the countess to remember me as a gentleman, Ava. I haven’t done a very good job pretending to be one during the crossing.’
‘You’re a fine gentleman, Mr Brady.’ Ava stared into his eyes rimmed with guilt. She leaned so close to him she smelled whiskey on his breath. ‘The countess and I both know it.’
He kissed her hand, his lips brushing her skin. ‘Pity I won’t have the opportunity to chase after you in New York,’ he said, trying to keep his voice light. They both knew his obvious flirtation of whispers and bold promises would soon end. But there was something else in his eyes that stirred her heart in a way she never imagined. As if he truly cared for her. Was it there all the time and she’d been too naïve to see it? ‘It would have been grand fun.’
In a daring move, Ava said, ‘You never would have caught me.’
‘That’s what would have made it so amusing.’ He made no apology for his remark.
Embarrassed by his forwardness, Ava turned around to make certain her ladyship wasn’t within earshot. No, she could see her in the gymnasium.
‘What will the countess do without you, Mr Brady?’ Ava said, twirling around and speaking frankly, each word becoming a puff of cold air as the temperature continued to drop.
Her words took him aback. He swallowed. As if he’d just realized the finality of the situation. That their chance of survival was as unlikely as a Sunday sinner finding his way to heaven.
‘I’m depending on you, Ava,’ Trey said, making no excuses. He didn’t try to keep his emotions under control. ‘You must see to it my mother does right by Fiona,’ he insisted, sucking in a harsh breath. There was an edge to his voice that wasn’t there before. He sounded frustrated, his mouth set in a grim line. ‘Don’t trust her, and above all, don’t let her bully you.’
Ava stared at him. Standing there so serious and reverent, like a priest preaching the evils of the devil. This was a burden she never expected. A vulnerable awareness that she alone was responsible for the welfare of the countess.
Her tone was steady when she said, ‘I won’t let you down, Mr Brady.’
So quick you are, girl, with the fancy speech. Are you sure you can handle what he’s asking of you?
Ava wasn’t sure. Her insides turned numb and she was so scared her hand couldn’t find its way to make the sign of the cross. Trey didn’t notice her discomfort.
Looking up at him, she met his eyes, eyes she often thought hid so much. Not tonight. She saw him fighting the hunger inside him to claim what he wanted, but couldn’t have.
Her.
An awkward feeling bloomed in the pit of her stomach. Her heart belonged to his lordship. He slipped an arm casually around her shoulders and together they stood there at the wooden rail, talking.
The sea was as still as a millpond.
‘My mother is a tough old bird, Ava,’ Trey said, keeping his voice even. ‘It won’t be easy for you.’
‘I’ll do my best, Mr Brady.’ Her heart pained for him, trying to keep his composure. She wasn’t sorry she didn’t yield to him.
Down below, chunks of ice floated by.
She shuddered.
‘You’re shivering, Ava,’ Trey said, but he made no move to hold her closer, though she was sure he wanted to. His eyes narrowed, his nose twitched. Something had changed in him. When they first met, he’d flirted, sweet-talked, challenged her. Now he kept his distance, as if he, too, was surprised at this change i
n his feelings and he didn’t know what to do about it. Whatever he was feeling inside, he kept to himself and remained a gentleman.
She studied his expression. His eyes blatantly said he would never stop wanting her, a silent warning if he stayed any longer he would do something they’d both regret.
She said, ‘His lordship is fortunate to have a friend like you—’
‘There’s Mr Lightoller,’ he said, cutting her off. ‘Wait here, Ava. I’ll see what the delay is in getting the windows open down on A deck.’
Then he was off, moving with the ease of a gentleman on a mission, catching up to the ship’s officer and grabbing his attention. Mr Brady was a good man.
Ava needn’t have worried about the countess seeing them. She had a more pressing issue on her mind. She came running out of the gymnasium, her face shiny and pale, lips parted. She was wildly agitated about something.
But what?
‘My mother’s earrings,’ Fiona said, breathless from the exertion of pushing through the passengers huddled in the gymnasium, some women wearing only nightdresses and wrappers under their lifebelts. ‘I promised my father I would wear them on my wedding day. I must go back to my cabin and get them’
‘But, Fiona,’ Ava pleaded, ‘Mr Brady will be back to fetch us for the lifeboat—’
‘There’s plenty of time, Ava. I heard Colonel Astor telling his wife we’ll all be laughing about this later when they have to row the lifeboats back to the ship.’ Ava had the feeling the countess didn’t believe that.
‘I’m coming with you,’ she said.
‘No, Ava, I insist you stay—’
‘Sorry, your ladyship,’ she pushed on, ‘I promised Buck and Mr Brady I’d get you into a lifeboat, and by the saints, I will.’
The countess’s expression changed to a grateful smile. ‘Oh, Ava, what would I do without you?’
Ava held her gaze, determined to show her ladyship only strength. Inside, her stomach churned, her back muscles so tight she found it difficult to move. Some force she didn’t understand took hold of her soul as she followed the countess down three decks to her stateroom.
