by Jina Bacarr
‘And who the bloody hell are you, sir?’ He spun around on his heel, his manner indignant.
‘It doesn’t matter who I am,’ Buck said carefully, then eased the pistol out of his pocket and poked the steward in the gut with the barrel of his gun. ‘Just do what I say.’
His eyes popped out. ‘Yes, sir.’
Rattling his big ring of keys, the steward opened the gate just wide enough so Ava could squeeze through and then slammed it shut. She rushed into his arms.
‘Buck, oh, Buck!’ she cried out, holding on to him.
Then the steward closed it again.
‘What about other steerage passengers?’ Buck couldn’t believe the man wouldn’t let anyone else through.
‘Just her. No one else. I have my orders,’ he insisted. ‘We can’t have them overrunning the ship. Immigration laws, you know.’
‘Damn your bloody laws!’ Buck yelled. ‘This ship is sinking, you fool. Open that gate!’
The steward weighed his options. He didn’t believe the Titanic was in any danger and folded his hands over his chest. ‘No. It’s against regulations.’
‘We can’t leave those people down there, Buck,’ Ava cried out. ‘We can’t! Peggy and her sister will drown if we don’t help them. These women don’t have a gentleman’s protection like your first cabin ladies,’ she said. ‘They’re on their own. I won’t leave them down there to die, I won’t!’
She ran away before he could stop her. The two Irish girls were nowhere to be seen as Buck went after her and pulled her back, picking her up in his arms. Most likely they were looking for another way up on deck. Ava beat her fists against his chest, but he paid her no mind, carrying her easily.
‘Put me down, Buck!’ she pleaded.
‘Sorry, my love. You leave me no choice but to kidnap you.’ A sadder note sat on the edge of his mind. She was right about the two Irish girls. They had no one to fight for them.
He wouldn’t let Ava down. He promised her as soon as he got her and the countess into a lifeboat, he’d come back for the two Irish girls.
He never broke a promise.
He kissed her.
Holding her tight against his chest, he took in the salty smell of seawater on her and for a moment it reminded him of the danger they were in. Obsessed as he was over getting her into a lifeboat, she was so lovely, he didn’t want to end the kiss.
He couldn’t get enough of her.
She clung to him, her hands tight around his neck, returning his kiss with a hunger, almost a desperation, as if she knew it could be their last.
Ava still felt the danger rattling her bones as she held onto Buck’s hand. They moved quickly down the corridor on C Deck, but to her surprise, he called out to an elegant gentleman heading off in the opposite direction.
‘Have you assessed the damage to the ship, Mr Andrews?’ Buck asked, never letting go of her hand.
Ava’s eyes widened. The ship’s designer. She’d heard Buck mention him a few times.
Mr Andrews pulled on his collar, his mood pensive, but even before he spoke, she saw the truth in his eyes. Ava had a moment of paralyzing fear that choked the breath out of her. The firm grip of Buck’s hand holding hers gave her strength.
‘The Titanic has another hour, maybe two,’ Mr Andrews told them, ‘before the end comes. Six compartments have already been flooded.’
God help us all, she prayed silently.
He straightened his jacket, pulled on his cuffs. ‘I’m headed to the bridge to do what I can. Get the lady to a lifeboat quickly, then save yourself. Good luck.’
Then with a half-smile and a nod, he was off.
Ava knew he suspected she wasn’t a first-class passenger, but he’d given her that respect and she’d always cherish that. But she couldn’t forget Mr Andrews’ chilling warning, making their mission all the more urgent to get to the countess.
The jealousy engraved on the countess’s soul gave way to a warm welcome when she saw Ava, making the girl weep at the joy of it. She’d been sick at heart at the news that Ava languished in a cabin on the lower decks and would be sent back to Ireland.
Ava’s heart beat rapidly. The countess was worried about her?
It was true. Long, dark lashes brushed back misty tears. The countess blamed herself for the girl’s ordeal.
Ava begged her ladyship to shed her guilt and felt a powerful pull toward the woman and wanted things to be right between them again.
‘It was my own fault for not trusting you with the truth,’ Ava continued, feeling a bittersweet tug at her heart.
Her ladyship brightened at her words. ‘Thank you, Ava. I could never forgive myself if anything had happened to you because of my selfishness.’
‘Your eyes speak more than words ever could, your ladyship.’
‘Call me Fiona… please.’
Ava grinned wide.
‘No more time for dawdling, ladies,’ Buck said, interrupting them as he grabbed two lifebelts from the top of the wardrobe. ‘Put on your lifebelts.’ The countess made a face. ‘It’s only a precaution, Fiona,’ he said, helping her put the lifebelt on over her head. ‘You’ll be back in your stateroom in no time.’
Ava glared at him, keeping her emotions under control so the countess didn’t see her hard stare. Would they? With the lower decks filling with seawater?
She looked from Buck to the countess then back again with a gaze both curious and disturbing. Why was he being so stubborn about telling her ladyship the truth?
She shook her head in dismay when she saw the countess give him an adoring smile, believing his further untruth about the ship being safe.
Ava thought about challenging him. How could she?
He kept up a running conversation about how the Titanic was as steady as a rock, while Fiona jostled about trying to decide what color scarf to wear. He avoided looking at Ava, instead devoting his attention to the countess and securely fastening the ties so her lifebelt fit snug on her.
When Buck was finished, she looked at her boxy shape rather dourly in the mirror. He assured her she looked charming, then asked her to retrieve her black cloche hat and veil to conceal Ava’s identity.
Why is he treating the woman like a child? Ava wondered. She had a right to know the truth.
The ship was sinking.
Ava turned her eyes to the porthole, but all she could see was darkness. They had so little time left to escape. It was a chilling and horrifying thought and it made her all the more fearful about the safety of Peggy and her sister Hannah. Buck had promised her he’d not let them drown.
First, they must get the countess into a lifeboat.
‘You’re going, too, Ava,’ Buck insisted.
‘No, I want to stay with you.’
She didn’t want to stir up an argument by being obstinate, but she had to try. Though the sea was dead calm, they both knew the ship was doomed.
‘Fiona needs you, Ava.’
He knew exactly how to manipulate her.
‘By the blessed saints,’ Ava said, ‘I’ll not leave the countess’s side until she’s safe in a lifeboat and lowered away from this sinking ship.’ She paused, then said in a low voice, ‘I’ll not go myself without you.’
Buck looked perturbed. ‘You try a man’s soul, Ava, with your wild ways and total disregard for authority.’ He strapped the lifebelt on her in spite of her protests. ‘I must insist you obey my orders. It’s for your own good.’
‘Don’t ask that of me, Buck,’ she said. ‘I’m not afraid. A sinner I am, but I’m no coward.’ She heaved a deep sigh. ‘Never before in my born days did I believe I would find a good, kind gentleman like you.’
‘Ava, you’re such an innocent. I’m not as noble as you think I am,’ he admitted.
‘I don’t care. I – I love you, Captain Lord Blackthorn.’
There, she’d said what was in her heart and she wasn’t ashamed of it.
He seemed perplexed by her rash admission.
The air sizzled betw
een them with words unsaid, desires so fervent Ava could barely stop from reaching out and pulling him to her.
‘You and the countess must hurry to the lifeboats, Ava. I’ll follow you later. You must go with Fiona,’ he said, grabbing her arms and holding her so tightly it hurt. Not a whimper came out of her. ‘We both know this ship doesn’t have much time left before she sinks.’
You’ve met your match, Ava O’Reilly. His lordship isn’t fooled by your scandalous games and saintly remarks.
‘What about Mr Brady?’ she wanted to know.
‘Trey will help load the women and children while I go belowdecks and bring up the Irish girls and put them into a lifeboat.’
Ava knew she must let him go or risk the lives of Peggy and her sister.
A swish of silk and the scent of lavender caught her attention. The countess cleared her throat. ‘I’ve brought the hat and veil for Ava, Buck.’
How long she’d been standing there, ready to go up on deck in her long black coat, red lace shawl over her arm and a pale ivory silk scarf covering her hair, Ava didn’t know. A new seriousness had settled upon her features.
Fiona had heard every word.
She was very much aware of the danger.
Ava stared at her, then Buck, knowing once they joined the other passengers up on top, the world as they knew it would never be the same again.
24
Up on deck, Ava marveled at the evening mist hovering like a veil over the stars thick in the black sky. Hiding the truth with no shame. Others might believe the Titanic was unsinkable.
Not her. She knew the end was near.
She let out her breath and blew the mist away.
Would getting off this ship be as easy?
By the blessed heavens, she thought not. She’d never seen such confusion.
Ship’s officers shouted shrill orders but were drowned out by the deafening sound of steam from the boilers blowing off overhead. Seamen turned the cranks so the davits swung outward until the lifeboats hung clear of the deck.
Ice lay scattered about on the starboard well deck.
A numbness filled her as though she were witness to some horrible dream and she couldn’t wake up. She glimpsed movement out of the corner of her eye and saw a woman crying, while a gentleman tried to comfort her. Her heart went out to her when a ship’s officer separated her from her husband and tossed the lady over the rail and into a lifeboat. The woman started shrieking.
Would she find herself dealing with such melancholy before this night was over?
There’s something else troubling your mind, lass. You know what’s got your blood fired up. The idea of losing him.
Love him while you can.
‘You and the countess must get to the lifeboats,’ Buck said. ‘Nothing else matters.’
What about you, Buck? And Mr Brady? she wanted to scream.
The fierce look in his eyes told her to hold her tongue. He was wrong if he thought she was going to fold up like a church lily left to wither on the altar.
She shot him back an accusing stare. You know as well as I do the Titanic will sink in an hour, no more than two.
He squeezed her hand.
Being with him, she felt as grand as a countess herself. She prayed for a miracle. Who would have believed her own soul could know such affection from two such people?
If they were martyred saints, she couldn’t love them more.
But there was another side to her story.
Nothing changed the fact Ava O’Reilly was wanted by the law.
To conceal her identity, Buck insisted she hide her red hair under the countess’s black cloche hat and arrange the veil over her face. Then he pulled up the collar on the heavy overcoat he’d given her. If anyone spoke to her, she was not to answer. Her Irish brogue would give her away.
She was to keep her head down and—
‘We must go to A Deck now to the lifeboat loading,’ Buck said brusquely.
An all-possessing fear of being found out made her step quicker, her breath faster until they reached the forward loading area for the lifeboats on the Promenade Deck.
‘Two ladies for the boat,’ Buck called out to a seaman, his tone insistent.
‘Right you are, sir,’ he said. ‘Stand back. We have to open the windows first before we can load here.’
‘How long will that take?’ Buck wanted to know, his dark eyes narrowing while he waited for an answer.
‘Don’t know, sir. Don’t you worry, we’ll get the ladies on board the lifeboat.’
‘What about his lordship and Mr Brady?’ asked the countess, clearly disturbed.
The seaman shook his head. ‘Sorry, miss, orders are women and children first.’
‘Buck—’ she said, grabbing his forearm.
Was that panic Ava saw on her face?
‘It’s merely a matter of form, Fiona,’ Buck said, keeping his voice steady, though from what she’d observed, no men were allowed in the boats on the port side. ‘Trey and I will get into another lifeboat.’ He turned to Ava. ‘You and Fiona wait here until the windows are opened, then get into the boat straightaway. I’m going belowdecks for Peggy and her sister.’
‘Here, Buck, take back your coat,’ Ava said, untying her lifebelt straps, then slipping the overcoat off her shoulders but not feeling the chill. How could she? She was already numb inside, praying her worst fears weren’t true.
‘No, Ava, you’ll need it.’ She could see the deep concern for her in his eyes. ‘It will be cold in the lifeboat.’
She shook her head. ‘Peggy was wearing only a dressing gown when last I saw her. She’ll freeze in the boat without it.’
‘But, Ava—’ Buck began.
‘Ava can have my shawl, Buck,’ the countess said, throwing the beautiful red wrap embroidered with her initials and family crest over Ava’s shoulders while Buck refastened her lifebelt.
‘Countess… I mean, Fiona,’ Ava said. ‘I don’t know what to say.’
‘Don’t say anything. It’s yours.’ She grinned. ‘I’ll buy another wrap when we get to New York.’ She turned to Buck and held his hands. ‘We’ll all be together then.’
‘Yes, Fiona,’ Buck said, smiling wide. ‘We’ll all be together then.’
Will we?
Ava knew that heavy thought lay on all their minds.
After several minutes of anxious waiting Trey appeared, two lifebelts in hand.
‘Lucky I found these in my cabin, Buck,’ Trey said, handing him a lifebelt. ‘Or we’d be out of luck.’
‘Yes, wouldn’t we.’
Buck put on the lifebelt, but Ava could see the awkward glance he gave Trey when he thought she wasn’t watching.
He wasn’t telling her something, but what?
‘Buck, you will get into another lifeboat once the women and children are loaded into the boats, won’t you?’ Ava asked him again.
‘Yes, I’ll meet up with you later when another ship picks us up.’ He cupped her chin and turned her face up, then lifted her veil and said the words she longed to hear, ‘Whatever happens, Ava, you will always be my lady.’
He bent down and brushed his lips against hers in a gentle kiss, a loving gesture that further pained her already aching heart. His words evoked a tenderness in her that made her forget where they were.
She had become strangely detached from the fact she was surrounded by passengers scrambling to get up on the Boat Deck and into the lifeboats being swung out.
‘Yes, Buck, always.’
Her words were barely a whisper, but Ava knew he heard her by the smile on his face.
She pulled the red shawl close around her and arched her back. An unexpected stream of pleasure wiggled through her. The joy and pain were almost too much as he pulled away and left her wanting.
And alone.
He was gone on an errand of mercy.
She watched him until he became lost in the melee of passengers, stewards and ship’s officers. Loud, bright distress rockets soared upwa
rd while the band played a ragtime tune to inspire reassurance.
Ava paid them no mind. She wanted to keep this moment in her heart forever.
It was the one thing no one could ever take from her.
A new fear gripped her when she realized the slant in the deck was steeper. Were her eyes lying to her or did the ship angle noticeably toward the bow?
Fiona noticed it, too.
‘The ship’s tilting, Ava. When is that lifeboat coming down?’
Ava slipped her arm through hers. Lord, the poor woman was shaking. She huddled closer to the countess and tried to remain calm as they waited on deck.
‘Don’t you worry none, Fiona, we’ll be doing a jig in the boat before you know it.’ Ava struggled to lend a humorous lilt in her voice, anything to alleviate the tense atmosphere.
‘Are you afraid, Ava?’ Fiona asked, hopeful she’d give her a feeling of comfort.
‘Me, afraid?’ she said with odd sensations cursing through her that even the angels watching them feared the worst on this cold night. ‘Aye. ‘Tis only a fool who shuts his eyes to the storm coming, as my mum used to say.’
Fiona smiled. ‘Thank you. I feel better now.’
Ava hummed along with the tune the band was playing to keep up her own courage as much as the countess’s. A loud noise interrupted her troubled thoughts. The ship’s foghorn sounded, its solemn bass notes vibrating down to her soul. A horror that wasn’t there before crept into her bones. If Buck didn’t bring the Irish girls up quickly, they’d be drowned when the sea surged in below.
Ava continued to ponder the danger waiting for him belowdecks as she pulled down her veil and then blessed herself, knowing there was nothing else she could do but wait.
As if her life was suspended.
A strange silence settled in her then, the bright fire glowing within her from his lordship’s kiss ebbing to barely a glow.
Oh, no, she couldn’t lose that lovely feeling, she couldn’t.
She wanted to run after him and feel his arms around her again lest her heart languish like a lonely wildflower growing atop a pauper’s grave. Instead she held her place on the deck waiting for the lifeboat, her arm linked with Fiona’s, knowing it was the right thing to do.
