Masochist

by Nadia Aidan

  The touch of her hand against his arm snared his attention and he found himself staring into fathomless topaz eyes that implored him to tell her the truth. He carefully removed her hand and moved away. Selena would not want to be near him once she learned the truth, once she discovered who he truly was.

  Selena felt the emotional loss of Adonis long before he pulled away from her. He was shutting her out, erecting a wall between them in order to shield himself from her, and soon he would burrow deep inside himself to a place where no one could touch him—not even her. Especially not her.

  She glared at her father. “What did you do to him?”

  Her father’s smile was as cruel as it was sinister. It made her stomach turn, and she suspected what he said next would make her want to vomit where she sat.

  “The question is not what I did to him, but what he did to me—for me—and then what I had him do to you.

  “Adonis was always my favourite. I was sad to let him go, but, then Dieu approached him with an offer. Adonis agreed to Dieu’s terms, but on one condition—that Dieu would never make him pleasure another man again.”

  Selena gasped as she stared between Adonis and her father, but Adonis would not look at her. He kept his eyes fixed straight ahead.

  “Did he tell you I was his first? I paid handsomely for that pleasure, but it turned out to be such a waste. He cried the entire time.”

  Selena could not take her focus off Adonis even if she wanted to. He refused to look at her, and when she reached for him he flinched, forcing her to lay her hand in her lap. In that moment, he was neither god, nor man, but a boy who’d been used and manipulated by the very man who’d taken him in and sworn to protect him.

  A sob welled up inside her. It was no wonder that he’d felt so betrayed by her. She too had used and manipulated him, the woman who had claimed to love him.

  “You’re a monster.” She hurled the insult at her father. “I’m ashamed I share your blood, let alone your name.”

  “Blood?” He laughed. “You still do not know, do you?” Woodward’s eyes hardened then. “Well, then, I won’t tell you.”

  Selena looked at him in confusion, but nothing upon his face revealed the meaning of his cryptic words, and he did not make any attempt to elaborate.

  “You have always been so self-righteous. That is why I’m not surprised you took to the convent while your sister became the whore. But do not be so quick to judge, Selena. Ask Adonis what he promised to do if his father agreed not to force another man upon him.”

  Selena looked at Adonis, but he still would not look back at her. She focused on Woodward instead. It seemed he was the only one willing to divulge the secrets of their shared pasts.

  “You think Adonis is noble, that I forced him to take you, to ruin you. I didn’t force him to do a thing. Long before that night I asked Dieu to send a young man who could seduce you into loving him, who could seduce you into trusting him. It was Adonis who volunteered to be that man, in exchange for Dieu’s promise to him. That night was simply the culmination of months of contrived courtship. How do you think you were able to see a man such as Adonis? How do you think it was that I allowed you, a respectable woman of means, to be courted by a man with his reputation unless I wanted you to fall for him—and you fell hard. Even I was surprised at how skilled he was in convincing you of his sincerity.”

  Selena did not try to look at Adonis this time. She could barely even look at her father as a sea of tears pricked her eyes. She’d always wondered why her father had not protested her relationship with Adonis, even though she’d been very discreet. Some things, however, could not be kept secret forever, and yet when Woodward had learned of Adonis, he had not been upset at all. She should have suspected something then, but she’d been young and in love. It wasn’t until years later that she’d begun to question Adonis’ true intentions.

  Almost as soon as that thought filled the space within her consciousness, she remembered what she’d done to him just days ago, what he’d begged her to do to him so that she could mend the scars upon her heart for his actions sixteen years ago. She knew then, if Adonis had not loved her, he would not have allowed her to do the things she’d done to his body. Even years of guilt did not warrant such a sacrifice.

  “You understand now that he never loved you, that he used you to purchase his freedom. I thought Adonis did brilliantly, until the final stage of the plan—when he failed to kill you. But he still used you to free himself from this life. Just as he promised to have nothing to do with you ever again—”

  “Only because you threatened to kill her, you bastard. I would never have turned my back on her if you hadn’t threatened her life.”

  Woodward’s gaze narrowed on Adonis and he shook his head. “If you had simply killed her you would have spared yourself so much pain. If you’d done as we’d all agreed, I would never have had to hurt you. I hated what I had to do to you, but you had to be taught a lesson. We had an agreement and you disobeyed me, and shamed your father.”

  Adonis glared at Woodward, his amber eyes full of hatred.

  “That was where you and my father made the mistake. You thought you could control me, that you could make me do whatever you wanted me to do, simply by telling me to.”

  Selena grew nervous when Adonis stood up. She called his name, her hand tugging on his sleeve, as she looked between her father and the man beside her. Woodward’s finger pulsed on the trigger.

  “Adonis, please sit down.”

  He ignored her.

  “Your mistake was believing that your interests were mine, that I did not have my own agenda, just as I have my own agenda now.”

  Before Selena could stop him, Adonis launched himself across the room, slamming her father into the wall at his back, but Adonis was not quick enough. He was not faster than the bullet that Woodward got off that lodged itself in his chest.

  “Run, Selena, run now!” Adonis shouted as he clutched his chest, blood spilling across his fingers.

  Selena didn’t run away, which was why Woodward was able to shoot at her. The bullet grazed her shoulder, but it did not stop her.

  She slammed into her father while he still struggled with Adonis. Caught off guard, Woodward stumbled back, dropping the gun as he fought to steady himself. The gun skidded across the room. She felt Adonis slump to the floor beside her.

  Woodward looked between the both of them, then at the gun that was now several paces away. He must have calculated his odds, because he twisted around and raced out of the room through the tunnel.

  She was across the room within seconds, but she was not fast enough as she grabbed the gun and raced after him, shooting into the darkness.

  She started after him. She was even several feet into the darkness before she came to a halt.

  She’d spent years plotting her revenge and spent this past year putting it into action. If she let Woodward get away now, she knew he would take the money he’d stolen from them and disappear. He would get away with everything he’d done.

  Her desperate desire for revenge—for what he’d done to her, to her mother, to Adonis—warred with the needs of her heart.

  Her chest tightened and ached, her insides trembled as she turned around and returned to Adonis’ side. She could not leave him there to die. His eyes were closed, his breathing shallow, but he was still alive.

  She fumbled around in his pockets, searching for the phone she knew he always carried on him. When she found it, she dialled the authorities. Her memory was not perfect, but somehow she managed to direct them to where she was with only a couple of mishaps.

  When they found her, Adonis was still unconscious, but he was also still alive…for now.

  She did not miss the grave expressions of the two medics who attended to him and pulled him from the tunnel, just as she was all too aware of the growing amount of blood that continued to flow like a river from his chest.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Dead.

  Adonis wished he
was when he first awoke to a searing pain in his chest and his brother’s fearsome expression. He tried to sit up but grimaced when a sharp pang of agony shot through him, piercing and swift.

  “I wouldn’t do that if I were you.”

  He glared at Ares who simply smirked while he pushed a button that lifted the bed beneath Adonis until he was sitting up.

  The change in position caused his chest to ache, but he forced himself to ignore it, even as his breathing was strained and ragged.

  “What happened?” Adonis looked around. Grey walls, sterile floors, and the acrid smell of bleach and stale urine. He was in a hospital.

  His gaze found her at the same moment he remembered what must have brought him there.

  Woodward.

  The tunnel.

  He’d watched Selena run after her father.

  He’d thought he’d die down there.

  “I take it you remember now,” Ares said, obviously glimpsing the comprehension dawning in his eyes.

  Adonis nodded. “How long have I been out?”

  “Just two days. The bullet went clean through. You didn’t even need surgery. They only kept you sedated so that your body could begin healing itself before you started moving around.”

  “How did you find out I’d been shot? I’ve been calling you for the last few days, but you never answered.”

  “And you know why,” Ares replied quietly. “But apparently that didn’t matter to Selena. She called me practically every five minutes. I even turned off the phone but that did not stop her. She flooded me with messages until my voicemail was full. When I finally checked them, I realised why she’d been so adamant. I came back immediately. I only just arrived an hour ago.”

  “Any news on Apollo and Eros?”

  “No, and, now that you’re awake and I know you’re all right, I plan to resume looking for them in the morning.”

  Adonis heard what Ares did not say—what Ares would probably never say because he did not want to upset him in his current condition, but Adonis knew his brother far too well. He was worried for Eros and Apollo. They should not have been out of touch for this long and he feared for them. Adonis shared his brother’s fear, especially after what had happened to him over the past few days. Selena and her sister were not the real target—they’d never been. One ring for each brother—the message was clear, the threat even clearer. Someone was still out there—hunting them, haunting them—which meant none of them were safe.

  “Did you check all of your messages?” Adonis asked him, wondering if he’d received the messages he’d left Ares, even the most recent one about the car bomb.

  Ares nodded, and Adonis did not miss the unease swirling in his dark gaze. “I got every one of them,” he answered. “And that is why I plan to leave at dawn.”

  He did not elaborate, and Adonis did not need him to. “I wish I could go with you,” he said, finally earning a small smile from Ares.

  “In your feeble state? You would only slow me down.”

  Adonis laughed at that then regretted it when his chest began to throb. Ares squeezed his shoulder. “I am going to get some coffee.” He glanced at Selena, who still huddled in the corner. When Ares spoke again, his voice was so faint only Adonis could hear what he said.

  “I always knew that one was dangerous. I had a feeling she would get you killed.” Ares’ smile turned warm. “What I never imagined was that her feelings for you were genuine. But they are.”

  Ares walked out of the hospital room then, and, with a quiet thud, closed the door behind him, leaving Adonis alone with Selena.

  She was hesitant as she inched her way over to him. She seemed nervous. He stared at her, drowning in her warm topaz eyes, wondering what it was she saw when she looked at him.

  Was she repulsed by him? By what she knew her father had done to him, by what he’d done to her father? Or were her feelings far worse than revulsion. Did she hate him for using her as a means to escape his life? He’d been so self-righteous in his condemnation of her manipulation of him, but neither of them were innocent…certainly not him.

  “How are you feeling?” she asked lightly, her fingers gentle as they pushed a wisp of hair from his brow.

  “I have felt better, I can assure you.”

  She smiled and a long, awkward silence stretched between them before she said, “You almost got yourself killed with that foolish stunt.”

  “You almost got yourself killed with that stubborn nature of yours. I told you to run.”

  “I would never leave you,” she said quietly, vehemently.

  He’d thought she had, and as he’d closed his eyes and prepared to die in that room beneath his father’s estate, he had not blamed her.

  He knew what it was like to be consumed by revenge, what it was like to have it within your grasp.

  “Why did you come back? Why didn’t you go after him?”

  “I never left. It was as I just told you, I would never leave you, Adonis, alone and dying on a floor. Never. ”

  The door opened and she drew away from him when a nurse entered the room. The woman clad in white checked his vitals and gave him some more medicine for the pain. She was gone within minutes, but her presence had shattered the fragile moment between them, and, soon after, Ares returned.

  “Now that you are awake, I should go,” she said. She stood there for several seconds as if waiting for him to say something.

  “Thank you for saving my life,” was all that came to mind. The look in her eyes told him those were not the words she’d waited to hear.

  Ares glared at him, and, if he’d had the strength to shrug, Adonis would have. What?

  “Wait, Selena. I will walk you out,” Ares offered as he followed after her.

  The look his brother shot him just before he stalked out of the room was clear. Ares thought he was an idiot. Adonis frowned. What had he done wrong?

  Selena left Adonis’s room feeling like a fool. She’d told him she’d loved him so many times over these past days. She’d revealed the feelings of her heart because she’d naively believed he felt the same way—that he simply needed to feel secure enough in her love to say the words back.

  No more lies stood between them, no more deceit. He should have felt free to tell her that he loved her in return. Unless he didn’t. Unless he couldn’t.

  “My brother is an idiot.”

  Selena yelped in surprise as she whirled around. She’d forgotten all about Ares. Her frown was grim as she turned back around and headed towards the elevator.

  “He is not an idiot. He has simply been through a great deal.”

  “He has no idea that you need to hear him say the words. He believes you already know his heart.”

  Her gaze snapped to his face. She did not know how he’d seemingly guessed her thoughts, but she did not pretend his words were less than true.

  “Have you considered that he simply does not love me? That he can’t?” Her voice choked up, not because she did not have Adonis’ love, but because of what she had to say next. “Did you know what my father did to him?” When he nodded, she felt the tears she’d held back since she’d learned the truth spill down her cheeks. “He was just a boy in desperate need of love.”

  “I know.”

  “How could he possibly look at me and not see my father when he does? How could he possibly love me when every time he is with me he is reminded of a past he longs to forget?”

  “You look nothing like your father, Selena.”

  She glared at him through her tears. “Is that your idea of a joke? If so, it is not funny at all.”

  “It is simply the truth. When Adonis looks at you, he sees only the woman he hurt and then lost. When Adonis thinks of loving you, I know it is the past that gets in the way, but not the one you think. Adonis does not believe himself worthy of your love and so he will not ask for it. Adonis does not believe himself deserving of happiness so he will not hope for it. If you want my brother’s love, you will simply have to be brave en
ough to demand it, but it will not be easy.”

  She looked up at him through tearful eyes. “What do you suggest I do?”

  “Show him that you will not take your love away, by simply being there for him. Show him that he can trust you with his heart.”

  Ares caressed her cheek in a gesture that was oddly endearing, and in the manner that one would comfort a sister. Surprisingly, she found solace in the touch of a man who’d glared at her with hate in his eyes just days ago.

  “I must leave again tomorrow to continue searching for your sister and my brothers. I ask that you would stay with him.”

  “You do not have to ask such a thing. Of course I will stay with him, but are you sure he wants my company?”

  Ares smiled as he let his hand fall back to his side. “He would never admit it, but he does. Remember what I said, Selena. He will not simply admit to loving you out of fear that you will reject him, so you will have to demand it of him. And from the sounds coming from his bedroom before I left, I am sure you have it in you to get him to admit to anything your heart desires.”

  * * * *

  Adonis was back at his home and asleep in his bed when his brother left the next morning, but he was fully alert when she arrived.

  He’d felt her presence in his home the moment she’d entered.

  His lungs had burned with the scent of her the moment she’d walked into his bedroom. He’d hoped she’d come, but he truly did not know if he would ever see her again when she walked out of his hospital room.

  “I suspected my brother was up to something when he followed after you yesterday. What did he say to convince you to come back and nurse me to health?”

  Warm golden rays of the dawning day embraced her as she left the shadows of the doorway and walked into the centre of the room.