Harder Than Words

by Carrie Ann Ryan

  Harder than Words

  A Montgomery Ink Novel

  By

  Carrie Ann Ryan

  Harder than Words

  A Montgomery Ink Novel

  By: Carrie Ann Ryan

  © 2015 Carrie Ann Ryan

  ISBN: 978-1-62322-169-0

  Cover Art by Scott Carpenter

  This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each person or use proper retail channels to lend a copy. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return it and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author. To obtain permission to excerpt portions of the text, please contact the publisher at admin@fateddesires.com.

  All characters in this book are fiction and figments of the author’s imagination.

  For more information, please join Carrie Ann Ryan’s MAILING LIST.

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  Harder than Words

  Meghan Montgomery-Warren thought she knew what love was when she’d married young and had two children. After years of being emotionally beaten down, her husband has finally left her and now she’s forced to find her way once again. Somehow she needs to find the person she used to be and figure that the strength she’d thought she’d lost was always there.

  Luc Dodd left Denver and his best friend Meghan when he was forced to watch her walk down the aisle with another man. He might have only been her best friend, but he held his true emotions close to the vest. Now he’s back in town and in Meghan’s life. Only he needs to decide if that’s enough for him…and her.

  Their journey from friends to lovers is a slow burn of seduction and pain. When Meghan’s past comes back to haunt them both, the two of them will have to stand closer together or be torn apart by their own misgivings forever.

  Dedication

  To the Sprinting Skype Ladies. Thank you for being there when I needed you. Always.

  Acknowledgments

  With every book, my world of help expands yet the crew that I run to when I need them tightens. This book wasn’t easy to write, but none of them are these days. Luc and Meghan took me to an emotional place I wasn’t ready for, but I know it was needed. So here are a few people who have helped along the way.

  Thank you Charity Hendry for keeping me sane when I ended up doing forty things and once and unable to remember what book I was writing, let alone how many bookmarks I needed for a table. And thank you Mr. Hendry for answering all my questions about being an electrician. Luc’s job came from Charity wanting to see a version of her HEA in a book and you helped me so much. I think we were both nervous so I hope I did Luc justice for you!

  Thank you Kennedy for dealing with my doom every day. No really, I think the mix of coffee, deadlines, and a new kitten have made our writing times a little more adventurous. Thank you for pushing me and keeping me on target, even when I’d rather be resting my wrists and finding a new book to read.

  Thank you Dr Hubby for knowing that some weekends I’m locked away in my office. I’m trying to do better. I promise.

  Thank you my Sprinting Skype Ladies, Kennedy Layne, Shayla Black, Lexi Blake, Julie Kenner, Carly Phillips, Jenna Jacob, Stacey Kennedy, and Angel Payne. Y’all push me every day even if sometimes we’re not all on at the same time. I would never be able to work as hard as I do without you. You bring a motivation and a sense levity when the words get too hard and my characters only want to fight with me…and each other.

  And again, thank you readers, for going on this journey with me. I am so blessed that you have embraced the Montgomery Ink series as much as you have. I hope you love Luc and Meghan’s story.

  Chapter One

  Nine Years Ago

  If today didn’t kill him, the thought of what would happen later that night would. Luc Dodd ran a hand over his face, wishing he’d been smart enough to down that shot of single malt whiskey the father of the bride had offered him a couple hours before. Instead, he’d waved it off, wanting a clear and collected head when the deed was done.

  Not one of the most logical things Luc had ever done in his life.

  For a normal person, watching his best friend get married would be one of the best days of his life. For Luc, not so much.

  Today royally sucked.

  He rolled his shoulders back, the ache down his spine clinging. He hadn’t slept for shit the night before, but he’d expected nothing less. It wasn’t as if he spent the evening with the groom making sure the guy was ready to be married or even helping with any of the setup. No, he wasn’t friends with the man and, honestly, never planned on trying to be.

  Not anymore.

  The bride? He wanted to be there for her no matter what. He’d promised her he’d always be there and always help her follow the path she’d been destined for. Only he didn’t know what that was anymore. It had forked in a new direction he wasn’t sure he could follow with her.

  It seemed he wasn’t going to be able to live up to his promises.

  Not that Meghan knew that presently.

  No, that bomb would drop when she came back from her honeymoon.

  Damn. Her fucking honeymoon.

  His best friend was getting married to a man Luc didn’t know much about, and what he did know he hated. As much as he tried to jump on board with the whole damn thing, he hadn’t been able to.

  Not when he loved Meghan with all his heart.

  Fuck. He let out a breath and paced the hallway. He needed to get his head out of his ass and back squarely on his shoulders. He’d paste a smile on his face and fake it through the ceremony and the reception. Then he’d jump on his bike and head out because he wasn’t sure he’d be able to make it if he had to see her day in and day out in her new life.

  That didn’t make him much of a friend. In fact, that made him a shitty one. He was pretty sure she’d never forgive him for leaving, but he also figured it would be for the best. He didn’t want her to see the man he’d become once he was forced to watch her grow and intertwine her life with a man who wasn’t him.

  Jealousy wasn’t becoming, but it was the only thing he had left.

  That and the memories of what he’d had with her.

  He’d take those, and he’d leave. She’d be better off without him and his moods.

  It wasn’t as if she didn’t have seven siblings and countless cousins to rely on anyway. Luc wasn’t family. He wasn’t her fiancé. He wasn’t good for her.

  And as soon as she said her vows, he’d put the last nail in the coffin of what they once were and never see her again. His stomach rolled, and the lead weight grew heavier. That weight had been there since the moment Meghan showed him her shiny ring while crying happily in his arms. He didn’t want to do this, didn’t want to see the lace and silk with roses and baby’s breath. He didn’t want to watch her walk down the aisle with her hand tucked inside her father’s elbow. He didn’t want to stand on the sidelines at the reception while those who were actually part of the wedding gave toasts and celebrated the union of a man and a woman who couldn’t be more different from one another.

  Well, in that, he was wrong. He and Meghan were the ones so opposite even their friendship didn’t make sense.

  Meghan and Richard made more sense.

  And if he kept telling himself that, then maybe one day he’d believe it.

  He was only a guest at the wedding, not a groomsman or even an usher, though Meghan had done her best to try and get him to be a freaking bridesmaid. He grinned in spite of himself at the memory of her begging him to stand at
her side. She’d promised him he wouldn’t have to wear a dress and heels, though her sister, Maya, pointed out that his legs would look damn fine in heels. Maya scared the shit out of him sometimes, but he wasn’t about to admit that out loud.

  He did agree to stand as her man of honor because he couldn’t help but say yes when Meghan blinked her big eyes up at him and smiled. He would walk with Meghan’s sisters, Maya and Miranda, down the aisle and stand in a row up front, and make damn sure his best friend was happy.

  Of course, the groom nixed the whole idea as soon as he could. Oh, he wasn’t rude about it. Richard was smart when it came to Meghan’s feelings, but he’d pressed ever so slightly about appearances and his family. Ironic that the bastard would be so concerned with clean lines and perfection considering the fact that most of Meghan’s family members were tattooed and pierced. Luc could at least hide most of his ink under a shirt—not so for many of the other Montgomerys.

  Meghan conceded defeat and didn’t ask Luc to be on Richard’s side since her groom had his roles already handed out.

  So Luc would sit in a pew in the back of the church and nod along, and watch his best friend slip through his fingers.

  He hated the fact that he couldn’t be happy for her.

  But most of all, he hated himself for loving a woman who would never love him.

  In his early twenties, he should have been sowing his oats or some shit like Meghan’s brothers and cousins had done, but he’d fallen in love with his best friend in high school and was too chickenshit to tell her.

  It was his fault he was in this situation, so he would just have to deal with it.

  Fuck.

  Again.

  “Luc? What the hell are you doing pacing the halls? Get in here. We need you.”

  His head snapped up at Maya’s words, and he couldn’t help smiling. Her black and hot pink hair was in some kind of complicated updo, but with the vibrant colors, it made her look just punk enough to still be Maya. Meghan had gone with a soft dove gray with a subtle pink outline for her wedding’s color scheme, and the look on Maya worked for her. He was sure that the other Montgomery sister, Miranda, would look just as good. As soon as he thought of her, Miranda stuck her head out the door and smiled.

  “Oh good, Luc. You’re here. Meghan wants to see you.” She opened the door a bit wider, and Luc shook his head.

  “It’s bad luck to see the bride before the wedding.” And if he saw her so close, he wasn’t sure he’d be able to leave when he had to—either then or later.

  Maya raised her pierced brow at him, and he held back a curse. That damn woman could always see through his bullshit. Meghan usually could as well, although she’d been blissfully oblivious to his feelings for her.

  “That’s for the groom, silly,” Miranda said, rolling her eyes. She was still a teenager, so he was surprised she didn’t huff when she said it. There were so many freaking Montgomerys that they ran the gamut on ages.

  Luc cleared his throat. “Damn. Who knew?”

  “Everyone,” Maya said dryly. “Now get your ass in here because Meghan wants to see you before the wedding. This way I don’t have to go hunt you down.”

  “Tactful as ever, Maya,” Miranda remarked sweetly, then reached out and gripped Luc’s arm. “Come on.” With surprising strength, she pulled him into the bridal suite and closed the door behind her.

  And he found himself alone in the room with Meghan after the others had scurried away.

  He couldn’t find the words to scold Maya. Not when he’d just swallowed his tongue at the sight before him.

  Holy Mother of God, she was captivating.

  Breathtaking.

  Gorgeous.

  Fucking sexy as hell.

  Every word that described the picture she made slammed into his brain then fluttered away, leaving him at a loss for words.

  “Well?” she asked, her voice low and husky. Or maybe that was just his hearing because she was usually a little more crisp and to the point. “What do you think? I trust you to tell me if I look like a hag or something. You’re my best friend.”

  The dress molded her body and flared out at her hips and knees slightly. The lace looked antique over a more golden white than a bright white. He wasn’t a tattoo artist or good with colors, so he couldn’t tell what the true difference was, but he knew it made her pale skin glisten in the light. She’d opted not to go sleeveless since her breasts were too big for that kind of dress. The lace-capped sleeves were so delicate he wasn’t sure how they were holding up the dress, but he didn’t care. The fact that she felt free to tell him that even now told him she thought of him only as her friend, but right then, he pushed that thought out of his head.

  Her hair had been pulled back in soft curls that bunched at the base of her neck with flowers tucked here and there. She’d chosen delicate jewelry that paled in comparison to the brightness of her eyes and the width of her smile.

  Damn it to hell, she was happy.

  Happy to marry a guy he hated.

  Happy to marry a guy who wasn’t him.

  He swallowed hard and smiled back. It wasn’t her fault, he reminded himself. He’d never stepped up to the plate, and now he had to deal with the fact that he’d never have the woman he wanted.

  This was his doing.

  His shortcoming.

  “Luc?” A hint of uncertainty layered her voice.

  He shook his head and winced. He was totally botching this. “Meghan, you look utterly breathtaking.” He spoke softly, his voice low, deep. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you look so beautiful.” Her eyes brightened, and he grinned. “Well, maybe that one time when you were covered in mud, grass, and who knows what else after the mud run, but I’ll let you take this one as the top runner. It is your wedding day, after all.”

  She let out a laugh then rolled her eyes. “Jerk. You had me worried for a moment. Come over here and help me make sure my lace is right in the back, okay? The girls left me, and I’m freaking nervous.”

  He didn’t want to step closer to her because, if he did, he’d be able to touch her, scent her, and he’d never let her go. He wasn’t sure he was strong enough to resist that.

  He stepped closer anyway.

  When he reached her, she tilted her head up at him, a single tear rolling down her cheek. His chest ached, and he reached up to brush it away with his thumb. The image of his dark skin against the creamy paleness of hers made his cock twitch and his heart thud, but he pushed that away.

  “What’s wrong, angel eyes?” He kept his hand on her cheek, his thumb running along the silk of her skin.

  She licked her lips, and his eyes followed the motion. He swallowed hard, forcing himself not to move, not to breathe, not to think too hard.

  “I’m getting married today,” she whispered.

  He tried to smile but knew he failed. “I got that from the dress and the fact that I’m wearing this monkey suit.”

  “I’m happy,” she said softly, her gaze on his.

  “Are you telling me that or yourself?” he asked before he could stop himself.

  She tilted her head, her cheek pressing into his palm. “Both of us,” she said firmly. “Thank you for being here, Luc. I know you couldn’t be part of the wedding, but I’m grateful you’re here.”

  “I wouldn’t be anywhere else.” With that, he leaned down and brushed his lips against hers. It was just a moment, nothing more than a whisper between friends. They’d done it countless times before during special circumstances, but he knew this would be the last.

  Not only because he was leaving, but also because he couldn’t stand by and watch her move on anymore.

  From the look in Meghan’s eyes when he pulled back, she knew it too.

  She would soon be Mrs. Richard Warren. A wife. A partner.

  Not his.

  “I wish you all the best, Meghan Montgomery. I want you to be happy, loved, cherished, and the center of his universe. I love you, Meghan. You’ll always be my angel eyes
. No matter what.”

  She swallowed hard and gave him a searching look, her eyes glittering with tears. “I love you, too, Luc.”

  “Good luck today, Meghan. Good luck with everything.” With that, he kissed her cheek then moved away.

  He turned his back on her, unable to look at her any longer and not tell her everything in his heart. He was too late. Too fucking late.

  He left the bridal suite just as Maya and Miranda stormed in, a blur of silk and lace.

  “See you soon, Luc!” Miranda called as he made his way down the hallway.

  He sucked in a breath and tried to calm his heart down. He could make it through the ceremony, make it through the reception…right?

  He let out a breath and moved out of the way as a flower girl did tumbles down the hallway, a harried-looking mother following her. The woman gave Luc an apologetic look then ran after her daughter.

  He heard the music starting up in the distance and felt the tension in the air rising. His stomach clenched, and he fisted his hands at his sides. He didn’t think he had the strength to endure the sight of her promising herself to another man.

  He was a coward. A useless, fucking coward who needed to find the man he would be without Meghan Montgomery by his side and in his life.

  Knowing he was about to do something she would never forgive him for, he stepped outside the church. The sun beat down on his face as if casually judging him for breaking a promise and his soul.

  He jumped on the back of his bike and slid his helmet on. Meghan was strong, so fucking strong; she’d be fine without him. She had Richard to lean on and a family that would never let her fall. If he stayed, he’d only regret who he’d become. Instead, he kick-started his bike and gunned it out of the parking lot.

  Meghan Montgomery wasn’t his anymore.

  She never had been.