GRIFFIN: Lost Disciples MC

by Paula Cox

  “With your daughters, right?”

  “Uh-huh. Shana and Len.”

  “Nice.”

  “Thanks. They love having her around. But it’s that word, normal. I just don’t think it applies to Tiana anymore. The lifestyle she’s had, what she’s had to put up with for so long. Her normal is so far removed from my normal; I just don’t think it’s helping her, being cooped up with the girls and me. She needs some kind of middle ground.”

  “Like what?” Dax liked how much thought Cassie had put into this. She was really looking out for her kid sister, and he admired her for it.

  “Like someone who can make her feel safe again. Secure in herself. If she can get some kind of mental footing in a relationship that makes her feel important again, wanted, who knows, maybe that’s what she needs to really heal.”

  Dax swallowed past the lump in his throat, then took another swig of espresso. “I see where you’re going with this. You want her to move in with me.”

  Cassie’s resolute gaze fixed on him. She didn’t blink. “If she means as much to you as you do to her, you won’t say no. You can’t say no.” She narrowed her eyes a little in concentration, then they appeared to soften. “Dax, I’m asking you to take her in for a while. I think it’ll be good for her—hopefully for both of you. I haven’t discussed any of this with her. I think it’d be much better if you approached her with it. God knows, you’ve both waited long enough to make the first move.”

  Harsh but true.

  “What if she says no? What if she still blames me for what happened?”

  “She doesn’t.”

  “What? She told you that?”

  “In a roundabout way.” Cassie briefly checked the incoming message on her Smartphone, but left it before it broke the thread of the conversation. Another thing Dax admired about her. “Yeah, Tiana thought she’d lost you. But I wasn’t convinced. I suspected you were both hung up on blaming yourselves. Believe me, I’ve had enough rows with my other half to know the blame game inside out. Sooner or later, one of us has to lower the drawbridge and invite the other for lunch. If we didn’t, it’d get real lonely real quick.”

  Dax was silent.

  “So what do you think, champ? Is that something you’d be willing to try?”

  He couldn’t get over how unfazed she was by a.) his bad boy, tough-guy reputation, and b.) the fact that she was laying all these important personal issues on him when they barely knew each other. Calling this meeting had taken real guts on her part, but she’d carried it off without pause and without holding anything back.

  She was impressive. Tiana was lucky to have her as a sister.

  “I’m definitely willing to talk it over with Tiana. If you’re sure she wants to see me.”

  “That’s the only guarantee I can make, I’m afraid. If you go to her, she will see you.”

  “How do you know that?”

  Cassie crooked the corner of her mouth. “Because I’ll kill her if she doesn’t.”

  “Ah, okay.”

  “And I’ll kill you if you don’t, so there’s that.”

  He quirked an eyebrow. “Interesting matchmaking, Cassie.”

  She chuckled. “Just don’t tell my husband I said any of this. He thinks I interfere too much.”

  “I wonder where he got that idea.”

  “So you’ll do it?”

  “I’ll do it.”

  She nodded. “Good for you.”

  “Mm. I wish I could say the same for this breakfast.” He shifted the napkin, ready for the waitress bringing their platters. “So should I call her first, or show up in person?”

  “Uh-uh. I’ve done my bit,” she said. “The rest is up to you two.”

  Chapter Twenty

  A steady stream of warm air blew in through the open windows and the sunroof, tickling errant strands of Tiana’s hair across her face. She’d adopted a new hairstyle a few weeks ago—straight and tied back tight into a ponytail—but Dax hadn’t commented on it yet. He was focused on his driving, which was typically too fast for the winding, hilly roads of Los Angeles. His Jeep Cherokee was a smooth ride though, and she enjoyed being out and about for a change, even if they were only driving to his house. It felt almost nostalgic to be on the move after so much time spent indoors, pottering around Cassie’s house like some agoraphobic old aunt.

  Yet, try as she might, Tiana couldn’t get a handle on why Dax was taking her in. To just show up at Cassie’s like that, out of the blue, with a bunch of flowers and an (admittedly smooth) invitation to move in with him: it had knocked her for a loop at the time, and she still didn’t have her bearings. It was the first time they’d spoken since before the incident. How naturally the conversation had flowed during his visit perhaps revealed how eager they both were to pick up where they’d left off—she’d definitely made a big effort to make him feel comfortable around her—but the questions still lingered: Could things ever be the same again between them? Did he genuinely want to be with her? Or was he doing all this out of guilt?

  “It’s going to be weird having a dog around,” she said. “Mom and Dad always had one. Ever since I left home, I’ve been meaning to get one, but we never—Thad never liked the idea.”

  “It’ll be good for you, and Annelise too.” He glimpsed Tiana in the mirror. She looked away self-consciously. “She’s got tons of energy when she’s out, but the moment she hits that sofa, it’s lights out,” he explained. “One walk a day generally does it. Partly why I like the breed: they adapt to your routine. None of this three times a day or else malarkey. Cavaliers are chilled out. Well, this one is.”

  “I still think it’s adorable that a badass ex-Marine UFC fighter has a King Charles spaniel called Annelise.”

  “Wouldn’t exactly intimidate my opponents if they found out, huh?”

  “Might even give them a false sense of security,” she replied.

  “Hmm.”

  “So Dax…”

  “Yeah.”

  “What are we doing?” Tiana shifted position, tugging the hem of her skirt so that it covered a couple more inches of her bare legs. “What’s this all about…really?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I mean, one minute we’re nowhere, we’re history, and the next minute we’re moving in together. Tell me I’m not the only one feeling whiplash.”

  He stayed silent.

  “I just can’t figure out why the sudden change of heart,” she said. “After the hospital, I didn’t hear from you at all. Nothing. It’s like…two steps back, five steps forward. I’m not sure where I am right now, that’s all.”

  “I know. It’s new for me, too. I’m doing the best I can.”

  “That’s not what I meant,” she said. “This whole taking me in thing, what’s it really about?”

  “It’s like I said: we had a good thing going. Would’ve been a shame to lose it. And I, ah, thought it’d be good for you…for us…to hang out together. Your sister seems okay, but you were kind of in a holding pattern there. Not really moving forward. I thought it’d be better for you to get out on your own, only, you know, with me. Kind of figure it out as we go. See what happens.”

  His cute fumbling for phrases would have made her smile once. Men were so bad at expressing how they felt. However, it was important that she knew exactly where he was coming from. Their relationship already had a shaky foundation. Tiana needed to get her footing somehow before any kind of meaningful building could begin. The only way she could think of to achieve that was to be completely honest with him, and for him to be completely honest with her.

  “Just go with it,” he added. “Trust me.”

  She stuck her hand out of the window, caught the rushing air on her open palm. “Did Cassie put you up to it?”

  “Kind of,” he replied. “She let me know when it was time. I’d been waiting for the opportunity.”

  Good choice of word, she thought. I can live with opportunity.

  Neither of them spoke again until
they reached his place. Thank God it was the low-key suburban home, not the weekend hacienda; she’d have thrown up if he’d have taken her back there. And it suddenly occurred to her she’d only assumed it would be this house they’d be staying at. He hadn’t stated it. Which meant they were on the same wavelength so far. It relieved the tension a little as he carried her suitcase inside.

  Just go with it, Tiana echoed what he’d said. Trust him.

  Not an easy concept at this point in her life, but he was right: this was an opportunity.

  “Okay, I forgot. Lacey has Annelise until six.” Dax tapped his forehead. “So much for that walk I had planned.”

  “Do it tomorrow? You can help me get settled in.”

  “Deal.”

  He took her case up to the guest bedroom, which was already girl-themed. A Justin Bieber poster on the wall, and a pink karaoke machine and microphone rigged up near the dresser, told her Lacey had stayed here at some point.

  “Feel free to get rid of Bieber,” he said. “Or you can throw darts at him. Either way is fine with me. Just don’t replace him with anyone else unless his first name rhymes with stare.” Dax threw her a wink.

  “Sweet. I’ve been waiting for somewhere to put that Bear Grylls poster. The shirtless one.”

  He pulled a face. “That’s strike one, Crowe.”

  “Keep pitching, Easterling.”

  He set her suitcase down on the bed, then pointed at the various fixtures around the room. “There’s plenty of closet space. Most of the dresser drawers are empty, but you’ll find fresh bedding, towels, and extra pillows up there on the closet shelves.”

  “Lacey hasn’t stayed here in a while, huh.”

  “Not regularly, no. Just the odd night when she’s had trouble at home, or if she doesn’t want anyone to see her shit-faced.”

  “Nice.”

  “She’s a journalism major. And she weighs about ninety pounds dripping wet. Alcohol is not her friend.”

  “Does she know that?”

  “Occasionally. That’s why she has her own key. But don’t worry, she’ll take the sofa from now on.”

  Tiana quirked an eyebrow. “You’re just collecting vulnerable young women, aren’t you?”

  “Damn. You got me.” He chuckled. “So, ah, do you want a tour around the rest of the house?”

  “I think I’m good for now. And I saw most of it last time…if you remember?”

  “How could I forget?” The way he looked at her, so confident and suggestive, almost smoldering, made her shrink from him. Tiana hid her embarrassment by turning away and opening her case. “Are you okay?” he asked.

  She shrugged; she couldn’t address him directly. It was the oddest thing, and it made her feel horribly self-aware. Pathetic even. For Christ’s sake, she’d had sex with this guy several times and had loved every minute of it, but now she couldn’t even look him in the eye without imploding like a virgin pressured on prom night.

  He might be the most powerful, attractive, macho guy she’d ever met, but that was also the problem. That power and that strength frightened her. Right now, she had neither of those things, as the incident with Thad had so amply proved. She was not equal to him. Her confidence had taken too big a hit. In its place, when Dax looked at her, on some level she felt threatened.

  “What’s wrong with me?” It came out almost as a gasp.

  “Absolutely nothing.” He made his way over to her.

  Tiana recoiled. “Don’t touch me. Maybe this wasn’t such a good…” She didn’t dare finish her sentence in case he agreed. Damn it, she needed to be here with him, so she could move forward with her life, so she could get past the trauma. He did make her feel wanted, safe. That was the frustrating part: she felt safe and threatened at the same time. Being in his company was exactly what she needed, but the idea of being intimate with him, with anyone, triggered her mind’s defenses.

  “We can just sit,” he said, perching on the edge of the bed. “You can trust me.”

  She desperately wanted to. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” As Tiana sat on the bed next to him, trembling, she thought about the nights she’d woken up screaming and knew she couldn’t succumb to that fear. It would ruin everything if she couldn’t fight it somehow. And the only way she knew how to fight the fear was to be brave, to take chances. Like agreeing to move in with Dax Easterling out of the blue like this: to outrun a nightmare by chasing a dream sounded like such a good idea.

  Why couldn’t it be that simple?

  “Tiana, there’s nothing wrong with you. You haven’t done anything wrong. Everything that happened was his fault, and he’s not coming back.”

  She sneaked a glimpse of him and saw his sincere frown of concentration. This wasn’t hooey he was giving her. It reminded her what he’d said about trusting him. “You like a woman with guts,” she said. “I remember what you said.”

  “Yeah. Maybe not the potbelly kind, but I know what you mean.”

  She gave him a shove, then heaved a huge sigh. “I wish I was braver for you.”

  “You’re braver than me.”

  “Yeah, right.”

  “I mean it,” he said. “You put up with that asshole for years, and you didn’t let it beat you, not even a little. You supported him as long as humanly possible. Believe me, most people would have jumped ship a long time ago. And after all that, after everything you’ve been through, you’re willing to give it another shot.”

  “With a guy I know I can trust…”

  “Uh-huh. But here’s the thing. I know that’s just a word.” He gently lifted her hand from the bed, one crooked finger at a time, and kissed it. “So I’m going to prove it to you. Starting right now, you don’t have to be brave. You don’t even have to think about being brave. You just have to be here with me and know that I’ll never let anything bad happen to you. Okay? You’re officially retired from stress. From now on, you’ll have no more problems, and no more obligations, except one: you have to let me look after you.”

  She closed her eyes and nestled into his embrace. He’d changed his aftershave since the last time they’d been this close, and the new one smelled wonderful. He began to caress her arm with the backs of his fingers. It felt good, gentle. Tiana flinched when his touch strayed toward her neck though. Those wounds had healed, but the memories of them had not. Alone on a bed with a man, a professional fighter, who had the power to do whatever he wanted to her…

  The anxiety squeezed and flexed like a clenched fist in her mind. And another, far quicker, in her chest. This was the crux of all her fears, she knew. This moment when she could either surrender herself to him or get the fuck out. She sucked in a sequence of deep measured breaths to try to calm the storm. It was all in her mind. The reality was so much kinder, if only she could lower her defenses and let Dax in.

  If only it was that simple.

  He held her softly and continued his caresses, but not in any sensitive, potentially red-flag areas. He seemed to realize that gentleness was the only thing that would keep them together now. That she would break if he mishandled her. It went against all his instincts as a fighter, as an alpha male, but he kept to his word.

  How long they stayed there together on the edge of the bed, quiet and intimate like that, just petting each other with no anticipation of taking it further, Tiana couldn’t tell. There was no clock on the wall. Time couldn’t intervene. She’d never felt the effect of healing in progress before—it had always been a recognition after the fact—but she swore she was changing, little by little, with every caress. He would not make the next move. He’d promised himself he wouldn’t press his advantage…that much was clear. So it would have to come from her, if and when she wanted it. She would have to make the next move.

  That not only made her feel safe, it gave her a groundswell of confidence that seeped into her womanhood. The kind that aroused her in ways that wouldn’t have been possible with those inhibitions she’d worn like a flak jacket since the incident.
/>   “Do me a favor,” she whispered.

  “Mm?”

  “Clear the bed?”

  He waited a few moments, then slowly kissed her forehead. After dragging her luggage onto the floor, he flattened the duvet behind her, then gave her hand a light squeeze. “Are you sure?”

  “Yes.”

  “You don’t have to, you know.”

  “I know.”

  “I’ve not pressured you?”

  She shook her head. “Quit stalling. We both need this. Unless I’m pressuring you?”