The Man in the Shadow

by Jan Andersen

  When they were down by the cabin again he took hold of both her arms and almost shook her. ‘What in heaven’s name did you want to go up there for?’

  ‘To look at the view,’ she answered weakly. She turned away from him. Tears were not very far away. ‘If you’re going to start shouting at me and bullying me, then please don’t. It won’t help. I know I did a stupid thing and I won’t do it again. But you weren’t there and I thought...’

  ‘What did you think?’

  ‘Does it really matter? Let’s say that I made a fool of myself. I agree that I shouldn’t be allowed on a mountain alone. And now, if you don’t mind, I’ll collect my bag and make for home.’

  She brushed past him and picked up the small shoulder bag. She put the milk on the table. ‘I brought this for your tea. You might as well keep it.’

  He opened the paper bag and found the two pastries. ‘And I suppose you brought these for me too, both of them. You were going to stand by and watch while I drank a cup of real English tea and guzzled a couple of cakes.’

  She looked at him for the first time and there was a glint of humour in those eyes. ‘Would you mind explaining to me why things have changed, why we still can’t have a cup of tea?’

  ‘I ... I don’t really know. I thought...’

  ‘That’s the trouble with you. For a sensible, intelligent girl you don’t always think at all.’

  She followed him into the cabin and washed her muddy hands in the water he brought her. ‘Where were you anyway?’

  For a moment he was silent, then he said with a rueful smile, ‘To be quite honest I didn’t expect you to come. I had to come down to the village early this morning and left the note on impulse. As soon as I got back here I thought you would have better things to do—if you came back from Barcelona at all today.’

  She busied herself boiling the water and elaborately warming the teapot before making the tea. ‘I came back just before lunch.’

  ‘Did you have a good weekend?’

  She sat down heavily at the table. ‘I suppose I did, but yet things all seemed to go wrong at the beginning. Perhaps it’s me. Perhaps I’m expecting all the wrong things.’ And suddenly she found herself telling him about the banquet, the fiasco about the jewellery and finally the near-scene with Senora Gomez.

  ‘She doesn’t like me,’ she finished sadly, ‘I know it quite positively, but I’m never going to be able to make Rafael see that.’

  ‘Of course she doesn’t like you—at least not you personally, but all that you stand for. I imagine your prospective in-laws are a very strict Spanish family and you, a foreign girl, are offending all their rules. Perhaps if you came from an aristocratic British family you might just pass. You don’t, I suppose, do you?’

  For the first time she laughed. ‘Of course I don’t. I’m just an ordinary English girl who happened to fall in love with a Spaniard. If I’d known how difficult it was all going to be...’

  He stood up abruptly and went out to the back. She heard him say, ‘If you’re deeply enough in love, all the difficulties in the world don’t matter. Remember that, Jess. Now come on, cheer up and let’s have one of those pastries, or there won’t be time to walk off their effects after tea.’

  ‘Are we going for a walk?’ She could not disguise the eagerness in her voice.

  ‘I hope so. If you’ll come. I found a new path yesterday, to a most beautiful spot not more than half an hour away from here. As soon as I came back I wanted to share it with someone. You see,’ he said lightly, ‘what good you’ve done me, Jess Stevenson? A couple of weeks ago I would have wanted to keep it to myself. It’s strange, isn’t it?’

  ‘No more strange than my being glad to get back to the mountain today. Rafael says it’s cast some kind of spell over me. Perhaps he’s right.’

  ‘Come on then, I’ll show you my discovery.’

  He led her upwards, along a path circling the lower peaks, then curved away towards the southern end of the mountain and she found her energy returning. He did not talk much, but kept up a steady pace so that the walking took on a kind of rhythm. For the first time in the last few days she did not think of either the past or the future, just the present and how much more content she was. She did not even feel guilty over her momentary disloyalty to Rafael. By next weekend they would be officially engaged and all the problems would sort themselves out. But now ... well, now she was just uncomplicatedly happy.

  They came finally towards a barrier of rocks and it was here that Richard spoke to her for the first time.

  ‘I’d been here before but always turned off here thinking I could go no further. Yesterday I was a little more venturesome. Now I’m going up first, and when I’m at the top I’ll give you a hand up. It’s not as difficult as it looks and there are several footholds.’

  As she took her first steps she felt his strong hand in hers, guiding her up so that there were no fears of heights or slippery rocks.

  Over the top he held on to her hand for a moment. ‘Are you all right? I’m realizing that my half hour was a little optimistic.’

  ‘I’m fine,’ she said, breathing deeply of the sparkling air, ‘in fact I’ve never felt better in my life.’

  There was a gap between the rocks here that made almost a path sloping down again towards a small cluster of trees. It was when they came out the other side of the trees that Richard stopped and Jess too, looking about her in pleasure and amazement.

  Here was a small glade, sheltered from the sun yet with enough to throw soft shadows over the tufty grass. But it was not the glade itself that was so incredible, but its carpet of flowers, hundreds and hundreds of tiny white flowers with a scent that reminded her of the syringa blossom in her mother’s garden.

  ‘Oh,’ she breathed, ‘it’s beautiful! I get the strangest feeling that no one has ever trodden here before.’

  ‘Perhaps they haven’t. That’s something we shall never know. I knew I had to bring you here. I shall think of this place as the secret of Monserrat.’

  Jess was very still. All the silence of the mountain seemed to be enclosed in this small glade. It was as though they had come to the heart of Montserrat. The thought moved her deeply.

  She took a deep breath and even then her voice shook a little as she said, ‘I ... think we’d better go back, Richard, it’s going to take quite a long time, isn’t it?’ She knew if she stayed here much longer she would make a fool of herself, and she did not know why.

  By the time they reached the cabin again her heel had developed a huge blister, probably from her earlier climb. Richard bathed it for her and put some plaster on, but it was still painful to walk.

  He poured her out a drink and they sat outside to watch the golden ball of the sun dip behind the western peaks.

  ‘I shall miss Monserrat,’ she said suddenly.

  ‘You can come back,’ he said. ‘Besides, you’ve a little time yet. Nearly two weeks, isn’t it?’

  She shook her head. ‘I think I’ll have to go next weekend. The work I came to do will be done by then, and I shall have no excuse. Besides, the longer I stay the more difficult it will be to leave.’

  He tipped his chair back, so that his head was against the rough stone of the cabin. When she looked at him his eyes were closed. ‘I suppose the next thing you’ll be thinking of is marriage.’

  ‘Oh, no,’ she said quickly, ‘not yet.’

  ‘I must say, for a girl in love you have a surprising reluctance for marriage or engagement.’ The old sharp tone was back in his voice. Then he was suddenly casual again. ‘Well, we shall have to manage a farewell dinner at the end of the week. Perhaps on Thursday.’

  She nodded her acceptance, but suddenly the mood of the afternoon had gone. ‘How long will you stay here?’ she asked.

  ‘That’s the million-dollar question. But I shall leave earlier than I intended. Since no one knows I’m here then perhaps I can look for a job in peace. Not in England, but where ... that I don’t know.’

&nb
sp; Jess zipped up her anorak. ‘I think I’d better go now. It will be dark soon and ... and you’ll be wanting to get on with some work. I have some notes to write up.’

  ‘Of course,’ he said gravely.

  It was a somewhat painful journey over the rough track to the cable car, but he held her arm and took the main weight of her foot. She had the depressing feeling that she was taking this walk for the last time.

  At the top of the rise she stopped and looked back, drinking in the scene.

  ‘Anyone would think,’ he mocked her, ‘that you didn’t really want to leave.’

  As she pulled herself away she stumbled and would have gone sprawling had it not been for the strength of his arms. As he pulled her up his eyes darkened and he was holding her more tightly than ever. His voice was no longer mocking as he pulled her against him and cried, ‘Oh, God, Jess, I’ve done the silliest thing. I’ve fallen in love with you.’ And when his lips touched hers it was her turn to cling to him and to realize with both wonder and exultancy: This is what has been happening to me all day. I’m in love, and I never knew it.

  CHAPTER X

  It seemed a long time before they drew apart. Jess was the first to move and she said shakily, ‘I must go, Richard, I really must go.’

  ‘Yes, yes, of course you must. Perhaps this is all rather shattering to you. Perhaps I should have kept my mouth shut. We’ll talk about it tomorrow, when you’ve slept on it. But I meant what I said.’

  ‘I know you did,’ she said quietly, trying to take in the implications of all this.

  They reached the housing of the cable car and found Carlo, the engineer, dozing on the steps. He pulled himself to his feet. ‘Ah, senorita, I thought you had not yet come, so I would wait a little longer. I’m afraid I have bad news for you. There is an electrical fault down below and we shall not be able to move the cars until the morning. I am very sorry, but as they know there is only one person waiting to come down they say they cannot bring in the extra engineers as an emergency.’

  Jess stared at him. ‘But how can I get down, then?’

  He shrugged expressively. ‘There is no way but to walk, and that will be about three kilometres, and in the dark.’

  Richard pulled her away. ‘Thanks, anyway, Carlo, we know it’s not your fault. But if you would be kind enough to let me know when the cars will be moving again in the morning, I’d be grateful.’

  He nodded. ‘Any messages, senorita?’

  It was Richard who answered. ‘Yes, if you could tell the hotel what has happened, that the senorita will be returning as early in the morning as she can.’ And then he led her away.

  She waited until they had reached the cabin. ‘I can’t stay here. Richard.’

  ‘You mean because of what happened a short while ago?’

  ‘Yes ... no ... I don’t know really. I just think it would be better if I tried to walk.’

  ‘Jess, my love, that track isn’t an easy one at the best of times. In ten minutes it’ll be pitch dark. And do you really think that heel of yours would survive a three kilometres walk?’

  When she did not answer he went on: ‘We’re in the seventies, remember. I’m hardly going to compromise you.’

  She smiled for the first time. ‘No, silly, of course not.’

  ‘Then it must be because you’re afraid of me.’

  ‘No, oh no, please don’t think that. Once I might have been, but not now. I suppose it’s really because my thoughts are in confusion and I need some time to sort them out.’

  He took her by the hand. ‘Look, darling, I’m not going to try to change your mind over anything. I’ve told you I love you and that’s enough for tonight. I feel happy for the first time in three years, and I shall be content with that too for tonight. First we’ll have another drink, and then we’ll see what’s in the larder. I don’t know about you, but that walk has made me feel damned hungry.’

  ‘I don’t want another drink,’ Jess said, ‘but I would like to cook the dinner. It will give me something to do. I need that rather than just sitting, thinking. If you would just show me how to manage that queer-looking stove...’

  There was a small chicken and almost a sackful of vegetables, and Jess was able, in one stewing pan, to make a very creditable coq au vin. There was plenty of local wine and even she had to admit that the result was delicious.

  Afterwards they sat with their coffee over the wood fire that Richard lit. In the glow of the flickering flames he smiled at her, then reached across and touched her hand. ‘Better now?’

  She nodded. ‘Yes. You must have thought I was behaving like a prim Victorian miss.’

  ‘No, Jess, I don’t think I would ever believe that. I’d taken you by surprise and you wanted to be by yourself to work things out. I imagine in your place I would have wanted that same myself.’

  As she sat there, watching the dancing patterns in the fire she knew this was the moment to tell Richard just why she had come to Monserrat, and that she had been prepared to feel nothing but distaste for him, yet now there was nothing but this overwhelming knowledge of her love.

  He had gone very quiet and there was a slight slump about the shoulders as he too sat there watching—and wondering. In the past couple of hours, ever since he had kissed her, she had given away none of her feelings. He would think she felt nothing for him, for after all wasn’t she going to marry one of the richest and most handsome men in Barcelona?

  With a shock she realized it was the first time since the afternoon that she had given Rafael a thought. I can’t, she told herself, be in love with one man in the morning and another by the afternoon!

  As if she needed some kind of proof she got up and crossed to Richard’s chair and knelt beside it. ‘I don’t think I’ve been taking anything in,’ she said softly. ‘Kiss me again, and then perhaps I can begin to try!’

  ‘Then it’s not just me!’ he cried exultantly.

  She let him cradle her in his arms. ‘No, it’s not just you, but I don’t think I realized it myself. I thought it was just the spell of the mountain.’

  ‘As your fiancé thought.’

  Her head jerked up. ‘Please, Richard, don’t ... and I’m not yet engaged to Rafael.’

  ‘You were going to be in five days’ time.’

  ‘I know.’ She bent her head again as the thought of Rafael washed over her.

  Richard took her shoulders and lifted her up to face him. ‘I promised not to ask you to make decisions tonight, and I’m doing just that. I’m also making you unhappy. Shall we just say we have five days of happiness ahead of us, no past, no future, just you and I in the present.’

  She thought of her own feelings that afternoon. No future, no past... ‘And then?’ she said.

  ‘And then it’s up to you. I made up my mind when you went away for the weekend.’

  She stayed curled up at his feet in front of the fire, but she did not look at him as she said, ‘Richard, I must ask you this. It was only a few days ago that I was an intruder here, hardly more than that when you said to me that I was the first girl you’d talked to for three years. Is it perhaps only the things we’ve enjoyed doing together up here? I’m so far removed from the life you knew. I know nothing about medicine and you know nothing about what sort of person I am in London.’

  ‘I know I love you, that’s the only important thing there is. I just want to be with you, and I’ve never felt that way about anyone before. On Friday and Saturday I could do nothing, no work, no planning. I just roamed about the place thinking how appalling it was without you and wondering what you were doing only fifty or so miles away. But though it makes no difference, I want to know about you, your home, your family, anything you can think of. I’ve realized that during our time together here you’ve made me talk about myself and I’ve hardly asked one single question about you.’

  So they talked, until the fire had died and the battered old alarm clock on the shelf told them it was well past midnight. Finally her head dropped and she heard
Richard say, ‘It’s time you went to bed,’ and then he was hustling about remaking the single bed and hauling out a sleeping bag from under it.

  Then he reached out a hand to help her up. ‘Go on, go to bed, Jess. I’m going out for the walk I always take before I turn in. I expect you’ll be asleep by the time I come back. Remember, if there’s anything you want, just call out. I shan’t be far away.’

  She noticed he did not kiss her and for this she was glad. The strain he had already imposed upon himself must be considerable. She contented herself with the touch of his finger on her cheek and it was this her final thought as she fell asleep.

  She woke with the sun bright in the sky, but a cold wind whistling round the cabin. She got up and dressed and found breakfast already half prepared, with the kettle simmering and the cups on a tray.

  He came in when she was ready, wondering whether to make coffee or not, carrying a rough white loaf.

  ‘You’ve been down to the village already?’ she exclaimed.

  ‘No, I’m afraid not, but I have a special source of newly baked bread if I can get up early enough to fetch it. It’s not sophisticated stuff, but by golly, it tastes good.’ He was very still for a moment. ‘Did you sleep well? ’She nodded.

  ‘And it wasn’t all a dream yesterday, was it?’

  ‘No.’ And in one movement they were in each other’s arms.

  ‘You know,’ he said softly against her hair, ‘I was hurrying to get back, thinking you might have changed your mind and gone. Or that I might find you up some damn mountain and feel so sick with fright that I had to yell and shout at you.’