Love Hime or Leave Him

by Sara Daniel

  “When I left here, I saw more than I ever wanted to, more than anyone should. I’m telling you, Becca, you already live in the best place on earth.”

  His stubborn refusal to admit his experience could hardly give an accurate representation of the world at large frustrated her. “Even if it’s the best, I’m working a dead-end job and never had a chance to explore anywhere else. It’s not the best place for me.”

  “You seem to be building a future with your little exercise empire,” he said, holding the door open as they walked into the convenience store.

  “Empire? Hardly. Little? Definitely.” Her exercise class kept her sane. Without a doubt it was the only area where she felt like she made a difference to people. “I have four women over every morning to keep me company in my attempt to stay in shape, while spending the rest of my day surrounded by food.”

  “So, what is the grand plan for when you break free from your day job?”

  “I’m going to travel. To see the world, work however much I need to support myself, then move on to someplace new.” She jaunted to the rack of cellophane wrapped sandwiches, energized at the prospect.

  He frowned as he followed. “You had a better plan when you were sixteen. Back then, you had your sights set on winning a scholarship, then landing a successful, world-traveling job.”

  “I did get a scholarship.” A fat lot of good it did her. “Mom died right after I graduated from high school, and I had to turn it down to stay here with Toby.” The pain of letting her wonderful plan slip through her fingers still made her chest ache a decade later.

  “Shouldn’t that responsibility have gone to your dad? Obviously, I know he left while you stayed, but I never understood why. He was the parent, not you.”

  Connor wasn’t the only one who’d voiced that opinion. But Dad had already remained in town nearly two decades longer than he wanted to because of her. He’d served his time. He had bigger dreams and needed her to step up. “My dad was trapped in this town because my mom got pregnant with me when they were in high school.”

  “You told me—it was the reason you wouldn’t sleep with me when we were dating.” Connor picked up a ham sandwich and a packet of mustard.

  “It was the truth.” Anger rose in her chest, and she squeezed a turkey sandwich hard enough to make a tomato ooze from between the croissants. She understood too well how her dad hated every minute of those extra years here, why he resented her and her mother. She’d been determined not to put herself or an innocent child in the same position.

  She’d been so sure not having sex as teenagers would pay off in the future. Instead of being pregnant in town, she would be able to rendezvous with Connor in exotic locations, coordinating his military leave with her jet-setting career overseeing operations of an international fitness company.

  Now she slapped her money on the counter, refusing to let him pay for her meal. “For the record, both you and your traitorous friend were long gone before I got over my pregnancy fears and slept with some poor sap who got stuck with the unfortunate task of coaching me through the awkward experience, so I wouldn’t die a virgin.”

  “I hope he appreciated your gift and didn’t see it as unfortunate,” Connor said stiffly.

  Someday someone would rock her world. She just had to be patient for a little longer until she could get out of town and find him.

  …

  They chatted with Jake as he rang up their meals, but Connor’s mind stayed on Becca’s admission. He should have been the one to make her first time good for her. But he had only himself to blame for his teenage gullibility.

  He couldn’t change his immature actions and make up for what he’d put her through, but he could at least offer a feeble explanation. Kevin’s death had taught him not to leave things unsaid. “I’m sorry I accepted Dennis’s penchant for over-the-top bragging without giving you a chance to explain.”

  She waved him off as they returned to the cruiser with their meals. “You already apologized.”

  “Yes, but I want you to understand what a weak little kid you had for a boyfriend. I was already worried about how our relationship would survive once I left for basic training. Blaming you gave me a reason to dump you and simplified my life. I didn’t have to make a long-distance relationship work.”

  “Connor, you couldn’t be weak if you tried. You had a lot on your mind and were already checking out of the high school scene. I get it. The same thing happened to me when Mom got sick. Between taking care of her and planning for my future, I didn’t have time to worry about the latest slutty-Becca rumor.”

  No one should have whispered a disparaging word about her, and he should have been at the forefront of stopping them. “You never got the future you spent so much time planning for.”

  The corner of her mouth lifted in regret. “No one ever said life was fair. You went away to a war zone. You know that.”

  He put the car in gear and pointed it down the street toward the library again, not wanting to think about Kevin and the innocent civilians, children, who’d had their lives senselessly cut short. He focused on a topic he could handle. “Explain more about your dad. You never finished saying why you were stuck here instead of him.”

  “Mom wanted her kids raised in this town. You remember how much she loved living here. She knew Dad would leave before the dirt had settled over her grave. She made me promise to stay and care for Toby until he graduated from high school.”

  “So you did,” Connor finished, angry with both her parents for putting her in this position, when they’d surely known how important her dreams were to her.

  “I gave up my summer abroad and my full-ride scholarship to take over Mom’s job as a cashier in the grocery store. As soon as Dad transferred the house and Toby’s guardianship to me, he took off so fast he still has an outstanding warrant for speeding out of town.”

  Yet Becca hadn’t flinched from the responsibility, remaining loyal no matter how much her family didn’t deserve her devotion. Everyone needed a break at some point, but Becca’s commitment had left her without the opportunity for a vacation from her obligations. Connor mentally added her father’s name to the list of people he’d like to take a swing at.

  A block ahead, a sedan with Florida plates turned slowly down Main Street. Larry was patrolling too. If he planned to make Kortville his permanent residence again, he better get some Illinois plates on his car.

  “So have we left the past behind us?” Connor asked.

  “It is what it is. We can’t change it, but I definitely say we’re done dwelling on it.” Becca tightened her ponytail and smiled at him.

  His radio crackled, thwarting his intention to lean toward her and give her something else to dwell on.

  “Two car accident on Farmhouse Road. No injuries report.”

  Connor radioed back, flipped on his flashers, and swung the car out of town.

  “By the farmhouse Veronica and Matt just moved into?” Becca asked.

  “At the end of their driveway by the sounds of it.” No injuries, he reminded himself, praying he’d be able to confirm that portion of the report. Knowing the potential victims was, hands down, the most difficult part of being a small-town cop.

  He stopped in the middle of the road, letting his lights illuminate the scene. A silver compact car had a broken headlight and a couple dents around the hood and front bumper while a black luxury sedan sported damage to the trunk and had been shoved against a mailbox. Both occupants were out of their cars, standing in the driveway with Matt, Veronica and their niece Jenny.

  “Veronica’s grandfather drives the black car,” Becca said.

  “Yeah, I recognize Ron. Who’s the lady?” he asked. He’d run the plates in a minute, but as long as the fountain of all town gossip sat next to him, he might as well tap into her knowledge.

  “Janis. I don’t remember her last name, but she’s Harriet’s daughter, step-daughter to Larry. She’s been house-sitting while they were in Florida. Unlike her mother
, she’s very quiet and keeps to herself.”

  “Talk about a rude awakening, having those two move back in,” Connor murmured. “All right. Let’s get a feel for the situation before Larry shows up and I have to keep him in line too.”

  But he smiled, seeing that the damage had been confined to the vehicles. He had no worries about his ability to keep tempers in check. Knowing Becca would be watching him do what he did best added an extra swagger to his step as he approached the scene.

  …

  Becca stood to the side as everyone took turns explaining. Ron had been backing out of the driveway as Janis drove by. He hadn’t seen her coming and she hadn’t been able to avoid hitting him, the collision pushing his car into the mailbox. Connor nodded and took notes, listening intently, and making sure everyone had an equal turn to talk.

  “I’m just glad no one got hurt,” Becca murmured to Veronica standing next to her.

  “Tell me about it,” Veronica whispered back. “I keep telling Grandpa he can’t assume no one will be driving down the road just because ninety percent of the time no one is.”

  “Maybe this will teach him to check first,” Becca said.

  “I always look both ways twice when I cross the street,” Jenny said, yawning hugely as she leaned her head against Veronica’s waist.

  “Past your bedtime, huh?” Becca asked.

  Veronica checked her watch. “Yikes. Good thing it’s not a school night. Come on. Let’s tuck you in bed. Give Uncle Matt and Grandpa Ron a hug.”

  Jenny did and quickly returned. “Will you come and tuck me in too?” she asked, holding out her hand to Becca.

  “Of course.” She took the girl’s hand, glancing one more time at Connor competently juggling his dual roles of protector and reprimander, then strolling toward the house.

  Stepping onto the wraparound porch, the white paint gleamed in the light over the door. Months ago, the porch had been a breath away from needing a demolition squad. “I’m so glad you took the time to replace all those rotting boards and kept with the same original look, instead of modernizing it,” she said.

  Veronica sent Jenny in the house ahead of them to brush her teeth. “As soon as I set eyes on this place, I wanted to restore it. Matt and I discovered our first common ground over this house. What about you and Connor? What joint interest brings you together?”

  “Oh, we’re not together. I’m riding along with him to bolster the police presence.”

  “And he’s your partner in the cocoa contest,” Veronica added. “You have a lot of areas of common ground.”

  “The cocoa gig’s just because of my job,” Becca said.

  Veronica laughed. “Oh honey, Matt and I started out exactly the same, driving everywhere together, teamed up through work.”

  Becca bit back a denial as they entered Jenny’s bedroom. Veronica tucked the girl in bed, and then Jenny called Becca over, wrapping her in a tight hug that brought tears to Becca’s eyes. This girl who barely knew her gave her the compassion and love she desperately wanted to share with her brother. How had she and Toby grown so far apart?

  She wiped her eyes and stepped back, as Veronica turned out the lights and led the way down the hall again.

  “So we were talking about you and Connor following Matt’s and my path to true love,” Veronica teased.

  Becca couldn’t joke about that. She couldn’t even let herself imagine the scenario. “No, the path for us leads to Broken-hearts-ville. Connor and I have a history. We can’t have a future. We spend our whole time tiptoeing around the past.” In all honesty, they’d more than tiptoed, they’d addressed it upfront. Instead of condemning her, he’d accepted his share of the blame. Still, the past defined them and had sent their lives in different directions.

  “If you’re trying to convince me nothing’s going on between you two, you’re having the opposite effect. Matt and I got off to a rocky start with his macho attitude and my assuming I had a clue what to do on a construction job,” Veronica said, opening the front door. “But the more we talked and learned to respect each other, we were able to build a solid foundation for a relationship, especially once my stubborn man realized I had no intention of leaving this town.”

  “That’s another reason we can’t have a relationship.” Becca ran her hand over the smooth stately column at the top of the porch steps. “After Toby graduates, I’m finally going to be free to concentrate on my plans for my life away from here. Connor has no intention of ever leaving.”

  “I can show you how to Skype,” Veronica said, “and you can rack up frequent flyer miles. If you’re really meant to be together, a long distance relationship will be worth it.”

  “We’re definitely not meant to be together,” Becca said, walking down the steps, retracing her way along the driveway as Connor deftly separated Ron and Larry. She didn’t want to leave ties behind while she explored the world. If Toby settled here after college, she’d already have a link that would keep her returning.

  And despite Connor’s apologies, even if she could tempt him to leave town, she wouldn’t ask him to come with her or reconsider their teenage plans to rendezvous in far-off locations. Eventually, he’d have to trust her word over someone else’s again, and she wasn’t convinced he wouldn’t break her heart all over again.

  …

  “What were you thinking? You could have killed Janis,” Larry shouted at Ron.

  Connor had been right to figure the former chief would arrive on his heels.

  “What was she thinking? Flying over the hill with no idea when she couldn’t see the other side?” Ron shot back.

  “Larry,” Connor warned, “one more word from you and I will book you for interfering with my investigation and disrupting the peace. You can either stand quietly by your family member, return to your own car and drive away, or lock yourself in the backseat of my cruiser.”

  “But—”

  Connor cut him off. “Don’t make me choose for you. You won’t like the third option. Janis, did you find your insurance card?”

  “Yes.” She stepped forward, swiping her eyes. “I’m sorry about the trouble, Officer.”

  “Hey.” He smiled at her, hoping to ward off the tears, at least until Becca came back and could comfort her. “Nobody’s hurt. This is why we all carry insurance. Emotions run high in these situations. I understand that.”

  “Larry should understand too,” she murmured.

  You think? Connor bit back the unprofessional thought. “He’s been retired for a couple years. He’s probably a little rusty. Plus, how many times has he been able to defend you lately? He probably wants to make up for lost time.”

  Connor went to his car to record her information. When he finished, Becca had arrived to pat Janis on the shoulder, reassuring her just as he’d hoped. Veronica had come back too, embracing Matt.

  Connor watched the couple for a beat too long. He loved his life, he did. But sometimes the greedy bastard in him wanted what Matt had too—a partner, a family, a home. His gaze strayed to Becca. In another life maybe.

  He rubbed his shoulder. She deserved so much better than a man who couldn’t close his eyes without seeing shrapnel spray in every direction and the buddy he should have saved.

  Hours later, Connor made one final pass through the quiet downtown, then pulled in front of Becca’s house. He resisted the urge to finish off the evening with a good-night kiss. They hadn’t been on a date. “Thanks for keeping me company tonight.”

  “You bet. I had no idea so much excitement and adventure happened on a daily basis.” She glanced at the dash clock. “Is Zelda really going to call you in four hours?”

  “Are you really going to have ladies over at your house in four hours to exercise?” he tossed back.

  Becca groaned. “Will she let you sleep in if I don’t?”

  He considered the possibility. “No, she’ll be frantic, convinced something’s wrong because no one showed up. And if she doesn’t call, I’d have to check in to make sure
nothing happened to her.”

  Becca laughed. “Looks like neither of us is getting much sleep tonight.”

  He guessed she found the prospect unusual, but if he got four hours of sleep any night, it would be a goddamn miracle. He considered the predictability of his small-town wake-up call a blessing. “Well, unless you want me to be the reason you don’t get any sleep, I suggest you get out now and take the little shut eye you can get.”

  Her eyes widened. “Did you just suggest what I think you suggested?”

  “No,” he lied.

  “You did,” she insisted, her tone incredulous.

  She didn’t have to sound so surprised. She’d always known he’d wanted her beyond the acceptable limits. “Okay, fine, I did. Consider it an offer for mutual companionship—you know, if you start to feel the same desperation that made you give your virginity to some loser who didn’t know how to make the experience good for you.”

  He expected her to lambast him. Instead, she leaned across the seat, ponytail swaying, the vented air in the vehicle blowing feather light strands against his cheek. Then she followed the same path with her lips, brushing them softly over his skin. “Good night, Connor.”

  She opened the car door, stepping into the night. A moment later, she’d locked herself inside her house.

  He lifted his fingers to the warm delicate imprint on his cheek, savoring her gift as he drove home. They’d ended with a good-night kiss after all. Not on the lips and not nearly long enough to satisfy, but more than enough to stir his needs and memories into a maelstrom.

  When they were teens, his obsessions and fantasies always centered on the end of their date, where he could create a perfect brush of lips over hers. Now exiting the car and entering his house, his feet tapped with the ridiculous urge to dance and his heart swelled, as if he were a teen and could count the hours and minutes until she would be by his side again.

  Flipping on the lights, he made his way through the small living area. He never felt alone in his cruiser, but after six hours of Becca’s company the house hummed with unbearable loneliness. Avoiding the bedroom, he set up for the night in the recliner. He would not ruin a near perfect evening with the memories that haunted him every time he lay down in his bed.