by Cassie James
People stare as I shove my way through the crowd, fighting my way to the back door. Several people try to stop me to ask if I’m okay but I ignore them, refusing to be deterred from my search. A wave of panic washes over me when I step outside and see how many people there are everywhere. I turn my head desperately from side to side, hoping against all reason to catch a glimpse of him. I’m almost ready to give up and just collapse in on myself when something catches my eye. Someone is standing by themselves at the edge of the yard.
My feet are moving before I’m really even sure it’s him. “Jax,” I croak out his name as I get close. He starts to turn and I fling myself at him. He manages to catch me just in time to keep us both from ending sprawled out on the ground.
For a split second, his arms are tight around me, stroking my back as he holds me close. Then a sob breaks free and he freezes up.
He slowly lets go of me, stepping back to get a good look at my face for the first time. He couldn’t when I was throwing myself at him, but now he sees what an emotional wreck I am—and he sees the tears. “What the fuck happened?” he demands.
“Salma’s brother.” God, I wish I could stop shaking. “Patrick told me to find you. He wants you to come upstairs. To Allie’s bedroom.” All the words come out disjointed a little bit scrambled, but Jax doesn’t question any of it. His eyes glance towards the house as if he could look through walls to see what’s happening upstairs.
Jax cups his hands around and his mouth and yells, “Smith!” And within seconds, Smith is headed our way. His eyes guarded as he crosses the yard towards us. Jax is too impatient for him to wait to reach us, he sets off toward the house, then pauses and turns back. I don’t know what he’s doing as he stomps back to me until his mouth meets mine, claiming me with a hard kiss that’s packed with emotion. I let him, too, even though I’m not sure I’m done being mad at him.
“What’s going on?” Smith asks as he reaches us and Jax starts to push past him. He doesn’t get an answer.
“Stay with her,” Jax barks out, leaving us together in the yard.
I try to blink back the tears that won’t seem to stop as Smith crushes me against his chest. “I probably don’t want to know,” he says quietly, not bothering to ask again about what’s happening. He whispers into my ear, telling me everything is okay, his voice soothing me until the tears stop coming. I hiccup as I pull in a deep breath.
“Patrick told me to have you or Ace take me to the car,” I manage to tell him. “And to stay there until him or Jax say so.”
Smith nods without question. “That’s what we’re doing then, come on.” He tucks me under his arm, squeezing me tightly to him so that there’s not an inch of space left between our bodies. He pulls me over to the group of people standing closest to us. He turns to one of the guys. “Hey, can you find Asher and tell him to meet me at my car?”
The guy nods. “Yeah, man. Of course.”
Smith thanks him, then starts pulling me back the other way again. “Where are we going?” I ask quietly as he pulls me around to the side of the house.
“There’s no way in hell we’re going back in the house right now. We can go around the side here and get to my car on the street. This way we probably won’t run into anyone, okay?” I sag with relief. Avoiding other people right now is exactly what I want to do.
Smith deposits me safely in the passenger seat of his car before walking around to the driver’s side. He doesn’t get in right away and when I peek out I see why. Ace is jogging our way. That guy must have found him awfully fast. My head feels like it’s swimming as I watch him and Smith talk for a minute outside the car before joining me inside. It’s a good thing Smith’s in this car and not his sports car, I muse aimlessly to myself as Ace tucks himself into the backseat.
Smith turns the music in his car to a radio station he knows I like and turns it up so that the sound tunes out the lingering sounds of the party. He offers me his hand, which I take, and then Ace leans forward and offers me his hand, which I also take. The three of us sit like that, hands clasped until Patrick shows up sometime later. I don’t even have any concept of how much time has passed. My brain is so scrambled.
Smith uses his free hand to unlock the car doors for Patrick, and Patrick slide into the backseat next to Ace. I lean over to examine him, surprised that there’s not so much as a wrinkle in his shirt, much less any sign of a fight. Smith turns the music down so we don’t have to try to talk over it.
“What happened?” I ask quietly, wanting to prepare myself.
“Word’s already spread. Let’s just say Jax and I weren’t the only ones interested in taking care of it.”
I glance out the window but no one else is coming. “Where’s Jax?” I ask.
Patrick seems reluctant to tell me but he caves when I start to breathe like I might start hyperventilating. I can only imagine the worst. That’s why Jax isn’t here, isn’t it—because something’s really wrong? Patrick reaches over the seat to rub my shoulder in a reassuring gesture. “He was having a little harder time walking away. Some guys walked him out back to cool down. I’m sure he’s coming. He’ll lose his mind if he doesn’t get to check on you himself.”
“Did someone call the cops?” Ace asks.
Patrick shakes his head. “Someone heard the commotion and got Salma. She called her parents before we could call the police. Based on the part of the call we heard—that was probably worse.” He leans forward. “She was worried about you. I told her we’d take care of you tonight and then you could call her tomorrow. Okay?”
I nod gratefully.
Someone knocks on the window and I nearly jump out of my skin. “Sorry,” Jax says, his words muffled from inside the car. I let go of Ace and Smith so I can fling the door open, nearly hitting him. He steps out of the way just in time. My eyes scan every inch of him but there aren’t any marks on him either. I let out a breath I didn’t realize I was holding.
“Here.” Jax holds his hand out to me as if to help me out of the car. All three of the guys start to protest at once but Jax waves his other hand at them, wordlessly telling them to cut it out. I don’t know why he’s having me get out but I take his hand anyway.
I’m confused as he switches me positions and takes my seat in the car. He takes my hand again, tugging me back toward the car. He wants me to sit in his lap. I’m not sure how good of an idea that really is but I don’t have the energy to fight. I climb in, surprised when Jax puts his hand behind my head to keep me from hitting it on the roof of the car. He pulls the car door closed behind me and spreads his legs a little wider so I can sit across them comfortably. It’s only awkward for a few seconds before I’m sinking against him, the weight of what happened making my body too weary to hold myself up any longer.
He wraps one arm around my legs and strokes my side with the other. We’re back to not talking and Smith turns the music up again.
A fresh wave of tears hits me like a brick wall. I turn my face into Jax’s shoulder as I blindly reach out with one hand, not even sure whose hand it is that takes mine and holds it as I cry. For a long time we all just sit there while they let me cry. I’m not even sure if they know yet what exactly happened, and I know that I’m not even remotely ready to try to explain. The only thing that matters right now is that they were there. All of them. Even though three of the four were mad at me for some reason or another, tonight we all came back together. And I don’t want to let any of them go ever again.
That night, they all go home with me. For once I’m glad when Pearl doesn’t wake up when I get home, so that I don’t have to explain how four guys end up sleeping on makeshifts pallets on the floor surrounding my bed.
Chapter Twenty-One
Three of the four guys are still asleep on the floor when I wake up early the next morning. The curtains are drawn, so it’s too dark to see who’s missing. My brain goes fuzzy when I try to remember who laid down where last night. I carefully pull the covers back and tiptoe around the bodies,
slipping out of the bedroom and closing the door back quietly behind me.
My footsteps are silent as I tread downstairs to check on Pearl. When I turn the corner into the sitting room, the first thing I notice is that the nurse is sitting off to the side with a book. My first thought is that Pearl must be asleep, but that’s not the case. I’m surprised to see she’s up and alert, Patrick leaning back in a chair by her bedside, smiling easily as she says something to him. They don’t notice me, so I don’t announce myself.
I lean against the doorframe, watching how easily Patrick talks to her, rambling on about something that happened in Patience years before he was ever even born. He looks completely at ease at her bedside.
He’s the first to notice me, glancing up sharply as if he suddenly just felt me in the room with him. There’s a spark in his eyes as he smiles across the room at me, never breaking the conversation with Pearl. They go on for a few more minutes before she notices me.
“Ah, Juliet.” Pearl’s eyes light up as they settle on me. “Come in and join us. If you don’t, I might just decide to steal this one from you.” She reaches out to pat Patrick’s hand affectionately.
I let out a soft groan, horribly embarrassed to hear her saying something like that. She tilts her chin up, looking affronted by my horror.
“What? It’s not like you don’t have more. You could spare at least one.” She sound so matter-of-fact when she says it that I barely manage to hold back a laugh.
Patrick raises his eyebrows at me as I’m sure my cheeks turn bright red. He seems surprised to hear Pearl so casually referring to my having multiple boyfriends. I’ll have to catch him up to speed later when we’re out of earshot of my elderly and partially senile aunt. I can only imagine what else she might come up with to say otherwise.
I pull a chair up next to Patrick and sit down, reaching for his hand. He turns it over to lace his fingers with mine and squeezes.
There’s a silent question in his eyes as he looks at me. A question he can’t ask in front of Pearl. Are you okay? “I got a good night’s sleep,” I tell him out loud, hoping that’s enough to answer his question. I still don’t feel great, but I slept well knowing my guys were there with me.
“That’s nice, dear,” Pearl says patronizingly. Patrick barely conceals a soft laugh under his breath.
We sit for a while, Pearl and Patrick returning to their talk about the history of our town as I sit just enjoying the sounds of their voices. He talks to her until she starts to drift in and out, and then the nurse asks us to step out so she can do some of the ickier parts of her job before Pearl is completely out of it again. She doesn’t have to ask me twice. It only took one time for me to learn I didn’t want to be in the room for any of that stuff if I can help it.
Patrick keeps hold of my hand as we leave the room and cross down the hall to the kitchen, instead. We sit down at the little table in the breakfast nook off to the side of the kitchen, sitting in side-by-side chairs so that we never have to let go of each other. It might actually be the first time I’ve actually sat down here since moving in. I would have sat here a lot more if I’d realized what a great view of the backyard it has.
“Do you want to talk about last night?” Patrick asks me.
“Honestly?” I shake my head. “I’d like to talk about literally anything but that.”
“What about us? Can we talk about that?” he asks, an uncertainty in his voice that makes my chest ache. I don’t want him to think he can’t talk to me. Not talking is what got us into trouble in the first place. We’ve got to move past that. Last night really showed me what I’m not willing to walk away from—what I’m not willing to lose.
I shift so I can face Patrick a little more head on. “Yes. A million times yes.”
“I’m sorry about taking you up to Churchill Point and acting like a jackass. Jax wasn’t so far off base. I’ve always been the kid hearing people tell me I could have anything I wanted, so it’s not all that easy when suddenly the one thing I want feels just out of reach. It’s not the sharing that gets to me. It’s that I feel like I keep getting knocked down into last place every time someone new steps in.”
I let go of his hand and his face falls, but not for long as I lay my palms flat on his cheeks, squeezing his face a little. Don’t get distracted by how hot he is right now, Juliet. “I don’t feel that way at all. You’re not last place to me. Not ever.”
His eyes are soft and warm on mine. “I love you, Juliet. And not because we’re arguing and I want it to stop, or because I’m worried someone else will get to say it first. I love you, and I want you to love me back.”
“Of course, I love you back, you idiot.” I tug his face closer so I can kiss him properly. Overjoyed when this kiss is like the ones from before, not anything like the cheap knockoff I got when we were fighting at Churchill Point. This is perfect. This is everything. All the heartache of these past weeks dissipates as we kiss while the sun rises over the horizon.
Smith’s voice interrupts us. “Jules?”
We both turn to see the guys standing in the doorway, Jax hanging back slightly from Ace and Smith. I stay where I’m at. The urge to move I might have felt before is gone. We’re one team. One unit. And now I know it’s okay if the others see me with one of them. It’s like Smith told me in the first place, it’s all about being honest.
No one seems bothered. Ace and Smith squeeze into seats at the table with us, but Jax hangs back by the doorway. “Come sit,” I invite him softly.
He doesn’t move. Doesn’t speak, either. I can see it in his eyes that he feels like the odd man out now that the dust has settled from last night. He was an asshole—is an asshole, but as far as I’m concerned right now, he’s my asshole. Patience might be all about every man for himself, but I’m not. We’re a group, and we care about each other, and I know Jax belongs as part of that whether he’s willing to agree or not. Even assholes can’t survive life alone. Especially not life in Patience, where I’m learning it’s not enough to think you’re being careful of who you trust. You basically need a signed letter of recommendation to know for sure.
“I can go,” he says finally. It’s not the same as saying he wants to go, it’s that he thinks that’s really going to be what I want.
“Don’t go, Jax.” It’s so silent in here as the guys wait to see how this one ends. “Please.”
He moves at glacier speed towards the table, as if he thinks I’m going to change my mind and he shouldn’t bother hurrying along. He takes the seat between Smith and Ace, sitting across from me and holding my eyes the whole time as he sits. That’s enough for me right now. He’s at the table. We don’t have to decide what it means right now, I’m just glad he’s there.
Later, I’ll have to talk about a lot of things—like what happened last night. But that’s later, and this is now. And for now, the only thing I want to think about is how much I love these boys. My boys.
Chapter Twenty-Two
They think I don’t know what they’re doing, but it’s been obvious all week. The guys have hovered around me, basically taking shifts of who’s with me at any given time so that I barely ever get a second alone. Sometimes, I’m lucky enough to get them all at once. We’ve watched more movies in a week than I think I watched in the whole rest of the year combined.
Tonight, though, it’s just me and Jax. His parents are away as some political charity thing, so the whole house is ours. Not that we need it, since we go straight to his room, anyway.
I take up a spot on his bed, leaning back into his pillows as he watches me, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallows hard. I pat the other side of the bed. “Come lay with me.” He indulges me, coming to join me on the bed, and I roll over so that I can rest my head on his chest. His arm naturally comes up around me, his hand resting on my lower back. We lay like that for a few minutes as I just enjoy a moment of calm. It’s been a long freaking week. So many people wanted to bombard me with questions, and Salma was apologizing every time I
turned around as if she was personally responsible for her monster of a brother. It’s all just been exhausting.
“What the fuck are we doing?” Jax breaks the silence.
I think he’s talking about our relationship at first, but then I realize how stiff he feels under me. “Cuddling?” I say like it’s a question, glancing up at him with serious confusion. I’ll bet Jax Woods has never cuddled before. I have to look away before he notices the smug look I get when I realize that.
“I fucking hate it,” he says, but I notice he holds me a little tighter. He can say whatever he wants—he’s a surprisingly good cuddle buddy.
“Tell me about your dad,” I say as I shift even closer to him. He tenses up again, but I throw my arm over his midsection and feel him relax once more. “The two of you don’t seem close,” I add, wanting him to know why I’m bringing it up. I don’t want to seem like I actually give a crap who his dad is, past the natural curiosity about their weirdly strained relationship.
“He’s not my dad.”
I shoot up, Jax wincing as I elbow him on accident in my hurry to get where I can look down into his face. I’m leaning half over him as I look expectantly at him, waiting for an explanation. He can’t just drop a bomb like that and not explain it.
Jax twirls some of my hair around his finger. “We have the house to ourselves. Are you sure talking about my dad is really what you want to do right now?”
“Yeah,” I answer, a challenge in my eyes. A relationship means talking. So, if that’s what we’re doing here, I need to know he’s all in. I open my mouth to tell him as much, but he starts talking before me.
“My mother cheats a lot. It’s probably the worst kept secret in all Patience, really. It’s always been like that. Mom sleeps with someone from town. Dad sleeps with an employee. It’s fifty different kinds of fucked up, but it’s the relationship they chose.” He lets go of my hair to grab my hand and bring it up to his lips. I’m surprised when he kisses the back of my hand. This is a much softer side of him I’m seeing, and it actually makes me more nervous than I would have expected. Shit is getting real.
