Savages: A Reverse Harem Bully Romance (Pawns of Patience Book 3)

by Cassie James

  “I’m coming,” I tell her, taking one last deep breath to avoid the laughter still threatening to come at any moment. I almost can’t help myself, but I know if I start laughing there’s a good chance I’ll end up breaking into hysterics. There’s a finer line between laughing and crying than you would think. I’ve learned that the hard way over the past few days.

  My breath catches when I give the funeral director permission to open the doors and let other people in. My time of grieving alone has ended. I know there are other people that want to say goodbye, and even more people that I’m sure will show up just to be supportive. Pearl wasn’t the friendliest lady, but she was a staple of this town.

  I greet everyone individually, even though it pains me to do. There’s quite the crowd, even more so than I expected, but I grit my teeth and bear it until the line finally starts to dwindle. My guys bring up the rear, having patiently waited despite how much I’m sure it’s killing them to keep their distance. I had to tell them to back off a little this morning because they were suffocating me. I think it made them nervous, but I only needed space to be alone with my thoughts and the few memories of Pearl I have that I’ve been desperately clinging to.

  I hug each of them, kissing them on cheeks even though I’d rather be kissing them all properly. This isn’t the time and place for coming out to the whole town, though. I’m pretty sure most of the adults around here aren’t privy to the teenage gossip, otherwise they’d all already know about our arrangement—and it’s clear that’s not the case. Not yet, anyway.

  I shoo the guys away when they try to linger, telling them to keep Sadie and Salma company while I finish my funeral hosting duties. I’ll never make it through this if I start leaning on them. I need to stand on my own two feet in order to keep it together.

  “Room for one more?” a voice asks just as I start to turn, thinking that’s the last of the guests. I freeze, slowly pivoting back to face the open doorway. His hands are deep in his pockets as he gives me a sheepish look. His hair is longer than it was last year.

  “Jake?” My voice cracks as I say his name. I wonder if I might need to ask for a casket of my own as my heart goes still in my chest. I rub one eye, almost certain that I’m hallucinating or something. Maybe the sleepless nights are finally catching up to me.

  But then he’s crushing me in a hug and I know it’s real. I sink into his familiar arms, fisting the front of his shirt like I’m afraid he might turn and just leave at any moment. I never expected him to show up here. I don’t know how he even knew. I raise my head a little so I can ask him.

  “Your friend reached out to me. Or, your more than a friend, I guess.” I follow his eyes as he looks over and finds Smith hanging back, keeping an eye on our interaction. “That guy does not like me much, though, does he?

  “I think you might be the only person I’ve ever seen him actively dislike,” I admit. Besides Kareem, I think to myself, but I’m not about to explain any of that to Jake right now. Not when he’s finally come back to me—albeit under the worst of circumstances.

  Jake squeezes me tighter. “I was really sorry to hear about your aunt. I thought about calling but I kept picturing you not answering or hanging up on me and I figured I needed to come in person, instead. Not as easy to turn me away if I’m actually standing in front of you, right?” He lets out a nervous half-laugh. I want to remind him that he’s the one that walked away, not me. I spent months trying to get a response from him and got radio silence instead. But that’s something we can talk about later. He’s here now.

  As if reading my mind, he tells me, “I’m not in any hurry to leave, okay? There will be plenty of time to talk later.”

  I nod just as the funeral director interrupts us to ask if I’m ready to start. I skipped out on the tradition of a visitation, trying to limit my interactions today, so we’re going right to the actual funeral. I tell him I’m ready, even though I’m not so sure I feel like I am. Jake puts an arm around me, hugging me close to his side as he lets me draw strength from him. I was wrong. I do want to lean on someone. Several someone’s, in fact.

  I catch Smith’s eyes and then gesture towards the front. He jumps right into motion, talking quietly to each of the guys and sending them towards the front rows of the room. “Will you sit with us?” I ask, pointing out where the guys are situating themselves in two rows, leaving a clear spot for Jake and I to join them.

  I see the wary way he looks the group over, and I wonder if Smith gave him any heads up about our situation. If not, we’re going to be having a very uncomfortable conversation later.

  “Of course, whatever you want.” Jake walks with me up the center of everyone to take our seats. I sit between him and Patrick, with Ace, Jax, and Smith in the row right behind us. I’m surrounded by love right now, I can feel it radiating off of them in waves. My guys have done everything they can to make this all bearable for me. I don’t know how I would have done it without them. And now Jake is here, too, and I feel complete in a way I never expected to. Especially not as I’m being forced to say goodbye.

  As the minister Neema hires starts to deliver the eulogy, I let out a long, shuddering breath. I feel like I’m going to cry, but then nothing comes out of me. Almost as if I’ve finally cried myself out. My shoulders still shake with emotion, though.

  Ace leans forward to put a comforting hand on my shoulder. He whispers to me, “You’re okay, J. We’ve got you.”

  I nod, sniffling as the service drags on. I’m not hearing any of it, so I’m not bothered when Jake leans over to talk quietly into my ear.

  “J,” he repeats Ace’s nickname for me quietly. “I like that.”

  “You do?”

  “Yeah. Because it’s a name for who you really are. Not the Jessica Brown I grew up with anymore, but also not quite the Juliet Lexington that you were born to be. Calling you J, it’s like… acknowledging that you’re something in between.”

  I look at him, eyebrows raised as I realize he’s put into words exactly the feeling I’ve had since arriving in Patience and learning who I really am. I’m perpetually stuck between two worlds, and learning to be the person in the middle. Because he’s right, I’m not quite either of those people, but I’m also both. And I don’t regret that for a second, because it led me here—to the saddest moment of my entire life as I say goodbye to a woman I learned to admire and respect—but surrounded by people that I love and am loved by. I don’t know how anyone could ever ask for more than that.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  They end up not being able to get the casket to close. The funeral director is horrified, even as the guys snickered around me. In the end, the guys help me take the train off the dress before the poor man pops a blood vessel. Her dress is still beautiful even without it, and in a way, I get to feel like I’m taking a small part of her home with me. A memory of our last months together, as chaotic and bizarre as they were.

  The guys all come to the house, trailing behind Jake and I when I choose to ride with him in his brother’s truck. “I’ve been driving a motorcycle at home,” he admits, “But I traded with Brandon for now because there was no way in hell I wanted you on the back of that thing on the off chance you let me actually stay.”

  It’s sweet, knowing he considered that even without the promise of this working out in his favor. Jake knows me, though. I’ve always been a bit of a sucker with a tendency to forgive long past the point that I probably should. I don’t know, though, that’s seemed to work out in my favor so far, if the five hot boys escorting me home have anything to say about it.

  When we get to Lexington Estate, everyone stays to eat dinner with me, but after that I tell my guys they gotta go. There are a lot of protests all around, but I need time to talk to Jake alone. There’s a lot we have to discuss and I don’t want the guys butting in or creating problems by being overprotective. Plus, I can see the way Jake treads carefully around group conversation, like he’s trying to figure out the dynamic of our group and he’
s worried about stepping on someone’s toes. I need to tell him what’s going on, and then if he leaves because of it, then so be it.

  I love Jake. I’ve always loved Jake. But I’m not going to let anyone stop me from doing what makes me happy—not even him.

  I walk them outside to say goodbye so that I don’t have to do it under Jake’s watchful stare. I want a proper goodbye since I won’t see them again tonight. I’m sure they’ll be back tomorrow, but right now that still feels like a whole lifetime away.

  No one says a word when I kiss each of them goodbye. This isn’t a habit of ours, because it’s easier and more natural not to regularly be taking turns with them. But this is a special occasion, so fuck it. They get into their cars and leave as I watch them go, taking one last deep breath of the outside air before I brace myself to go face Jake.

  He’s waiting just inside the door for me, and I get the distinct feeling he saw me out there with them. His eyes glance briefly at the front window before back to me, only confirming my suspicion. It’s not the first thing I want to talk about, though.

  “Why did you give my phone number to Lynne?”

  His face goes red as he looks anywhere but at me. “It was fucked up, J. I was so mad, and there she was showing up everywhere I looked, reminding me you were gone. I wanted her to leave me alone, to just stop reminding me what I’d lost. So I gave her your info so she’d stop coming to find me.”

  “I went to see her,” I admit, still turning Jake’s words over in my head.

  His eyebrows shoot up in surprise. “You did?”

  I nod. “She was really messed up. She said some things… I’ll tell you later. Anyway, it was actually good closure, maybe. I got some answers I needed because of that. So, even though it still was really fucked up, yes, I’m not that mad about it anymore.” It’s something that I realized while sitting through the funeral. I couldn’t find a single bone in my body that was still holding onto any anger.

  “You’ve always been sweet. Sweeter than anyone deserves, really.” He starts to reach for me but then stops himself. “Out there, you—” He can’t seem to find the words.

  “I love them, Jake.” I push out a long breath, wondering how I could ever begin to explain all that’s happened in his absence. “My heart is full in Patience in a way it never was before. And we make it work. No one ever asks me to choose.”

  I’m not sure he really gets it, but he nods slowly, anyway. “I wasn’t sure coming back here if I could handle it. Seeing you with someone else again. It was pretty clear even over the phone that Smith really cared about you, though, so I told myself to be okay with that. That as long as you were being taken care of that I needed to be able to live with the fact that it hadn’t ended up being you and me.”

  “I—”

  “No, let me finish.” He doesn’t say it to be mean. He just seems overwhelmed by the words falling off his lips. “I thought the hardest thing was going to be seeing you with someone else, but even seeing you with all four of them—it’s still a hell of a lot less hard to stomach than not having you at all.”

  A silence falls between us as I study him, noting how genuine he looks about that. I expected a lot more pushback, but I can tell he means what he’s saying. Jake’s always wanted me to be happy, and he’s not going to stop wanting that now just because my happiness looks different from what he expected.

  “I love you,” I tell him honestly. Maybe I shouldn’t be saying it, maybe it will only lead to more hurt, but I can’t hold the words in. Not when I know how precious the time we have left is with the people we love.

  “I love you, too, J.” He puts his arms around me, and I can hear his heartbeat racing as I lay my head against his chest. “I just don’t know what means now,” he admits softly.

  My first instinct is to comfort him, to tell him we’ll figure it out, but I’m in no position to promise him that right now. I’ve already torn my little love group apart by making decisions by myself. I’m not going to do that this time. I have to learn from my mistakes. So, I don’t say anything, just holding him for a long time so that I don’t make the mistake of making any empty promises. Nothing has to be decided today. Jake’s not going anywhere.

  We stay like that for a long time before I admit that I’m exhausted. “I probably don’t have any right to ask this…” I trail off.

  “You can ask me for anything.” Jake pulls back so he can look at me.

  “Can you stay in my room tonight?” I second-guess my request when his face falls. “You really don’t have to. There’s a billion guest rooms here. You can stay in one of those.”

  “God, no. As much as I absolutely don’t deserve it, I want nothing more than to stay in your room with you. But is that—Is that crossing a line with the guys you’re seeing? Smith did me a favor calling for me to come here, I don’t want to show up and piss everybody off just to end up being shut out. I don’t ever want to go that long without talking to you again.”

  There’s real concern on his face. It’s actually sweet, that he’s being considerate of my relationships even if he doesn’t necessarily understand them yet. We’re on the same page, too, because I don’t want to do anything to make the guys distrust Jake, either. I want them to like him. I want to know no one’s going to be up in arms about me being friends with him again.

  “What if we stay down here in the guest room instead?” I suggest.

  He frowns. “Is that, uh, different somehow?”

  “Yeah.” I nod. “Sleeping in the same bed in a guest room feels way less intimate than sharing my bed in my actual bedroom.” I’m not sure if the logic checks out, but I think I’d do just about anything to convince him now. I don’t want to sleep alone in this big, empty house.

  “Okay,” he caves, just like I hoped he would.

  We climb into the guest bed on the main floor fully clothed. My borrowed dress rides slightly up my legs but it’s still long enough to cover me. It’s going to be wrinkled as hell in the morning. I make a mental note to have it professionally dry-cleaned before giving it back.

  I glance at Jake, hating the way he lays stiff on the opposite side of the bed. He feels me looking at him and turns his head to meet my eyes. With a soft sigh, he holds an arm out to me. “C’mon, then.”

  My heart soars as I scoot across the bed to him and curl up against him. There’s nothing suggestive about it, it’s just a comfort that I need. I rest my head in the crook of his shoulder as we fall into easy conversation, talking about all the things we missed in each other’s lives. I don’t know how long we talk before I fall asleep, but it feels like no time has passed at all before my eyes are opening, blinking against the morning sun that streams in through the window.

  I’m still nestled up next to Jake, but he’s a heavy sleeper so I manage to get out of bed without waking him. Yesterday was a lot. If he’s able to sleep, I want to let him. Plus, I know how fucking comfortable these beds feel the first time sleeping on one after sleeping on shit mattresses in Nikon Park all our lives.

  The house is so quiet and calm that I don’t get any warning about the sight that greets me when I step into the kitchen. Four grumpy guys are sitting around the island, all turning to stare at me as I enter with soft footsteps. “Good morning?” I say hesitantly. I know for sure I locked the doors last night, but I don’t think I even want know how they got in here this morning. No one returns my greeting and I feel my heart start to sink.

  “We saw you in bed with him,” Ace explains, dropping his head so that he’s not looking at me as he says it. Shit. If Ace is upset with me, then I really know it’s bad.

  I tuck my hair behind my ears, trying to buy myself a minute. I didn’t expect to be facing this first thing when I woke up. “Nothing happened,” I tell them. “All we did was talk and sleep.” Jax snorts like he doesn’t believe that at all, but he falls silent when Smith shoots him a sharp look.

  Jake chooses that moment to make his appearance, his bedhead probably not the best look
considering the topic of conversation. “Hey,” he says, but then stops short in the doorway when he realizes the mood in here is not great. “Fuck,” he mutters. This was exactly what he was telling me last night that he didn’t want.

  “Can we just—” I’m about to ask if we can just not make such a big deal about this but I’m interrupted by the sound of knocking on the front door.

  I’m not actually sure if I’m grateful for the interruption or not, but I storm right out of the room anyway. I feel guilty now for sleeping in the same bed as Jake, which isn’t fair because it’s probably the only reason I was able to get any sleep at all. I jerk the front door open admittedly harder than I should. There’s a carrier on the other side of the door, his eyebrows rising as he shoots an unimpressed look my way.

  “Juliet Lexington?” I confirm it’s me and then sign the clipboard he holds out. In a deadpan voice, he says, “this is for you,” and thrusts a sealed yellow envelope out at me.

  I mumble a thank you as I close the door back, already turning to go back to the kitchen. I’m not so sure I should be leaving Jake alone with the other guys for any length of time. But when I return, things seem fairly calm. Jake is leaning on the island, eyes turning to me expectantly as I walk in.

  “Everything okay?” he asks.

  “Just a delivery,” I shrug, working my finger under the seal to open it. I pull the paperwork out and spread it out over the island. A wave of emotion coasts over me, forcing me to close my eyes as I realize what this is. I play with the key on my necklace, a nervous habit I seemed to have picked up these last few days. When I open my eyes again, the guys are all staring at me with worried looks.

  It’s the final copies of everything, my ownership of the entire Lexington legacy, all tidied up into one long document confirming everything I now own. Sealed and delivered, courtesy of Grant Harrington. I hate that he didn’t give me more time. I glance over some of the papers, overwhelmed by all the information. I’m not even sure what to do with all of it. There are instructions towards the back telling me how to get access to each of the properties, so that’s something at least.