Shades of Memory

by Diana Pharaoh Francis

  “I don’t know. Carve off a couple ears. Put collars on them. Something. You can’t be a pushover. You have to show strength at all times.”

  “Noted.” I disagreed. Humiliating them wouldn’t help. I wanted loyalty. I needed their respect, and sure, a little healthy fear wouldn’t hurt. Whatever Arnow thought, I didn’t have time for head games right now. I turned to Leo and Patti.

  “I need you two to fetch the null from my place. It’s upstairs in the niche by the fireplace. A tire rim off an old Ford pickup with a kind of a weird praying mantis sculpture welded on top of it. It’s heavy. Dalton and Taylor go collect whatever weapons you think will be useful. Arnow, go with Jamie to Savannah’s place. Figure out a plan and coordinate with the seven.”

  “What are you going to do?” This from Arnow, who had folded her arms. She’d gone from mere irritation to anger.

  “I’m going to chase down the hostages and your missing people. You’ve got their balls, right?” Their trace had been nulled when the balls had been made, but now that my magic was back to normal, I could trace them even so. The strength of my abilities had been growing in leaps and bounds in recent months. I’d begun breaking through barriers of impossibility and finding I could do a lot more than I ever knew.

  “Of course. But I’m going with you.”

  “You can’t. You’re the only one of us who knows anything about Savannah or the inside of her compound. You have to help take it over and then see what you can find out about the hostages.”

  “They’ll have to do without me. You don’t have a clue what you’re getting into, and I do. Remember my team got taken while I was hunting a vicious serial killer, one that was obviously working for Savannah. These ping-pong balls are not a coincidence. If he gets ahold of you, you’re dead, and then Alex, Ryan, and Laurie are doomed. So I’m going. May as well get used to it and stop wasting our time arguing.”

  I drew a heavy breath and blew it out. Clearly, I wasn’t going to be the kind of Tyet dictator Savannah had been, though the thought of stabbing Arnow through the eye held a certain appeal at the moment.

  I rubbed my forehead. “Fine. Then I guess we go to my place so the boys and Patti can pick your brains.”

  We’d all crowded into Dalton’s SUV on the way over from my place, dropping it about a half mile away when we hit thick traffic. Since we needed to split up, that left us a vehicle short, and the subway wasn’t running yet.

  We could borrow Ben’s car, or we could go another route.

  I raised my voice and turned to look past the diner. “Do you have room for five passengers?”

  Five heartbeats passed, my companions eyeing me and then followed my gaze up the sidewalk.

  A shadow stepped out of the darkness just inside the alley.

  Price.

  My heart thudded even though I’d realized he was there almost as soon as we’d come out of the diner. He carried an active null, but that only made his trace harder to see, not impossible, not for me, not anymore. I made an automatic habit of scanning for trace whenever I might be walking into trouble. I figured the Seedy Seven might have left backup outside or maybe someone else had followed them. I’d found Price’s nearly instantly.

  He strolled toward us. As usual, he was dressed head to toe in black. I couldn’t read his expression. It was remote and entirely neutral. Like a robot. Even the perpetual breeze that swirled around him had quieted to nearly nothing.

  He nodded to the others and slanted an unfathomable look at me. “I’m driving a Wrangler.”

  My stomach balled. He’d pretty much told me he was done with me if I was cutting him out of my plans. But if that was true, why was he here and not with his brother? I was beyond confused, not to mention terrified I’d totally fucked things up beyond repair.

  “Tight,” Jamie said, breaking the strained silence. “We’ll be sitting on laps.” He looked at Leo. “You can have the ice queen.”

  “Gee, thanks,” Leo said.

  “You’re very welcome. Patti can ride on my lap,” Jamie said with a grin.

  “Maybe I want to sit on the ice queen,” Patti said tartly. “Or in Riley’s lap. Ever thought of that? You two aren’t the prizes you think you are.”

  “How would you know? Gotta ride the train to know how good it is,” Leo said, waggling his brows.

  I was pretty sure this exchange was for my benefit, to let me adjust to Price’s unexpected presence. God, I loved these people. Well, maybe not Arnow and Dalton.

  Patti scanned Leo up and down with slow deliberation. “I recognize a no-good, broke-down lemon when I see one.” She glanced at Arnow. “What about you? You think that train is as hot as he thinks it is?”

  Arnow repeated the examination, first with Leo and then Jamie. Both of them flushed as she took her time. “I think you give them too much credit,” she drawled. “They should sit on each other’s laps, since they think so highly of themselves.”

  “Brilliant plan,” Patti said, clapping her hands together.

  I smiled weakly. Price’s careful indifference was driving me nuts. I’d know more about how he felt if I grabbed his trace, but I had a feeling I might not like what I found out. I needed to talk to him, but we didn’t exactly have time for a heart to heart. Or privacy. I did not want to air my dirty laundry in front of everybody else. My family would take it as an invitation to participate.

  I comforted myself with the fact that Price’s presence had to mean something good.

  “Now that that’s settled, Dalton and I should go,” Taylor said. “We’ll meet you at your house in an hour or so.”

  With that, the two of them strode away.

  “Jeep’s up the street,” Price said and led off in the opposite direction.

  When we crossed Casey Avenue, which dead-ended into the front of Price’s former precinct, I hustled to catch up with him, falling into step beside him.

  “How’d you know I’d be here?”

  “I didn’t.”

  “So . . . ?” I prompted.

  “I came to question Patti on your whereabouts.”

  Such a cop answer. “And?” I prompted, feeling like I was pulling teeth.

  “The place was bottled up tight.”

  “So you decided to wait?”

  “So I decided to wait.”

  Had he known we were inside? I wanted to ask, but we’d reached the Jeep.

  I ended up in the front seat beside Price, with the console dividing us. In the back, Patti sat on Arnow’s lap with Leo in the middle and Jamie on the other side.

  “You know, there’s an FBI safe house not too far from here that we could use. We don’t all have to go pick up the null,” Arnow said. “Be easier than hiking in and out of your place in these shoes, plus it will have a change of clothes for me.”

  “That’s a good idea,” Patti agreed. “Let’s do that. You and Price can fetch the null while the rest of us get squared away on Savannah’s compound.”

  Leo looked like he was going to object, and she elbowed him in the side. He scowled at her, but subsided.

  “Good idea,” Price said, and that was that.

  I guessed we were going to have a chance to talk by ourselves. I looked forward to it and wanted to vomit at the same time.

  Arnow directed us on the route. Nobody spoke. I guessed the peanut gallery in the back seat was waiting for me to let them know if they could speak freely. They didn’t know if I wanted to reveal our plans to Price, if I thought we could trust him or not.

  He’d come to find me. That was all I needed to know. I started talking, detailing everything that happened since his phone call to me all the way up to us walking out of the diner. I didn’t leave anything out. When I was done, Patti and Arnow offered up extra explanations to Jamie’s and Leo’s questions. Price never sai
d a word, never reacted in any way. I was considering prodding him with a knife to see if he was really Price or a wax doll.

  We pulled up outside a secluded house in Midtown. It was a little south of the main artery cutting through the city. A fringe of trees planted inside an iron fence screened the house from sight. The gates responded to Arnow’s touch and swung open. We drove up the winding drive.

  The house itself was a gray Cape Cod with white trim. Three dormer windows faced the driveway above a curved front porch. The place was crowned with a steep slate roof. An open expanse of unmarked snow surrounded the house.

  The drive hadn’t been plowed since the last snow, but the Jeep didn’t mind, and we motored right up to the garage door.

  “Better text Taylor and give them the address,” I said to no one in particular.

  The others hopped out. Price waited until Arnow opened the door and everyone retreated inside, and then put the Jeep in reverse and turned it around. This time, the gates opened automatically.

  Price remembered the map I’d shown him weeks ago and headed back into Downtown. The silence stretched. I figured out pretty quick that he wasn’t going to be the one to talk first.

  “I was surprised to see you,” I said finally. I wasn’t ready to jump into the deep end of this conversation yet.

  “I figured.”

  This was going to be either a really long conversation or a really short one if he stuck with two-word answers.

  “I was surprised that you didn’t come into the diner to find out what was going on.”

  “Were you?”

  I had a feeling he was doing it on purpose just to needle me. I eyed him, but his profile gave nothing away. I looked back out on the road. Traffic had smoothed somewhat. Detours had been set up to unsnarl the worst of the problems. And at this time of night, people had gone home.

  We went down through the Excelsior Tunnel and turned north toward Karnickey Burrows.

  I needed to quit being a chicken and just cut to the chase. “You gave me the impression that if I didn’t call you, I wouldn’t be seeing you.”

  “Did I?”

  Like he’d forgotten or I’d misinterpreted his very specific words.

  “Yeah.”

  He shook his head. “Couldn’t have. If I had, you’d have called me back in seconds.” He dipped his hand in a pocket and pulled out his phone, thumbing it to life. “Nope, no missed calls, no messages.” He tucked the phone away again. “You must not remember correctly.”

  Passive aggressive much? Okay, I couldn’t blame him. I’d be pissed as hell right now if I were in his position. I sighed. “I was still wrapping my head around that phone call when I found out about the meeting with the Seedy Seven. I planned to call you when we were done.”

  “When you were done,” he repeated, and this time his tone was colored with a light coat of derision. Finally. Some kind of emotion. “You know what? You should probably shut up now before I put my fist through my dashboard.”

  He slowed to take a corner, shifting down with unnecessary violence. We skidded, and the tires caught traction again.

  “You’re the one who gave me an ultimatum,” I said, sitting back in my seat and folding my arms. Apparently I was twelve again. “I was just trying to do the right thing.”

  “Your idea of the right thing and my idea are very different.”

  “So you’re just going to take up arms against your brother? Because sooner or later it’s going to come down to a fight if I get control of Savannah’s business.”

  He hit the brakes hard. We slid sideways and jolted to a stop against a snow-piled curb. The Jeep rocked. Price twisted to face me. Darkness hollowed his eyes.

  “Well, you fucked up because I choose you, whether you like it or not. Phone call or not. Fight with my brother or not. Understand?”

  My mouth dropped open at the violent intensity of his voice. He waited, and when I said nothing, he blew out a soft breath that spoke volumes of disgust and put the Jeep back in gear.

  “Is it so difficult to believe I’d pick you?” he asked after a couple of minutes.

  My brain was still trying to reboot. “I never imagined you would,” I said with blunt honesty.

  He started swearing.

  “It’s not that I don’t think you love me,” I said when he paused to take a breath.

  “Then what is it? Because I sure as hell don’t understand. You know, you have to know, what you mean to me after all we’ve been through. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you. Why is it so hard to believe?”

  “Because it’s your brother—”

  “And he’s a big boy who knows exactly what he’s doing and has no illusions about the nature of his business. He wasn’t particularly surprised when I told him I was going to find you and help you. He also told me to keep you safe. You and your family. Even Leo.”

  The last choked a laugh out of me. Leo and Touray had not gotten off on a good foot.

  “Is that it? The whole reason you cut me out?” Price asked, and his voice had returned to the cool reasonable cop tone like he was interrogating me and didn’t want me to know it. “Nothing else?”

  I was baffled. “What else?”

  “Who knows what thoughts are racing around in that brain of yours.”

  I could tell it was more than that, though. Price was digging with a purpose. Suddenly I was worried. “Even if you did pick me, I thought you’d resent me and be angry and hurt and guilty. I couldn’t do that to you.”

  “So you thought you’d rip my heart out instead.”

  “You’d get over me.”

  I flinched when his head whipped around. He looked away long enough to slot the Jeep into a parking spot this time before he turned back to me, leaning forward so that I wanted to slide down in my seat.

  “Get over you?” he repeated in a voice so angry I could practically smell the smoke drifting off it. “That’s what you thought? Let’s be clear. I love you. Desperately and completely. I’m not just going to get over you. I’m not even sure I can live without your stupid, ridiculous ass.”

  I averted my gaze. “My dad got over me. He loved me, too. Or he acted like it,” I said in a small voice. The words actually hurt my throat, airing a truth I’d refused to think about, much less say. But Price had felt that tiny piece of me I’d held back.

  Price grabbed my chin in a firm grip and forced it up, waiting until I looked back at him.

  “Your father is a psychopath. I am not. I will not be compared to that rotten piece of shit. I love you. Forever. In this world and the next and the next. What else do I need to say to convince you?”

  I stared at him. He stared back, unmoving, waiting for me to absorb his words, challenging me to believe. I couldn’t have looked away if I wanted to.

  Losing Price terrified me. Before him, I hadn’t known I could feel like this about any man. That I’d be willing to. After my mom died, I’d clung to my father. He’d been my everything. Then he’d vanished. That had broken me in ways I’d never fully realized. Not until now.

  After he left, I’d had Mel, Leo, Taylor, Jamie, and Patti. I’d loved them, but carefully. I’d kept a piece of myself back, just like I had with Price.

  Deep down, I’d always expected to lose him. I’d hedged my emotions against the inevitable, trying to protect the fragile inmost part of me that had nearly shattered to bits when my father had abandoned me. I’d recovered from that—enough to live my life, anyhow. I didn’t think I could recover from losing Price.

  But the moment had come when logic said he should have walked away. He should have chosen Touray. But he hadn’t. He’d picked me. All I had to do was believe him. Believe that he meant it and that he’d keep picking me forever.

  A lump grew in my throat, too big to swallow or speak around
. Tears overflowed my eyes and trickled down my cheeks. Finally I nodded.

  “I need the words, Riley. That you can’t live without me any more than I can’t live without you. I need you to say you’re going to hold on to me as tightly as I’m planning to hold on to you.”

  The hand holding my chin trembled ever so slightly. The idea that he could possibly need my reassurance boggled me. That’s when I realized how different he was from my father. Vernon hid everything. Price exposed everything—the good, the bad, and the ugly. I never had to doubt him.

  I slid my fingers over his, gripping tightly, swallowing hard so I could speak the words he needed to hear.

  “I love you,” I said huskily. “End-of-time kind of love. I couldn’t have stayed away from you. I’d have kidnapped you and locked you up so you couldn’t get away.” I smiled brokenly. “I can’t live without you.”

  He kissed me then, deep and powerful, like sealing a bargain. I held nothing back, trying to show him what he meant to me. By the time he lifted his head, we were both breathless and I at least was shaking.

  “To be continued,” he said, releasing me reluctantly.

  “I hate waiting for sequels.”

  Price put the Jeep back into gear. “I’ll make it worth the wait. I promise.”

  “I’ll hold you to it.”

  As soon as humanly possible.

  “YOU’VE GAINED control of your talent,” I said later as we waited outside the gates of the safe house. I’d texted Arnow to let us in.

  “Some. I’m learning.”

  He’d held my hand most of the way back like he couldn’t stand not touching me. I knew the feeling. He lifted it to his mouth and kissed the inside of my wrist.

  “I decided I had to stop letting it cripple me. It’s my talent. It’s not going away. If I don’t learn to use it, I’ll end up tromping through Diamond City like Godzilla through Tokyo.”

  “More like the big bad wolf going after pigs one and two.”

  “Except this wolf could wipe out three’s house just as easy, plus the entire pig village and the next-door goats and sheep.”