Is it possible to live two different lives?
My head begins to ache from trying to wrap itself around the strangeness of what I have just learned.
Which life is my real one?
Ryland pulls me back against him before I feel his hand feather softly through my hair. He continues stroking me as if I am an inconsolable child and I have to admit that his touch is soothing. A heavy silence blankets us as we watch the shadows slowly lengthen and still his fingers continue sifting gently through my hair. Only when I have become utterly still does he finally speak.
"Our love was a great one. Love at first sight. When I caught my first glimpse of you, you were dancing in the shadows buried deep within the gardens. I thought you were my intended," he says softly, his eyes focusing on some point in the distance. "We danced and shared a kiss and in that kiss I felt magic." Now he looks down at me, ensnaring my gaze with his own. "I knew I could not live without you. Even then, I knew. But it was your sister, not you, who was my betrothed. I tried changing our destinies but could not. The Queen would not permit us to be together. We could not live without one another and so we planned to run away, to escape our fate. We were caught and you were punished for the betrayal. As you lay dying in my arms, I conjured an enchantment that would send you to the mortal world where I could seek you out once more." He pauses. I sit utterly still allowing his words to settle within the very core of my being. "I turned my back on the Faerie Realm. I've spent my entire life, many lifetimes actually, searching for you." His arms band tightly around me before he whispers thickly, "For me there is only you. No matter where you are, I will find you. Always."
His words echo in my mind and in my memories. I remember the words he spoke as I lay dying.
For me there is only you.
Memories, his words, emotions- they all swirl within me like a great tempest. I turn towards him, my fingers needing to touch his face. I cannot help but trace the strong arcs and plains of his features. I remember the feel of him. I remember the love that bloomed within my heart whenever he was near and the ache that replaced it when he was not. I remember knowing that if we ran away and were caught, my punishment would be well worth the possibility of living forever with him by my side.
"What happens now?" My head is spinning. "How do we get back home?"
He looks away and something tightens in my belly... "I am home, Lili." His fingers move gently through my hair before he continues, "Don't worry, you'll be able to return to your life, to your family. I promise."
"But?" I prompt, because I can hear it in his voice.
"I can't come with you."
My brows draw together as my heartbeat quickens. "Why not? You were at the dance. And in the woods that night..." My words trail off.
I think back to the connection, to the energy that surged between us when we touched that night in the woods behind my house. And then again at the dance. Feeling his arms wrapped around me... I was consumed with the need to find the mysterious stranger who'd made me feel so much more than I ever thought possible.
The notion of leaving him behind fills my entire being with dread which doesn't exactly make sense. The idea of being separated from him shouldn't provoke the kind of rampant anxiety that is coursing through me at this very moment. Even though I don't know him, it feels as though I do. It feels as if he is my everything. The other half I've always felt was missing.
"It's more complicated than that."
"What does that mean?"
"I can be in your world.... but I don't belong there."
Relief rushes through me as I jump to my feet. "Does that really matter?"
This place is beautiful but there's something a little creepy about the vibrant brilliance shimmering around us. I can't imagine there ever being a rain storm or a cloudy day. Everything is just a little too perfect. I just want to go home right now. Ryland and I can figure everything out once we get back to my house.
Maybe I can tell my parents that he's a foreign exchange student in need of a place to stay. Which isn't exactly far from the truth when you think about it. He can enroll in school and we can finish out my junior and senior years together. I'm almost positive my parents will go for it. I tug on his arm wanting him to stand up. But he doesn't move.
Instead he asks quietly, "What happened when I touched you in the woods behind your house?"
Biting back my impatience, I try remembering the night when I thought it was Callen standing behind me. It feels like decades ago when in actuality, this all occurred less than a week ago.
So much has happened since then.
Well, it feels like so much has happened since then because now I have memories of another life.
Spent as a faerie...
In a totally different world...
Where I took my own life...
Needing to clear the strange thoughts from my mind, I shake my head focusing instead on his question. "When you touched me, it felt like some kind of energy passed between us. Almost like an electrical shock but it wasn't painful." I search his deep brown eyes. "And there was something about you that seemed really familiar. That's why I thought you were my boyfriend." Even though Callen never once inspired feelings like those within me.
"Right." He nods as if he knew exactly what my answer would be.
"What happened when we touched here?"
I shake my head thinking about all of it again. The enormity of what I now remember. "I experienced a psychotic break from reality?" Because that's exactly what it felt like. Well, still feels like.
His lips lift just a bit at my flip words. "Other than that."
I huff out a breath. "As soon as we touched, I was flooded with all these memories. I suddenly remembered everything that happened between us." I hold his eyes. "I remembered my... life here."
My brows draw together as I think about what I've just revealed. I have the feeling that we're getting to the part I'm not going to like. Even in my slightly muddled condition, it doesn't take long for me to piece it all together. "Are you saying that I can only remember what happened between us," my hand flails out to encompass where we are, whatever this place is called, "when I'm here?"
When he doesn't refute my words, I feel my heart lurch painfully. "But I felt something when you touched me in the woods and at the dance and anyway," I brush off the sudden anxiety now threading its way through me as I continue, "I remember now. So we can go back and everything will be fine." Once more, I try pulling him to his feet. "Come on, we need to get out of here."
Ryland sighs. When he tugs my hand, I all but tumble back down into his lap. "It doesn't work that way." He kisses the tip of my nose. "When you return to the mortal world, your memories of here will begin to fade. It won't take long for you to forget about the Faerie Realm."
I feel Ryland's arms slide gently around me, holding me, anchoring me to him because without him I feel as if I might float away. My throat feels as it's being squeezed. When I'm finally able to speak, the words are thin and whispery. "So what do we do now?"
"I think we have to-"
That's when I feel the strange trembling of the ground.
The vibrations continue to grow stronger, becoming more of a loud clattering with every breath I take. Shuddering, I suddenly remember what makes just such a noise. Ryland's arms tighten protectively around me, holding me close. He buries my head against his chest so I can't see what is stampeding towards us. But I fight against his arms needing to see just how precarious our situation has become. I brush the hair quickly from my eyes as I catch my first glimpse of them.
At least a dozen, maybe more.
It's the faerie guard.
My heart stills before beating painfully against my chest.
And I wonder- will I now die a second time in Ryland's arms?
Chapter Sixteen
Ryland continues holding me as the faerie guard escorts us to the Crystal Palace. They don't bother separating us and for that I'm grateful. I don't think I could bear to b
e parted from him right now. My stomach churns with barely contained anxiety. The last time I came face to face with the Faerie Queen, she sentenced me to death.
There's almost a detached part within me that feels as if I'm visiting a foreign country where the customs are entirely different than my own. I can only stare wide eyed at everything we pass. Even the guards, with their elaborately formal uniforms, intrigue me on some surreal level. And they terrify me on another for they bring us ever closer to the Faerie Queen.
Before I know it, the Crystal Palace looms on the horizon before us. I gasp, not realizing that I have come to a complete stand still until Ryland tugs questioningly on my hand. So overwhelmed by the dazzling sight before me, I can't help but stare mutely. I've never seen anything like it in my life.
Oh, wait a minute, apparently I have.
In fact, I remind myself, for a short period of time I lived within these jewel encrusted crystal walls. Still, even though I was able conjure its image in my mind, it was like looking at a two dimensional image in a glossy magazine or on the internet. Seeing it in person is entirely different.
It's so immense, so improbable, that it steals my very breath away. I cannot help but be completely captivated even as I dread coming face to face with the queen who resides within these spectacular walls. If I ever doubted that I was truly in the Faerie Realm, I can question it no longer. I'm mesmerized by the sight of it. I gulp hoping that it won't be the last thing I see. Dread coils tightly in the pit of my belly at that thought.
But still, I can't stop my eyes from roving over it, trying to commit every single nuance of it to memory.
"It's the most amazing thing I've ever seen," I breathe softly.
He stares at it just as I do but he does not seem nearly as impressed as I am. "Yes, it is quite magnificent."
As we approach the palace, more guards throw open the doors. A feeling of deja vu creeps over me as I recall the last time this happened. With that memory, my heart crashes to the very bottom of my toes. Suddenly I find that I'm not so impressed with the opulent palace as I was only moments ago.
Once inside, we are ushered down a long pink and black marble corridor. I can't stop my eyes from bouncing around the cavernous crystal walls. Everything is so brilliant and light and spacious. The chandeliers, which drip diamonds, defy logic for they hang almost magically from the crystal ceiling. I cannot even begin to fathom how they are suspended because the chandeliers look so heavy. Perhaps the laws of physics don't apply here in Faerie Realm. At this point, anything is possible.
Our entrance causes quite a commotion among the faeries. I see hundreds of them gathering in the doorways and on balconies. I watch their eyes widen and their mouths gape as they see who is being escorted to their queen. There is much pointing and gasping. Many look as if they are seeing a ghost.
Actually, they’re eyeing me as if I am a ghost.
I press myself just a bit closer to Ryland as we continue across the checkered marble floor. Our footsteps echo throughout the corridor. I imagine everyone within the palace must be viewing our arrival and if not, they have certainly heard of it by now. I feel as if hundreds of eyes are crawling over us. Murmured whispers fill the charged air.
My awe at being surrounded by something so breathtaking and incredible has completely faded. The more faeries that crowd through the arched doorways, the more I realize how precarious our situation has become. Will she sentence me to death a second time? I squeeze Ryland's hand. He holds my eyes for a long heartbeat and in that suspended moment I know he will do whatever is necessary to get us both out of here alive. I'm just not sure if there is anything he can do. I remember the Queen being quite unmoved the first time I stood before her. It's doubtful this time will be any different.
My heart seizes as I catch my first glimpse of her. Gooseflesh ripples across my arms. I gulp, feeling the burn of those amethyst eyes and it all comes crashing back to me. She never liked me. She was more than happy for a reason to execute me.
A few more steps and we will be directly in front of her.
The urge to curtsey overtakes me and even though I have never once curtsied in my human life, I drop down before her as if I spent years practicing just such a move. I only rise when I feel Ryland assisting me upward. As I lift my head, I catch my first glimpse of her up close.
I can't help but gasp.
Just like the Crystal Palace, she is completely mesmerizing to look at. Long, thick gold hair that sweeps well past her breasts. I have to force my hands to stay at my sides because the urge to reach out and stroke it is almost overpowering. My hand tightens into fisted balls because I get the distinct impression that reaching out to actually caress her hair would be frowned upon. Her eyes are such an unusual hue of purple that they draw you unwillingly into their brilliant depths with their oddity and beauty. She is tall and athletic looking, resembling an amazon warrior. Her smile is chilling. It graces her silvery lips but does not reach her amethyst colored eyes.
Those are ice cold.
Frostbitten.
For just a moment I am able to gaze openly at her because her eyes continue to study Ryland. That's when I remember that this is not just the Faerie Queen. This is his mother. And she has not seen him in... well, I don't even know how long it has been. Ryland said something about searching for lifetimes for me. Is it possible that she has not seen him in hundreds of years? I glance at Ryland who stands stoically at my side. Our hands are joined and I see that our solidarity has not escaped her keen notice.
Finally her chilly gaze shifts to me and when it does, it feels like a frigid slap to my face. I almost stagger back against the sheer force of it. Ryland's hand quickly goes to my arm to keep me anchored at his side. Very slowly her eyes lick over my person and for the first time since ending up here... in this place... in this Faerie Realm or wherever I am, I become very aware that I am still wearing my running clothes. A pair of black shorts, a hot pink tank top, and pink running shoes. My hair is in a messy ponytail. For all I know, I still have a few leaves or maybe even some gravel in my hair from when I laid in the middle of the trail.
That feels like a lifetime ago.
A different lifetime entirely.
I have the sudden urge to straighten myself, to dust myself off but it's too late for that. Already I feel the heavy condemnation of her gaze as it settles upon me. I have the feeling that attempting to right myself now would only amuse her. And I refuse to do that. She already has the upper hand on several different levels. No need to add to it.
"Lilianna, I wish I could say that it is a pleasure to see you again, but it is not." Her voice is lyrical. Even though her lips move upward into an expression that should resemble a smile, it is the furthest thing from one. I actually shiver as she continues to hold my gaze. "You are looking..." she pauses and it is a calculated move, one that makes me feel even more ill at ease than I already am, "well."
Now that she has finished her silent perusal of me, her eyes slide back to her son, the Faerie Prince. "Really, Ryland? To give up the Faerie Realm for this?" Her fingers flick in my direction as if I am not even worthy of a full movement. I feel a crimson stain wash over my cheeks all the while wishing the pink and black marble floor would open up and swallow me whole.
I wait for his reply because surely he has one.
Surely he is going to defend me.
After all, our love has transcended time and space. Lifetimes. Maybe he'll say that my looks don't matter to him or that I'm simply having a bad hair day (which clearly I am). Or that I've been through a lot today (which clearly I have). Something... he should at the very least say something. Seconds slowly turn into minutes and still he says nothing.
He holds her eyes steadily and silently.
He looks- well, if not bored by all this, then at the very least, at ease in her regal presence. Outwardly he doesn't appear the least bit concerned about our future wellbeing which I suppose is an encouraging sign because right now, I'm feeling extremely concern
ed that we aren't going to live to see another day. Gulping, I glance around suddenly realizing that we’re in the grand ballroom. The very room where I took my own life. My eyes scan the gleaming checkered marble floor looking for any evidence of my death. But there is none.
"I had rather hoped you would return someday on your own, my dear, and take your rightful place as prince."
He continues to hold her gaze as if he is not afraid which is also encouraging because I'm terrified of her and have to admit that I'm glad she's no longer eyeing me like a piece of gum that has somehow become stuck on the bottom of her... my eyes slide down to the hem of her gorgeous iridescent gown. Sparkling golden toes peek out from beneath.
Huh.
"We both know you made that all but impossible, don't we?"
The corners of her silvery lips slowly slide upwards as if she is seriously amused by his retort. He's talking about my death and she's smiling like it was nothing at all. Less than nothing. And to her, perhaps it was.
After all, I was, I am, of no consequence.
"Your destinies were never meant to be entwined. She is not the one who was foretold to be the next faerie queen. You know that. Your duty was to marry her sister. Not only have you let the fey down but you have brought disgrace to all the faeries of this realm. You should be ashamed of yourself."
His fingers clamp down on my hand and I wince in pain. Perhaps he does not look outwardly angry but I feel it in the tightened hold of his clenched hand. He must feel me flinch because his eyes flick towards mine and there is a slight apology in his velvety brown depths before his grip loosens.
Only then do the Queen's words sink in.
My sister.
He was meant to unite with my sister.
Shaylee.
In my confusion and fear of being escorted to the palace, I had completely forgotten about her. Now that I am able to remember both lives, able to unite them within my mind, I can't help but gasp as it all slides jarringly into place.
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