In Spite of Everything

by Catherine Lievens

  Sometimes, Julian wondered if his relationship with Kari was normal. They were very close, and Kari hadn’t thought twice about climbing onto the bed, even though Kaspar was there. He was an adult, yet he was wrapped around Julian. Julian knew that wasn’t normal, but he also knew it was because of the way Kari had been raised. Julian hadn’t had a choice. He’d been the only person in his son’s life for so long, and it still had a big impact on Kari and how he behaved.

  “He’s fine,” Kaspar said. He didn’t look annoyed or angry at Kari’s presence. Julian was relieved. He and Kari were slowly growing apart, but it would take a while for Kari to stop feeling like Julian was the only person in his life. He had Calder, of course, but he still tended to come straight to Julian when he needed him.

  “Are you sure?” Kari sat up and looked both at Julian and Kaspar. “I’m sorry. I know I shouldn’t have barged in. Calder told me to slow down, but I was worried.”

  “You don’t have to apologize. I know you love your dad and that you worry about him,” Kaspar said. He grinned. “The next time, you really should knock. That way, we can put on underwear before you come in.”

  Kari grimaced. “I didn’t need to know that. Now I’m going to have nightmares. I should go and leave you to whatever you were doing before I got here.”

  “He’s kidding,” Julian reassured him. “We’re wearing pajama pants. Don’t worry.” He hesitated. He wasn’t sure how Kari would take their news. He had seemed to be okay with it when they talked about the possibility, but now that things were becoming a reality, he couldn’t help but wonder. Still, he had to tell Kari about this before Kari found out from someone else. “I’d like you to stay. We have to tell you something.”

  Kari sat cross-legged and looked at them. “Did you do it? Did you get Kaspar pregnant?” He grimaced again. “Actually, I’m not sure I want to know. I don’t want to imagine how you got him pregnant.”

  Julian reached out and gently slapped the back of Kari’s head. “Then don’t. How do you think I feel when I think about you getting pregnant? But yes. Kaspar is pregnant.” Julian paused and sucked in a breath. “And so am I.”

  Kari blinked. “I thought you couldn’t get pregnant again.”

  “I thought so too, but apparently, I misheard. Estelle said that she told me it would be hard for me to get pregnant considering everything, but not that it was impossible.”

  Kari grinned. “So your baby was an accident?”

  Julian slapped him again. “Never call your brother or sister an accident.”

  Kari paled and pressed his hands against his stomach. “Holy shit. I’m going to have two siblings, and they’re only going to be a few months younger than my own baby. We’re a fucked-up family.” He grinned. “But we’re a family. Can you believe that, Dad? We have a family.”

  Some days, Julian had a hard time wrapping his mind around that. “We have a family,” he confirmed.

  “We’re going to raise them together, right? I mean, I’m pretty sure you and Kaspar are going to need help, especially with your job.”

  “We haven’t talked about this yet,” Kaspar said. He wrapped an arm around Julian’s shoulders and pulled him close, kissing his temple. “We only found out we were pregnant yesterday. But Alex already suggested we move closer to the alpha’s house, and we agreed. We want to be close by, especially since Scarlet will be about the same age as our kids. The three of them and yours can grow up together.”

  “I never thought this would happen,” Kari said wistfully. “Some days, I’m still not convinced it’s real.”

  It hurt Julian’s heart a little. He’d done his best with Kari. He’d raised him as well as he could have, but he knew he was only one man. Kari had missed a lot of things while growing up, and hopefully, his life now made up for it. “I know. It’s hard to believe, but we do have all of this now.”

  “I can’t believe that my dad is pregnant at forty-two. Jesus. Our family is going to be a weird one.” He grinned fiercely. “But I’m the only one who can say that. Anyone else, I’m kicking their asses.”

  Julian laughed. He wasn’t offended by the age thing. He knew he was old to have a child, especially with how Kari’s birth had gone. But it had been decades since he’d had Kari, and he felt ready for this new baby. He knew it would probably be his last, but that was okay. If he and Kaspar wanted more children, Kaspar could carry them. Giving birth wasn’t as important as Julian had believed. Whoever did it, it didn’t take anything away from the other father. He’d never thought about it that way because he’d only ever been a single dad, but he could see how true that was now.

  “So, have you already picked the names?” Kari asked. “Personally, I think you should stick with the K thing. I mean, you have Kaspar and me. How about Karina? Kayla? Kermit? No, I don’t like that one. Kenneth?”

  Julian laughed and shook his head. He shouldn’t have worried about how Kari would take the news. His son was happy for him, and that made him happier than he’d ever been. “We haven’t thought about it yet. Besides, we have time.”

  “Then you can start. Calder and I have been talking about names, too, but all the names he wants suck, and by that, I mean that they aren’t the names I want.”

  Julian leaned back against his pillows and listened to Kari babble about Calder’s suggestions. This was his life now, and he couldn’t have been happier.

  * * * *

  Kaspar, Julian, and Kari headed downstairs after about an hour. Kari had allowed Kaspar and Julian to wash up and dress—thank God—and they’d waited until the breakfast crowd had dissipated. Kaspar felt slightly guilty at not being on the move yet, taking care of cleaning the house or planning meals, but he felt that both he and Julian deserved to take a day off after the night they’d had. Besides, there were more than enough people in the house. Someone else could cook or empty the dishwasher.

  “Why don’t the two of you head to the living room?” he told Julian and Kari. “I’ll go to the kitchen to grab something to eat.”

  “I’ll come help you,” Julian suggested.

  Kaspar shook his head. “Don’t worry. Go sit with your son. I’m sure you won’t mind some alone time with him.”

  Kari hooked his arm around Julian’s and pulled him away. “You’re right. We don’t mind. Thank you.”

  Kaspar watched them walk away, slightly bemused. That was how he generally seemed to feel when Kari was involved. He knew Kari would always be a part of his life, but even though Kari could be a sweetheart and obviously loved his dad, he was also fucking weird.

  Kaspar went to the kitchen and got started on breakfast. Since they would eat in the living room and it was late, he didn’t want to go overboard, so he limited himself to making a few peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and grabbing orange juice from the fridge. When he got to the living room with his tray, Julian and Kari were sitting next to each other with their heads close as they talked.

  Kaspar paused for a moment to watch them. He’d never realized how much they looked like each other, and it was a bit weird. Julian was like an older version of Kari, with a few more wrinkles and some gray hair, but to Kaspar, he was the most gorgeous of the two. No matter how similar they looked, Kaspar could never have fallen in love with Kari. He was harder than Julian, strong-willed and provocative. He knew what he wanted, and he never hesitated to say out loud exactly what he thought, and in detail. Julian, on the other hand, was gentler and softer, and it amazed Kaspar that he was like that after everything he’d gone through.

  It was true that the rape had happened twenty-six years before, but still. It was an experience that would have changed anyone, and it had no doubt changed Julian. It was hard to see how, though. Kaspar hadn’t known Julian back then. He hadn’t even been born. Julian had been a teenager, and he’d spent the following twenty-six years alone. Who knew who he would have become if those things hadn’t happened?

  But he wouldn’t have been Kaspar’s then. He woul
dn’t have been who he was now, the man Kaspar was in love with. It was a moot point. Julian would never get back what he’d lost, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t have a future.

  Kaspar saw something move from the corner of his eye, but when he turned, no one was there. He huffed at himself and finally walked into the living room. Julian looked up and smiled at him, and like always, it made Kaspar’s heart go pitter-patter.

  Julian started to rise to his feet, but Kaspar shook his head. “Stay there.” He put the tray onto the coffee table. “I didn’t know what you wanted, Kari, but I can go back to the kitchen.”

  Kari snatched one of the sandwiches from the tray and settled back against the couch, rubbing his stomach. “This is perfect. Thank you.”

  Kaspar settled down. It was always strange to be with Julian and Kari together. They were a unit, and they tended to isolate themselves. Kaspar doubted they even realized they did. They were so used to being each other’s entire life that it was instinctive to them. Kaspar didn’t mind. Julian had told him a lot of things about his and Kari’s life in the forest, and Kaspar had been horrified at most of it. He fully understood why Julian and Kari were so close.

  “So, what’s next for you?” Kari asked around a mouthful of bread, peanut butter, and jelly.

  Julian glared at him. “I’m pretty sure I taught you to eat with your mouth closed, too.”

  Kari shrugged and grinned, showing Julian his stained teeth. Julian rolled his eyes and focused on his breakfast.

  “We should probably talk to Thomas,” Kaspar said. “I know Alex offered to find us a house, but Thomas is still the alpha. I doubt he’ll object to us moving out of here, but he needs to know. Besides, he’s probably the best person to ask where we can find an empty house.”

  “Alex said we might have to have one built,” Julian said. “There won’t be a lot of time, though. Nine months seem long, but we don’t even have that.”

  Kari bounced on the couch. “I think there’s an empty house close to Calder’s.” He paused and looked at Kaspar. “Unless you don’t want to live that close to me?”

  Kaspar blinked. “Why wouldn’t I?”

  Kari shrugged. “I don’t know. Some people think that Dad and I should put more distance between us. That I’m an adult and that I shouldn’t be so close to him.”

  Kaspar wasn’t surprised. He was surprised that someone had mentioned that to Kari, and he couldn’t help but wonder if whoever had done so was still breathing. He knew he needed to be very careful about what he was about to say. He had to keep a balance between what he wanted, and what would be right for Julian and Kari. “I don’t mind living next door to you. I think it would make Julian happy, and when he’s happy, I am, too. Besides, our children might be your kid’s uncles or aunts, but we’ll raise them like cousins, and I want them to be that close. I could do without you barging into our bedroom, though.”

  Kari nibbled on his lower lip. “So the only thing you have against my relationship with my dad is that I don’t knock?”

  “I love that you and your father are close, and I don’t care what other people say. I don’t expect the two of you to put distance between you or something like that. I do expect you to knock on private doors, though. I don’t care if you walk into our kitchen or whatever without waiting for us to invite you in, but bedrooms are different.” Kaspar grinned. “Although if I have it my way, you might walk in on something you don’t want to see even in the kitchen.”

  Kari paled. “I’ll knock. I promise.”

  Kaspar nodded. “Then we’re okay.”

  The relief on Kari’s face was obvious, and surprising, since Kari didn’t like to show how he felt to anyone but his dad and Calder. Kaspar was humbled to see that Kari trusted him, too.

  Kari stuffed the last bite of his sandwich into his mouth. “Good. So when are you talking to Thomas? And Estelle? You both need to see her. Especially you, Dad.”

  “Will you stop implying I’m old?” Julian grumbled, but there was no heat in the words.

  “I never said anything about you being old!”

  Kaspar leaned back against the couch and munched on his sandwich as he listened to them. He would never get rid of Kari, not if he wanted Julian in his life, so he supposed he should get used to this kind of conversation.

  * * * *

  Julian watched Kari climb down the porch steps. His pregnancy was getting more obvious, and it made Julian happy. It also reminded him that he was pregnant, too, that he would soon be in Kari’s position. God, there was so much to do. He and Kaspar needed to find a home, to get furniture, to get ready for two babies. He wasn’t sure how they would manage to do that with so little time left, especially with his job, but they would have to.

  And that was without even considering what would happen once the babies were born. Julian would have to take time off, of course, but he hated to think about Kaspar alone at home with two newborns once he inevitably went back to work.

  Julian waved one last time, then he stepped back into the house and closed the door. He turned to go back to the living room, where he, Kari, and Kaspar had talked for the better part of the morning. They’d had a nice chat, and it was one of the things that Julian missed the most about being with his son. He and Kari were used to spending so much time together that it was still weird not to see him every day. He was close by, though, so they could if they wanted to, but they were both busy.

  To Julian’s surprise, Calum was in the living room when he stepped in. Kaspar was still on the couch, dozing, and Julian went to sit next to him. He eyed Calum, wondering what was happening. He wasn’t about to ask, even though Calum was kind of creeping him out, hovering by the door and watching them.

  After a few moments, he couldn’t stop himself. “Do you need anything?” he asked.

  Kaspar jerked, then sat up, rubbing his eyes. “What?” he asked.

  Julian patted his knee. “Not you. Calum.”

  Kaspar blinked. “Calum is here?”

  “I wasn’t spying, I swear,” Calum said.

  “I never said you were spying.”

  Calum bit his lower lip and stepped closer. “I wasn’t spying, but I heard you talking with your son.”

  “Yes?” Julian could only imagine what Calum had heard. It wasn’t like he remembered every single thing he’d told Kari.

  “You told him you and Kaspar were going to leave the Bishop House.”

  Julian hadn’t expected that, but then he hadn’t expected Calum to talk to him. The bat shifter always kept to himself. He had one of the single rooms, and Julian didn’t think he’d seen him more than a handful of times since he’d arrived at the Bishop House. Calum stayed in his bedroom as much as he could, coming down only for meals, and even then, he’d snatched the food and gone back upstairs more than once.

  “Is it true? Are you leaving?” Calum asked.

  Julian looked at Kaspar, who shrugged. Kaspar had been at the Bishop House longer than Julian, so he knew Calum better, but Julian doubted anyone knew Calum well.

  “Well, Julian and I are both pregnant,” Kaspar said. “We’ll have two babies very close together, and we’ll need help, as well as a more private space for our family.”

  Calum nodded. “Of course. There are too many people here.” He sucked in a breath. “I want to go with you. I want to live with you.”

  Julian’s mouth fell open. This, he really hadn’t expected. “You want to live with us?”

  Calum stepped closer. “I promise I won’t bug you. I’ll take care of the babies. I’ll be a live-in babysitter. Just, please, say yes. I can’t go home.”

  Julian raised his hand and gestured toward the second couch. “Why don’t you sit down and talk to us? I’m not saying no, but I’d like to understand what’s going on and why you suddenly want to come with Kaspar and me when you’ve barely talked to me since I arrived.” And Julian didn’t think Calum had talked to Kaspar any more than he had to him.
<
br />   Calum sat on the edge of the couch as if he expected to have to bolt at any second. “You know what happened when the cete was attacked.”

  “I was here. I know.”

  “So you know that the bats abandoned the cete. They stood back when they were needed, even though the cete helped them by taking me in. My alpha thinks that being on the right side of the council is the only thing he needs to do, but I don’t think that’s true. It’s a good thing, of course, but he should have done more, considering what the cete is doing for him.” He swallowed. “The cete gave me a home when no one else would. I know I haven’t been grateful or anything like that. I stayed by myself because I was afraid. And I still am. I’m terrified of losing all of this. Some days I still can’t believe I have it. But what the bats did wasn’t fair. They should have helped the cete. I don’t want to go back, and now that there are new laws in place, I don’t have to. But I also don’t have any other place to go.”

  “Thomas won’t ask you to leave the Bishop House anytime soon if you don’t want to,” Kaspar pointed out. “You know he’s not that kind of person.”

  “I know. But I hate feeling useless. I hate feeling the way I feel now, as if no one likes me. And I know it’s because of the way I behave. I understand that, and I’ll try to change. But I don’t like living here. There are too many people, too much noise.”

  Julian couldn’t help but smile. “You do know how much noise two babies make, right?”

  “I know, but it’s different. And I promise I can help you with the babies. I’ll take care of them, and I’ll do the housework and everything else.”

  “You don’t have to make those kinds of promises.”

  “I know. I just want to go with you.”

  Julian looked at Kaspar. He wasn’t sure he could make that kind of promise, but he wanted to. He’d just been thinking that he and Kaspar would need help once the babies arrive, and probably toward the end of their pregnancies, too. It would be easier for them to have someone who lived in the house with them, that was for sure.