Chosen Love: A BWWM Romance (Blazin' Love Book 4)

by Ja'Nese Dixon

  “Taylor.” He leans closer to the screen.

  “Welp, we’re here. Love you. Bye.” I disconnect the call.

  "What was that?" She's not eating, and I'm fighting to control this situation.

  “Nothing. I’m stressed with the new clients and extra contract work.” I give a weak-ass smile. I can’t be pregnant. Not after all these years. Hell, that’s why I stood by Les because I felt as if my inability to have children had cheated him out of being a father.

  “What’s going through your head?” Charlee moves closer.

  “Nothing.” I can’t say a word until I’m sure. “Promise.”

  “Are you sure?” Her concerned gaze makes me feel guilty for lying.

  "Yeah. Now eat your nasty sandwich." I give her elbow a bump to push the sandwich to her mouth. Her eyes squint, and I look out the window.

  But what if I am? Panic is threatening to spill out.

  How can I be terrified and thrilled at the same time?

  Thankfully, Charlee goes back to eating and calls Darius. While he's keeping her occupied, I'm having an internal breakdown because I've found the perfect guy who's doesn't want kids.

  At all.

  I watch the city roll by, and I'm numb, not knowing what to feel.

  What if this universe of Zach’s is giving me what I’ve always wanted? It gave me love. What if it’s giving me a baby too?

  I don't think it's possible. But I didn't trust it last time, and now I'm in love. So, instead of doubting, I choose to believe what will be will be.

  I close my eyes and let my heart whisper a prayer. I lightly place a hand on my stomach.

  Please let my womb carry the baby safely.

  Please let the baby be healthy.

  What about Zach? I can’t imagine my life without Zach. I can’t lose the man I love because of a miracle. God wouldn’t let that happen. Right?

  Zach always talks about the universe bringing us what we need when we need it. Well, I think the universe is smoking dope. Because it waits until I finally came to terms with not having children and I found a man who doesn't want them. It waits until I'm truly happy to pop this on me.

  I drop my head to my hands. I've lost my mind for real. I have to turn my thinking around. That too I can attribute to Zach. He's always hopeful and loving, and when he decides he goes for it.

  So I decide to see the good happening in my body. I acknowledge that God would give me this baby because I am happy, and I am loved, and it's not a one-sided relationship like before. But will Zach leave?

  A lone tear crawls down my cheek, and I'm quick to brush it away. Glancing next to me, she's oblivious to my heart-breaking inches away from her.

  Charlee bursts out laughing. Her head is back, and her feet are stomping. I can't hear Darius' side of the conversation, but I love love on her. Charlee wears it well.

  I take several deep breaths as the SUV stops in front of S&J. Then I get a text.

  Love you, whatever it is it's not bigger than us. I stare at the text message wanting to believe we are strong enough. But I'm just not sure. So, in the spirit of hope and love, I have to trust my love for Zach and his love for me.

  I type, Love you too. Then I add the heart emoji.

  We step out with our rolling luggage. In a matter of seconds, the guys surround us dancing in a circle. The distance has made our friendships stronger. We turn to head inside when Hunter places a hand on my arm.

  "Let me talk with you for a second."

  Oh no, can she tell? I'm silly. She can't possibly know because I'm not pregnant. We step inside and stop in the air-conditioned waiting area. The scent of the food from the courtyard assaults my nose, and I can't hold it any longer.

  I take off running praying I make it to the bathroom in time.

  * * *

  I step out of the stall to wash my hands. I'll call my doctor tomorrow. This trip home comes at a perfect time. I walk out of the bathroom, and the guys are waiting.

  I give them the same spiel that I gave Charlee. Harper slips her arm through mine, and Parker offers her place for us to hang out since it's crowded at S&J.

  I grab a can of Sprite from the bar before we head out. I ride with Parker while the others order the food. I volunteer to help set her place up for a mega slumber party.

  Parker Belle Hamilton is one of the guys that gladly followed in her parents’ footsteps. She's one of the top real estate agents in Austin. She owns property all over the city, and she's spreading her business to Houston and Dallas.

  “You sure you’re okay?” Parker asks as we get settled.

  "Yes, I think I need this time at home to refresh and take a few days off. Can I get a tour of your mini-mansion?"

  "Come on, and I'll get some more blankets."

  We walk through her house. “This is definitely a place for entertaining.”

  "I doubt I'll entertain, but it should hold its market value and net me a nice profit when I'm ready to sell."

  “Speaking of sell, could you help me find a place here?”

  She looks over at me. “Everything okay?”

  "Yeah, sure. I think it would be nice to have a place of my own. I could rent it out or something."

  "Right." She nods, and it's like my inner turmoil is written on my face. "Taylor, secrets are acid to a relationship."

  “I just need a few days to sort it out.”

  “How soon do you need a place?” The doorbell rings. “Hold that thought.”

  She leaves me alone, and I step out onto her patio, and the sun hits the pool at the perfect angle. The rays of sunshine shimmer across the water’s surface. The beauty doesn’t outshine the calculation in my head. I’ve secretly had health issues with uterine fibroids and polyps since I started my menstrual cycle.

  No one knows. Not even my guys.

  I've never had surgery, and I've never been pregnant even after recklessly trying. Les cheated with the woman I call his ex when in reality he was sleeping with her for years. I figured who would want a woman that can't have children. So, I stayed.

  The guys step outside, and I slap on my happy face. Tonight, I'll laugh and have a great time with them and tomorrow I'll face this issue head-on.

  Alone.

  Chapter 10

  Zach

  "Man, you better be glad I'm your best friend," I tell Darius. Somehow, I've turned into his assistant wedding planner.

  “Stop grumbling. I’ll help you do the same.” He laughs as we enter S&J. It’s been over a year since Taylor moved to San Francisco. I stop looking at the bar. I can’t believe I met her at that bar almost two years ago.

  Time truly flies. We head to the conference room. Today we’re meeting with the guys to plan Darius’ surprise wedding. I’ve watched this man change in front of my eyes.

  “I’m proud of you, D.”

  He smiles. “What brought that on?”

  I shrug. “I’ve seen the changes in you and Charlee is good for you.”

  "She is, and now I'm about to be a father. I only hope I know what I'm doing." He nervously takes a drink of water.

  “What do you mean?”

  “You know exactly what I mean. We grew up without our fathers. I don’t know how to change a diaper. I’ve never even held a baby until Hunter had the twins.”

  Kids.

  It seems everywhere we turn Taylor’s guys are having babies. Hunter, Harper, and now Charlee. The more they announce this baby shower or that I see her changing. But when I ask her, Taylor gives me that same fake smile. I'm fighting to trust her. However, her repeat trips to Austin make it hard to remain hopeful.

  I turn to Darius. This is about him marrying Charlee and not me and my growing suspicions. “Don't worry about it. I think when you have your own kid, you'll naturally get the hang of it."

  Darius glances around as if to ensure we are alone. “But what if I don’t?”

  "Then we'll go on YouTube." He stares at me in shock, and we laugh it off. "Don't sweat it, man. I'll do some re
search. There must be a new daddy class or something."

  "Dude, thanks. Find it, and I'll go."

  “And I’ll go with you.”

  He taps our fists as the guys enter the room. I scan their faces looking for my lady. I haven't seen her in two weeks. But she's not with them.

  I look towards Parker since she sits closest to me. “Hey, Parker, where’s Taylor?”

  “She had a doctor’s appointment. She should be here any second. Judging by your face you didn’t know that.”

  “No.” I sit back.

  "It's probably a girly checkup." She smiles, but I'm not buying it.

  “Excuse me.” I head to the door.

  “Zach man, you all right?” Darius stands.

  "I'm cool. Start without me. I need to make a call."

  I know Taylor’s changing. It hurts because I know she’s keeping something from me. I block out the nagging feeling that this is exactly what I think it is. But I don’t want to put words to it. I don’t want to give my past ground to kill my future. Not when I’ve done everything to make this relationship different, to make myself different.

  I pull out my phone hitting speed dial before I make it outside. Her phone rings and I hear a sound in the distance. Naturally, I turn towards it. I see her heading my way, but she's not alone. I disconnect the call. She stares at the screen and drops the phone in her shoulder bag.

  Taylor’s fucking around.

  "Trust her, Zach. Trust her. She loves you." I say the words as she walks toward the front door of S&J, waiting for her to notice me. It's early evening, and the sun is setting. She obviously doesn't see me. The right thing to do is to wait for a reasonable explanation.

  Rage causes my head to throb, and I don't think it's possible for me to hurt this much. But it is because I am. Because I've been here before…I’ve been here before. I spin away squeezing the bridge of my nose to keep my thoughts in check.

  Taylor reaches for the handle, and I step forward. "Hey, babe."

  “Zach.” She jumps back a little. “What are you doing here?”

  The words hang between us. The world slams to a halt.

  “I’m here to meet with the guys about the wedding. What are you doing here with him?”

  "Right." She turns to the guy standing back. Her eyes swing between us. "Zach, this is Les. Les, Zach."

  “Les…" I step back. "Excuse us. I need to talk to my lady alone." I look at him. I see his calculating glance as he sizes me up. "Look, let me help you out. This isn't about you. But if you stay, I make it about us."

  “You don’t know me.” Les steps forward.

  “I know all I need to know. So, do yourself a favor.” I step forward then I feel Taylor’s hand on my arm.

  "It's not what you think." Taylor's hands usually calm the storms in my life. But now I'm not sure of anything, and it's her fault.

  I glance down. "How do you know what I think? It's obvious I know nothing about what you're doing down here. Nonstop trips. Secret doctor's appointments. You show up with your ex-boyfriend. So, tell me, Taylor, what am I thinking right now?" I can't control the incremental rise of my voice.

  “Don’t raise your voice at her!”

  "Zach, listen to me. I can explain." Her body is against mine, and I need space too, or I'm going to lose it. I remove her hands, and she grips tighter.

  “Tae, think about the baby.”

  I turn towards Les and back to Taylor. “Baby…what baby?”

  “Les, stop!”

  “This day is getting fuckin’ better by the minute.” I turn to Les. “Touch me and APD will take both of us to jail because I could kill you with my bare hands right now.”

  "Listen to me, Zach. Look at me."

  “Taylor, I can’t. I never thought I’d say that to you or that you’d do this to me.” I kiss her cheek and walk away from my life.

  I drop my head running my hands through my hair. I hear her call my name. I grind my teeth, trying to overpower the ache in my heart.

  I have to leave because I can't stay if she's cheating. And even if she's not cheating, she lied to me.

  This is the type of trigger that will land me in jail or worse prison. I place one foot in front of the other, realizing this hurt is different. But some way I'll have to move on, again.

  I love Taylor, but I promised myself I'd never love someone more than I love myself. And with every step, I pretend I want to know what it's like to live without my heart.

  Chapter 11

  Taylor

  Zach won't return my calls. I disconnect the phone for the millionth time, not leaving a voicemail. Then I remember how good we are together. Before I lose my nerve and listen to my ego screaming, Leave his ass alone. I send a text message, I love you.

  "What are you trying to teach me? What do you want from me?" I scream because screaming alone in these four walls is all I have. The kicking halts my fit. "I'm sorry, Junior."

  His child grows in my womb. Every day my waist is an inch wider, my breasts are fuller. But I'm a high-risk pregnancy, and my doctors banned flying.

  So, to protect our child, I do what I can to get through to Zach. I call, I email, I text, and he ignores every single one.

  How long am I supposed to wait? When is it time to move on? When is it time to give up?

  I see the hurt in Zach's eyes every time I close my eyes. Les saw me sitting in my car, looking at the ultrasound. Then he blurted it out in front of Zach ruining the surprise and my relationship.

  "I'm fighting to save our family. But I'm tired of being invisible, Junior." He kicks, and it feels like, Hang on, Mommy.

  I can’t control the tears. It’s like he knows I’m thinking about his father. I cling to knowing I’ll see Zach tomorrow at the wedding.

  After Zach's reaction to Les blurting out my pregnancy, I've kept it to myself. The only people that know are my doctors, my mother, Les, and Zach. I hear a knock at my door. I stand walking to it, I peek out, and like clockwork it's Les.

  I open the door. “I really wish you’d stop.”

  “I got your favorite.” He extends a bag of food.

  I shake my head. “Les, stop doing this to yourself and please stop doing it to me.

  “I’m not giving up on us.”

  "You already have." I feel a pain rush through my body. I grip the door handle. The Braxton Hicks started, and it's much too soon. "I need to lay down. Please leave and don't come back."

  "But I miss you, Taylor, and I still love you."

  "Love… What do you know about love? Does Jovonta know you're here every day? What about your kids? Are you thinking about your love for them right now?"

  His face drops. “No, but I can’t stop loving you.”

  "You already have. The moment you slept with another woman, and she had your child, your love for me ceased to exist."

  "I love my kids, and I regret hurting you. I will never love another woman like I love you.”

  I shake my head. "Well, then you need to learn a different form of love. Did you ever consider how it broke my heart to see her have your child? Not once, but twice."

  "And then you tell her about my struggles to get pregnant, so she can throw it in my face. This is how you love me. The woman who had your back. You sleep around like a whore, and you run back to me, begging for forgiveness. Well, love, don't live here. Not for you."

  He steps back. The anger in his eyes shines like new pennies. Les is fine with his light brown skin and curly hair. I slept in his bed after he came home from being with other women. I washed the smell of his infidelity off his clothes.

  And this is why I'm fighting to get my man back. Because I never once doubted Zach's love for me. Never. I see a car stop near the curb over Les' shoulder, but I don't recognize it. I'm feeling weak, and I need to lay down before the long list of duties tomorrow.

  “Les, go home to your family. And if you love your kids, really love them. Treat their mother right. Give them what we never had. A mother and a father. I have
to go. Bye.”

  * * *

  Touching down in Austin drains the last ounce of energy from my body.

  "I'll understand if you can't do this," Darius says on the other end of the line.

  “I told you, I’d drag you down the aisle if I have to. Get off the phone. The fact that nosy Charlee hasn’t figured it out yet is a modern-day miracle.”

  Darius laughs as the door to the airplane opens. He chartered this one for me and all the decorations and treats from Delicious Chocolates.

  "Man, I need one more day, and I will be the man of the year."

  “No doubt. Look, I need to run. I got some things to do before tomorrow.”

  "Thanks, man, I owe you."

  “What did I tell you about that?”

  "Yeah, yeah, yeah. One day you'll need to cash in, and I won't refuse.”

  “Bye.” I laugh disconnecting the phone.

  I start the process of loading the items in the waiting vehicle. I’m thankful for Darius’ need to put together this secret wedding. It’s kept me busy. But it hasn’t kept the thoughts of Taylor away. Not with her calls, text messages, and voicemails. I listen to them every day and every night.

  I beg Charlee to tell me how she's doing. However, being a true friend, she tells me, "Call her and ask for yourself."

  The conversation we need to have can't happen by phone. It must happen in person. Walking away from her was the hardest thing I ever had to do in my life. And like a fool, I thought I'd move on. But everything in my house reminds me of her.

  I can’t sleep. I can’t eat. I can’t stop thinking about Les’ words. “Think about the baby.”

  “Driver, I need you to make a quick detour.”

  I give her address. The moment the SUV rolls to a stop, I regret my decision to just show up at her place.

  I see them, Taylor and Les, talking in the doorway of her house. But he's blocking my view from this angle.