Together Forever

by Siân O'Gorman

  Arthur had piped up and we all turned to listen. ‘I remember when we were at Mullaghmore, the ancient stones of the Burren in the county of Clare,’ he said. ‘Nora, you were there, and Nellie. Well, it was over twenty years ago now and the council wanted to build a huge coach park right beside the stones. Well, that couldn’t be right, not at all. And as they wouldn’t give in or come to some agreement after the letters I wrote… well, we had to dig in.’ He gave a chuckle. ‘Well, we didn’t actually dig in. That’s what the council wanted to do. The digging was what we wanted to avoid. Isn’t that right, Nora?’

  ‘How could I forget, Arthur? You facing down the bulldozer. Nellie sitting on top of the stones.’

  Nellie nodded happily. ‘I nearly fell off,’ she said. ‘Several times. But there was no way that bulldozer was coming anywhere near us. We were younger then...’

  ‘Okay,’ I said, keen to put an end to this trip down memory lane and get back to the matter at hand, i.e., moving the protestors on. ‘What if we ran a school-wide project on the trees and wildlife as a learning experience for the children? I just know how much they would gain from that. We will also promise to plant more trees on the school grounds. Recreate the Copse. And anyway, we may not even sell it. The board might not pass it. So, why don’t you go home and I will keep you all fully informed about the situation.’ I looked at them. ‘Okay?’

  But no one seemed to be listening particularly. Arthur was nodding away pleasantly. Nora was fiddling with her coat buttons. Nellie was digging through her handbag on the ground next to her. Leaf was stretching her neck out and it was only Robbo who seemed to paying any real attention.

  ‘We’re not going,’ he said. ‘I’m so sorry, Ms Thomas. We don’t want to inconvenience you or the children. But we can’t go.’

  ‘Why not?’

  ‘We can’t abandon the trees to an unknown fate, Tabitha,’ joined in Arthur, patiently. ‘They’ve all been here longer than we have. They are wiser and stronger than anyone of us, yet they are defenceless against the chainsaw.’

  ‘We’re staying,’ said Nora. ‘Aren’t we, Nellie?’

  ‘Oh yes,’ said Nellie. ‘I’ve got my hot water bottle just in case it turns a bit nippy. We’re used to a sit-in.’

  ‘So, we’re not going anywhere,’ Nora reiterated.

  ‘Right…’ I stood there, not knowing what to do. ‘But I would really like it if you would.’

  They all shook their heads. ‘Sorry,’ said Robbo. ‘We can’t. Even if we wanted to.’

  ‘We are beholden to stay,’ explained Leaf. ‘It’s what we have signed up for. Saving the natural world from evil.’

  ‘Evil is slightly strong…’ I looked at them all. ‘Please?’

  ‘Sorry, Tabitha. We’ll be here for as long as it takes.’

  And there was nothing more I could do except walk away, leaving my mother and her posse of protestors behind.

  Chapter Nine

  Back in my office, I thought I would just lay my head on my desk and stay there, motionless. Maybe forever. What with Rosie, and Red’s return, the protest was a confusion too far.

  A knock on my door. ‘Still here?’ It was Red.

  I’d spent eighteen years wondering about him and now he was here, I wished he would go back to California again. We could neither be colleagues or friends, however much we tried to pretend otherwise. It was just too awkward, the weight of our history clouding everything.

  ‘Red…’ I forced a smile. ‘How’s it going?’

  ‘Well, despite the fact that I don’t have a beard,’ he said, ‘it’s been surprisingly good.’

  ‘There’s still time.’ I smiled weakly. ‘Between now and the end of term to grow one.’

  ‘I could,’ he said. ‘I still have every chance of looking like a proper teacher.’ He smiled. ‘Listen, I wanted to ask about setting up a drama club with the girls. It could be a lunchtime thing, if we can get access to the hall. I asked them today if they were interested and they were all excited by the idea. It’s something I always did in the States: a lunchtime drama group, and I thought that we could get something together here. It’s what they need at this age. Something non-competitive, that’s not based on academic work. And they get to play. Something girls forget to do after a certain age. Or rather they are not encouraged to do.’

  Red had always been enthused about teaching, ever since we first trained together. He loved working with young people and it was heartening to see that he hadn’t lost his spark. ‘That sounds like a great idea,’ I said, smiling. ‘We just have to get permission from parents and work out the logistics. Will you talk to Mary about it in the morning?’

  ‘Okay… thanks Tab.’ I waited for him to go, but instead he lingered, as though there was something else.

  ‘Tab, I was wondering…I hope you don’t mind me asking but I’ve just seen your mother… protesting. What’s going on?’

  ‘Oh that?’ I said airily. ‘Nothing really.’

  ‘But it is your mother…?’ Any other brand-new teacher wouldn’t be quizzing me, I thought, feeling irritated at this liberty Red was taking. But then, why shouldn’t he take it? He wasn’t just a brand-new teacher. He was Red.

  ’Yes it’s her all right.’ I sighed. ‘It’s about a plan to sell a very small slice of land, nothing that anyone should get energised about, but they are merely exercising their democratic right to protest.’ It wasn’t just Michael who had the monopoly on pomposity, I thought, as I spouted forth. But I didn’t want Red to see that I wasn’t in perfect control of my life. He had to see I had made a real success of everything.

  ‘Why sell the land?’

  ‘It’s a way of bringing a much-needed cash injection into the school,’ I went on, loftily. ‘It’s actually a very good plan. We are really short of money to do things in the school such as fix a roof, buy some chairs… a few iPads…’

  ‘Really?’

  ‘Look, nothing has been decided. I said I would give this my full consideration. And I will. It has to go in front of the board first and then I get the final say.’

  ‘But you’re not going to do it, are you?’ he said. ‘You can’t sell the land… not for a few bits of plastic…’

  ‘Red, we need money. The school exists on handouts from our parents. Every week we have some kind of money-making ploy, whether it’s dress-up day, or a book sale. We are scrabbling for money all the time. We can’t afford to resurface the playground or replace any broken desks or… invest in technology.’

  ‘Right… Tabitha, I know it’s not my place…’

  I let that one hang there, hoping my silence would be enough of an answer.

  ‘But,’ he went on, oblivious to my annoyance, ‘really? Trees for technology. I didn’t think you would do that.’

  ‘Well, Red, you don’t know me that well, do you? And you shouldn’t suggest that you do…’

  Ignoring my rebuke, he pressed on, ‘and now you’ve got a protest outside. How long are they going to be there for? They look like they are quite happy already. You don’t need this. And the kids don’t need a protest on their doorstep. It’s not good for anyone. Come on, we’ll find another way of raising the money. A sponsored football match. Anything.’

  ‘It’s fine,’ I said, with a patronising smile. ‘I am totally in control of the situation. And anyway, Red, you’ve just joined the school. It’s hardly your concern.’

  ‘You’re right. I’m being presumptuous.’

  ‘And, it’s nothing,’ I said. ‘Just a little protest. My mother loves a protest, as you might remember. I think she was getting bored because she hadn’t had a good fight on her hands since last year’s save the lesser spotted earwig campaign. She’s been banned from her local health food shop because she complained so often about them using Israeli chickpeas in their hummus…’

  ‘But…’

  ‘This is what she’s like Red,’ I reminded him. ‘She likes a cause. Gives her a purpose in life.’ I could feel my face going red with
frustration and embarrassment. After all these years, Red had come back and instead of me showing him how together my life was, what a success I had made of things, the cracks, the reality, was already appearing.

  ‘Ah, a purpose. We all need one of those. I must get one, one of these days.’ He was helping me out, I knew that. He’d noticed how I was shifting awkwardly. ‘Look, I’m sorry, asking all those questions. It’s just that… I don’t know.’

  ‘It’s all right.’ I didn’t know where the lines were either.

  ‘Whatever happened to that man your mum used to go out with? What was his name?’

  ‘Finty. Finty Somethingorother. O’Brien. Finty O’Brien.’

  ‘Finty! That was him. Tattoo of some woman’s name.’

  ‘Bernadette. It looked as though it had been inked by someone with delirium tremens.’

  Red laughed and I found my mouth twitching into a smile too.

  ‘I asked him who Bernadette was once,’ I said. ‘She was a dog apparently.’

  Red’s loud guffaw echoed around the room. For a moment I wondered what it would be like if I brought him home for dinner, introduced him to Rosie. Could we be friends? It would be nice, I thought, having a new friend. A new old friend, someone who made me laugh. I wondered what his hand would feel like if I took it, if we went for a walk on the pier in Dun Laoghaire, where we always used to go. I wondered what life would have been like if only I hadn’t gone swimming that day. If only…

  Before

  Four in the morning and I had just hitched all the way from West Cork after leaving Nora and her boyfriend, Finty, at the Peace Camp on Mizen Head. Calling Red from a petrol station by the Red Cow Inn. And twenty minutes later, there he was. It was dark and cold and I had never been so tired. I had zigzagged my way up from the arse end of nowhere, thumbing lifts and waiting hours and hours. When I saw the old Nissan pulling into the forecourt, I burst into tears and then Red’s arms around me, the smell of his old jacket, the light stubble on his face. Him kissing me, in the grey light of the dawn.

  Chapter Ten

  I was hoping that my mother and the other protestors would have had the good sense to pack up and not return but every day for the following week, they turned up in the morning before the first bell and packed up to go home at 4pm, to return the following morning.

  On Friday, when I drove into school, there they were getting themselves sorted and giving me cheery waves. Robbo was pulling open a few picnic chairs and setting them at the stove where Nellie was already at the kettle, brewing up. Leaf had made what looked like a dandelion chain and was stringing it over her placards. It was as though they were settling in for Glastonbury.

  And there was Nora, mug of tea in her hand, in the glow of the gas stove, looking radiant. The pirate queen.

  I stopped the car and she walked over and peered in through my window.

  ‘Mum, I think you should go now,’ I said through the glass.

  ‘Go where?’ she said, innocently.

  ‘Home.’

  ‘Put your window down,’ she ordered. ‘That’s better. Now, we can’t leave, Tabitha. We explained it all to you. Not until that land remains part of the school.’

  ‘Mum… please.’

  ‘Sorry, Tab. Think of the trees.’

  ‘Think of me! I’ve got enough going on with everything. Rosie’s exams…’ I didn’t tell her about Rosie’s panic attack because I didn’t want to worry her. You see, that was typical. We all tiptoed around Nora, worrying about her feelings, but she never worried about any of us. Principles came first.

  ‘I know,’ she said, sweetly. ‘I know you do and it’s most unfortunate, but we don’t have the gift of time. The end of term is nigh,’ she went on. ‘By the way, tell Rosie to call me. I haven’t heard from her for ages.’

  ‘She’s finding it very tough,’ I admitted. ‘A lot of pressure.’

  ‘It’s too much,’ said Nora. ‘Too much for anyone, never mind a young girl.’

  ‘But how else is she going to get to college?’

  ‘There’s more to life than college,’ she answered. ‘You know that. I never went and neither did your grandmother. And look at us.’

  ‘Yes, look at you. Standing in a street protesting at some development. Trying to save trees that are probably riddled with some kind of disease and should for the good of their health be euthanised.’ My pomposity, I noticed, was coming along brilliantly. ‘Or chopped down, I suppose you could also say.’

  ‘Aha! You said development! Which is why, Tabitha, we are here. Vigilance at all times. You always have to be alert where people can smell money.’

  ‘Are you accusing me of being interested in money?’ I said, aghast. ‘My motives are purely for the benefits of the pupils.’

  ‘No, you’re not an avaricious person, Tabitha, I know that. But what about the other people involved. Be careful. Be suspicious. Always ask questions and never believe what you are told. That’s what I’ve learned in my fifty years as an activist.’

  ‘This is the modern world, Mum. You need to catch up.’ I was so annoyed that I revved off too quickly and thought for one terrible moment that I had run over her foot. I had to look in the rear-view mirror to check, but thankfully she was walking back to the others without a limp, and then, horribly, I wished I had run over her foot.

  *

  The children were my biggest concern. It wasn’t fair on them to have to walk past a protest everyday – however friendly the faces of the protestors – and not know what was going on. I needed to explain that whatever the school was planning was in their interests. And so I turned to the locus of any well-run school, the place where we gather as a community. I called a Special Assembly.

  Standing at the front of the hall, the children cross-legged in front of me, the teachers, including Red, in a row at the back, I waited for silence.

  I looked around at the school. Eighty bright little faces looked back. God, it felt good to be a teacher. You felt such a weight of responsibility, such trust. It was the most rewarding job in the world and although I wasn’t in the classroom as much as I would have liked, my days consumed with the logistics of running a school, I still took great pride in our pupils.

  ‘Now, to the reason why we’ve called this Special Assembly.’ I smiled at them all and took my time, speaking slowly, to let them hear my words. There was pin-drop hush and I felt like a great actor on the stage, my audience in the palm of my hand. Now, Red could see how together my life was. What a success I was. How good I was at my job.

  ‘I am sure,’ I said, ‘that many of you are asking questions about the group of people who’ve been standing outside the school all week. Does anyone know what it’s about?’

  They were an intelligent bunch and we would be able to have an interesting discussion, I was sure, explaining both sides of the argument and why it was so important that people were allowed to protest in this day and age. And I could explain what we would gain if we were to sell the land. I was feeling pretty confident, as I stood looking down at all the innocent faces, that they would see it from my point of view. Yes, we appreciated the Dalkey Wildlife Defenders point of view, and could even have a week looking at different forms of democratic protest. Projects. Outings. All sorts of things. This could be extremely beneficial to the school. This could be A Learning Experience. But more than anything, selling the land was A Very Good Thing for the school. One girl put up her hand.

  ‘Yes, Molly?’

  ‘They had a sign about saving squirrels. But why, what’s going to happen to the squirrels?’

  ‘Thank you, Molly,’ I smiled indulgently. ‘Yes, that’s what they say, they do want to save squirrels…’

  ‘Are you killing squirrels?’ Her eyes were wide with horror. ‘I love squirrels. We have some in our garden. We leave nuts out for them.’

  ‘No,’ I said firmly. ‘No Molly. We are definitely not killing squirrels. I love them too. Everyone loves squirrels, don’t they? It’s about where squirrels l
ive. Can anyone tell me where squirrels live?’

  Hands shot up.

  ‘Charlotte?’

  ‘Houses?’ Some of our pupils had other gifts rather than purely academic ones.

  ‘No, not quite… well, maybe to them they are houses, so perhaps, technically, you are right, Charlotte, but there’s another word I’m looking for. Trees. We all love trees don’t we.’

  ‘Are you killing trees as well?’

  ‘No Molly. There won’t be any tree killing.’ I really hoped this promise did not turn out to be an empty one.

  For a moment I looked up and made eye contact with Red. But he gave me nothing, no sense of quite how well or badly this was going, but there was a palpable atmosphere that this special assembly was special for all the wrong reasons as everyone stopped breathing for a moment and waited to hear how I would defend myself from accusations of squirrelicide and tree felling.

  ‘Well, we are thinking of selling a section of land. The Copse. The overgrown bit, the nettley area full of brambles.

  ‘The nature area?’ one girl called out.

  ‘Where we go and watch the butterflies,’ said another.

  ‘Yeah, we love the Copse,’ said another voice.

  ‘The adventure area!’

  ‘What’s that, Abigail?’ I said.

  ‘It’s the best place in the school,’ said Abigail, who was sitting at the side of the room. ‘We are allowed to play there sometimes and it’s magic. Like anything could happen.’

  ‘Like what? Do you mean tripping up or having some kind of accident?’ I’d had no idea that the children were even particularly aware of the Copse or that it had become imbued with magical properties but I was definitely aware that my little chat wasn’t going to plan.

  ‘No. Like you can have an adventure.’

  All the girls began nodding and voices began chattering, the sound in the room was filled with happy memories about being in the Copse.

  Another hand up. ‘Poppy?’

  ‘Is it in trouble? Are we going to save it like the people outside?’