He Restores My Soul (The Langston Family Saga Book 1)

by LaShonda Bowman

  The walls and just about every available surface was covered with framed pictures of the family. The boys, the parents, all of them together, each of them separately. And every photograph had one thing in common—expressions of complete joy. It was the kind of thing Pam had only seen on TV. The kind of thing she thought was only meant for stories in books. But here she was, standing in the midst of it. An honest-to-goodness, happy family that loved one another more than anything else.

  She found her way to the fireplace mantle that seemed dedicated solely to photographs of Xavier. From pictures of him as a newborn in the hospital, all the way up to recent candids of him with his brothers.

  Esther came up beside Pam and pointed to one picture in particular. "That's always been my favorite."

  Pam could see why. It was Xavier around two years old. He sat in his highchair with a pickle in each hand and a grin so full of glee, his eyes were nothing but two slits.

  "That child is a pickle fool." Esther laughed, loud and vivacious, causing Pam to laugh, too. "My Lord! He would eat absolutely anything we put in front of him. And I mean anything. But don't let him see a pickle. The child would lose his mind!”

  She looked at Pam, her eyes wide and disbelieving. "Do you know we actually had to hide the jars behind other stuff in the refrigerator when he was growing up? Have you ever heard of anything like that?"

  She had. Its name was Kristina.

  Esther moved in closer to Pam and lowered her voice. "How's your sister doing, baby?" Her tone was gentle and without judgment. As far as most people knew, Kristina had just collapsed. But Pam was sure at least some congregation members knew the truth. She wondered if Esther was one of them.

  "Better. God’s working it out."

  Esther nodded and put her hand on Pam's back. "The Word says if any two touch and agree, so you can count me in as agreeing with you."

  Pam felt a lump rise in her throat. From the moment she realized what her mother might’ve done, she’d felt so much anger and loss. But if this was the result, if the outcome of her mother’s deception was that Xavier grew up with these people and in this house, how could she be angry? Xavier had better parents than she and her sisters ever did.

  At that point, Pam was pretty much convinced that Xavier was Kristina's son. But she still needed some sort of solid confirmation before she went to her sisters with the revelation. This was too much of a life-changing event to not be 100% sure.

  "I should probably get going. Would you mind walking me out to my car?"

  Esther rubbed her back. "I'd be happy to, baby!”

  Pam said her goodbyes to Xavier and Deacon, then she and Esther went outside. All the way out to the car, Esther chatted about how much the family loved Mahalia and how big a fan Xavier was of Kristina.

  Pam stopped at the driver’s side, but made no move to unlock the door. She lingered for a moment, trying to decide how in the world to even ask the question she needed answered. She decided to start small and work her way up.

  “Umm, has a man named Taylor Lincoln contacted you?"

  Esther squinted her eyes and tilted her head. "Not that I know of. I suppose he could’ve talked to my husband, but Deacon hasn't mentioned it to me. Who is it?”

  “My mother's lawyer. He might be waiting to talk to me and my sisters before contacting you. But since I’m here, I might as well tell you. Mama left everything she had to Xavier."

  Esther’s mouth dropped open and she shook her head. "That must be a mistake. I mean, they were close, but I don't see why… Everything?"

  "Everything."

  Esther put her hands up, waving them. "Don't you worry yourself for even one minute about that. I know Xavier. He wouldn't want y’alls inheritance going to him. I don't know what she could have been thinking to do that—“

  Pam put her hand on Esther's arm. "No, you misunderstand. There's no hard feelings, whatsoever. She left it to him because she wanted him to have it and we fully support that."

  "But it doesn't make sense. I just don't understand why she would do something like that. Why would she leave it to him and not her daughters?”

  "I think I know why. But I need you to answer a question for me to confirm it."

  "Okay." Esther straightened her back, focusing all her attention on what Pam was about to say.

  "The night he came to you… Do you remember what he was in? Could he have been wrapped in a towel? A burgundy one?"

  Esther’s eyes grew wide and she took a step back. "Yes… He was in a towel and inside a—“

  “Shoe box."

  Esther's hands flew to her mouth.

  “It was for work boots, wasn’t it?”

  "How could you know that?”

  Pam shut her eyes and pressed her lips together in an effort to hold back the avalanche of emotion that threatened to wipe her out.

  There was no denying it now.

  She no longer had to defend herself against the hope it could be true.

  It was true.

  Xavier was Kristina's son and he was alive and well.

  Tears streamed down Pam's face as she choked out the words.

  "I know because I was there the night he was born."

  Chapter 17

  By the time Pam got back to the hotel suite, most of the lights inside were turned off. As she entered, she saw only a faint glow coming from the direction of the hallway. No sooner than she’d taken her coat off, Robin came rushing around the corner.

  “Where have you been? Are you all right? We were on the phone one second and you were gone the next. I tried calling back but didn't get a response."

  Pam put her hand on her forehead. "I turned the volume off before I went inside the church and forgot to turn it back on. I’m so sorry.”

  Robin grabbed a hold of her wrist and led her to the couch. "No, no, no. I'm just glad you're all right. But from the look on your face, I'm guessing our suspicions proved true?"

  Pam could only nod, afraid that saying anything more in the moment would cause her to start crying again.

  She’d already spent the entire car ride from the Morris house doing just that. She hadn't felt such an overwhelming jumble of emotions since the night she got the call that her mother had died. It was exhausting. Joy one second, anger the next. Relief, quickly followed by anxious anticipation.

  After a moment to collect herself, she relayed the whole story to Robin.

  "The best I can figure is that my mother had intended on disposing of him, but then realized he was alive. We didn’t attend New Life. Mt. Zion was our church home. But mama worked with the New Life choir a lot back then. In fact, that’s how she came across Omar. Esther said that it was around that time that she and mama met and became friends. I guess when mama saw the baby was alive, her first thought was to take him to the only nurse she knew. Now I understand why, after the three of us left Texas, she left Mt. Zion for New Life.”

  “To be closer to her grandson…” Robin shook her head. "I knew about him being a preemie and about him being abandoned. But I never would've guessed he had blood relatives attending the same church."

  “Esther said that initially, somebody would leave envelopes full of cash in their mailbox. The only means of identification was the same sentence scrawled across the front of each one: this is for the baby. She never made the connection between the two, but after I talked to her tonight, we figured it was my mother leaving the money. Because after she approached them in church and started taking an active and financial role in Xavier's life, the envelopes stopped coming."

  "So, is Esther going to tell Xavier? Did you two even talk about that?”

  "We did. But I explained to her Kristina’s situation. We’re both concerned about how vulnerable she is at the moment. On one hand, I want to tell her this second. On the other, I can’t help but wonder if it’d be better to wait until she’s gone through rehab. I don't know…" Pam took a deep breath. "I don't know what to do."

  "I do,” Robin said. She took Pam's hand int
o her own. "We're going to pray. All night, if we have to. And by the time Kristina wakes up in the morning, we’ll have some direction."

  Pam’s mind went back to the conversation she had with Pastor Thomas. Cast all your cares on Him, for He cares for you.

  Robin was right. There was only one thing they could do.

  Have a little talk with Jesus.

  Pam was surprised at how good she felt for having stayed up all night. She remembered hearing someone once say that the presence of God was refreshing. She could certainly testify to that. She and Robin had spent most of the night praying, reading the Bible and meditating on the Word. Initially, it was just so they could have some direction on when and how to tell Kristina, but it ended up being much more than that.

  While she couldn’t say that the night had erased all her negative feelings toward Mahalia, something had certainly changed.

  The day before, all she could think about was what she and her sisters had lost: his first words, his first steps, his first solo.

  But in the light of morning, she could see all the good that came out of it. He had incredibly loving parents. He grew up in church and loved God. He had older brothers that adored him. She and her sisters might have lost out, but he certainly gained more than he would have, had he stayed with them.

  If she were honest about it, keeping Xavier might have damaged him as much as living with Mahalia had damaged them.

  Pam left the house the moment she turned eighteen, taking Kristina and Tamia with her. The three of them were just babies. They’d been so sheltered, they hardly knew enough to function on their own. Until Kristina landed the record deal, they were living well below the poverty line, sometimes going days without food to eat. Pam couldn’t even imagine how they would have supported Xavier back then.

  But even if they’d somehow managed to make it until the label picked Kristina up, the music industry was no place to bring up a child. She'd seen more celebrities’ children struggle than the celebrities did themselves. It wasn’t the kind of life they would’ve wanted for him.

  The doorbell rang, pulling Pam from her thoughts.

  She opened the door to a hotel staff member with a rolling cart and family-style breakfast. After tipping him, she and Robin started laying out the scrambled eggs, bacon, hash browns and pancakes. And just as they’d expected, in no time at all, Kristina and Tamia were coming out of their bedrooms looking like a couple of hungry bears just out of hibernation.

  Tamia smiled upon seeing Robin. Kristina smiled upon seeing the food.

  "Now that's what I'm talking about." She dropped down in one of the dining chairs and proceeded to stack her plate.

  “Why are you two up so early?” Tamia asked. And then, before they had a chance to answer, she said, “And where were you all day yesterday? When did you get to bed?”

  “I didn’t.” Pam said.

  Both sisters looked up from their plates.

  “Why not?”

  “We were praying,” Robin said, grabbing a couple of slices of bacon.

  Kristina swallowed, her eyes wide. “All night?”

  “Yep.”

  “Hmph.” Kristina piled her fork. “Y’all go head on, then. I, for one, prefer my praying done during daylight hours.”

  After what was probably the most tension free meal the three sisters had had together in a long time, Kristina stood, stretched and announced she was going to her room to pack.

  "What time am I supposed to report to rehab?"

  "Any time during the next three days. I explained to them our situation and that I couldn't give them an exact time. But before you do that, we need to talk to you."

  Kristina, already halfway to her bedroom, turned around. "Okay. What is it?"

  Robin and Pam exchanged glances, then stood and went to where Kristina was, in the living area. Pam motioned at Tamia.

  "Come on over here. This is something you need to hear, too.”

  Kristina narrowed her eyes. "Umm, this is sounding kind of serious. I already said I'd go to rehab. What else do you heifers want?"

  She laughed, but nobody else did. Kristina rolled her eyes. "Next time y’all get together and pray, you need to ask God for a sense of humor."

  Pam had peace about the decision to tell Kristina about Xavier. But that didn't keep her from feeling nervous. She had no idea how her sister was going to react and that scared her. She just kept repeating silently to herself, cast your cares upon Him, cast your cares upon Him.

  But Kristina saw the anxiety on Pam’s face. "What? What happened?"

  Robin sat on the arm of the couch. "It's nothing bad, Kristina. In fact, it's good news."

  Kristina put her hand on her hip and tilted her head toward them, obviously not convinced. "Well then, why are you two wearing the same expressions you had when I woke up in the hospital?"

  This time it was Pam that spoke. "Because we don't want anything to interfere with your recovery and what we have to tell you… Well, it's life-changing."

  Kristina eyed her warily. "If it might interfere with my recovery, then don't tell me."

  "We considered that. But after a night of prayer, we’re convinced that this is something you should know. In fact, if you let it, it might be the key to finally kicking this addiction once and for all."

  Kristina shifted her gaze from Pam to Tamia. "Do you know about this?"

  Tamia shook her head. She looked at Pam. "Just tell us."

  Pam took a deep breath and decided to take the band aid pulling approach. The words came out in a rush.

  "Your son didn't die that night, Kristina. He survived and his name is Xavier."

  Chapter 18

  Not only was Pam's revelation met with complete silence from Kristina, it got zero reaction. Tamia at least covered her mouth with her hands and looked at Robin, as if for some reassurance that she’d heard correctly.

  Kristina, however, didn’t do a thing. No tears. No histrionics. Nothing.

  She stood there for a few moments, then walked to the couch and sat down. Robin moved to sit beside her and Pam knelt in front of her.

  "Kristina?"

  "Could you say that again, please?” Her voice was small and weak.

  Pam reached up and put her hands on either side of Kristina's face. "Your son is alive. He's alive and doing good.”

  Ever so slightly, Kristina shook her head. Then she patted her chest, her words coming out small and airy. "I can’t—I can't breathe."

  Robin rubbed her back and Pam continued to talk to her.

  "Look at me, Kris. Hey, look at me." Pam took in a slow, deep breath. "Come on. Do it with me. In. Out. Okay? Again. In. Out."

  Kristina did as she was told and when she could inhale normally again, the dam broke. All three women surrounded her and held her as she wept.

  "But I don't understand." Kristina pulled down the sleeves of her pajamas and used them to blot away the wetness on her face. "I saw him. He didn’t move. And his face…” Kristina shut her eyes against the ugliness of the memory.

  Pam shook her head and wiped away the tears on her sister's face. "I don't know the details. Mama took those to her grave. I can only assume that his throat wasn't cleared out or something like that."

  "But how did you find this out?" Tamia said. "Did she put him up for adoption? Where is he?”

  Pam got off her knees and sat on the coffee table opposite her sisters. "It looks like she left him with a nurse and her family. Longtime members of New Life. Apparently, she gave them financial support for his medical needs throughout the years."

  "Medical needs?" Kristina said. “You just told us he was okay."

  Robin patted her knee. "He is okay. But because he was a preemie, there were some medical problems early on.”

  Tamia stood and paced the floor off to the side of the couch. "Let me make sure I understand this. You're saying the baby lived and mama knew about it this whole time and never said a word? To any of us?"

  Pam had expected there’d be ang
er. She’d felt it herself. But she thought for sure it would come from Kristina, not Tamia. She couldn't remember ever seeing Tamia lose her temper. But from the looks of it, that’s what was happening.

  "What was done wasn't right, Tamia.” Robin spoke in a soothing tone. "But we should probably focus on what's good—“

  Tamia cut her off before she could finish. "I know! That he's alive. I get that. But it's no thanks to her, is it? He wouldn't have even been a preemie if she hadn't been kicking Kristina like she was something lower than a dog that day. And after she did that, she kept him a secret? She paid a few medical bills so we should just smile and say, oh, well, looks like it all worked out?"

  Tamia's volume had risen to shouting. Pam could tell she was trying hard not to cry, but her voice kept catching in her throat. Pam stood and approached her, but Tamia backed away, her hands up.

  "Not now, Pam. I can't." Tamia stormed to her bedroom and slammed the door behind her.

  "He was her baby."

  Pam turned back to Kristina. "What did you say?"

  "That's what she used to call him. Her baby." Kristina shook her head. "I was so scared about what mama would do when she found out. There were times I actually wished I would just miscarry so she would never have to know. I would lie in bed at night and try to think of some solution, some way to make it okay. I would just end up crying out of frustration because there was no way out. Tamia heard me one night and crawled into my bed with me and hugged me. She told me not to worry and she made up these little stories about how great it would be, having him around."

  Kristina smiled, remembering. "She said she would show him how to eat a doughnut and teach him how to walk.” Kristina chuckled. “But she didn't want to teach him too soon, because until he learned how to walk, she wanted to carry him everywhere. Just like he was her baby." Kristina pressed the edge of her sleeve to the corner of her eyes. "Out of all of us, I think she might've missed him the most. In her imagination, they’d experienced a lifetime of memories and he hadn't even been born yet."